It seems to be a perennial theme where men are fighting loneliness or purposelessness after they've gone into the red pill and have fixed their relationship issues. There seems to be a dread of getting old and being alone.
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Let me just tell you: knock it off! This is all nonsense. You can feel just as alone in a relationship, or with kids, as you can being all by yourself. Your partner will never complete you. Other than your parents, no one gives a shit about you more than they do themselves, and even parents have their limits. Your wife can cheat on you or divorce you for no reason. Your kids can end up hating you.
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If you miss the good ole days with your friends:
\- move to their city and make an effort to hang out.
\- but I have a joooob (whiny voice). so what, either gain the kind of skills where you are transferrable or can pick up a new job quickly, or, get a job and get those skills with the aim of moving. You're a man, solving problems, not bitching, is in your nature.
\- I love my current city and job and don't want the change. Then stop bitching and find men with common interests (hint, there are probably several candidates at your job)
\- "I'm a worthless high school/college student" You shouldn't have any issues with loneliness. Get off your electronics and start interacting with anyone/everyone. You will never have the same opportunities for easy social interaction again.
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You could also get a job where you interact with enough people you are ready for solitude at the end of the day.
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You need a mission, no matter how petty or small. You have to plan out your life to a certain degree. Creating a bucket list gives you an idea of what you want out of life. Read Zero to One by Peter Thiel. Learn what you're best at and then see if there's a way to get value out of it.
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If you get old and you're still suffering from being alone, that's on you. You need to figure out early in life that you are alone. You have to become the person you can rely the most on. I repeat, you have be the person you rely on. I'm married and have a kid, but my wife cheated and will soon be gone. She was never reliable in the first place and never made me feel better. Instead, she only distracted me from becoming a more complete man. I am discovering that I love traveling on my own. I love relying on myself. I get more social satisfaction from the guys at work than I ever did talking to my wife. I realize I'm not going to grow old with her, so what? She could always leave me as an older person too, and by then I would be more dependent on her. Men have always had difficult lives, but men have also done a fantastic job living solo.
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Men need men in their lives more than they do women. The only thing I miss from my marriage is reliable sex, but there's always the possibility of having a mistress later in life. The dates, the adventures, the long conversations, watching TV together, raising a kid together, all meaningless and forgettable. There is no fairy tale living happily ever. You will get old and may be alone for periods of time. What if your spouse dies prematurely? What if your wife and kids are in the car but get into an accident and disappear from your life forever? You are given no guarantees you will live well. Therefore, loving yourself by making yourself useful and reliable is the best way to self-improve. A man gets pleasure from providing, women don't feel that pleasure, they want to be provided for. So, be a good provider and continue providing for yourself!
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A part of self improvement is learning not to hate yourself. A lot of betas don't like themselves (I certainly didn't, I hated my whole lineage too, for my genes). I'm not saying you'll like yourself better if you lift weights or read books, but you'll like yourself if you start taking care of your body and treating yourself with respect and dignity. Once you know how to live with yourself, it gets easier and becomes your preference. My opinion is a lot of the guys who seem lonely or regretful (gonna name Roosh here, because he comes across as depressed and brooding) is because they didn't marry and have kids. That seems to be a very powerful feeling that leads to massive guilt. If you cannot be rid of that feeling, then get married, or at least have an LTR in a state without common law marriage and stay together for as long as you can while you have the kid(s). Or, date a woman who is a single mom and raise her kids with her for awhile so you know exactly what it's like. Maybe you'll like being a surrogate father, or maybe you won't, the point is you will have an idea of what parenting is like. Having the kid be of your own genetic lineage is intoxicating because it's your desire to see yourself live on through another person. When I see my kid I sometimes think of them as half of me, but reborn, so I get it. It's cool, and you feel super proud, but at the end of the day I still need my space and need to accomplish things in my own right. Raising a kid doesn't feel like as big of an accomplishment as you think when you compare it to other things you are doing.
