"That's not the Point"
Summary: This is quick and dirty tip to use when propositioning women. It’s a small adjustment but it’s worked some god damn wonders in my time using it so I thought I would share.
Here’s a classic scenario: You’ve established initial rapport with a woman (or man for our gay RPers). You’re looking to close with plans this Thursday night.
You: “Hey want to do X and Y Thursday?”
Her: “No I can’t make it because of Z”
So let’s stop here for a moment. The individual in question here could actually have time constraints on Thursday night. Or it could be an intentional shit test. Either way, as the instigator it doesn’t leave you with many avenues to get the job done while maintaining frame.
“How about Friday” could work, but if not than you’re in exactly the same (if not slightly worse) predicament you were a moment ago. “When are you free this week” can be a better alternative, but you will lose some frame by actively trying to work around her schedule. Other variations of “That’s alright/another time” are safe drop backs but generally ineffectual. Ideally, what you want to happen is for that individual to counter with a time and place that works for them. This can be done pretty easily:
Her: “I can’t make it Thursday because of Z”
You: [level of amused mastery] “You know that’s not the point”.
This line accomplishes a few things (1) It simultaneously deflects and escalates while affirming your interest (2) It subtly lets her know that you’re not going to do all the heavy lifting here. If she wants the privilege of your company she better respond with a time that works for her.
Her: “Okay, im free Sunday night!”
You: “Sunday night works.”
Lessons Learned: Congratulations, you set up a meet on Sunday with minimal effort (you smooth devil you). Notice that this line can be used for more than just setting up dates though. “That’s not the point” is a short and effectual statement that can be used to deflect a variety of hamster obstacles in a few words. Enjoy.
Edit: Oscar if you’re reading this you’re a cunt. Thanks for the wine.
Edit 2: Updated to comply with /u/bsutansalt Thread Format Requirements
AlexTheIndecisive 8y ago
Can someone explain what "that's not what I mean" does, I'm confused
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angrynewyawka 8y ago
What if she says "what do you mean?" or "then what IS the point?"
I tried this and got the above answers.
robotghow 8y ago
Simple and elegant, I love it! Will definitely give it a try.
SkorchZang 8y ago
Excellent comeback form. Will be stealing this and using for own nefarious needs.
EpicLevelCheater 8y ago
An excellent breakdown of frame control.
I am awarding you with a point.
TRPMaidenSlayer 8y ago
Another thing nobody's realized:
This puts her in your frame but with her language!
How many times have you seen (or been in) an argument with a female where you made a logical point, and she said "But that's not the point!" ??
They say this phrase ALL THE TIME. It's at the top of their very own repertoire. So you're effectively using one of their own sayings against them.
Seriously, what a bomb-drop this is. Simple yet brilliant post.
External12 8y ago
Why am I so confused in understanding why "That's not the point" is a proper reply? I almost feel like the reply I would get is "what do you mean?, I answered your question I'm not free."
CryptoManbeard 8y ago
If you're not aware that a game is being played, you've already lost.
Almost all women understand the game, most men do not.
In fact, you may very well get that response, but even the response of "what do you mean?" is a part of the game. It's a dance, to get you to reveal more about yourself and your worth and value and what you stand for.
NeoreactionSafe 8y ago
Agreed.
The personality of the Beta is that he adapts to women.
The personality of the Alpha is that he goes his own way.
By saying "That's Not The Point" you are implying that you will not accept evasive answers that lead to the soft no. You would rather raise the pressure right then and there and threaten an immediate end to all future contact.
Women want Alphas, but they will demote you to Beta Orbiter status in an instant.
By pressing the action the woman must do something she hates which is a hard no or she must submit to your will.
It's a win-win... either you dominate or you are freed and the woman feels like crap and will second guess herself on the hamster wheel for literally days. ("the Alpha that got away")
Do it External12.
.
[deleted] 8y ago
Yeah, a "What do you mean?" response either means she's not worth the time, or she is functionally retarded, in which case, she's not worth the time.
[deleted] 8y ago
I think this is one of the few times the woman would almost always respond with "what do you mean?" and it not be a shittest
antariusz 8y ago
It's not a "shit test" so much as DIRECTLY questioning your frame.
Are you going be aggressive and tell her that you don't give a shit about what else she has going on? This might even work if she's 100% in the mood for sex right then and there (2 days a month during ovulation).
