I’ve recently been struggling with the amount of sex/affection in my LTR. I’ve been with my girl for 4 months, but we have never had the intense physical attraction/crazy sex marathons that I’ve had in past relationships. She’s never been one to initiate sex or anything else physical really, like kissing, hugging, holding hands, etc. Great personality and super attractive, but is horrible at showing affection. Things have gotten better over time, but nowhere close to the standards that I hold for the women that I date.

This all came to a head when we hung out earlier this week. I showed up to her place and give her a couple of kisses. She cooked me dinner and we met one of my female friends out later at a bar. Held hands on the way back from the bar. She fell asleep on the couch and we went to bed without having sex. For me this is almost unheard of, especially 4 months into a relationship.

Something inside of me snapped. There was no way that this kind of precedent was going to be set. I really like this girl, but there is no way I’m going to continue a relationship with no physical or sexual action. I went into Dread Game mode. Not because I consciously deployed the tactics, but because the red pill flows through me so much, it was the only way my body knew how to react to the situation.

The next morning, I woke up, got ready for work and slipped out the door without saying much and without a kiss or my usual ass grab. I went no contact. Two days later she texts me and asks if I want to go golfing with her friends. I say I’m not interested, I’ve got some things I need to work on and that she should go without me.

She ends up cancelling those plans with her friends because she doesn’t want to go without me. She ends up going to a bar with some co-workers. She invites me, I say I’m busy but I’ll stop by when I’m done. When I show up, I once again don’t give her any attention or affection. I sit farther away from her than I normally would. We’re on an L shaped couch and I sit on the other side of the L, arms spread out on the back of the couch, like a king surveying his kingdom. I give my attention to everything in the room except for her. She asks if I want a drink, I say not right now, I’ll grab one in a bit. She keeps asking me questions, keeps seeking my attention, while I answer her in short, uninterested bursts.

One of her female co-workers comes and sits by me. This girl is a bit older, but is still very attractive and also very drunk. This girl is all over me. I maintain the position I’m sitting in on the couch, never lean in or touch the girl, but don’t stop the girl from touching me. I am polite to her, but still a bit flirtatious, all while maintaining plausible deniability- she’s the one who came and sat next to me. I do this all without ever turning to see how my girlfriend is reacting. But I can see out of my peripheral vision that she is watching us. I use this to my advantage. Once again, I never change my body language, never lean into this girl or touch her. But I allow her drunk flirtations to spill onto me.

When she gets up, I don’t turn to my girlfriend. Instead, I sit there, in the same position I’ve been in all night, with just a look of amused mastery on my face. My girlfriends slides over to me and asks what I want to do. While looking at everything in the room besides her, I say in an uninterested, monotone voice “Your night, your friends, up to you.” She says she wants to go home and have sex. Something she has never said before.

We go home and it is on. We have more sex in the next 24 hours than we’d had in the last 3 weeks. I couldn’t fall asleep that night because she wouldn't stop kissing me and touching me. The next day is basically the naked fuckfest that I’ve been waiting for.

The lessons learned: It’s all in the covert message you send. It’s the fear of loss that you subtly instill in her. If I would have sat her down and openly talked about how much I was frustrated with the lack of affection and sex in our relationship, things wouldn’t have improved. If anything, they would have worsened. Women do not react to such overt messaging.

Secondly, if I would have made it obviously clear that I was going no contact with her, it would not have worked either. I would have looked like a whiny pouty child. Instead, by subtly distancing myself from her, I let her own fears control her, instead of me trying to force them upon her.

And lastly, the plausible deniability/amused mastery of having another girl flirt with you cannot be underestimated. If I would have went up to another girl and flirted with her in attempts to make my girl jealous, it wouldn’t have had the same effect. But since she came up to me, and I neither encouraged it nor stopped it, it elicited the right amount of emotions/fear of loss in my girl that it put the onus on to do something about it.

I know this wasn’t Nuclear Dread Game that gets thrown around a lot, in fact, some of you might say this isn’t dread game at all. But I think you don’t always have to go nuclear to elicit your desired response. Sometimes it is subtle tweaks here and there that make the difference. In my mind, I basically redistributed my attention and focus from her to other projects and other people. The emotions that she felt (fear of loss) elicited a reaction in her that caused her to increase her attention/affection towards me to ensure she didn't experience that loss.