Would you like it if someone followed you around, isolated you from other people and told you who you should and should not talk to? My guess is you would not. If you do, talk to your doctor today, because you either have a serious case of oneitis, or some kind of brain damage that needs to be addressed.
As many of us know, the described above, also known as mate guarding, is not only NOT COOL, but is also COUNTER PRODUCTIVE.
I saw this unfold in front of me recently and I thought it would be worth sharing:
A few months ago, a friend of mine got a new roommate. One of his colleagues needed someone to house one of their clerks, so he put her up for free until she needed to leave. We all met her one night at a dinner, and the whole night it was clear he was trying to be the alpha male of the group. The girl was a huge feminist/Bernie supporter, and he tried to crap on my friend for being a pro-life Republican (funniest part is he wasn’t even pro-life). He then tried to crap on me by saying the company I worked for was evil. My friend and I were not phased by it and the night was fun. She even said she was excited to hang out with all of us in the future.
Later that week, we met up without her and he talked about how he stayed up until 3AM with her drinking (and did not make a single move) and how he was going to play the long game and ask her out after she moved out. As time went on, he started getting more and more possessive of her:
One night, we were all going to hang out, and he went “alright her and I are going to pregame alone and meet you two out at the bars.” This seemed odd because we ALWAYS pre-gamed together. We both thought it was weird, but we went along with it.
Lo and behold, when we met up, he spent the entire night making an effort to keep her away from other guys, even us. I remember her and I were talking and I made a joke that made her laugh really hard. He looked visibly upset, then told me to go play the bar piano and leave her alone. I just laughed and went along with it. I figured this type of behavior would blow up in his face at some point.
As the night continued, it got worse. He AGAIN went back to the “his company is evil” line to her in front of me. Instead of just laughing it off like last time, I said “yeah… I remember a few months ago we travelled around the state handing out lunch coupons to underprivileged kids. We also gave out free pork loins to families who couldn’t afford Christmas meals. As you can tell, we’re a really evil company”. She again thought it was hilarious, he looked visibly rattled, then tried to pick out lies and inconsistencies in the story. It was at this point that I knew this girl and I were kinda vibing, and that he was going to do EVERYTHING to stop us from spending any time together.
About 10 minutes later, we left the bar and went to a place to eat. He grabbed the food for them to go, despite the fact that it was still early in the evening and there were plenty of tables at the place.
He pulled this again a few other times, except he would say “actually we’re just going to stay in tonight” and not go out.
Keep in mind that this entire time they were A) Not dating and B) He had made a grand total of ZERO MOVES
I did see her one other time: him and I were playing poker at his apartment, and she stopped in. Her and I talked for about an hour, and the entire time I kept trying to include him in the conversation. He just stayed glued to his phone and acted like a dick. She went back to her room and he told me to leave shortly after.
A few weeks passed and I didn’t think much of anything. But I noticed that he was now badmouthing her constantly. It appeared it had all fallen apart. He was mad that she was living in his apartment rent free but would get upset at him talking loudly on Xbox. It looked like their dynamic had evaporated.
I had never thought much of this, until one day her and I ran into each other at the bars when he was out of town. We were really hitting it off that night, I invited her back to my place for some piano and I think you know how the rest of it went down.
That evening she told me something that confirmed all of my suspicions about my friend:
“This whole roommate situation was weird. We were cool with one another until that one night when you and I talked for like an hour. He acted like a total ass after that.”
I asked whether she noticed if he would try to isolate her a lot.
“He was so possessive of me, it was the dumbest thing. We’re roommates, we’re not dating. It was like he was trying to protect me from you guys and other people. I was really annoyed by it. I’m my own person, let me live my life and talk to who I want to talk to. To me, his behavior is a sign of insecurity. It was even worse when he would try to make fun of you guys for your beliefs or company history. Even my ex-boyfriend wasn’t this controlling.”
Everything I had noticed, she had as well.
There are a lot of blue and red pill examples you can pick out from this story. But one message stands above them all:
DON’T BE A MATE GUARDER
[deleted] 5y ago
I’m sure mate guarding was an effective strategy when you are the biggest caveman in your group and she only knows like 100 other people. Not so much today though. Mate guarding doesn’t work if you can’t beat the other guy’s ass for legal reasons.
newName543456 5y ago
Now it's time to exclude him from your social circle. You know he's crap after all. If someone told him you hooked up with his object of affection he could go all psycho on you.
dark_and_bearded 5y ago
Two things - yeah visibly he’s mate guarding, but at the same time why you pressing on this chick anyway?
Seems like your friend is insecure and that’s his problem, but the fact you wanted to write this post seems like you were pressing for the same chick he’s mate guarding?
