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- Hide Preview | 102 Comments | submitted 5 months ago by GayLubeOil [Post Locked]

I’m jogging along the beach one morning. Getting my cardio on while aggressively flexing my muscles at everyone I pass; doing the usual. Out from nowhere comes your mom. A white woman about 55: still reasonably in good shape but visibly worn from whatever the frat boys did to her in college.

She steps in front of me so suddenly I almost slam into her. I stop. She looks me dead in the eye and says, “My asshole is an angry dinosaur.”

Bro, this is your mom I'm talking about here. Like yea, I wrote articles for you all the time, and yeah, obviously you didn’t understand half the time because they’re ironic, philosophical, or whatever. All you want is a bullet point list that will make you alpha. No offense, but bro I'm still trying to help you out; you know? Imagine how surprised I was when she said that to me.

So I'm just trying to process this situation because it's so unexpected; you know? And I'm like, “excuse me what?”

Dude your mom is undeterred. She's on a mission. She just continues all casual “My asshole is an angry dinosaur, and you're gonna be the meteor. Open up my back door. Beat it up till I crawl on the floor. Mike Tyson. Beat it like you mean it. Till the sun come up, and I no longer feel it.”

Bro, and I'm definitely not expecting an ass rap from this bitch--I mean your mom--no offense. But she just keeps going. She's all “Start me off with a butt-spank. Anne Frank. Throw you into my gas chamber... Penetrate it with your lightsaber. I want this asshole crippled like Darth Vader.”

At this point, I can't even comprehend what's happening. Your mom is not afraid to break rules, especially that part about Darth Vader. You on the other hand are always asking how to be Alpha without offending people and constantly getting offended yourself. Sure you hide behind law 38 but everyone knows you're a tofu conformist (豆腐遵法者)--no offense. That's why all of this is so strange...

But Bro, she just keeps going, “What I want in my backside is you. Hashtag MeeToo. Fraudulent allegation. Here's the situation I want your high-mercury vaccination. Autism. Velcro shoes. Fuck this ass retarded till it’s watching Blue's Clues. Dora The Explorer. Cum in through my border. Make my backside synonymous with disorder.”

I'm thinking bro; how could this possibly be your mom? But, she obviously is. You're a very boring inside-the-box guy even though you claim to be Red Pilled. You would never dare to say anything this extreme. But dude, this is 100% your mom I'm talking about here.

All of this is just way over my head. Like, why is your mom even saying this to me? Menopause? Bro, I don't know. So I tell your mom to just say what she wants; in plain English, no rhymes or anything.

She says, “I need a bad bearded boy to cock-slam my asshole. I need you to be the Osama Bin Laden of my rectum. Completely destroy the place. I want you to September 11th my poop shoot. Slam into it like a Boeing 747. Then slam into it again and again. Turn it inside out. If you know what I mean…”

Afterwards I want you to touch my sphincter with a memorial speech. I want you to commemorate what you’ve done to me. Then we'll build a monument to my ass-hole, and recite poetry, and play sad touching-music.”

That's when I realized that such aggressive sexual drive is completely uncharacteristic of a woman. I had this crazy Red Pill realization. It's April 1st 2019, anything is possible. Which is why I know with absolute certainty that your mom is definitely a gay man.


Spring is all ready here! Shoot me a PM so I can get you physically and mentally ready for summer with difficult workouts and difficult books. Shoot me a PM before this community is deleted. My coaching service has changed many lives.

[-] DeGENZerate 149 Points 5 months ago

In Soviet Russia woman approach you

[-] throwawaytrpguy 56 Points 5 months ago

Am from Russia, can deny

[-] ReturningSpider 8 Points 5 months ago

This except unironically because that was my experience when I visited

[-] QuickFlex 2 Points 5 months ago

Where’d you stay at?

[-] ReturningSpider 1 Point 5 months ago

Moscow for the most part

[-] BrownGummyBear 1 Point 5 months ago

What’s your ethnicity? Are you obviously a foreigner and hence « exotic » or are you a Caucasian man that could’ve passed as Russian?

[-] ReturningSpider 4 Points 5 months ago

Indian from Canada, so pretty visibly foreign. I'm also taller than most guys I saw walking around there, which I'm sure helped. It's by no means a pussy paradise but women there are way more approachable (and attractive) in general than most women you'll see at the club in anglo countries.

