This is about what to do if she dumps you.
The theory. There are three kinds of Nexts.
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The first, the Soft Next, is a short-term cessation of contact, that various authorities put generally in the range of three to ten days, after which the relationship resumes as if nothing happened. This is to be used when she is acting up. It cannot be done if she is living with you.
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The second is the Hard Next, which is just a permenent breakup, after which there is no further contact of any kind - and definitely no sexual contact. This is to be used in cases of serious drama or abuse.
- Third is something BlackDragon calls a Long Soft Next For Temporary Exclusivity, something carried out by the woman, and I'll let him explain in his own words:
LSNFTE – Long Soft Next For Temporary Exclusivity. A common occurrence with Alphas in nonmonogamous relationships where a woman leaves the Alpha, who will not give her monogamy, so she can get a traditional boyfriend or husband who will. The new boyfriend/husband is always an AFC, beta, or Alpha Male 1.0, who eventually either bores her to death, irritates her with too many rules, or cheats on her. The woman then leaves the boyfriend/husband and goes right back to the Alpha, resuming the sexual relationship. LSNFTEs last anywhere from a few weeks to many years.
The practice. Good advice is hard to take. Nexting goes against the grain of a lot of guys. But if she dumps you, go no-contact for at least four months. Cut off all social contact, including social media - don't even "Like" anything on her Facebook. You will be tempted to do something to win her back; do not do it. You will be tempted by oneitis, by scarcity-mentality, and by revenge for the disrespect she showed you in dumping you.
But in contacting her again like a puppy, you would be doing exactly what turns her off in the first place. Ignoring her increases her attraction. BlackDragon reports a coming-back rate of 94%.
In the mean time, see other women, work on yourself.
After 4-6 months, BlackDragon suggests finding out - not through her directly - what her relationship status is. If she is single or has gone back to an old boyfriend, he suggests contacting her in a non-needy, outcome-independent, nonflattering way such as texting her "How's it going?" If, on the other hand, she has a new boyfriend, give it another 4-6 months, because she's probably still in the honeymoon stage and will probably ignore your texts anyway. In the mean time cool your heels until the honeymoon is over or she dumps him.
If she contacts you first, even within the four-month window, take that as possibly - but not neccessarily - an indicator of interest. Find out why she is contacting you. If it's something mundane like getting her jacket back, then just do it businesslike with zero fanfare, and ignore her for another four months. But if she's contacting you because she's bored, you're in. Invite her over and take it from there. If she resists the invitation, wait another four months.
Otherwise, if you don't take this advice, BlackDragon says that if you keep contacting her, you will be permanently in the friendzone.
Digested from http://www.blackdragonblog.com/2014/10/12/important-ignore-breakup/
mandafukup 10y ago
so what do i do if she's contacting me daily just so i can be her emotional tampon or for other stupid reasons...is that an ioi ? because it seems she is fine with the decision of breaking up but she still misses talking to me.. think i need to cut her off..
kempff 10y ago
Resist becoming her emotional tampon. Stop replying promptly or frequently to her communications - and if and when you do respond, avoid addressing the content of her communications.
For example if she texts you something like "I miss taking long walks on the beach with you", don't respond with "Yeah me too"; respond instead with "Drinks at the Pub Friday 8pm wear something your Dad wouldn't approve of". If she's interested she will show up as instructed.
If she just wants to talk, then you don't have time for that. If she wants something more, then, as BlackDragon says above, "Invite her over and take it from there."
mandafukup 10y ago
thanks man appreciate that!
[deleted] 10y ago
You're over-thinking something very simple.
If there is no relationship, hanging around makes you an orbiter.
Mikay55 10y ago
This. And if the girl did a fuck up to begin with, or if you were dissatisfied, and she comes back after 4-6 months you really should know better than to get back together with her. There's way more out there then to stick around for a past relationship.
[deleted] 10y ago
Seems to me option number 3 gives beta chumps the hope that the girl who dumped them will fall for them again if they're AF after a couple months.
If you're not the one nexting, cut her out completely and forever. She'll do it again in a heartbeat.
rpscrote 10y ago
This is a good point. But OP's (and BlackDragon's) post seem to be play-by-play advice for newbies and bluepillers. Your post makes sense if you're already RP. BlackDragon's post makes sense even if you're BP.
kempff 10y ago
Yes, that is precisely what I am aiming at - play-by-play for newbies.
[deleted] 10y ago
Watch.
