This is the story of 33 years of age man, who got married at 25, wasted 8 years in misery and finally regained his position as a king of his kingdom within the current year.
I don't have the gift of proper organized writing like most of you gents here, but I will be giving you all the shameful, embarrassing, weak, strong and powerful stages that I have been through.
Lets start with the period < 25 years of age:
1- Slightly overweight, handsome, strong personality, excellent education with lots of friends.
2- Fell in "Love" with a girl and got engaged.
3- Fully dedicated to her and to the relationship, sailed away from my friends and family because "time with her is more valuable than anything else".
Now the period between 25 - 30 years of age:
1- Focused my whole energy in making her happy because "if she's happy then i'll be happy".
2- Almost lost contact with my friends, contacting my family during occasions.
3- Becoming more involved in the her friends circle.
4- Started to gain weight and lost interest in anything beneficial to me. No hobbies, no workouts (why would I work out? I already have a family and a stable life).
5- Gave her all control on our finances, issued her a debit card linked to my account because I didn't want her to ask for money. My money is hers and if she's happy then I'm the happiest!
6- I didn't have an opinion on anything related to my family, my house, mine or her appearance. I made her the ultimate reference and decision maker.
Now the fun part, the period between 30 and 32 years of age:
1- I became obese (270 pounds). I stopped buying clothes and isolated myself from any social activity whatsoever.
2- I lost my self worth. I didn't feel like a man. I was sinking mentally and I made her my life jacket. Whenever I felt bad, I bought her jewelry because her reaction when unboxing a gift box made me feel that I had a value (read: if she's happy then i'm happy).
3- I was stripped of my dominance in the relationship and in the house. I used to run away from confrontation. I used to stay in the coffee shop and wont return home till she falls asleep. Most of the time I used to fall asleep in the coffee shop only to be awaken when they start to close.
5- Tried to convince her to make me as the man of the house like our initial years of marriage. To listen to my opinion and requests, at least. I asked her friends to intervene to help me fix things, her family too.
6- Fell into depression (was it depression? I don't know but it was awful). Found relief in alcohol and once I get drunk, I started thinking about suicide. If happy and famous people commit suicide then why shouldn't I? I don't want to live anymore. My only source of happiness is not happy with me. Fuck it, let me die!
7- People around me tried to help, I pushed them away and shut them down. I'm a lost case, everything is broken and isn't worth it anymore (I'm shedding a tear while writing this right now, I wouldn't want this life for my worst enemy).
Giving credit where it's due:
1- I regained contact with one of my old best friends. A REAL MAN. MY GUARDIAN ANGEL.
2- He reminded me of the man I once were. He showed me that I can be this man again. He shamed me, he said he pity me and he will not be my babysitter. He told me "no one can fix you except you, but I'm here to help".
3- He asked me to research 3 topics: 1-KETO diet, 2- ALPHA male, 3- Meditation.
4- Health wise: from 270 pounds (highest weight) I'm currently 196 pounds. I have been following the ketodiet and stronglifts 5*5 workout routine. I educated myself about men's health, nutrition, physical anatomy and training. I look like a million dollars!
5- "ALPHA MALE" what the fuck is that thing? I knew the meaning of alpha and betta, hell I have been subscribed to this subreddit for few years; not because I was actually reading it to educate myself... I was reading it to laugh at your mentalities, at the losers posting here. This was my funny subreddit. During this year, I realized that you fuckers actually make sense. This is not bullshit material. This is not a page for cringy kids trying to belittle women to feel like real men. This is the male bible! Fuck me I was wrong all the way!
6- I realized the real idea behind the red pill is improving the man himself. The posts here are focused on men, how to take care of ourselves, how to build confidence, how to focus on our physical and mental health, how to "operate" a relationship.
One year passed, what the hell happened? I'll fuckin tell you what the hell happened:
1- I am in my optimal physical and mental health. Never been happier with myself through my life than today. Diet and workout became my religion. I fell like a fuckin man.
2- I have my own business. I have control over my own finances. I'm thriving and I feel I can highfive the sun.
3- My social life along with my veteran friends are back. Every single person is amazed by my transformation. I receive hundreds of messages daily about my regime, questions about food and workout. I am not able to follow up with everyone I started posting things on my instagram just to help (talking of social media, I only have twitter and instagram, deleted facebook 3 years ago).
4- I fell back in love with my family. Contacting my family was something I had to do but now, we talk every day. I send my mother pictures of a tree I like, she sends me pictures of her students. My dad send me pictures of him giving me the finger, or some other stupid video.
5- Women are approaching me, even when I'm out with my wife! Her female friends are flirting with me, in the presence of their husbands! When I talk, everyone listens. My opinion matters, anything I say in a social gathering matters. I became a man.
What about the "love of your life"?