[-] BrownGummyBear 2 Points 5 months ago

Great to hear buddy, I’m also brown (Native American mixed with Latino) and Canadian. Will have to visit there someday ;)

[-] ReturningSpider 2 Points 5 months ago

Sick, it’s an interesting part of the world to see regardless so I’m sure you’ll enjoy it. Given your ethnicity I think I need to clarify, by Indian from Canada I mean south Asian guy who grew up in Canada, not native Canadian lol. But yeah sounds like you should have the foreigner effort going for you as well

[-] BrownGummyBear 0 Points 5 months ago

Yes, I did pictured you as a brown South Asian Indian :] I always read a lot of brown-hairy guys complaining about how much of a disadvantage their ethnicity is, I call bullshit every time (to clarify, I’m a pretty hairy dude; I’m hairy everywhere and I haven’t shaved [just trimmed] my beard in years). I just embrace it and always go for white and Asian women (lots of Chinenese, Japanese, Vietnamese and Koreans in Vancouver). I always tease girls and ask them what sort of chocolate they like and use my ethnicity in my favour. Sure plenty of white girls aren’t interested in my but the ones that do like me are really into the whole interracial thing (and so am I personally).

Always good to know there’s other red pilled men in Canada

[-] throwawaytrpguy 1 Point 5 months ago

As I said I'm from Russia, I've been to a lot of asian and european countries and I can tell you with absolutely certainty that russians and ukraineans are the biggest prostitutes of them all.

As in, they literally throw themselves at you (because just 20 years ago poverty was the face of the nation) if you're: a) a foreigner (they think you'll take them to the promised land and make them a queen, never stopping to think that maybe there's middle and working class ELSEWHERE too - the World Cup last year is a prime example of this); b) if you are obviously rich (have expensive things on/with you).

Alpha game and mentality works on native moscowites and petersburgians, but not on the 80% of population of the country that constantly flows to those 2 cities.

[-] NotoriousSnake 135 Points 5 months ago

For the Autists:

No girl will ever escalate like you're hoping for - this depicts how dumb that would work.

It's your job as a man to break the rules - not hers

[-] WaspOnAWall 30 Points 5 months ago

I'm pretty sure it's just an April's fool post.

[-] nross368 15 Points 5 months ago

This was actually an in depth dissertation on the state of your mom's asshole...

[-] 11-Eleven-11 3 Points 5 months ago

There's no hidden meaning. You're just a retard.

[-] DerpJungler 21 Points 5 months ago

There's always hidden meanings in GayLubeOil's posts.

[-] [deleted] 5 months ago
[-] civilizedfrog 103 Points 5 months ago

Thank you for banging my mom/gay dad.

[-] [deleted] 5 months ago
[-] MattyAnon 48 Points 5 months ago

Which is why I know with absolute certainty that your mom is definitely a gay man

hahaha I don't know what the point of this post is, but I'm laughing :)

[-] isthisalreadyused 0 Points 5 months ago

The point is obvious, he's pushing his coaching service

[-] TheRedPike 52 Points 5 months ago

Why is it this same shit every goddamn time he posts? How many times do I have to repeat this? You have to actually put some effort into understanding his posts. He does that on purpose.

No one is getting rich here, but if he wants to sell some shirts, he gets to do that.

[-] clavabot 0 Points 5 months ago

Ahh great insight, care to contribute anything useful by any chance?

[-] isthisalreadyused 12 Points 5 months ago

He was wondering what the point of the post was and I helped by pointing out what that was.

It also seems my post was more useful than yours.

Listen, if you want to suck OPs dick just ask him. Read the sidebar, be direct dude. Good luck!

[-] clavabot 5 Points 5 months ago

Let me explain:


obviously you didn’t understand half the time because they’re ironic, philosophical, or whatever.

All you want is a bullet point list that will make you alpha.

You on the other hand are always asking how to be Alpha without offending people and constantly getting offended yourself.

Sure you hide behind law 38 but everyone knows you're a tofu conformist (豆腐遵法者)--no offense. That's why all of this is so strange.

You're a very boring inside-the-box guy even though you claim to be Red Pilled. You would never dare to say anything this extreme.

All of this is just way over my head. Like, why is you[like this]?


Now if you could read between the line this tell you all you need to know about the points that GLO is trying to make, or would you like me to explain those in simpler terms as well.