Are you going for amused mastery? Tell her that you know exactly what she did by evading your question, you're showing her that you have been with lots of other women, it's not your first rodeo, and that if she's not interested you'll just move on without making it socially awkward.
Are you going to go with butthurt sad man, who has been rejected by 75 other women and know exactly what she was doing, because it's been done to you already 75 other times?
Are you going to go with oblivious man, who didn't realize that his question was "loaded" and then, in straight talk, explain to her exactly the what and why you asked her what she did, and then go into a lecture about canned responses and how she feels about the red pill and turn her pussy into the sahara desert with reasoning and logic faster than she can say "BORING NERD ALERT WITH NO SOCIAL SKILLS"
[deleted] 8y ago
No, I mean they would probably respond "what do you mean" because it really doesn't inherently make much since the way it's worded.
antariusz 8y ago
Delivery is 80% of PowerTalk, if this was my girlfriend or someone I had known for a while, I wouldn't even need to add any words at all. Arch your eyebrows, slightly lower your head to side, kinda purse your lips to the opposite side and look at them like they just said the stupidest thing in the world while holding eye contact. (I.e.: they are in passenger seat, your head would be pointing towards her seat buckle, your eyes locked with hers, and your lips pursed and pointing toward the steering wheel)
To get the description of what I did with my face, I had to picture the scenario with one of my past girlfriends, and just pretend to make that face while trying to describe what it looks like. When in reality I would just think "God she's being so stupid/girlish/emotional right now" and the face comes naturally when the girl I'm with is being nonsensical. Shit test passed.
At that point "that wasn't the point" becomes superlative.
MentORPHEUS Endorsed Contributor 8y ago
This is really great!
According to the principles of Verbal Judo, her response:
presupposes that the discussion is exclusively about her schedule; and by responding to the wrong presupposition, you have entered her frame and abandoned your own in the process.
The response,
contains presuppositions of its own, including,
This response is a cluster bomb of presuppositions, and rhetorically steers the other party to respond on your terms, rather than their own.
Tl;dr: Pressure flip for the win!
angrynewyawka 8y ago
What if she responds with "i'm definitely missing it" or something along those lines?
MentORPHEUS Endorsed Contributor 8y ago
I think that's kind of been covered in the replies. She's either putting up so much resistance she's not worth it, or she's very socially retarded, so still maybe not worth it.
Disengage; if she pursues it will probably be with a much more earnest attitude; if she doesn't, you have cut your losses to almost nothing.
angrynewyawka 8y ago
True. I just responded with "youll get it next time" and she texted back "hahaha, probably not. I'm pretty clueless most of the time lol"
Krainz 8y ago
Aaaand there's your problem. It's very hard to input the use of amuse mastery and emulate voice tones and shit-eating grins in texting.
PunchingKing 8y ago
What does "level of amused mastery mean?"
MentORPHEUS Endorsed Contributor 8y ago
It refers to the tone and frame of your response. In this case, no trace of annoyance or butthurt, just a confident, outcome-independent demeanor. It encompasses not only the words chosen, but the tone and inflection of voice, and your body language. All three of these channels must be congruent, otherwise it signals that you are presenting a false Alpha persona.
[deleted] 8y ago
♂
Good for the noobs, explaining frame can be hard work, this is well written.
[deleted] 8y ago
link to hidden messages in powertalk
also, in a hilarous turn of events when i google powertalk google auto suggests powertalk redpill
EpicLevelCheater 8y ago
Point awarded.
MentORPHEUS Endorsed Contributor 8y ago
I've learned a lot from the experience and insight of the men of this sub, and I have plenty to share back. Thanks, brothers.
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Krainz 8y ago
Hijacking. Do you and /u/mozeiny think "That doesn't matter" could work as an alternative?
Got some language barriers here and "that's not the point" gets extremely formal when translated.
antariusz 8y ago
No, it doesn't work "in English" maybe in your language it might.
You aren't trying to tell her that what else she has going on is unimportant (aka doesn't matter) you're conveying that you are asking her out on a date, not asking her about her schedule.
"The point" of your question wasn't to find out if she was free on a particular night, the point of your question was to see if she wants to spend time with you. The PowerTalk behind your question is "do you want to date me"
aherne18 8y ago
I thought the point is telling her you don't give a shit about her plans and she better change them to accord with yours. Problem is I'm using straight honest language which is not nearly as effective as "verbal judo"...