This is supposedly your friend...? If this was me, this shit wouldn’t matter especially if I knew dude was mate guarding. One I would probably be hanging out doing something else rather then chilling w/him and chick... idk lol
[deleted] 5y ago
This is typical "nice guy" behavior. The key point is this:
He wasn't mad she was living rent free, he was mad that she wasn't providing sex in return for living rent free. He thought that by letting her stay in his apartment, she would return the gesture with romance, sex, etc; a favor for a favor. Your friend did this because he most likely thought he had no other attributes to provide her.
Rule No. 13 of How to Get Laid Like a Warlord, The “I am enough” frame. Instead of believing that his value was enough for her, he had to instead provide something else; free rent. When that didn't work, he again guarded her against basically every male because he didn't know what else to do.
ascentwight 5y ago
Chloroform would've worked! ^^^/s
AriesAsF 5y ago
One thing that most younger men don't seem to understand is that women hate being told what to do just as as much as they do, maybe more thanks to feminism. There is an immediate anger response, and an urge to do the opposite in order to assert your autonomy. This is why Dale Carnegie's book, "How to win friends and influence people" is SO important. It teaches you how to influence other people with charm and make them WANT to please you and do what you want them to do, without using orders, criticism or bullying. The exact same laws of basic human behavior apply to men and women equally. Any attempt to control another person's thoughts or behavior will inevitably backfire. Which is why TRP teaches you to withdraw or walk away when behavior is unacceptable. Being controlling will just make you come off as weak and needy and frankly, feminine.
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Mach2Machiavellian 5y ago
“Covert contract,” that’s perfect. When a guy likes a girl but doesn’t have the balls to make a move, instead relies on “nice” yet obsessive behavior.
News flash to wimps like this: girls like boldness and confidence. They can smell the weakness of covert contract orbiting a mile away.
firegreen_leafred 5y ago
Great point. For anyone interested in this, No More Mr. Nice Guy explains it really well
JDRoedell 5y ago
Sounds like he just wanted all the downsides of being married without the benefits. LARPing marriage, if you will. Well, he got it... by white knighting and being possessive.
comcain 5y ago
"LARPing marriage"... lol... that just went into my vocabulary. So true!
JDRoedell 5y ago
Credit should go to /u/Rian_Stone who coined the term “LARPing masculinity.” I just applied to to this guy who wanted to pretend to be married to this girl, but wasn’t even doing that correctly
wheresMYsteakAt 5y ago
The dude actually did all the leg work for you. Was the pussy good?
relder2585 5y ago
Good example, but why are you friends with that douchebag?
[deleted] 5y ago
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relder2585 5y ago
You may be right, in which case he needs to be called out harshly, and it shouldn't be tolerated again.
amekooky 5y ago
insecurity is crazy.. literally a little twerp guy in my social group does that shit.. would subtly make fat jokes only when the ladies would show up.. .. recently i lost a ton of weight, maintained lots of muscle mass so im very muscular.... his little bitchass shutup now when the females show up because my sleeves are hugging and he is scrawny
WhiteGhosts 5y ago
u should be making fun of him when you're around women so he can feel the shit you felt. fuck the high road
n0oo7 5y ago
There was a college humor sketch that explained it will " he probably only interacts with that friend on such a limited basis that there isn't much chance for how mad side to come out. ". Note how it only came out after their normal bar routine was changed
DONT_reply_with_THIS 5y ago
Dude.. this isn't mate guarding.
They would actually have to MATE for it to be mate guarding, he made ZERO moves.
We need a new term for this cuckery.
Blackhawk2479 5y ago
We’ve got one; he was playing captain-save-a-ho.
[deleted] 5y ago
Shepherding.
There you go. It's just a guy acting like a fucking border collie running in circles around the herd and barking to keep them loosely contained and isolated while they basically try to ignore him.
firegreen_leafred 5y ago
Mr. Nice Guy. Doing favors for a girl (which they actually hate) and expecting sex in return. A “covert contract” as someone above mentioned
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magx01 5y ago
This is where you delved into fiction imo
[deleted] 5y ago
I was paraphrasing stuff she had said throughout the night
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A1I4D8S8 5y ago
Dont be a ''captain save a ho '' thats the most BETA thing ever , women can smell insecurity miles away.
[deleted] 5y ago
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Mack179 5y ago
Seems like a Native American Indian name.. so it should be “chief save-a-ho”
[deleted] 5y ago
Well, its one thing to guard an actual mate. This scenario has nothing to do with mate guarding at all, dude is just a fucking loser.
dr_warlock 5y ago
He didn’t want to have to make any moves. He was so keen on her opening her legs solely because he displayed ‘generosity’ by offering free housing, no other approach would do. He wanted a womans sexual affections because he was niicee, not because of the real reasons they do. These nice guys are so invested in the nice-guys-inherit-the-world delusion that they will only feel validated by women when they initiate solely in response to their kindness. Same goes for guys who want to be loved for their ‘smarts’.