1- During this year, things turned upside down for her. From being a tiger, she became a kitten.
2- She developed self confidence issues. Whenever I drop a pant size, she gets depressed. Initially she wasn't happy at all during my transformation, in fact she used to get angry whenever I achieve a 10 lb milestone in my weight loss. Now she acts like she's supporting me but I know deep inside her she's not happy.
3- "Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever the fuck you were gonna do anyway" was and still my motto during this year. Her opinion is worth shit for me, her whole existence is worth shit for me. She's still living in my house because she's the mother of my children.
4- My house, which almost became my graveyard, became my kingdom. Everything is spotless. My clothes are perfectly cleaned and ironed. 10 friends can pop up anytime and a huge feast will be prepared within 30 minutes. This is all done by my wife with a happy face just to impress me. Just to make me feel happy because whenever I'm happy now, she's happy (Read above). I'm treating her well to.
Let's wrap it up:
1- If the red pill was a man, I'll shake his hand and pat him on the back. I'll tell him I thank you, I sincerely do.
2- There's always a way for life. You should always give yourself a second chance.
3- Educate yourself. Don't stop learning.
4- Reach out for help when you need it, but there's no miracles that can fix you. Only you can fix yourself.
5- Don't depend on anyone to provide you happiness, validation or self worth.
6- I owe you guys. Thank you.
Thatbiengsaid 5y ago
The best thing about this is the "I" language taking accountability for what you did and then changing it.
estekwellek 5y ago
Exactly. I fucked up. I broke down my life. I started to re-build myself, and I appreciate all the help.
ex_addict_bro 5y ago
He would not be able to accomplish all of that for “us” because “we” just could not accomplish that...
estekwellek 5y ago
This is an eye opener for me.
[deleted] 5y ago
Awesome story. Becoming red pill minded while married or in a LTR is difficult because your girl will literally see you change before her eyes and it will ultimately become a make it or break it situation. But what really turns the tables if you truly swallow TRP you will have no problem letting her go. And if you ever even hint at the fact that you’d be okay ending things you will see a 180 degree difference in your girl especially if she’s been used to guys scared of losing her. Welcome to the top 10 percent.
estekwellek 5y ago
Exactly. She had the choice of changing her attitude with me and staying, or getting the fuck off my way. I don't want to waste my life anymore.
She was smart enough to stay, and she's improving. I'm appreciating her efforts and treating her well.
PerplexingPegasus_ 5y ago
Congrats man. Glad your life is changing for the better.
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X-Trem0 5y ago
Fuck man... fuck... this shit is hard to read
ohh, the negation phase... it still shocks me that we ALL went through exactly the same emotional road.
Thanks for this post, really.
I love reading about this because we are all going through the same path and we all need to be reminded why we do what we do.
Find your 'why' and you'll be presented with your 'how'
estekwellek 5y ago
I am not embarrassed by my history. Nothing can shame a real man. It made me stronger. I hope my story have helped at least one person. Excellent message sir
X-Trem0 5y ago
It did... it does... it will...
reading this kind of posts fuel me (and I'm sure a lot of other guys here) to keep on going. It get's better... it never ends, but it gets better.
Cheers to you
Lusty_Potter 5y ago
Thank you man, that was very inspiring I almost cried its very moving. I wanna share this to my cousin he has the same situation except he's not married yet
estekwellek 5y ago
Don't discourage him about marriage. But Please stop him if he isn't fully prepared.
HurricaneHugues 5y ago
Marriage has zero benefits to it. It's not a necessity.
ThrowAway2k187 5y ago
Wish I would have found TRP before my marriage came apart. Congrats.
estekwellek 5y ago
You have the chance to take control of your life and any future relationship. You will be happy.
ThrowAway2k187 5y ago
It's helping me improve a lot already.
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JcHgvr 5y ago
I'll be the first one to say that having to scroll to the side to read the end of each sentence is vaguely irritating, to put it mildly.
estekwellek 5y ago
Yeah tell me about it. It fucked my head when I saw it on the PC
O--- 5y ago
This was a great read, thank you.
Do you have hopes of loving her again? You are, after all, still a married man.
cleverraptor77 5y ago
This comment reeks of undercover female
O--- 5y ago
Well, even if I were, there's a rule saying I shouldn't announce it.
estekwellek 5y ago
Doesn't matter. Love is a subject of debate and anyone can ask me anything they want. Though I had the same feeling like you :D
Fyrjefe 5y ago
It depends what you mean by "love". To will good for her or mere feefees? For the former, men cannot do that except from a position of abundance. He has to strong, have a purpose, and line himself before he can do things for others. It's like the idea of meekness as well: you can't be respected as meek unless you have the power to be otherwise. Dr. Peterson talks about that. Anyway, the sidebar has No More Mr Nice Guy. You should be able to find it on Project Gutenberg. Read it. This post was about a man going from a position of a pleaser using self subversion and covert contracts, to a man who cultivates himself and brings value where he goes.
estekwellek 5y ago
This is absolutely correct. A man who bring values to HIMSELF and to where he goes.
