Don't let it get it in the way of your success.
Over the past few months I've been reading and listening to a good number of male empowerment advice that I feel could be hurting more then it could help. If you're a beginner most of that type of advice can be helpful, but as you grow wiser it is best to unlearn some. My example will be dating, it should get the point across.
Pieces like: ''you've tried, next her'', ''ask her out twice, then move on'', ''retain your self-respect, don't chase'', ''fuck these women, move on'', ''why date someone who's not excited to see you?'', ''money wasted'' etc, etc.
My example: A women I've number closed, ignored my request to meet up for some drinks after we've had decent chemistry, good conversation and escalation. She was down, now she isn't, why? Who cares.
Years ago this could have hit my Ego, my Pride, and this would result in me deleting her number and moving on. Was it rude, did I mess up, did she lose interest? Sure. But guess what, I know that if I hit her up again in a week or two that I will be able to close. If that doesn't work? I will try again two, three weeks from then. Of course there is a limit, but the concept is what matters. This has worked too many times in the past.
The key here is to still be a man of status, a man of self-respect while still being persistent. Anything could have happened that day, that week, with that timing that cock blocked you. But it doesn't have to be that way next week. Believe that you're worthy. If you got her emotionally interested at one point, guess what, you can get her emotionally interested at another.
gbdoragnic 5y ago
> If you got her emotionally interested at one point, guess what, you can get her emotionally interested at another.
Like most things in life this can be good amazing advice if taken the right way, but i see to many men taking this the wrong way. Hitting up a girl after she said no, or after she disappeared, doing this method will always get you listed as her third or forth choice, nothing wrong with that, but just know it's desperation gone right.
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Killing your ego is not a good thing, it's there for a good reason, sometime your gut feeling isn't always right.
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> Pieces like: ''you've tried, next her'', ''ask her out twice, then move on'', ''retain your self-respect, don't chase'', ''fuck these women, move on'', ''why date someone who's not excited to see you?'', ''money wasted'' etc, etc.
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Because logic, if a girl likes you things tend to fall into place, once had a girl stand me up , she found out I was dating her ex friend, she went crazy, she basically said come fuck me, now I had my pride and could of said, "Oh she rejected me back then, I'm to high and mighty for her", but I "Killed" my ego and fucked her because I don't really care deep down inside.
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OgMagicMatthew 5y ago
My ego disagrees with the title. My ego doesn’t give a fuck.
haroldpeters 5y ago
man I don't know what your on about. You will KNOW when a chick is keen.. chasing for sex is super fail, and will get you no where. I almost never ask a chick out, I'll tell them where they are going to be - if they say they cant (which is rare) I'll say your loss, and cease all contact because at that point your wasting time chasing when you can already find other hotties that are ready to go. It sounds like you need to work on the abundance thing, because when you have enough options.. they will literally beg to get in your space. Example, my neighbour who had a boyfriend noticed all these chicks marching in and out of my apartment. She made comments, while I was over and she was making me and her BF dinner. We laughed, and then one weekend her BF was out of state and she was asking me to take "her and her friends" out. Which I did.. and I ended up in bed with the other 2 (didn't want to dirty the water) I probably could have stretched it and got all 3 but I don't like pissing off my mates, its bad vibes.
theredfinance 5y ago
Some of you guys are incredible. You want a good girl as a LTR, who is not easy and does not pursue the attention of males but if I girl does not give in very fast to you she is nexted. Maybe that's the reason many of you have faced AWALT. You screen for easy girls.
I like OP's approach,if you had seen you had chemestry. Persistant but not needy. That's how you meet good girls. Anyone can close the type of girl who is dtf after some hours of interaction. Therefore, maybe you should kill the ego and see what type of girl can 'resist' your charm. That's how you have good LTR's.
Starfuckingman 5y ago
Guys take trp tools sometimes the autistic way. Most of the time. You need to measure it, you need it to feel it out. Some girls look like they'd need some persistence but some deserves the instant next once she ignores or rejects you. But there are are those girls who reject you but like, maybe if you call me another time, while my gay friend is not around or i'll be judged or whatever shit. You need to see it in her eyes. Be smart. TRP is a toolbox not a rulebook.
Imperator_Red 5y ago
No this is complete BS and contrary to TRP core beliefs. The girl that ignored your text or was being flaky did it because her interest level is not very high, not because she is a "good girl." Every good girl has guys that she would drop everything for and meet up at the drop of a hat. If you are not that guy(s) for her, then someone else is, and you are a branch that she's chilling on till she can swing or her beta orbiter.