09ue 10y ago
Unbelievable movie!
You're so fucking money!
RickSHAW_Tom 10y ago
And the movie this is from is...?
[deleted] 10y ago
Swingers. Must watch Red Pill movie. Young Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau are best friends in LA (who hit Vegas at one point during the movie). The movie is mostly those two and sometimes their circle of friends hanging out, having fun, trying to pick up chicks, etc.
However, the real message of the movie is a beta hitting rock bottom and learning to be alpha from his friend who already gets it. Great movie.
asdfghjkltyu 10y ago
Its very true. But the thing is women rarely 'come back' unless something happens to force it, be that you running into her or ending up at the same party or something. After a year or two they don't just decide to call out of the blue.
waldo888 10y ago
no they do especially if you were up there. They always look for a fuck after a break up
3rt41 10y ago
Happened to me with two different girls, i think it's completely randomic and out of any reasonable logic.
kempff 10y ago
That's right. But BlackDragon's post spells out a contingecy plan that is easier to understand and follow, for men paralyzed by oneitis or by scarcity-mentality, or obsessed with revenge. Men in those frames of mind are unable to think that clearly.
Lyradex 10y ago
I just self destructed a relationship due to this and even messed up the close. Because I couldn't. Break. Contact.
Wish this reminder had been up a few weeks ago.
level_e11even 10y ago
Wouldn't you think such a contingency plan is more convoluted than the simple: don't be an orbiter?
I mean, when the theory gets broken down so much we often lose sight of what's important. "Long Soft Next For Temporary Exclusivity", seriously?
In theory this is well and good. But in practice, looking at coming back rates, and at specific months of no contact, I think, is detrimental to the success of men in these situations. AWALT, yes, but not every scenario plays out the same.
Unpredictability is life's ace, after all.
I don't particularly disagree with what's being said, but I definitely think there's a certain degree of over-analysis on his part that will actually have the opposite effect.
[deleted] 10y ago
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luciansolaris 10y ago
[deleted]
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^0.9259
Lion1985 10y ago
Maybe we make a pool here?
How long did you guys were in No Contact until the ex contacted you?
From my experience they start checking out at month 7-8.
(Im not saying getting again together, just CONTACTED AGAIN!)
theycallme1 10y ago
So basically get dumped because she found another branch to swing on, let her go fuck a few new guys, then be her safety blanket who waited around. No thanks.
asdfghjkltyu 10y ago
Sorry but I don't agree with any of this.
The idea of trying to 'win back' a girlfriend who dumped you is the ultimate form of oneitis. There is no winning back someone who has disrespected you and left you, often to be with someone else.
It doesn't matter if they've gone to the most AVC they can find because they want ultimate commitment or if they've dumped you for an alpha, the concept of winning her back pushes her away so its a catch 22.
If someone dumps you you find someone new. You be courteous but not mean or rude, IM NOT TALKING TO YOU just makes you sound angry and bitter.
kempff 10y ago
He's not talking about winning them back. He's talking about how to avoid shooting yourself in the foot, given that they often come back on their own. We're assuming you're an alpha.
MightyTaint 10y ago
The whole point isn't whether or not they come back on their own. Just the act of taking someone back who disrespected you is beta. I mean, if you're just talking about some woman you hooked up with a few times, then she comes back around, fine. But when you're talking a "girlfriend" and "relationship" territory, taking them back on any terms months down the road is beta, even if they come begging.
kempff 10y ago
Again, we're not talking about her disrespecting you. That is what a hard-next is for. This is about navigating your end of things if she pulls an LSNFTE.
asdfghjkltyu 10y ago
Nothing alpha about taking back a woman who left you to screw some other guy.
kempff 10y ago
Given the choice, I'd rather bury my dick in my own alpha-widow returned from vacation, than bury my head in my principles.
asdfghjkltyu 10y ago
I don't think you get what alpha means. Its about self respect, Id rather find another woman or be single than put up with someone who left me.
BluepillProfessor 10y ago
That was some serious shit right there. You can't be serious. I guess open relationships are the cause de rigor but fuck me twice.
nuc22 10y ago
I just cut off all the contacts and block them on Facebook. Simple.
[deleted] 10y ago
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[deleted] 10y ago
Yeah. That's why I find PUA-material to mostly be bullshit.
And that's why I find TRP so valuable.
Killigraphy 10y ago
Ultimately that's the problem with most males in that situation, they don't wish to move on, they're like Jason Siegel in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, they developed a pattern and now rely on said pattern, so much so that they use it as a crutch and will do anything to defend or keep it going.