Edit: words

[-] Chaddeus_Rex 5 Points 5 months ago

the point was that no woman will be so direct or approach you much for that matter.

also, the post is mocking all those 'alfalfa's' that think reading a bullet point list will make them alpha without actively practicing the necessary behaviors.

[-] hibloodstevia 29 Points 5 months ago

Everytime someone on the red pill tries to be funny, it's a cringe fest.

EDIT

I'd go further and say that "Bro-Humor" if not done very well comes off poorly in written form

[-] c4toyourdoornobeef 10 Points 5 months ago

Tbh GLO is fairly funny. However, I rarely have a fucking clue as to what his message of each post is.

[-] Captain_Save_A_Hoe_ 12 Points 5 months ago

From a Freudian prespective people look up to their dads and moms. It happens often that someones father is an great academic figure or excells at something else and the son is following their footsteps. Sometimes mom/dad are retarded alcoholics and so are their children. The post illustrates the case where you can look up to someone without them following a rigid pathway of rules such as from the 48 laws of power book etc.

[-] Imperator_Red 5 Points 5 months ago

He's a terrible writer so his ideas are often unclear.

[-] c4toyourdoornobeef 2 Points 5 months ago

His newer stuff definitely has gotten worse/ more trolling. His older post are still very good though.

[-] nadolny7 5 Points 5 months ago

Usually it’s about the globalist agenda and how you should think for yourself but in this post it’s just satire

[-] Captain_Save_A_Hoe_ 4 Points 5 months ago

Something dosent have to have an factual chronological order to speak the truth.

[-] Chaddeus_Rex 2 Points 5 months ago

the point was that no woman will be so direct or approach you much for that matter.

also, the post is mocking all those 'alfalfa's' that think reading a bullet point list will make them alpha without actively practicing the necessary behaviors.

the point was that no woman will be so direct or approach you much for that matter.

also, the post is mocking all those 'alfalfa's' that think reading a bullet point list will make them alpha without actively practicing the necessary behaviors.

[-] max_peenor 7 Points 5 months ago

Eventually you'll get around to the part where he wasn't trying to be funny. It's a rare post of his that he actually tells you your problem in plain text even, but you can't see it because of all the gay ass rhymes.

I suspect that would be a mission accomplished for him.

[-] GayLubeOil 22 Points 5 months ago

Everyone who doesn't understand the post proves the post. I am an artist.

[-] Imperator_Red 3 Points 5 months ago

But then I'd have to read more than two sentences of his awful writing. Unfortunately I can't because it always makes my eyes glaze over.

[-] max_peenor 2 Points 5 months ago

Drink moar

[-] Imperator_Red 2 Points 5 months ago

Remove shitty endorsed contributors.

[-] max_peenor 1 Point 5 months ago

You understand the joke, yes?

[-] hibloodstevia 3 Points 5 months ago

I stop reading these things almost immediately. One of these days I will re-write one of these "Senior Contributor" posts and make it actually funny - then post it right underneath.

The sad thing is that them trying to be funny when they don't have the talent - Violates the following from the 48 Laws of Power:

4
5
9
34

[-] pnea 8 Points 5 months ago

Violates the following from the 48 Laws of Power:

4

5

9

34

If this was satire it would actually be funny because this is exactly the type of autism /u/GayLubeOil is shitting on.

[-] itiswr1tten 7 Points 5 months ago

"This contribution is bad for the community."

-person who has done nothing but leech value from community in question

[-] Imperator_Red 8 Points 5 months ago

Why can't people just accept that GLO is not very funny, not very smart, his writing is impossible to read, and that no contributor tag or gay avatar can change this? It's crazy that we have so many intelligent mods and EC's who can present complex and controversial ideas so well, and they tolerate this illiterate clown dragging his feces covered asshole all over their nice wood floors.

He's like that retarded investor who got in on the ground floor of your startup and now you can't get rid of him.

[-] p3n1x 7 Points 5 months ago

his writing is impossible to read,

For you maybe.

He's like a 'Dennis Miller' of TRP. Was Dennis funny 100% of the time? Nope. Did Dennis get a little deep in the rabbit hole? Sure. Did Dennis always have a point? Yep.

[-] itiswr1tten 5 Points 5 months ago

Are you still mad because he challenged you in that one post?

The thing is, his writing is obfuscation. Even down to the spelling and grammar. What's behind the obfuscation is the actual post. It takes time to appreciate, like a Dali.