That's the point of nexting quickly. Persistence within reason is fine - but you aren't being persistent because it might help you snag a higher quality chick. You are doing it so that you don't let any possible opportunities go to waste.
Also your post doesn't even make sense because the story was not about a girl that refused to fuck him. It was about girls that didn't even want to go out or were ignoring texts. This has nothing to do with whether a girl is promiscuous or not. It is 100% about interest.
Ananonguy88 5y ago
The main issue is as we know, they are not easy for you, and they are easy for appropriate someone else. AWALT means that some women may be hard for you, but all women are sluts for top 10%. It's really hard to cope with chase while you know she's fucking someone else for free at that time. And even if you succeed with all this, sometimes months long, effort, you'll be disposed at the spot if another 10% guy points his finger at her. Don't tell me this can't be frustrating as fuck even to Buddha himself. You really need to have legendary self esteem or 0 consciousness to not lose on your self image while doing this.Time is precious and you could have invested it on some easy chick or lower SMV chick to simply let off the steam, and keep the remaining time for personal progress.
On the other hand, If she is easy for you, it means that either she is really that "easy" kind or you made it to 10%. If she is not, that means you should keep on lifting, progressing and step up your game to the top.
In the end you also realize that having interesting life, fit body, great career + other SMV boosts is much more valuable that having vagina, pretty face and lazy ass, so again, you give her only as much time and effort as she is worth.
This is the unsolvable tragic of ego and open SMP.
My personal wisdom so far is that just like women are sluts for 10% of men, only 10% of high SMV women are worth the real chase and effort. And it's hard as fuck to find and then recognize these.
420KUSHBUSH 5y ago
The former in your comment is another less visible truth that is hard to recognize and realize as fact
zeekt12 5y ago
You’re right, hard to put into practice though. The only thing that has killed my ego is lsd, but then it usually comes back after the trip. Its really just about being more present through meditation to help dissolve the ego. My ego has definitely been preventing my from cold approaching... something i need to work on.
EntropyForeverx 5y ago
The real lesson is internalizing that a lot of actions seem paradoxal. Doing one thing might be good for your ego in the short term but playing the game in another fashion will be exponentially better in the long run. For example: coming across strong and authoritarian might seem like a good idea in the short run but in the end a lot of people will not see or treat you as a friend, which can be bad in the long run. You realize this better by taking lsd. Just keep the thought when you are off.
Defrakt 5y ago
Making man wait is another shit test, treated accordingly i can be heighten your status in her eyes. Some quite high quality woman i know told me they often use it, so i guess it could be a green flag.
bakamoney 5y ago
Unless you are dating adults who have jobs and their own share of shit to fix.
Illgetbettersure 5y ago
I would refuse to try three or four times with any girl no matter what Maybe twice at most
Its not an ego issue its just that i dont want to waste time and mental effort on a girl that didnt accept me the first two times And also beeing kinda needy will hurt your frame and give her power over you
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BryanJz 5y ago
Ego in the definition/context of self-esteem. Taking things like a rejection too much to heart followed by a rationalization of 'deleted her, now I've regained my power'
'Hitting her up..you've got it backwards'
Is that really true if you know you'll get the date by trying again? Then when the date starts you will properly reel her in and start letting her chase you.
Your reply is a good example, a beginner will assume she's the price (true) and thus won't try again in the hope to make her chase him without the proper setup / comfort / experience / emotional attachment before hand.
MrCongeniality1 5y ago
There's truth to what you're saying; as a man, it is your job to demonstrate value, not just stick your nose in the air bluff value. Often, the reason she demonstrates interest and then loses it is because the guy started responding too eagerly. If you didn't project enough value (or if you projected negative value), take a moment to reflect on why without hamstering up excuses and try again.
I can't imagine trying again more than once though - that's enough to show initiative, but more will project that you're lonely or don't have options. Give her a second chance but then move on if she doesn't bite - after that, she will initiate if there's any interest.
HurricaneHugues 5y ago
"Taking things like a rejection too much to heart followed by a rationalization of 'deleted her, now I've regained my power'"
It's not about taking things to heart. You're not pouting when you move on and next her. You just move on. It's really that simple. She does not see enough value in me to hang out? That's fine, instead I will look for women who do value me. It's that simple. If Steph Curry wanted to join your team in a streetball game, do you believe he woukd keep asking you to pick him after every game until you do? Off course not, he's Steph fucking Curry. He'll get picked up by another guy on the court and call next.
