So you have to crash a 747 to know how to fly one?

Step 1. Approach. Step 2. Fuck Up. Step 3. Learn and Calibrate. Step 4. Goto Step1.

well said, you don't even have to go as far as saying "Fly this plane!" since this applies to things in your daily life. When I used to work at Pizza Hut I was nervous as hell to take an order over the phone because I wasn't confident in my abilities to be able to get their order correct

Teacher here. Common refrain in my class..."How do we learn?" "Make mistakes."

I agree with you to some extent, however bro, there's a simpler way to gaining confidence, which is "not to give a fuck", what and I mean by that is to learn to shut down that part of your brain which is constantly analyzing and worrying, and replace it with one that doesn't give a fuck and just wants to enjoy the ride. Now That's confidence!

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+1

310-320 approaches, 20 numbers, 17 make outs, 3 blow jobs and 7 handjobs, 0 sex; logistical fuck up or I do something autistic. All this in 4 years.

Went from can't look a girl in her eyes, stuttering, didn't know how to walk, hold a conversation, speaking very fast and nervously to speaking in a relaxed and slow manner, keeping things light and playful all the time ( i don't get serious unless i'm working), RP tools. I've been lifting as well, haven't changed my style but people who used to know me can see a big difference in me. My HS teacher who used to despise me, flirts with me at the store we buy coffee at.

I used to feel uneasy when someone called me a man, because I still felt like a boy at heart at 20. Now I'm comfortable calling myself one. All the lessons from failure are stepping stones or learning curves. Just mandatory exercises till you get it.

Brother if you can fake a heart attack you can fake fucking confidence. And it’s really really way above you take a fucking acting class

When ya ain't got nothin' ya got nothin' left to lose.

very true. I think this applies to almost everything you wanna learn in life.

Put your self in a position where you practice... Alot. Always be practicing which will lead you to making mistakes, which will help you improve. But in order to improve you have to have the regimen to always be wanting to learn ie practice. You can't fix what you can't measure so don't just run at something blindly and expect each failure to fix themselves.

The thing is, when you fail don't beat yourself up. Know that you're your own worst critic already so understand that failure will help you improve. There's a book, feel the fear and do it anyway by Susan Jeffers, that explains this very idea.

Use this format not just in dating but in all facets of life

What if you constantly fail at faking confidence? Can you become really confident in your ability to fake being confident? And if so, at that point are you really faking anymore?

Isn't faking it till you make it a thing?

Perfect outlook and perspective that can be applied to all aspects of life!

Most of the really badass entrepreneurs I know almost worship failure. If you can't allow yourself to fail, you are not being courageous or pursuing your goals with gusto.

"If you want to succeed, double your failure rate"

• Thomas Watson (CEO of IBM)

Sometimes I'll go out with the intention of getting shot down 3 times just to toughen up my ever softening skin.

You all should be doing this.

I'll only be able to fail flying the 747 jet once though

They have apps now for flying a 747 so i could do it.

This is the first thing I’ve seen on this sub that’s correct.

The fundamental problem with telling someone they need to fail to get somewhere is it's human nature for the sub conscience to speak to them, "The best way to fail is to not try hard." Putting in a top notch effort and watching yourself fail brings confidence, because, for one, you get to see what parts worked, reducing the problem and focus to what didn't work. If you fixed 10% of the remaining problem and repeat the process. Rinse and repeat 10 times and your done. But wait, theres often just one big bitch of a problem left that's hard to hammer out, but since all of the other problems are gone you can focus on the remaining big problem.

Here's the basic formula:

The best way I've found to solve complex tasks is to pick off all the easy problems first, then pick off another layer of solvable problems, the next layer maybe I'll see one problem that is solvable but takes a lot of grunt work, so choose to knock that one out to greatly lighten up my brain. Move to eliminate all of the distractions around the biggest problems then solve them. That's the winning method for me. By starting with the small problems and ignoring the big ones there is less 'multitask chatter' that makes the brain stressed and confused and wastes enormous amounts of time.

A lesson from the startup world: "Fail fast, fail cheap, fail often"

In the startup world, "Fail fast, fail cheap, fail often" is a commonly repeated mantra, and while it's not necessarily the key to success, it is certainly one component:

• Trying out ideas and failing is often much cheaper than gathering tons of research and data as to what will work.
• Trying and failing quickly will allow you to find a successful path faster than you competition, and startups rely on nimbleness to out-maneuver larger companies.
• Recognizing success and failure quickly is also an important skill. This will force you to define the criteria for success/failure so you can invest in the successes and cut off the failures.
• You will also be prepared for failure and have backup plans.
• This philosophy will get you used to being open to and trying many new ideas.
• This will also get you used to erring towards boldness and away from analysis-paralysis. It will help you conquer your fear of failure, and help you value your time.

i learned a great deal by failing. actually i found this subreddit a week ago or something and i didn't even learn anything new. all of this i learned with bad expirience and failing already.

Confidence comes through experience. Failing again, and again, and again, and learning from such mistakes gives you confidence, because you now know how to handle the situation.

All I end up feeling is confident that I'm going to fail.