Your job is to realize that you can have the same setup with a new slimmie. Don't assume she was the only one who would put up with your shit, all of them are willing to put up with it if you know how to control the scenario.
3rt41 10y ago
No. Go no contact forever. Go fuck another woman.
MHOOD01 10y ago
I had made some long, drawn out post, and then upvotes you. Before I wrote it, you had 10 points, now you have 7 (including mine).
It's sad that these newcomers come here for help, but fight it, it's like "motherfucker, if your way is getting you shitted on like the bitch you are, why not take the advice here?"
OP's post is counterproductive, but it's good to know in a sense that you can wave it down, and continue doing you.
vengefully_yours 10y ago
Every female I had more than a short fling or ONS with has done the last one. I have two who are still pining for me after thirty years. My first ex made it seven months before she wanted to try again. The second ex made it two weeks after the first time I kicked her out. The second time she has been stalking me online, reading my posts in car forums, and is probably reading this right now because she is rather intelligent. Its a throwaway account, but its obvious if she reads it that its me. I'm waiting for her to get lonely and fed up with her loser, and contact me again. Not so she can come back, that won't happen, I will always live alone.
To be honest, she was a good friend and fun to talk to, and I'd like to see her grow from this. All in all, she had a very positive influence on my life, so I won't hard next her if she contacts me. She can't see my dogs and will never get anything from me again other than friendship. I'm friends with most of my ex's, have some on Facebook, and we talk, but no fucking because I like them in their twenties and fifty year old women aren't hot.
They all want me back, say I was the best they ever had, and hamster away that it was they who cheated and lied. Hard lessons are the best ones, most women never learn from them.
AnotherLostCause 10y ago
This is a lesson I wished I had learned 25 years ago.
Ohmyqueef 10y ago
TL/DR: Don't get back with ex-girlfriends. They're Xes for a reason.
0sleepless 10y ago
So, after one year you should still be thinking of her, spying on her, and calculating the right time to attack?
While you are at it, why not doing an excel sheet to keep track of where you are at with this one, particular girl who left you? Talk about abundance mentality...
fyseaking 10y ago
I don't think it's something you should keep on your mind 24/7. But rather the occasional "I'd like to fuck her again" then proceed to hit her up while following these rules.
kempff 10y ago
I think BlackDragon has something more like the old-fashioned "Little Black Book" concept in mind, a catalog of the women you've been with or could be with, and depending on what you've heard lately about each one, maybe give her a call.
Transmigratory 10y ago
I think it can be as simple as no longer acknowledging her like she has meaning in your life. That is the strongest thing you can do, yet the most simple.
[deleted] 10y ago
Just gone through a painful breakup myself, with admittedly myself allowing it to go along for too long. She ended it two days ago.
Strong Oneitis with this one. First real relationship and it almost lasted two years. Since Friday when it ended, the last words I said to her were 'Fuck you' before I deleted her off social media and off my phone.
Hurts like a bitch because my unicorn wasn't. However, I am unsure whether to latch on to this post or not. I don't know If I want her back now, but inside I do obviously. I'm confused about what attitude this post is trying to promote.
Since Friday I have joined the gym and got a lifting buddy and joined a rugby team. I've got a strong focus self improvement and MGTOW, as well as one or two potential plates. What I'm saying is here I have the groundwork for my future, my new life without her.
Truly, is the only way that you can 'get over' somebody (other than plates - and lots of them) extinguishing any hope of ever getting back together, or even in a strictly sexual capacity? Because from this post, It may give me credence to cling onto what little hope there is left and never truly move on.
aguy01 10y ago
You will never ever have a relationship with her again. This post tells you how you might get to fuck her again, but you can never make her your girlfriend and have a successful relationship.. even if she thinks she wants to (she would just be manipulating you into being a temporary self esteem boost). Personally, I wouldn't even fuck her again unless I had another solid plate and I wouldn't see her more than once every 10 days. Move on.
BluepillProfessor 10y ago
Karma for you brother. It will get better eventually and you are already doing all the right things. Lifting & Rugby. Something tells me this 2 year relationship will be behind you in a few months or less. Just don't transfer your oneitis and fall for the next young thing.
Olipyr 10y ago
There right there with you, bro.
Sucks because I see her every so often. I don't let her know that I still have feelings, though. Hell, I've even made sure she has seen me with another woman and heard about me with a different woman from her friends.