To be honest, I'm having huge difficulty understanding that kind of decorative language: for me language = meaning, a mean to communicate ideas and understand the world. For a woman, language is like lipstick, pure dispensable decoration of instincts... In their language "that's not the point" is a world away from "that doesn't matter", even though from a logical standpoint it means the same.
Krainz 8y ago
Is "that was not the question" way too direct?
antariusz 8y ago
Yes, but it also depends on the delivery. The delivery is more important than you actually say. You are looking to convey 100% of the information (all 5 points) that mentorpheus listed, and you have a shit-eating grin while you said "that wasn't my question" then you'll say it in a way that conveys that extra information.
But take ownership of your words, it's not an indefinite "the question" it's "your" question. The passivity on your part asking it in such a way implies, to me, that you'd screw up the subtlety of asked by it in such a way using PowerTalk, and not just "straight talk"
It's like trying to explain sarcasm, it's exactly the same. If you take the meaning of the word literally, it would be absurd, which is why, with sarcasm, the words mean the exact opposite of what you REALLY intended.
PowerTalk is just a subtler form of sarcasm. You aren't saying the "opposite" you're just delivering information "different" than what you actually said. A 4 year old girl knows how to be sarcastic, a 12 year old girl has mastered PowerTalk.
[deleted] 8y ago
Yes, because it was the question. Literally.
"That's not the point." works because it explicitly acknowledges the subtext of the conversation: "Let's go out on a date together."
I don't actually give a shit about what she is doing Thursday night if it doesn't involve me. That's not why I was asking.
MentORPHEUS Endorsed Contributor 8y ago
u/antariusz gave some good responses here. When learning Verbal Judo and Powertalk, you have to be careful when deviating from the examples given, because each has a potentially different mix of presuppositions and connotations.
"You know that's not the point." delivered with amused mastery suggests that she's the one being silly and off-topic, yet you are emotionally unpreturbed by her response. Because it directly calls into question her own behavior toward you, it is much more likely to set a precedent for how to behave with you, and make her want to change to addressing the topic (date) directly, without demurring so.
"That was not the question." is much harder to deliver without sounding pedantic and/or butthurt; it focuses on YOUR expectations, and barely touches upon her own behavior and standards. Much easier for this to go wrong from here; if she's wavering even 1% about the date, her own frame (deflect question) is untouched; but your frame (getting a bit demanding and authoritative for the amount of time you've known each other) is now potentially cast into a negative light, and she's much more likely to flip to 75% wavering, and actively resisting proceeding conversationally.
These turns of phrase are very subtle, and depend on nuances of not only language, but cultural norms and values, therefore it pays to understand the principles of Verbal Judo and Powertalk, so you can negotiate conversations on the fly and beyond the scripts you may have learned.
Jaghiro 8y ago
May I ask what kind of language? Because the same problem is in german
KissTheBridesmaid 8y ago
'darum gehts doch gar nicht'
Jaghiro 8y ago
Mir fallen auf Anhieb 4 Frauen ein, die bei diesem Kontext fragen würden "Was meinst du?"
KissTheBridesmaid 8y ago
Klar, dies haben auch einige andere bemerkt. Ich glaube OP meint man kann diesen Satz anwenden in der beschriebenen Situazion, wo es keine gute alternative gibt... Wirkt warscheinlich nicht immer.
Gute lieferung und geübte Einschätzung der Situazion sind natürlich wichtig. Ich habe es selber noch nie benutzt. Wenn Sie nichts anderes vorschlägt, bedeutet dies Normalerweise Sie ist (noch) nicht interessiert.
DS-Slash 8y ago
Krass das ich nicht der einzige Deutsche hier bin. Ich hätte auch sowas gesagt wie "Darum gehts nicht" oder "Du weißt darum gehts. nicht" Werde es demnächst mal ausprobieren.
KissTheBridesmaid 8y ago
Bin eigentlich kein Deutscher, blos Sprachbegabt :)
Neroky 8y ago
Not at all. Remember the how you say something is much more important than the what.
Just saying "Das ist nicht der Punkt." in a solemn manner would show that you are upset about her statement.