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Any guy who is not cool with you when women are around are not your friends. Any man who treats you as the enemy when you pursue your evolutionary provramming to procreate is not a friend. You should never have to go out of your way to appease some one else because they cant handle it. You’re out of their league, mentally. Keep them at arms length forever more.
Yabadababoobs 5y ago
Donno, we don't like desperate bitches who try their chances with every vagina in the vicinity, those niggas look genuinely independable and fickle, its almost always hoes before everyone else for them.
Aureayte 5y ago
Sounds like your a shit friend. Yeah it buddy is a full on beta cuck. But instead of you helping him out with a girl that he's clearly interested in by giving him advice, you gave the girl immediate selection and competed with your friend.
Don't you know bros before hoes? You know why that's a thing? Pussy is fleeting it comes and it goes, your friends are there to stay. And if you were truly an alpha you wouldn't need to try and steal your friends girl.
So disappointing. Once a beta always a beta I guess
newName543456 5y ago
Did he even ASK for advice?
We don't give any unsolicited ones. He sounds like he would absolutely hate TRP anyways.
Aureayte 5y ago
Jesus you guys sound like absolute garbage friends. Just cuz your buddy doesn't ask for advice you don't try and help him out? What the fuck am I reading
newName543456 5y ago
What kind of "buddy" acts like a guy in question? Have you even read OP? Acting as described would make me consider dropping him altogether and not helping him.
And yes, don't give unsolicited advice, especially on touchy subjects like "a girl he likes". You can bet he'd think TRP is sexist and use it against OP.
Aureayte 5y ago
Op is the one that categorized the dude as his friend, not me and I would have dropped the dude the first time he started shit talking me in front of the girl.
Your answer about advice just goes to show how socially inept you are. Not giving your friend advice when you see they are being retarded just goes to show you aren't really their friend.
newName543456 5y ago
You make zero sense.
You don't need to help guys you once considered friends, but you intend to drop them anyways. What OP considered previously doesn't matter, if they act like shit towards you now.
And yes, don't give advice on touchy subjects, if unsolicited. If anything, you are the one socially inept, if you just dish out unsolicited advice to everybody around. Most around you are bound to ignore it, get annoyed or make fun of you for that. You sound like those guys who want to spread TRP around, then get shocked that people talk shit about them.
Aureayte 5y ago
Op didn't say he intended to drop them. I'm so surprised I haven't lost all of my friends for giving them advice when they are doing stupid shit. Oh wait, no I'm not cuz they are my real friends. I can't reply to this autism anymore this is my last post on this shit.
newName543456 5y ago
Others have recommended him to drop the guy, in case you couldn't tell.
Have fun sticking with all the people treating you like dirt then claiming it's "true friendship and you autists don't understand" lol.
magx01 5y ago
This is dumb. Only middle school kids should believe in the "I saw her first" philosophy.
Aureayte 5y ago
Low value beta male spotted. The point is no matter how much of a pussy ur friend is being they are still your friend. A high value social male understands that they don't need to fuck a girl his friend is pining over because they can just go fuck any other number of girls that are available that aren't being sought after by ur beta friend.
magx01 5y ago
"claiming" a girl for months on end despite not making a single move is low value.
Aureayte 5y ago
Not once did I claim it wasn't u tard.
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Rares5555 5y ago
So far down my Red Pill path, I came to the conclusion that confident boundary enforcements in an LTR is alpha as fuck, and trying to hide your insecurities by attempting to manipulate a girl’s life is basically called being a bitch.
Problem is, they were not even dating. Best cure was for a guy to game and bang the girl.
DubbleFUPAwitCheez 5y ago
He must've thought his provider game of letting her stay with him put him in the running for that ass. I can't imagine giving up my personal space - rent free - to a girl in hopes that she would put out. If she wasn't cleaning and cooking constantly I don't see how he could stand it.
Thro_e-_wa 5y ago
A few weeks ago I saw a post where an OP's friend talked to one of his prospective plates and ended up with her and everybody called him a backstabber and said to unfriend him cause bro code. However, with this OP he hooks up with a chick his friend is interested in and it's okay. So what's Redpill's stance on this do you mess with a chick a friend's interested in or not
Aureayte 5y ago
No you dont, see my above reply. Op is a complete phaggot and what he did was super beta shit.
