I have what I consider to be a well-researched and documented theory about gender dynamics, see The Empress Is Naked. This post is not part of it. This is a tentative theory, and a very disturbing one at that. I believe it does capture a critical aspect of sexual dynamics, but at this stage you should treat it as a Request For Comments.*
What is "Alpha"?
I won't go into answering that. You can find many good attempts at approaching it in TRP. Tingle-inducing, dominant, exciting... referring to behaviors rather than individuals... etc
The fact remains that a concise definition of "Alpha" eludes us.
However difficult it may be to define "Alpha" generally, ("Beta" is easier), defining "Alpha sex" and "Beta sex" is quite straightforward. It is about spontaneous desire vs negotiated "desire". From the female perspective, Alpha sex is the result of spontaneous desire. Beta sex is a concession resulting from negotiation. For women, only Alpha sex counts as sex, so much so that there is a feminist campaign to define all sex that is not "enthusiastic consent", i.e. Beta sex, as "rape".
Now, the point I want to make is this:
In evolutionary terms, Beta sex was in-band sex. Alpha sex was predominantly inter-band sex.
As you all (should) know, humans evolved in bands of 20-150 people. The bulk of daily interactions between humans was in-band. Sex as well. Before the institution of marriage, relationships were mostly transaction based (meat for sex), of short-term (the 2-4 years of the infatuation period). Now, consider growing up with and living all your life around the same people. How much genuine desire can you have for them? Where is the mystery? On top of that: consider that with paternity being unknown, in-band sex had a high degree of incest.
Can you see why inter-band sex was so lucrative? Especially for women?
The discussion around incest and sexuality is as much complex as it is critical, in my opinion. I cannot make a full appraisal, but I can identify some crucial points:
and the most important point:
OK, now that we have the correct data, crunching it is quite straightforward.
Women used to get protection and resources (mainly meat) inside the band, exchanging it for sex. A drudgery, perhaps, but what can you do. When, however, there was a chance to grab some strange dick, especially if there were clear indications of fitness and dominance, as was the case with the leaders of other bands, this rung a lot of bells (tingles) regarding her reproductive advantages.
So Alpha sex (tingles) were for/with a stranger, Beta sex (transactional) was with the band members.
I first encountered a related narrative in Steve Moxon's The Woman Racket. He goes as far as suggesting that the (well-known) female rape-fantasy is much more than just a fantasy, and has much to do with the dynamic I described. I remember personally nauseating with the idea, at the time. I now find it revelatory:
In that excerpt, the clandestine element of Alpha sex is taken to its extreme conclusion.
There are a lot of evidence that has accumulated in research, which are consistent with such a narrative of Alpha sex being precisely sex lacking intimacy. Those referring to rape are the most revealing - as well as being the hardest to stomach for all us in TRP that are vehemently opposed to rape. The all-powerful female xenophilia and the allure of the "mysterious" man, female orgasm during rape (estimated at around 50% of the cases), the disturbing 1982 "study of American students [which] found that girls who were exposed to an attempt at date rape were three times more likely to resume their relationship with the man concerned if his attempt succeeded than if it failed.... If the man succeeded in forcing intercourse, nearly half (40 per cent) later resumed their relationship with him... If he failed, then nearly nine out of every ten of the women (87 per cent) refused to have any more to do with him..." (from R. Baker's Sperm Wars)
Modern men's efforts to "fix things at home", reach a blissful state of harmony with their wife etc etc, all stumble on this evolutionary past of the female. If she gets too comfortable, it feels like being in-band. It feels... incestuous. Woman is an ancient being, running an outdated operating system. Social assertions for the avoidance of incest was a much later addition - one which woman is hard pressed to accommodate. She still goes about trying to avoid incest and improve the genetic makeup of her children by feeling that intimate, steady, long-term relationships are in-band, while sex with the mysterious stranger is truly desired, inter-band.
So, what's the takeaway in practical terms?
Good luck trying to be consistently perceived as "Alpha" in LTRs or marriages. It was never meant to work that way for females. It might be possible, with very specific prerequisites, but for all practical purposes, don't go about destroying your "Alphaness" by committing too much.