Fyrjefe 5y ago
Yes. That is what I meant. That reflexive pronoun is crucial in all of this. Thank you for the correction. Be well, and thanks for sharing.
estekwellek 5y ago
We are still living together and actually I couldn't be happier. I didn't include additional details about my personal and social life because my post is already too long, but I'm happy to answer any question so ask away.
Edit: I skipped the loving her part. My answer is no, I only love myself. but I am treating her well when she earns it.
HurricaneHugues 5y ago
Does she take care of herself physically? Why are you with her still?
kweikum1 5y ago
There are a ton of married men on this page, and there is a shortage of material when it comes to applying the redpill to ltr’s.
Congrats on the redemption. I hate that you had to go to such a dark place, but glad you become more because of it!
p3n1x 5y ago
There is a reason for that, it isn't about shortage of material. Forcing a square peg into a round hole is "red pill marriage". You can achieve a hard core darkened color of purple, but never truly be Red with marriage.
I would also suggest separating LTR from marriage (even though it is a type of LTR). A LTR without a forced contract is a totally different game.
kweikum1 5y ago
I would strongly disagree. Redpill is about a mind set that establishes men as the leader of his life, his family, and his community. It is the true understanding of our role in our society. It is about taking responsibility for our lives and in turn, becoming out best self. Men can be redpill and have no plates, 100, or 1. Redpill is not exclusive to those who pump and dump.
I would argue that like rolo, if you can hold the admiration and respect of a woman, you can master the redpill mindset.
estekwellek 5y ago
Marriage can be red pill as fuck. In fact, the most successful marriages are the one having a real man leading the marriage.
Show me a betta fuck with a happy marriage, that his wife doesn't cheat on him.
p3n1x 5y ago
Married "Alpha's" get cheated on also!
Being a good manager doesn't always equate to "Alpha". If you are "genuinely" happy with one vagina until your death, then that is your prerogative, I guess. Doing it in the name of a religion or social rationalization is not being Alpha. Maybe the term for Red Pill has changed over the years, but monogamy success has never really been a part of the definition.
Sure, some husbands do lead their households and many wives are very good at lying about their happiness.
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Mixel740 5y ago
What would you say to an 18 year's old?
estekwellek 5y ago
Listen brother, there's nothing wrong with falling in love. There's nothing wrong in getting married. There's nothing wrong in investing yourself and your time in your partner. This is where things get controversial here but I'll give you my opinion.
BUT you have to do all the above while you're in control. You have to be strong. You have to be decisive. You have to know that You come before anything else.
You'll have kids one day. You will feel that you you won't love anything in the world except them. This is wrong! you have to love yourself first. You can't provide for them when you're broken. You can't focus on raising them when you're depressed. You can't protect them if you're week. You can't focus on loving them when you are incapable of loving your own self.
Love yourself. Empower yourself. Spread the love.
b44rt 5y ago
You must make yourself happy from the inside (so be happy and ok with yourself without that requiring a woman) before you can make anyone else happy
Str8_Pillin 5y ago
Make sure your oxygen mask is good before assisting other passengers
shaggyctes88 5y ago
Greatest advice ever given IMO
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DeontologicalSanders 5y ago
At the outset of a relationship, women build an image of the man they're with inside their heads. It is this unfailingly confident, masculine image that they become infatuated with, rather than the man himself. It's one of the more favorable things about women: they actually give us the benefit of the doubt.
Of course, you know that you're not Superman. You have your doubts. Your insecurities. Your weaknesses. And your ability to deal with them is what makes you a man. But there is no rule written anywhere that says she ever has to know they exist. You fucked up by airing all of that out, and betraying the image she created for you. You posted basically nothing about how her behavior changed in response to this "down period", and you didn't have to. It's obvious from the context of your post that she became increasingly passive-aggressive and disrespectful toward you, and that sex and intimacy between you likely dwindled down to near zero.
And while it seems you have salvaged your relationship for the time being, my advice to you is to be cautious around this woman. Be fastidious with your time and attention. You have shown her a version of yourself that is less than what she signed up for, and as a result, she showed you her true colors: that she is only enthusiastic about you when things are going great, and that her interest in you is subject to diminish the minute that things take a turn for the worse.
estekwellek 5y ago
"You fucked up by airing all of that out, and betraying the image she created for you." Oh boy it didn't even stop here! Actually I was coming to her to solve my problems. I made her the leader, the decision maker remember!