FinancierGuru 5y ago
Yes. These guys know nothing about three strikes, you're out rule. [or Two Strikes].
Nexting is necessary. Nexting is a form of soft power. Nexting is implicit self-worth.
You guys, you don't do it often enough.
strayaura 5y ago
I second this. If a women wants you to sleep with you she will find a way.
I was trying to date a girl in the town I live in. Met her on POF. First date was good. Didnt sleep together. Invited her on a second date, she said she'd get back to me. She never did, but I havent textes her since then. I get the message shes sending.
Conversely, another girl on POF, who lives one ciry over. Drove 90 miles, to meet me and have dinner with me. Needless to say the sex was great.
Point is. OPs girl really might not be into him.
Edit: while I agree that too much ego can be a bad thing. You have to have self-interest in order to succeed otherwise people will walk all over you. And if Sarah, for example, ignores your invite, oh well. Stacy didn't ignore it last week, and Amy's been dying to blow you. The fact that one woman did not respond is gonna be so far from your mind that it might not even register that she ignored you.
HurricaneHugues 5y ago
You can't maintain your self respect and the idea that you are the prize if you're routinely chasing women who are not interested in you. My biggest understanding of most of you guys around here is that you've never had anyone cultivate true pride and self respect in you. Therefore it's difficult for you to understand that when people do not value your person or your time, you should remove yourself. These habits spread throughout your life. They help you build a more robust personality, as a well as a spine of steel. Something a lot of you guys here lack. Having a spine as a man is VERY important. I can't stress this enough. You will tolerate less bullshit from people, and people will be not only intimidated by you in a way, but they will seek to stay on your good side.
Yes you may finally bang the girl after 3 months of "Are we there yet?", but at what cost? You relentlessly deface yourself, all for 30mn-3h of sex? It's not worth it. For every single one of you guys, if your SMV is anything above a 5, Im telling you you have at least 5-10 fenale secret admirers who would climb Mount Everest backwards twice just to have your attention. You may nit be able to see them, or they may be far below you in SMV, but I GUARANTEE you that they're out there. The moment you acknowledge that, is the moment you start to understand and appreciate your value as a man on the sexual market.
Learn to stay in your lane. Learn to be the draw. You are the greatest and best version of yourself that you could be at this specific point in space and time, and you should be proud of it enough to not be some dirty hungry dog who repeatedly gets hit on the head with a broom every time he comes near the kitchen. Respect yourself. Be the dog whom they seek out to feed.
KewlThanks 5y ago
Absolutely. This way shit tests do nothing to you. You have an identity, it's false. Or you need to have a rock solid identity, I find this also works. Like don't give a fuck, period. Really don't, have ambitions and goals, but yes having a sensitive spot can be bad, and it's seen in your eyes.
All of this is like 90% non verbal, except the first thing you say to a girl on cold approach.
Sadly...very sadly...this works and is how the female mind works. I've been getting my friends laid, and I'm proud to say I broke a 3 year drought on Friday. Sad this is how it is, but like..I got this bad one obsessed with me now and LEARN TO BEAT ONEITIS. She is just another pussy. There's 3 billion out there. She is nothing special. None of them are.
There should be more posts on Oneitis, it's the main killer that stops the aura of "I get pussy" and switches it to "I NEED THIS ONE I DON'T GET OTHER PUSSY".
Operator_Axiom 5y ago
I like the sentiment about not letting your ego get in the way. You do need a healthy ego but you can't let it rule your actions.
Problem I have is with the example. Regardless of the chemistry or whatever there was a reason she turned you down. In a woman's eyes it isn't going to matter if it is a week or two or two minutes later. After she has turned you down twice if you keep persisting she is going to view you as desperate. She will talk shit to friends or people you know about how you can't take a hint or are stupid. You will look bad to everyone.
Remember you are the prize and act like it. Chasing after her and pursuing after rejection tells her she is the prize, not you, and you will stay in her orbit where you belong.
[deleted] 5y ago
The entire idea behind nexting is to not waste your time. She had her chance to fuck Chad and she lost it. Chad doesn't give a fuck because he has enough pussies around him to even give a damn. Her not coming out will not affect my ego, rather I choose not to give her any more of time while she has already wasted some of mine.
HurricaneHugues 5y ago
That's what these guys dont understand. They just cannot grasp this concept that they are a prize.