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My point is to stop bitching about being lonely or potentially lonely. You will adapt. You will be fine. You can rely on yourself. Live with a friend if you have to. Move to their city if you must.
bigmacked4 4y ago
Needed to hear that. Thank you.
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FereallyRed 4y ago
When you do a deep dive, everybody is alone.
That's why it's important to be comfortable in your own skin first and foremost.
Some of my best experiences are solo trips primitive camping and hiking in the middle of nowhere for months. I relished the solitude.
Lonliness is laziness.
Snowaey 4y ago
Yea, I love hiking/camping in the mountains with just my dog, I just feel so at ease.
TheRedPillRipper 4y ago
I thought I was an outlier because I enjoy my solitude. A good book(I took the day off yesterday to finish Red Rising in one sitting) or a 5km mountain run are definite highlights of my day.
I'm also at my most productive alone. Work. Creating. Inspiring myself. All happens on my own time; on my own dime.
That's gold. Definitely borrowing it.
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colzod 4y ago
For me, the Red Rising trilogy was amazing. I've been through it three times. However, the fourth book is pinko hyper-left shit and I recommend you don't go anywhere near it.
hazelstein 4y ago
That is what I am saying. Well put.
MysticalMike1990 4y ago
Are you in North America? What's a good place to take solo treks?
Thunderbird93 4y ago
Let me know what you think of my logic. The main contributor to this feeling of loneliness in society is the triumph of capitalism over communism. I'm no sjw commie but with the fall of the Soviet Union through failed central planning that gave way to free markets the world transitioned from collectivist logic to individualistic logic. The communists put society ahead of the individual, we are all in this together mentality. The capitalists on the other hand are individualistic profit maximizers, homo economicus. The lesson is to learn to mind one's own business, unfortunately seeking companionship as a social animal is at odds with the economic system where everybody is selling his own commodity as his priority. Its a clash of the economic system(capitalism) vs evolutionary biology(man as a social creature).
Cods_gift_to_reddit 4y ago
Read a book or two before you try to make novel connections like this. The idiocy of your argument knows no bounds.
The main contributer to feelings of loneliness is not having solid genuine connections with others day to day. That has absolutely nothing to do with communism and capitalism. You can be homeless and have friends so that you are not lonely. You can be CEO of lloyds bank and have friends so that you are not lonely.
I'm not saying I have the answer or a complete theory of loneliness, I'm just saying that it has nothing to do with capitalism and communism.
RedHeimdall 4y ago
Of course capitalism and atomized individualism go hand in hand. I don't know what books you claim to be reading but they don't sound like good ones. Liberal capitalism wants everyone to be a self contained interchangeable consumer drone. It wants to break all connections of tribe, race, religion, sex, ethnicity, regional identity, language, national identity -- even family. All the bonds that have connected humans throughout history and pre-history in the deepest ways have been attacked by capitalists in the name of making more shekels. Of course people feel more disconnected under such a system, it's by design. Makes it easier to sell you shit.
Cods_gift_to_reddit 4y ago
Ok poster number 2 throwing down some idiocy. (by the way poster 1 has scizophrenia which shines some light on his comment and why the ideas were linked in a weird illogical way)
Capitalism is not responsible for the societal issues that you list. It's an econmic and political structure that determines how money flows between entities and individuals. In a capitalist society if you want something you need to work for it.
Capitalism = stable societal structure that drags people out of poverty in every country it is implemented. Communism = unstable societal structure which causes millions of deaths every time it is implemented and plunges people into poverty.
It has nothing to do with loneliness. Think about it. You live in a capitalist society, what is stopping you from going out and finding a group of friends to hang out with every week? Is it the ENTIRE structure of the society you live in, or is it maybe more likely to be your own insufficiencies? Perhaps your insufficiency is laziness, perhaps it is a lack of social skill, perhaps it is because you allow social media/technology to interfere. Either way what seems more likely; that your loneliness is caused by your own choices in the most free society that has ever been created, or that your loneliness is caused by the entire capitalist structure of society itself....?