I can see that. About the:

Next time you come around, your arsenal is just a little bit better

Asked this girl out today, damn must have been the first time I asked out a girl in so long (been out of school for a bit) thought it went well, I felt light headed like "Omg did this just happen?" then later on I find out the number is fake.

But anyway what I wanted to get at was the conversation. It was bad, on my behalf. I just rattled off this rehearsed thing in my mind. "Ask her about her days off" If you have a day you both are off ask about going to the movies." If not, get her number to get talking... It was this procedural thing... and also I hadn't really talked to her much... so yeah I mean it was probably doomed to fail from the start. I mean I'm physically built (jacked) but it's the mind that sucks on my part.

How do I improve? Build rapport. Care less. Be in the moment/slow, listen/get response. <[OK]200>

I quote Michael Jordan a lot when it comes to altering your mindset about "failure"....

“I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot, and I missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

There is no lose, It's a win or a learn.

Here's 23 more stories of "failure"

I've faked confidence tons of times and it worked for me, ended up building my confidence for real.

I'm a professional auto mechanic. When I first started I knew a little bit, and could fix some things, but I constantly made mistakes, broke stuff, screwed up diagnostics, and just generally wasn't all that great. I was kind of timid and reticent, fearing I'd break something again.

Ten years on, I'm now the guy that even the old-timer guys who used to tease me come to for in depth electrical and air conditioning stuff. If I have a job I've never done before, I'm not scared, I just take my time. I know that no matter what, I can figure it out, even if it takes me days or weeks. I even took a teaching gig, because I now want to spread my wisdom to new mechanics.

Don't be afraid to fail, and fail a lot, so long as you learn how not to fail. It's the only way to get better and become The Expert.

I've done a lot of failing. I hear it eventually turns around. Read "The Dip" by Seth Godin.

To fail is to open yourself up to the opportunity for growth. This post was yet just another reminder to keep on keeping on. <3 thx

It should be "be bold" not "be confident."

It is said that 'Failure is more important than success'. In my life I have not found that to be true, for I have learned a lot more from success than from failure. It is very easy to fail and continue failing, getting stuck in a rut of failure (trying different things and failing each time) as there is an infinite variety of ways to fail. There is only a limited number of permutations of success. Success though shows what needs to be done and one is more likely to repeat the success again.

Some goals are so worthy, it is glorious even to fail. - Capt. Manoj Kumar Pandey

I wouldn't say failing is the answer. I used to be so confident when I was a kid, being able to grab a microphone and have some fun in front of 2000 people or making the weirdest photos cuz it was fun. Years and years of bullying destroyed that. I'm now nervous if I need to present a topic in front of 10 people. When I see someone filming me, I hide and hope to never see that video because I'll get depressed. I feel like bullying basically is failing, and it destroyed my confidence. How the hell is this going to help me?

For the record, I'm lifting, expanding social circles and overall improving. This is just literally what brought me here.

Yes, you can fake confidence somewhat, but true confidence comes only through competence.

Half way there. The solution is taking wide, deep, varied action for a sustained length of time. The fact that most actions will "fail" (not product a jackpot result) is obvious: it's a less likely combination. But it's not the goal, and I think a lot of guys take the "fail is OK" mantra too far, where they think they'll take more action if they can convince themselves that failing is good (a lie).

Yes, "be confident" is one of the worst pieces of false advice ever muttered by a know nothing. Right up there with "just be yourself". It's equivalent to responding to "I can't afford a car" with "just be rich".

Confidence is an effect, not just a cause, and it's cause is years of action in the bank, which erodes uncertainty of the outcome of actions.

So many people are to afraid to try and fail. Just learn and adapt if you fail, no biggie.

You know what really gave me a lot of confidence was when I realized God and my soul was liberated. I'm serious, I fear nothing but separation from God now, even though I know that is impossible. God is real and spirituality is the only way to attain true happiness and freedom.

Logged on just to post a reply to this. It is absolutely, 100%, spot on. Seeking to challenge your comfort zone and EMBRACING failure is as important a personality trait as any - and the vast majority of men are too scared they will be judged to do anything. In fact it is so important that it should be learned outside of just dating benefits.

Make no mistake - you WILL be judged by your peers. Doing something different than the rest of your group? (i.e. taking on a martial art, taking on a new sport, etc.), you will be judged. Putting yourself out there? (Releasing music from your band, starting a new business), again you will be judged. But do you know what you learn from this?

That their opinions dont matter. The people who do judge you or usually do nothing losers. The people who dont are ones who actually had to accomplish something meaningful in their lives and understand what it takes to get there.

In my experience if you and your friends are all horribly out of shape, and you decide to work out regularly, that you will be judged in that group but the ripped body builder at the gym willing to give out advice? He doesnt care at all and probably recognizes the effort. So many times in my life I hear from peers "why are you doing that?". "Why are you camping, you dont camp". "Why are you learning to scuba dive". "What is the point of starting of inventing that". I cant even begin to tell you how much I've grown in just the last few years by failing upward, and having a mix of successes. The self confidence it gives you is unparalleled. Not only that but once you have a mission outside of women dating becomes SO MUCH easier and enjoyable.

confidence is something u either have or dont