5JS1XBG64A 5y ago
This guy doesn't sound like a good friend
There is no helping a guy that Bluepilled. Maybe OP could sit down and have a nice heart to heart with him on why he's a moron to try and set him on the right path, but more than likely his friend wouldn't take the advice
I don't personally condone messing around with your friends' women, but this girl definitely wasn't his friend's, and his friend doesn't sound like much of a friend to me.
Gordatwork 5y ago
Fucking pathetic, guys like him desperately need the red pill.
hiddenpleasures123 5y ago
Let her know your boundaries, remind her when she starts stepping out of them. No ultimatums, no threats, no pleading. Let her do what she's gonna do.
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MagnumBurrito 5y ago
I'm sure his body language was clingy too. Never turning away from her, or letting her get far away from him.
If anyone wonders what this looks like, watch the American version of Shameless. Fiona's boyfriend Jimmy/Steve for the first couple seasons was cringey AF.
I'm sure he developed a real life crush on her because they were hooking up in the show. There's no way she really liked him.
Jimmy was supposed to be this bad boy, but he followed Fiona around like a puppy dog. He would of been an okay character too if he just didn't have that clingy body language.
[deleted] 5y ago
I’ve read this story before
lol_throwaway303 5y ago
Second reading this story. Definitely have heard the evil company line and handing out pork loins before ????
[deleted] 5y ago
I mentioned it as an example when responding to an askTRP post the other week. It actually was part of what motivated me to write this post.
luzarius 5y ago
By using the word mate you're implying they're dating or having sex, but they weren't. Anyways, I agree, don't guard women you're not f'ing. You shouldn't even be friends with women you're not f'ing, you're just wasting your time, unless you're using them to get other women for sex. There was this one girl who rejected me, but she was so hot I knew that if I just took her with me to a club, other women would desire me more and I used that to meet women at the club, it worked very well, then the girl who rejected me all of a sudden found me attractive, LOL. Fun times.
wayneinthegame 5y ago
I was working register the other day when this mildy attractive 40 year old alcoholic came in with what must have been her alcoholic homeless bf. She was talking to me about how nice I was was and going on about me and he points at me and blurts "dont ever ask for her number again!" And storms out. It got pretty awkward for my coworker and other customers lol
The point is how clear it was that mate guarding is low class, insecure, counter-productive behavior.
justthrowittawayyyyy 5y ago
Everyone who is afraid of mate guarding is forever stuck to be in the same arena as "blue pill" victim of female manipulation.
Pimps have forced their hoes to literally keep their eyes to the curbs when other pimps are around, otherwise, they would be put to pimp arrest.
You are underestimating the power of giving your girl a "pimp law" to follow.
thepesterman 5y ago
I find that encouraging the complete opposite yields the best result. For example when plating a girl who knew I was sleeping with other girls and tried to make a point by saying how you like it if I go and sleep around. I'd often say "go on then go and find another guy" knowing full well that girls are always looking for the next best guy any ways and showing confidence in my whole hearted belief that I am the best she's going to get.
mette13 5y ago
A little confusing at first but overall good story and example.
acekilo 5y ago
He ain't no friend drop that fool like a bad fucking habit bruh!!!!
p0gop0pe 5y ago
So judging by her last statement, she implies it would be okay to be possessive of her if they were dating. Or am I reading too much into it? I don't see why that would make it acceptable in her eyes.
newName543456 5y ago
You are probably reading too much into it.
She'd be just as turned off, but it would be a bit less ridiculous to process that/why it's happening.
[deleted] 5y ago
The average guy is a overly possessive punk. Women know this and accept it like pissing on the toilet seat. They expect their pussy to make you act like a crazy idiot, and most guys oblige them.
Even if they don't like it it is common enough that doing it early would be noteworthy.
BreakerMark78 5y ago
If you're possessive of something, you're invested in it. Girls like relationships because it shows you're invested and that makes them feel good for being able to make someone possessive of them. They want the possessiveness that comes with dating and can deal with the control factor for the right SMV.
leviathan51 5y ago
It would at least become understandable. Beta, but understandable.
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MisterRoid 5y ago
Thanks for sharing. I have often seen guys put up the good guy act when it comes to politics etc, because a girl they like is around. Really pathetic behavior.
ManguZa 5y ago
Mate guarding is actually occupying the field against other men (kiss & grapple her in front of them by example). It DON'T mean being afraid of other men or that your girl go away. It's a mix of total confidence and nerve where you let her be with other and mark your territory at the same time.
Gimpness 5y ago
This sub is dead, the quality of posts has gone to shit. Just stories about some beta bitch with a slight compliment to the storyteller. This place died 1 year after its conception.
ROFLME 5y ago
Women don't speak like that