Obviously if you are lonely within a country that runs a capitalist structure, you can simply choose to meet up with people and make friends. Perhaps you could do this by using the internet or smartphones which "NEWSFLASH!" were created because of the capitalist structure of the workplace! You can connect with friends from your past on facebook, you can search for people across the entire globe who share your tiny narrow interests that only 1 in a million people have and socialise about it. OR you can even go and knock on your neighbours door with a beer or two. Nobody is stopping you.
Fucking guy suggesting capitalism causes loneliness how stupid can you be.
As a side note you mention individualism/collectivism which I consider separate concepts to capitalism/communism even though there is overlap between them:
Being an individual does not create loneliness. You can be an individual and still have connections with other individuals. That's enough to satiate some people's social needs.
If that's not enough for you and it's a social group you want to be a part of these are also freely available in a society which has a capitalist economic structure. You just need to go out and make it happen yourself.
So you have no excuse for being lonely, apart from your own choices and inefficiencies.
RedHeimdall 4y ago
Societies are not economic systems and humans are not economic actors. Your Friedman and Hayek are just the other side of the coin from Marx and Engels -- robotic materialism. You're doing the same disingenuous shit the commies do talking about their beloved system in the abstract while ignoring the real world destruction left in its wake.
To bring it back to TRP, basically all of the problems with females nowadays come via liberal capitalism.
billymagicbeane 4y ago
I highly doubt that. Most problems have occurred with the move away from capitalism toward socialism. America was at its best and most capitalistic between 1880 and 1914. The welfare state in Western countries has incentivized single motherhood. Friedman and Hayek are not opposites to Marx. Both (especially Hayek) are very pragmatic thinkers who have a very reality based view of how the world works. Hayek not only doesn't emphasize materialism but puts a very high priority and traditional institutions. Maybe read Hayek. The Fatal Conceit is short and covers this in depth.
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Cryptoguru777 4y ago
I've experienced both and will take a life full of friends, events over being a lone wolf any day. I can genuinely say I am truly happy as of late, especially during these summertimes.
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However if I was not alone I probably would have not got myself in this situation as it did force me to face the truth, grow and develop.
LostInVayne 4y ago
This post resembles a lot of what am going through right now. I have a decision to make which is parting away from all the people I know, including family, friends, and girls I genuinely enjoy. To pursue my life goal. Reading this makes me realize what I wanted to do but never faced. Truly appreciate this.
Thinkingard 4y ago
Hey man, good luck to you in your journey. You have to rely on yourself from now on, but I think you will find, as a man, you are more than capable of it and will bask in it.
nobody_thinks 4y ago
The only men that I knew who died old, alone and unhappy were blue pillers.
There comes a point in every man's life when he has to go into isolation to re-think and re-build his life.
Isolation is one of those things that only men can tolerate.
hazelstein 4y ago
Men want to be alone, but not lonely. - Patrice Oneal
MFs, If you feel you are lonely, you are not on your purpose. Your Purpose is your partner, your soulmate. You can feel lonely when you are with your friends or girlfriends. But if you are working and are on your purpose, you are never going to feel lonely.
TRP_Introspection 4y ago
This is the true solution to loneliness. An overarching goal(s) that keeps you moving forward in spite of self-loathing. The problem with modern society is that all our basic necessities like food and shelter are covered. No one has their "back to the wall" so to speak which used to propel us to survive and strive for more resources and abundance. We didn't have time to "feel lonely". Plus, we used to actually HAVE to come together in order to survive. Coalitions were needed among men to protect the tribe from outsiders. There was no welfare or child support to provide for the woman therefor a MAN had to do that to ensure the woman/baby's well-being.
Now days many of us are raised having everything we need without having to work for it. Just like Nietzsche proposed in Thus Spoke Zarathustra, the last man has begun to emerge. Instead of searching for meaning through real world experience, it's all fulfilled unnaturally through gaming and social media validation. The aforementioned book concludes this as the answer: "I strive for my work!".
Thinkingard 4y ago
That’s a good point. Families used to be a lot bigger and closer there was no real loneliness unless people were physically isolated. With people having smaller families and moving farther away and such.