With amused mastery I´d sound like "kurzes grinsen Aber das ist doch nicht der Punkt. ;)"
It´s hard to convey it via text so I suggest to watch the UK Version of House of Cards with Francis Urquhart. In my opinion he nailed the amused mastery pretty much. Patrick Jane from The Mentalist also has it pretty much down, but more in a clownish fun way. Take that away and you´d get a James Bond.
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mrrooftops 8y ago
And if she says 'what's the point then?' or 'what do you mean by that's not the point?'?
slerpaderp 8y ago
Yeah I'm thinking the phrasing of "you know that's not the point" is not clear enough to be always understood as referring to "Thursday night" as the central point upon which the plans/question hinges.
HS-Thompson 8y ago
"I'm sure you'll figure it out"
APookIsAPook 8y ago
If this is over text, just don't reply.
She knows what you meant, she's testing your frame. Either she'll eventually reply with an available time or you saved yourself some time because she's not interested.
[deleted] 8y ago
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Invalidity 8y ago
A non-reply does not close the door. The door is still open, you simply believe it to be closed because you aren't following etiquette (ie. she replies, you reply).
If you reply with "..." and she doesn't reply, you've effectively closed the door off yourself because you haven't given her anything to work with. By not replying, you're making her question herself (assuming she is interested).
[deleted] 8y ago
Ideally since one has cultivated genuine abundance mentality you say "You'll get it next time" and go out with someone else.
Without abundance mentality you say "The point is I want to do something together, don't tell me what you cannot do tell me what you can do - duh".
Gadnuk_ 8y ago
Perfect. I was curious about how to respond in kind but you nailed it. This shows that you won't play her games and maintains frame without sounding defensive and butthurt.
mrrooftops 8y ago
That is the correct answer
EnlightenedViking 8y ago
I read the thread three times and wasn't getting it. thank you sir
[deleted] 8y ago
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[deleted] 8y ago
"What's that supposed to mean?"
To which you don't respond, after all why would you if you have abundance? You've taken another girl out and forgotten about the first.
[deleted] 8y ago
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174pounder 8y ago
Wouldn't really consider her a plate if she's not one to respond easily to setting up meetings.
[deleted] 8y ago
Soft next.
sir_wankalot_here 8y ago
Then you didn't deliver it right.
mrrooftops 8y ago
Text, love letter or telegram? ;)
[deleted] 8y ago
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aherne18 8y ago
You should never be that "easy" for them: easy = lets-find-another-more-interesting-guy-to-fuck
j4q 8y ago
I don't think this will work in practice. 9 out of 10 women won't know what you mean or will turn it around on you. They'll give or a "huh?" or ask "OK what is the point then?"
And how do you respond to that? Are you really going to flat out suggest that she's playing games with you because she said she has plans? Is it really so unbelievable that a chick who you admittedly find worthy of your time isn't keeping her schedule wide open just waiting for you? I have news for some of you: Some chicks actually have plans and won't break them for you, and there's nothing weird about that.
Here's a much better response when she says she has plans: "Oh that's too bad." End of conversation. Ball is now in her court while you find the next chick.
antariusz 8y ago
Yes, that is 100% fine if she asks you "OK what is the point then?" And that isn't even a DISGUISED shit test. Remember, a shit test is just powertalk designed to test your frame. By using her own language back at her, she switches to straight talk to find out EXACTLY what you are thinking in MALE terms. She's testing you to see if you can REALLY powertalk, or maybe you're just reading from a rehearsed script. She's intrigued, she wants to know exactly what you are thinking... which is exactly where you want her to be...
WONDERING... but not KNOWING. Curiosity will keep her hooked, straight explaining yourself will make her lose interest just as fast.
Read the reply I gave to RPanonymoose
Edit: not sure if you'll read this edit or not, but one final note: if she has plans, and won't cancel them for you, that means your SMV isn't high enough. If your SMV was high enough she'd have first checked with you to see if you were busy BEFORE making plans.