[-] Imperator_Red 1 Point 5 months ago

The thing is, his writing is obfuscation. Even down to the spelling and grammar. What's behind the obfuscation is the actual post.'

Haha do you actually believe this??

[-] itiswr1tten 1 Point 5 months ago

He's on Skype. Go talk to him. /u/abdada correctly identified the main problem with reddit is people are cunts when anonymous, and think they deserve rights on internet forums.

If you're paper Alpha it's easy to end up shredded.

[-] Imperator_Red 2 Points 5 months ago

Bad writing is bad writing and stupid things are still stupid even if you're anonymous. We're all anonymous.

[-] GayLubeOil 8 Points 5 months ago

You can always call me on Skype and vent your frustration in person. Should be an interesting call.

[-] Chaddeus_Rex 2 Points 5 months ago

GLO is not very funny, not very smart, his writing is impossible to read

His post is clear as day if you try to actually understand it.

GLO has a conundrum - he can explain his idea in plain text, but since most people at TRP aren't very smart/little boys - their eyes will glaze over reading an academic treatise. Also, it will be hard to remember. And if you know anything about how memory works - it works via emotional memory anchors - if you anchor a piece of information via emotion it becomes easier to remember.

The other part of the conundrum is this - if he writes it in a 'funny' way, some people will not find his writing funny and it will be easily remembered by the boys of the community BUT it will be hard to decipher. \

if you need things laid out to you plainly - you're a fucking autist that can't read between the lines or understand symbolism.

There's a reason why Plato presents The Allegory of the Cave as a story rather than a dry philosophical essay, but because its in the form of the story its easy to remember. Also, why do you think the Illiad is presented as a story? So that its easy to remember and the lessons are more easily learned.

[-] SmackinDatAss 2 Points 5 months ago

Yeah, reading comprehension is hard. But at least it is not important for you to be alfa.

If you really understood what being red pilled means, you would actually understand this post.

[-] randomTATRP 1 Point 5 months ago

I actually laughed out loud at few parts. I like his kind of humour, not because I worship him, it's because I hang out with people with this kind of humour aswell. His writing is convoluted, but if you dig deeper, you can see some good stuff, as some other comments pointed out.

Sometimes his posts are shit, but IMO the majority isn't.

[-] hibloodstevia 1 Point 5 months ago

"This contribution is bad for the community."

Not said or inferred by me. I'll also volunteer that I do not hold that opinion.

[-] max_peenor 2 Points 5 months ago

he wasn't trying to be funny

Which word confused you?

[-] ELI3k 2 Points 5 months ago

Can someone give me a quick RD on what OP meant by this?

[-] p3n1x 4 Points 5 months ago
  • "All you want is a bullet point list that will make you alpha."

-

-

-

-

[-] max_peenor 5 Points 5 months ago

^ yes

BUT... there is another real gem in there and the best part is it isn't obtuse. I'll give you a hint. Read some of his previous works and search for the words "radical rejection."

[-] p3n1x 0 Points 5 months ago

Like admitting and accepting mommy is AWALT? GLO's stuff is great.

[-] odaklanan_insan 3 Points 5 months ago

-Strecthed his muscles in front of everyone, not giving a fuck about them. -An elderly woman blocked his path and asked him to fuck her in the butthole with weird expressions. -You guys are still asking for bullet pointed lists, explaining how to be alpha.

[-] clavabot 1 Point 5 months ago

Bro those bars were fire af

[-] trp_nofap_rewire2018 2 Points 5 months ago

That’s what happens when extremely rational men try to crack a joke. Humor is not logical.

[-] GuitarIpod 23 Points 5 months ago

The legend /gaylubeoil returns ????

[-] Blackhawk2479 15 Points 5 months ago

Joke’s on you GLO, my mom is actually in her 70s.

[-] Rupturednutsack 12 Points 5 months ago

What in the actual fuck am I reading

[-] UnbreakableButts 10 Points 5 months ago

God damn it mom you fucking whore

[-] LokiWantsToPlay 9 Points 5 months ago

GLO gold like the old days, glad you got your comedic style back.

My issue is the comments. Dafuq happened to the group? Either the people struggle to read between the lines (way to prove you definitely know the rule of watch what people are doing rather than listening to what they say) or TRP has finally hit the mainstream where the Tradcon purple pill lot have found an "edgy" place they like to call home.