SKRedPill 4y ago
Many men have been monks and have been just fine. If anything they're happy just as a way of life. Its not hard when you don't tie it to anything and your mind isn't using you. Only these people in my book are truly abundant in the sense of happiness.
You should see how many people want a piece of their energy or wisdom. I've met some of them and one thing I learnt from them is that rather than using life as a tool to become conditionally happy as a goal somewhere in the distant future, live a happy life and bring that energy into all you do.
Of course, there will always be the happiness that comes from a great achievement, but life will not be like "If I don't get that one thing, I'm gonna die of pain" again - oneitis for life itself diminishes. Goals of course remain - but those goals are pursued as objectives in their own right and not an indirect hope for happiness, because you know their worth. Intensity of course, can be summoned when you need the fire.
Over time this will transform the whole way you look at things. Those who reject you will genuinely be the loser and the losses will be gone as soon as your body returns to normal. Some people might call you crazy, but look at how unhappy they made themselves in their lives and ask yourself who's really the sane one? It is doable. The world will shit test it to the max, but even a bit of improvement here results in huge gains for the overall quality of your mental health.
Happiness is actually way easier than what people think it is - other things need hard work. Look at a child or an infant and relearn, what you were once naturally. Or look at your dog.
Your only fear is fear of death or some kind of diminishment. Once you see that there are possibilities even there, those begin to diminish. Practice gratitude, be grateful that you can even poop and breathe, I've seen people who can't do that without a struggle.
A man always needs some amount of spirituality in him to rise above the waves of life and be established in abundant being. My 2 cents.
Imperator_Red 4y ago
You do realize where monks live right? IN A FUCKING MONASTERY, with a bunch of other monks. A small community of like minded and self governing men. They were hardly lonely.
darren559 4y ago
I really like one point you made. Date a single mother and realize what it is to be a third wheel in which you find your truly have no say in the family unit. Kids screaming, etc. You will definitely have an eye opening experience and truly realize how wonderful it is to have your peace and tranquility, that is not loneliness, that is freedom from chaos.
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I have my own kids and raising them is natural and you get to be a true father. Get into a relationship with another person... well it's not the same experience dealing with their kids. Would not recommend, unless you really want to truly appreciate how great it is to be flying solo.
teveza11 4y ago
Accepting loneliness, which is what you seem to be advocating, is BS.
Go out there and change your world, create more social connections, find the right woman and spend time with her.
The problem with modern society for MEN, is that men are coping and adapting instead of demanding that things be the way they should be.
YOU are advocating acceptance, docility, and resignation.
red_matrix 4y ago
The destruction of the family/community and the atomization of society enables loneliness. Most people have long commutes, work in sterile cubicle farms among passive aggressive co-workers (who would stab you in the back to further their careers). At the end of the day you're likely too tired to go to the gym. No wonder relationships and marriages are failing.
There are forces more powerful than you shaping your destiny. If you can see this happening, then you at least have a chance to turn things around. Most people are just zombies, going with the flow, never questioning anything (maybe they're too tired or don't care), letting life happen to them.
We're wired to be with women, we're wired to fuck, we're wired to be wild. Our world and our biology are at odds...and our world is beating men down. Testosterone levels are dropping like a rock, we aren't the same men that existed 100 years ago. Sperm counts are so low, that if they continue to drop at the current rate we won't have any sperm left in 100 years (there's always artificial insemination - but men won't be needed). Diversity quotas are forcing more women into college, displacing men when women are already the majority. Women are being hired at higher rates than men, women are being forced into boards and executive level positions in the name of equality. Do you blame men today for feeling left out? Our world is knocking down men, and men aren't doing well. The opioid crisis is textbook. Our world today doesn't seem to want, or need men anymore. This is the zeitgeist, it will be programmed into the next generation's subconscious.
Do yourself a favour, take a look at what's going on around you - and find out first how to survive, and then thrive.