Imperator_Red 5y ago
Lol because most of them aren't a prize....
adonai1828 5y ago
Grasping the concept of being a prize and killing your ego is extremely contradicting... I know what was meant, though, it's more killing off old parts of the ego to allow new parts to grow.
two-acorn 5y ago
Yeah, so what?
Look I know I'm the prize. I'm not a male model but once you're able to fuck enough women, you know enough of them like what you're slinging, and some don't, and that's okay.
Some women won't jump on your cock instantly (though in practice those are my favorite).
Giving her one chance to be as easy as possible and then Nexting her immediately sounds like 'pouting' in my book. Betas pout, not alphas.
Hey it's your life. Some of the hottest women I've ever fucked though, yeah they played the field for a while, might have been rude once or twice. I'd be like whatever I'd still dick ya. Usually when they realize your frame is utterly unshakeable, they basically suck your dick on Day 1 from that point on.
Realize when your ego is being counter-productive.
And don't get too wrapped up in your ego.
Listen ... fucking a girl ... don't think of it as "you gifting her a grand prize" or vice versa. To me? I try to treat fucking even a 9 or 10 ... like ordering fucking McCheesburger or pizza.
Yeah, even if she's a huge bitch, or whatever tantrum she threw, if I'm hungry, I'll still eat a fucking cheeseburger. Doesn't mean I think it's the greatest thing ever. Means I'm fucking hungry, like a dog. When you see that, you realize having an ego about it is laughable. Do you wanna fuck or not?
HurricaneHugues 5y ago
In the end, not all of us can have self respect and a spine of steel.
randomTATRP 5y ago
But should gravitate to have those.
xNightly 5y ago
Your post has nothing to do with ego and all to do with your frame and not giving a fuck.
Ramp_Up_Then_Dump 5y ago
Asking again after getting rejected have something to do with ego. I like his advice beacuse it increase persistence while keeping neediness minimum.
two-acorn 5y ago
Fear of rejection is sorta different than ego, but I get what you're saying.
It's the same thing why some guys will have a great set, make the girl(s) laugh a lot, like him, but will get a number and bounce or sometimes even just bounce, because he's afraid if he tries to push for a kiss/ sex it'll ruin his "I'm da man" moment. I guess it is ego but eh.
But yeah handling women is honestly like being a car salesman. There are tried and true techniques. Persistence and numbers and honing the technique is key. Can you imagine if after the first challenge a salesman says "well okay bye ... you BITCH!" .. I mean honestly lol. There are guys who are too proud, and their are guys who don't give a shit and close (and also get rejected, but don't give a shit).
Einzakin 5y ago
Fear of rejection is entirely ego.
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JerryLawlerPigFace 5y ago
I know what you’re getting at OP. As someone who’s meditated pretty consistently for 2 plus years.
The state of presence naturally provides an outlook of abundance and outcome independence. Presence means the thinking mind is muted. The thinking mind is the ego.
By caring at all what happens or feeling like you’ve been disrespected, you’re not present.
The solution: Keep meditating. You’ll find that the joy and fulfillment provided by the state of presence becomes much more enticing than women.
BryanJz 5y ago
I second your advice. Meditation definitely helps with situations like this and with attachment to anything, not just Ego, in general.
420blazeitdankmeme 5y ago
What does this have to do with ego death?
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THEPERFECTSPECIMEN 5y ago
Wait. I'm a little confused. So if a girl shuts you down, you can still go after her?
two-acorn 5y ago
Depends on what kind of shut-down it is.
if it's "not attracted at all" - you're fucked, move on.
Other things? Can easily bed them with persistence.
If you're not sure, go for it anyway. You'll be surprised how many turn into Yeses.
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Me personally? Hard no, flakey as fuck = NEEEXT
She's unsure, sexual hangups, christian parents, playing the field, still fucking her ex, complicated bullshit, girl scatter brain? Hang in there if she's hot enough and you want to dick her. Have other tires in the fire. Give her 3-4 dates to fuck depending on your tolerance (1 if you're really crunched for time). Why not?
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MilkMoney111 5y ago
This is a tricky topic, props to you for addressing it.
You need some ego to view yourself as the prize. However you can't have a fragile ego to where any indication that you just may not be the prize upsets you.
I like to equate it to the mafia. "Nothing personal, it's just business." The second you start doing things from an emotional foundation is the second you stop respecting yourself as a man. It's the point you lose sight of your goals.