[-] MagnumBurrito 7 Points 5 months ago

You = keyboard warrior

Your mom = autistic daygamer

GLO = HB8

[-] Ironic_Gangster 6 Points 5 months ago

Definitely my mom. Make sure she gets home before 11. She's gotta put my chicken tendies in the oven. Dinosaur shaped. My favesies.

[-] omega_dawg93 6 Points 5 months ago

it's April 1st and this was funny.

but don't think older broads don't act like this... bc they do.

maybe not that extreme but they never give up on wanting attention (will give up sex to get it).

[-] GayLubeOyl 6 Points 5 months ago

I need you to be the Osama Bin Laden of my rectum. Completely destroy the place. I want you to September 11th my poop shoot. Slam into it like a Boeing 747.

Nobody believes my jet spoo can melt steel ASDs!

[-] MarcosDomingues 6 Points 5 months ago

And that's how I met GayLubeOil

[-] trueliberal1 4 Points 5 months ago

My asshole is an angry dinosaur.

I have no idea what that means, but it's the most awesome thing I've ever heard.

[-] trueliberal1 1 Point 5 months ago

“My asshole is an angry dinosaur, and you're gonna be the meteor."

Oh, now I get it. But why is the dinosaur angry before the meteor strikes?

[-] wendysNO1wcheese 4 Points 5 months ago

This is hilarious.

Can't believe there are so many people here that don't understand it. I thought this community was fairly intelligent.

Also, it's not funny?

Stick to your Trevor Noah Big Bang Theory,

[-] BrownGummyBear 4 Points 5 months ago

Bro, I’m taking a shit at 6:30 AM while reading this and cracking up. My roomies will sure think I’m a weirdo ????????

[-] ddelicia 4 Points 5 months ago

I see you with the 成语 GLO, 你在学中文吗?

[-] ex_addict_bro 4 Points 5 months ago

No you

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[-] Final_Pantasy 4 Points 5 months ago

This is as believable as about 90% of the FR posted here, tbh.

[-] TRP8myfeels 3 Points 5 months ago

All I have running through my head is cartoon caricatures of angry dinosaurs.

[-] TheRedPillRipper 3 Points 5 months ago

Sam Bee bukkake.

GLO grows never old.

I can’t even if.

[-] SiLeet 3 Points 5 months ago

Haha. Nice post.

[-] sanitypanacea 2 Points 5 months ago

Ok google what is satire?

Ok google what is self-irony?

This is so relevant and why so many paper "alphas" get their beta anuses reamed by the reality of game hahaha!

[-] iOSvista 2 Points 5 months ago

Wtf did i just waste my time with some bullshit trp geico commercial clickbait garbage go home ladyboy

[-] OnlyCuriosity 3 Points 5 months ago

i just laughed out loud at this

[-] iOSvista 1 Point 5 months ago

Glad someone gets a laugh out of my irritation :)

[-] [deleted] 5 months ago
[-] [deleted] 5 months ago
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[-] ozaku7 1 Point 5 months ago

Sounds more like you will soon see your censored piehole on a YouTube prank video lol.

[-] removed_deleted 1 Point 5 months ago

The last paragraph's part of the joke

[-] RSantiago1 1 Point 5 months ago

Love you bro. Great posts as always.

[-] [deleted] 5 months ago
[-] imares 1 Point 5 months ago

OP, Bro -- no offense, but it turns out you're a massive faggot. Just from reading this post. OP, I mean -- YOU, OP!?!? Wow.

[-] frooschnate 1 Point 5 months ago

April Fools satire or whatever bullshit this is supposed to be, not too funny.

Not a fan especially with how shit content has been for the past couple months

[-] [deleted] 5 months ago
[-] Luckyluke23 1 Point 5 months ago

She says, “I need a bad bearded boy to cock-slam my asshole. I need you to be the Osama Bin Laden of my rectum. Completely destroy the place. I want you to September 11th my poop shoot. Slam into it like a Boeing 747. Then slam into it again and again. Turn it inside out. If you know what I mean…”

fuck me, like we fucked bin larden

[-] [deleted] 5 months ago
[-] Imperator_Red -1 Point 5 months ago

Would be a better troll post if it was funny.

[-] OnlyCuriosity -2 Point 5 months ago

couldnt make it through the third paragraph of this autistic post

[-] [deleted] 5 months ago