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ScottishIslander 10y ago
Why did you break up with her? The reason is important in deciding whether or not to go back.
[deleted] 10y ago
I didn't. She ended it with me because she didn't want 'us' enough anymore.
SlayingGoats 10y ago
She didn't want "us" anymore, because she saw no value in you. It's that simple. Maybe you never gave her the gina tingles, maybe her hypergamy kicked in and she saw a new potential mate. Who the fuck knows.
The best thing you did was to say "fuck you". Now, turn that "fuck you" into motivation to get your life back and shape it into whatever you want, as long as the progression is forward. If she comes back, she comes back, turn her into a plate. If she doesn't, so fucking what, one less woman to worry about in your life. It's a win/win. What are you going to lose? Fuck, in 4 months time, after seeing how much progress you've made and how much higher your SMV is, she may look like 3-4 to you and not worth your effort or time at all.
Oneitis, or "love", is a drug addiction. It isn't easy but you'll end out on the other side much stronger than you currently are.
ScottishIslander 10y ago
I think you should listen to this post. I wouldn't be the one to contact her. Wait and see if she contacts you, and if she does, follow the rules.
Approaching her at this point will probably make you seem needy.
Although, if you REALLY REALLY like this chick, you can try and show her that by doing some sort of romantic act. Sometimes it works, but its a kind-of blue-pill approach.
vicolani07 10y ago
He'll just look stupid holding a flower in the rain alone....by himself...
ScottishIslander 10y ago
Maybe. But maybe she'll dig it. Is there really that much harm in trying if he thinks she's worth it?
[deleted] 10y ago
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Lion1985 10y ago
Contacting the dumper after Break Up -> Pushing his ego = dumpee is not interesting/mysterious anymore, you can start NC from scratch!
I have lerned tons of material regarding Break Up recovery and how to handle it and make your ex wonder, but contacting the person which dumped you is a big NO NO! The person who dumped should always make the first step! I deleted her number, so even if, I cant...
Also dont keep your exes at social media, unfriend, block or deactivated FB completly, its a waste of time.
[deleted] 10y ago
This guy is 40 y-o.
To me, some of his knowledge is not relevant anymore.
He is part of the previous generation. Girls in their 20s now are different.
What do you think?
a-orzie 10y ago
Yeah they come back even easier. Women these days are a joke, they have no idea what they are doing most of the time.
MightyTaint 10y ago
Dumbest fucking thing I've read in a while. You think 20 year old women and 40 year old women are different? Their differences are superficial. A core RP concept is deep down all women share many similar characteristics. Whether they listened to Madonna or Beyonce as a teenager doesn't fucking matter.
kempff 10y ago
I think he's talking about girls in their 20s now.
mega_beta 10y ago
I haven't spoken to any of my Ex's for years. Never will either. You only talk to them if you want to get back with them.
Pushnikov 10y ago
I had a really hard time following your break down. Just saying.
Doctor_Mayhem 10y ago
What's the Alpha Male 1.0 and why would a girl find him boring?
kempff 10y ago
From BlackDragon's glossary:
Ohmyqueef 10y ago
Just remember: the Alpha male/beta male/omega male stuff is all a continuum, not a definite chart
[deleted] 10y ago
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Lion1985 10y ago
Nope, say nothing, just smile and leave, this is a nuclear bomb for her hamster..
Ochreata 10y ago
Starting to sound like an infomercial...
[deleted] 10y ago
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kempff 10y ago
He explains the statistic in the link:
MightyTaint 10y ago
Dude keeps a spreadsheet of the women he's fucked, and how often they come back depending on how much he fucked them. What a fucking weirdo.
luciansolaris 10y ago
[deleted]
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^0.5756
MightyTaint 10y ago
I like data and statistics fine. Tracking sex like that is weird. It isn't a "popularity" contest, it's a sign of a weird infatuation with sex. The fact that it isn't obvious to you implies you probably have one too. Good for you.
luciansolaris 10y ago
[deleted]
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^0.5627
MightyTaint 10y ago
What's wrong is you don't enjoy it for pleasure, you just want to get points like a video game, and obsess over magic combinations to make panties drop. It's pathetic. Sorry you suck dude, guess you'll just have to live with it, huh? Put this in your spreadsheet of "redditors who think I'm a fag".
luciansolaris 10y ago
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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^0.6149
luciansolaris 10y ago
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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^0.1640
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