You can give her your own version of a shit test, if she outright says she has a date, you could say something like "oh too bad, you shoulda checked with me first" and then just walk away. She won't let you walk away, she'll "NEED" to know why she shoulda checked with you. If it's a girl that has your contact info, she might try to find out later, but she will try to find out. When she does questions you, just laugh and keep walking, you may not even have plans, but hopefully you'll think back to TRP and find the situation humorous enough to hold frame and not give in and give her "an explanation" if she doesn't question you, your SMV, in her estimation, would be so much lower than hers, you don't even register, i.e. If I went up to scarlet Johansen at a autograph event or something, asked her if she was free Saturday, she'd likely deflect, if I said something like "oh you shoulda checked with me first" she'd call it creepy, because it doesn't matter if I'm a 9 in the real world, situationally, she'd be "above me" because I'm there to get something from her. And if I was a 10, why would I be wasting my time getting an autograph some random actress instead of banging models.
j4q 8y ago
Ok I still don't love the strategy but you're the first person who has made this sensible to me.
aherne18 8y ago
You are wrong! Most will appreciate you speaking in their language. This is biologically degradable ("ECO") woman-speech with a VERY THIN veneer of comprehensibility (after all, OP phrase makes no sense) on top of a legitimate attempt to resist your authority. OP phrase translated into human speech means: cut the shit and let's have sex now!
sir_wankalot_here 8y ago
Newbies pay attention, these types of tools/tricks if used properly are highly effective. Other tools/tricks that are highly effective are the words "but" and "because".
I recently made a comment on how " but" is used. This one is extremely powerful becuase it uses contrasts. The comment ofcourse got voted down since they can't understand that it is these building blocks you combine.
Probably my biggest mistake in life was under estimating the stupidity of the majority of the population and having an enlightenment belief that education can solve this stupidity.
I can see the beauty of OP's trick. But yet is is extremely simple. Basically it causes a disruption in the humans brain, he has not really said anything. This then sets the opponent off balance. Again it has to be used in the right place and not over used.
mozeiny 8y ago
Exactly, delivery is key here. In general when you talk, trust your tone/inflection to deliver the message, not the quantity of words.
J_AsapGem 8y ago
yea i've been looking up about this, it's not what you say it's how you say, look at RSD videos, tyler literally calls the girls sluts, but he said it in a platonic voice. Think someone should elaborate more on this in a new thread.
sir_wankalot_here 8y ago
Close magic magicians are the best to watch. 80% of what they do is presentation. Making a coin disappear or reappear or a variant on guess a card is boring. It is how it is presented. So the magician causes you to expect something to happen, but actually does something else. This causes a disruption in the brains thinking.
Judging by the responses, 80%+ of people here can not see this. They think it is about holding frame etc. And they actually prove my point. The brain likes to make up theories how things work based on past experiences. It will then fill in the blanks.
Your example of the Tyler guy caling women sluts and getting away with it. So if a woman is called a slut, she expects it to be done in an angry tone of voice. Because he does it in a calm/emotionless voice it causes a disruption in the brain.
J_AsapGem 8y ago
Hmmm this is very interesting and this theory makes sense.
sir_wankalot_here 8y ago
I can't find the clip on YouTube but the song track gives you the idea. Notice the how the contrast clauses a disruption.
So Lou starts off calm. Then it he ends yelling "I told you not to go there"
After Buddy asks "how do you think you handled that situtation ?"
You expect Lou to react angrily.
Instead he kind of meekly replies "No as well ...."
Notice the disruption, this is what causes the clip to be humorous in this case.
http://www.hark.com/clips/ybfvbljqdc-sick-days
[deleted] 8y ago
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Jani1157 8y ago
I think you'd be able to gauge it better face to face, you can usually tell when someone genuinely doesn't understand something. Over text is different and I'd have to agree with others it's best to not respond or keep it simple with a "you'll get it next time"
174pounder 8y ago
I've stopped seeing women for not being smart enough.
aherne18 8y ago
You were speaking in her language. She WILL understand your point...
TorontoHooligan 8y ago
I don't understand how this line is effective. Anyone mind?
famousturtle 8y ago
If she has interest in you. Shouldnt she come up with another date as soon as you "ight another time then"
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RedDeadlift 8y ago
Very nice. It instantly puts you above and beyond others. Subtitling communicating that you get the game and are not playing into it. Thanks for the tip.
Also, Oscar is definitely a cunt.
pluvoaz 8y ago
I use this to diffuse my daughter all the time.
[deleted] 8y ago
I think 99% of women would genuinely be confused by the statement "You know that’s not the point"
PunchingKing 8y ago
What does "level of amused mastery mean?"