"posted basically nothing about how her behavior changed in response to this "down period", and you didn't have to. " You have a sharp attention to detail. I made this post to discuss us, men. I tried to limit the effect of women, their reaction, their thoughts or whatsoever in my post because they aren't my concern. My concern is men, our fuck ups and our victories.
"sex and intimacy between you likely dwindled down to near zero" initially, i reached a dead bedroom. lately, my sex life is close to perfect (analyse this as you want ;)
"You have shown her a version of yourself that is less than what she signed up for" This is it. Our last discussion was about how she's missing the old me, the one that used to open up his heart for her, telling her everything about me and all my secrets. She said that my current self is intimidating, vague and mysterious. Well I'm sorry darling, I'm happy this way and there's nothing anyone can do about it.
cheepdogg 5y ago
The biggest lie told to our generation: "Happy Wife, Happy Life"..... Fuck everything about that motto
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Ghyslain333 5y ago
It works the other way around actually : Happy life, happy wife.
​
She's welcome to come aboard on your journey, but she shouldn't be your main concern.
estekwellek 5y ago
Fuck that! I can make you my queen if you deserve it, and I can make you feel like shit if you don't.
Tek_Analyst 5y ago
Solid post OP:
​
Your ownership, the realization of TRP. What it means for men. So many people bash it, it's so easy to misunderstand what it is (just like you did). Unfortunately, not many get to your realizations and they sit there in this helpless victim puke of life. I commend you OP.
​
Your life will be infinitely better moving forward, and so will your woman's. Whoever you choose her to be. Keep it up, and pay it forward just like your friend did for you.
estekwellek 5y ago
Thank you brother.
I'll pay it forward and you also make sure to reach out for other men suffering in silence.
TheStumblingWolf 5y ago
This is eerily familiar. Glad you're on the path to great stuff.
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BirdManBrrrr 5y ago
Solid work.
What were your wife's ongoing reactions once you turned the corner and started improving? Specifically: shit tests, a "main event" meltdown, etc?
estekwellek 5y ago
I'll focus in my reply on my physical improvement. Initially during the Keto diet, the weight loss would be rapid and within two months you'll see huge difference. In that time she felt... threatened? She didn't try to support me at all. In fact, she started saying that she liked me more when I was cuddly (the fuck is that!). Then when my physical changes started to improve my mental health and social life, she jumped on the support train fearing she might lose her spot. When she started to see in her own eyes her friends and strangers flirting with me, she switched from being a tiger and became a puppy.
Shit tests were coming at me non stop, especially before I swallowed the pill. Currently they are at minimum not because she decided to behave her self, it's because I stopped giving a shit about her, about her feelings and about her tests.
The biggest meltdown was when I returned from a boys night. During this year I developed a tradition with my close friends of having a boys night the first Sunday of every month. This is strictly for boys, no girls allowed (I sound like a kid). We discuss our jobs, hobbies, fitness, we flirt with women (boys night *coincidentally happens to be ladies night in our favorite bar).
That night I wore new clothes and really had a happy mood. the boys night was perfect, I didn't receive any calls from home because no one is allowed to call me except for emergencies, and we had a great night.
I came back home around 2:30 am (bars close at 2 am here) just to see her awake in the living room. She welcomed me and asked me if I had fun and if I want something to eat (WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON RIGHT?) anyways I hit the shower and went to bed, when I was checking my alarm clock I saw a message from her on my phone that said "My perfume is better than hers, I smelled your shirt".
Shit test or not I didn't give a fuck. Instead of texting her and starting to get defensive, I ignored her. On the next day, she was behaving alright and we talk about the usual, then she asked me if i read her message. I said yes I did. She asked why I didn't reply, I answered that I was busy researching better perfume to give to "her" with an ugly smirk (the ones that means I am fucking with you, but am I really fucking with you?). She spent the whole evening in the bedroom because she suddenly felt sick.
This subject was never opened again.
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SirKolbath 5y ago
Whenever I run into some blooper idiot who wants to tell me how the Red Pill is bullshit, it is posts like this of which I think.
estekwellek 5y ago
Listen, I was that idiot. And usually that idiot will be suffering silently while using sarcasm to hide his pain... Like I did.
Reach out and help.
SirKolbath 5y ago
Depends on the individual. Some of them don’t want help. They want to attack you and pretend you’re an incel when it’s typically the reverse that is true. I occasionally read and post at /DatingOverThirty and I’ll send the sidebar links to guys I think can use it, but any public post I make I can count on at least one quivering tub of azure to read a bit of my post history and reply, “oh gawd! Your one of those Red Pill idots!” (sic)
I get it. We challenge their worldview. I just feel sad for them. Some people don’t want to be unplugged.
estekwellek 5y ago
Agreed. Some of my own friends that I consider as real men even have doubts about the red pill. What can we do is offer help, offer to give knowledge. We can't force things on people, but we reach out hoping to have the chance to help.
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