Imperator_Red 4y ago
This is of course the truth.
kez88 4y ago
Stop fucking complaining about society like a bitch would and go out and fix and change it if you want.
frooschnate 4y ago
Reads like analysis, not a complaint.
Maybe stop projecting yourself onto other people, cause the one bitching here is you m8
kez88 4y ago
reads like an excuse for why he cant accomplish what he wants and giving himself an easy out for why he hasn't done so already
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umizumiz 4y ago
I'm a single father
Raising kids to be well-adjusted will be an accomplishment, trust me.
uwey 4y ago
Put in short: live like you don't need anyone.
That is how anyone can be truly independent and free because they are willing to WALK away from anything at ANYTIME.
I love Charles Bukowski. He does everything with NFG attitude. That makes him the owner of his free will and he always takes responsibility for his own foolishness or crazy.
The worst person is one wouldn't take responsibility for his/her own actions.
Swan_in_a_Cage 4y ago
Loneliness stems from not being connected to others in a meaningful way. Men are the beings that connect meaningless things into meaningful relationships. We must provide our own meaning before we can attain any relationship. We may have the tools of redpill, but we have to use these tools to create something unique and functional.
Tools by themselves are useless. Make an endeavor to use them in the context of any environment and you'll never be alone, even if you have no phone numbers, regular friends, etc. Everyone is part of your life if you can become aware of the meaning hidden in plain sight.
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JamesSkepp 4y ago
If you're not fulfilling yourself by yourself, you're gonna be missing something. If you think that having a partner, LTR or a wife will fix it, you're wrong. Your partner will only serve one purpose, to camouflage the fact that you're missing something. You'll only use her to distract yourself (even if not consciously) from the fact that you're not doing what you want to do.
Loneliness is way overblown in the manosphere and outside it. It's not really loneliness anyway, it's like having free time to do what you want to do. Want to test that theory, get a gf for a few months and move in with her. Start counting the days and notice when the first "i cant do xyz b/c i need to have time for the gf too" thought shows up. I guarentee you it will be in single digit range.
That's an illusion. Purposelessness can only happen if you have no purpose IOW if you took the pill and suddenly have no purpose - women, youf gf or wife were your purpose. Which in turn means you had no real purpose that came from within you and was about what you want. You took the pill, became disillusioned about women and now need to realign your newfound energy/time to prioritize yourself and your goals.
Imperator_Red 4y ago
Clown world nonsense. Humans are highly social animals that needs meaningful social bonds.
Honk honk
JamesSkepp 4y ago
Sure, but you can't use social bonds as substitute for not being fulfilled yourself first.
fdsafdasfdsafds 4y ago
No, it isn't. Look at suicide rates among men. Look at statistics on the elderly. Loneliness is killing people. Or, more accurately, people's inability to be alone in peace is killing them.
JamesSkepp 4y ago
Not loneliness, it's the lack of available help like TRP.
Thunderbird93 4y ago
Whats your take on the philosophical aspect that underpins this emotion? Way I see it, its a war between rationalism and empiricism. As an emotion,men should use logic not the senses to determine their reality. When a man uses his senses by failing to feel a woman's warmth not next to him as he sleeps(touch), sharing eye contact briefly with a hot woman at the club who rejects him(sight) etc he begins to feel lonely. One should understand rationally that as an emotion loneliness will fade. It is not permanent like logic eg: the concept of the atom(thanks Democritus). Logic is consistent but emotions are ephemeral. Loneliness is therefore temporal. Whats your take on it as fleeting?
JamesSkepp 4y ago
Years ago I was talking to a 20-ish yo kid who claimed he's a misanthrope. I said to him "you're not misanthrope, you're miserable, people who do stuff don't have time for depression". They are working their ass off to meet their goals (doesn't matter what as long as you have one) and when they come back home they don't tend to focus on the fact the they can't feel their gf's warmth - that's b/c they faceplant the bed and go to sleep.