[deleted] 8y ago
I don't mean to be a naysayer, but this comes back to calibrating her intent at the jump.
As a Redpill man, your goal should be the most sex for the least effort. Her goal is totally opposite that: the most resources from you for the least effort.
Unless she really wants to fuck you and has the logistical ability to act on it. In which case you won't be asking her to do shit later, cause she'll be blowing you on the spot or nearasdammit. Assuming the logistics don't work (hey, can't instant-fuck an HB at a funeral/church/etc) whatever day and time you mention she will agree AND be there. No ifs, ands , or 'ohmigawd I'd love too BUT....'
At worst she may suggest a valid and insurmountable reason why meeting is not doable at your suggested time. If she doesn't immediately agree with your secondary suggestion, break contact and walk.
Shes shopping for a Betabux, and from here on its gonna be a WWI trench warfare slog to that pussy. You can still close the deal, but you're gonna be fighting uphill in a blizzard of Beta shit test bullshit.
Remember, if Ryan Gosling walked into her area she wouldn't tell him 'sorry, can't meet you Thursday." Why would YOU accept that answer with all the alternatives around you?
[deleted] 8y ago
I disagree on this point. Most women expect to be catered to because that is their experience in life. The only women who would do what you are suggesting are the ones either A.) really, really wants your cock badly, or B.) are self aware enough to understand the subtextual information presented in the conversation.
Not belonging to either of those groups is not a reason to immediately cut of contact. Most women aren't in either group.
[deleted] 8y ago
This is the bounds of personal belief, but my view is if she's not attracted enough to limit the BS there's no point futhering the interaction ,because going forward she won't be in it for fun, she'll be in it to see how much $$ she can bleed from you .
Every man must decide for himself how far he wants to play the game before hitting the eject lever.
Case in point; a recent Tinder girl kept shit testing me because I wasnt folding into her frame. I didn't know this from her profile, but I discovered via text she was a single mom with two kids. Woman was shopping for a Betabux, hence the games. She blew off the first meet, which is whatever. That's part of the game. But then she tossed out Beta!-tell shit test texts " what do you do" , "you wont tell me anything" , "you wont be niiice to me" after I tried to reschedule.
Fuck that noise. I went downtown and met up with other plates.
I could have decided to toss Single Mom a bone and played Beta to get in front of her and then shift gears to escalate like an Alpha caveman, but why bother with that legerdemain? If she's after my wallet I don't need to be around her.
[deleted] 8y ago
I totally agree with that, I just don't think that most women are self-aware enough to think about other people or the situation in general. I also think your example is clearly more extreme then what OP described.
[deleted] 8y ago
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RedPillDad 8y ago
Optimization of efforts and ruthless management of resources is essential to building your empire. Gallant pursuit of unobtainable poon is foolish. I'm with IliadsTangent.
OP's opening with a question is a fuckup from the start. Lesson: Learn how to utilize command language versus permission language.
J_AsapGem 8y ago
I find that when you give people an option to say no they will most take it, " you approach, gets her interested in you, once a girl is into you she will go through heaven and hell just to spend time with you, you tell her i'm going to x tomorrow, you should join me in a commanding voice as you said, she most definitely won't reciprocate with negativity " Law 31 Control the options get others to play with the cards you deal
RedPillDad 8y ago
Yeah, I'm being too hard on OP. He did make an excellent recovery to take control of the frame. Besides, the line used isn't as critical as the "seduction choreography" that took place prior to it... The key is to pop the question when she's warmed up to the idea, not just out of the blue.
bleed-red 8y ago
There are times where the "commanding language" doesn't work anymore because the last guy couldn't walk the walk after talking the talk. This reduces the effectiveness of these kind of maneuvers and this kind of loop back around has its place.
If you keep looping it back around in a clever almost devilish way, she has no choice but to (happily) surrender control.
NeoreactionSafe 8y ago
This is absolute gold.
Very tight advice that can be used in one of the most common interaction constructs out there.
It guarantees that you have a good outcome.
Even if a schedule can't be established you have forced her to apologize to you and avoided any begging.
This is very solid coaching,
.
[deleted] 8y ago
No need to go out if your way to complicate pronouns and gender bs
There is /alttrp for that
The down votes on this just show that trp has jumped the shark. When you use their language you give them legitimacy. TRP is supposed to be a place where you don't have to suck the PC dick.