Mixing up philosophy into that is just an obfuscation, an advanced form of hamstering. Doesn't matter what some philosopher thinks it is b/c that knowledge doesn't fix the underlying issue. There are two options possible: either you are genuinely lonely (but have your life in "RP-order", so to speak) or you're using "i need a gf to be happy" to mask the fact that you're not happy by yourself (b/c you don't have your life in order). In the first case you need a gf (or a plate), in the second one you need to work on the issues you're avoiding. Neither of that needs mixing philosophy with it b/c it doesn't move you closer to the solution, on the contrary, it allows you to eloquently rationalize why you're not doing anything with it.
If you really want a philosophical take on this, ask GLO, he's bound to type in something interesting.
andreas-mgtow 4y ago
When you learn to be at peace with who you are and learn to live for yourself, there is no "loneliness", only aloneness. You can only live with others after you have learned to live with yourself. Be your Own Man, first.
Imperator_Red 4y ago
This is fucking clown nonsense. Humans are highly social creatures who need meaningful social bonds.
You’re so deep into clown world. Honk honk.
stoicbotanist 4y ago
No one is going to respect your opinion if you're a twat.
andreas-mgtow 4y ago
If only you had been around to enlighten the Buddha with your superior sentience.
Please, teach us! Lest us be unworthy...
[deleted] 4y ago
After taking the red pill 3 years ago I am finally over the feeling of having no purpose. My purpose is to be the best I can be, for me. It’s challenging, but the hurdles feel good, I’m finally DOING something about my bad qualities instead of trying to hide them.
Thunderbird93 4y ago
I'd say focus on a craft that extracts money. I've chosen currency trading. In the long run it will raise your smv
tyerelldavis 4y ago
Take control and responsibility of your life. If being alone is something you fear or dread then work on yourself. As a man, you should cherish the time you spend with yourself, but don't let that hold you back from meeting or socializing with other people. Create a lifestyle, and look to fill it with people who like and think the same stuff you do. It's not easy, fuck no. But work to improve yourself in all area's and you will learn to respect to see progress in what you've been able to achieve.
If you end up alone, so it goes. That's okay, because you will be satisfied with who you are and don't need to depend on any people or particular person to bring you happiness. If you do meet someone along the way, then that's a pleasant surprise and you should be happy with how things worked out. But they should be on your terms. The goal is development, and what happens along the way can't be planned.
Thunderbird93 4y ago
"Remember, you have no companion but your own shadow."-Genghis Khan
Learn to be your own best companion.
I'd say Nietzsche's Ubermensch covers loneliness. Its a harsh yet oscillating fact of life. Fight through it as emotion is temporal, logic is consistent.
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theunconquored 4y ago
Men love women. Women love children. Children love dogs. Dogs love men.
You can be surrounded by people and still be alone. If you don't have children by your mid 30's, you'll see the breeders start to disappear, cancel at the last minute on plans, or at the very least, always require any socialization to happen at their house around their kids' schedule.
If you're successful and somewhat independent financially, you'll see your friends slaving away at jobs along with having their family. Even if you see them, it will sometimes take planning three weeks or more in advance to do something as simple as meet for a couple beers or play a round of golf.
If you're married, you may still not get all the companionship you're seeking. Especially if you're an extrovert.
But if you get a dog, like the little puppy that is on my lap right now as a part of my own solution to this conundrum, then you'll have all that you need.
[deleted] 4y ago
You're right
Realized this after my first 4 relationships, stopped pursuing them after that, been much happier.
I'm older, my sisters have both have kids, my parents who unfortunately I chose my career for (which I now hate), don't speak to me more than once a month. I see them twice a year.
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I'm getting into a new job field.
thechaosz 4y ago
I don't understand loneliness and have always had to stop myself from looking down on others who talk about it.
I have a ton of friends, when unless I've invited a broad or friends over , at the end of the day, I love having my own place.
Thunderbird93 4y ago
Your like the Greek Goddess Hecate. What I learn from her and you? Value your own independence
thechaosz 4y ago
Yeah not sure why I got DV, I was just being honest with my experience.
It's truly an emotion I just don't understand.