You have no choice but to lie to him if you want marriage. Problem is, any man worth marrying (ie: not completely stupid) won't believe it. I would suggest that you don't get married. You have already damaged your ability to bond with a mate beyond repair. Why make someone else miserable? I mean - what do you want to get married for, anyway?

I met a girl who told me she had only slept with 3 men at your age as well and guess what, one day when she was all emotional and reminiscing about her past, she let slip another partners name. On several occasions since that, she had slip ups or said things that suggested the number was a lot higher and this was before she even had anything to drink.

What you don't seem to realise is that you are part of the reason why I no longer bother anymore. I noticed this woman would do everything in her power to appear less experienced than she was and when she found out that I had always been selective about partners, this got even worse. You can lie all you want because without realising it, you will give out an aura of your past, how you talk about men and relationships on an automatic level will not match up to your number (3), your attitude to sex and the relationship will not match up and in short, in time the truth will come out.

In the mean time, the guy will get a sense for that something isn't quite right and as he gets to know you, the more of this lie he will discover. In some cases it takes a long time to come out but the truth has a way of revealing itself.

That number 12 you mentioned is probably not even the real number because I notice women add little clauses to that as well. For example 'it was only oral so it doesn't count' or 'it was only for 2 mins' etc.

It is a shame that so many women are prepared to begin a life long commitment with a life long lie instead of owning their past and future.

You shouldn't give him any number cause itll be too much for him. And if he asks you you might consider leaving his insecure punk ass. Sexuality can't be quantified and having a new partner doesn't diminish your value. Jesus Christ, do dudes actually care about this shit? Sincerely, -And Incredulous Dude

Well he should not marry you. If you'll lie to him about something important like this you'll lie to him about other things. Your only justification is to get yourself out of trouble and again if you do it for this you'll do it when you have someone else's baby in your belly. Marriage is a religious ceremony. If you aren't religious then it is just a word and if you claim you are the fact that you aren't a virgin means you're a hypocrite and not worthy of it.

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I have reassessed my initial advice. Do not lie. And give anyone you may be considering the option to know. Make it clear that you are not a virgin, have had a number of relationships, that you are willing to give him as much detail and numbers as he wants to know.

That may mean that you lose someone good. But the truth is that if you gained them through deception, you never had them to begin with. It is not fair to any man to have a false impression of your past. He should know what he is getting into.

Be honest and sincere. If a man asks, tell him and don't be ashamed but on the same note that opens the door for you to ask him.

My rule for when I start sleeping with a man is when I am sure he will keep my interest at least for a period of time. I am not interested in a quick lay or a short term thing, masturbation is better than the quality of sex in these types of situations (I have told men this and they understand).

The way to make a man want to be with you is to be interesting (read and have interests outside of just shopping and "girl stuff") and be just fine on your own. If a man is interested in me he will make an effort to see me regularly and try to engage me mentally, I will do the same for him. There is nothing a man can say that would surprise me of a sexual nature, I have been in a LTR and have been open about experimenting so nothing is new or shocking for me (which I also have told men).

Nothing makes me drop a man faster than focusing solely on sex. Focus on getting to know each other and seeing if there is some chemistry before having sex, making out isn't just for teenagers.

Probably yes. You've had your alpha fucks, now it's your turn to get the beta bucks.

I feel sorry for whichever man you sucker into marriage though, because he will wind up with a liar.

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going from 12 to 3 is really lying. 12 isn't even that many.

and, don't lie to men about stuff like this (unless you're actively trying to do something they absolutely hate). just don't do it.

if you tell the truth you may lose him, but he deserves the option of knowing what he's getting into--a high trust relationship with a man can't be predicated on a lie from the outset. in the hierarchy of a high dominance male's needs in a mate, trust/loyalty is likely to trump number count. if you are accomplished in bed he is going to know you didn't get that way by accident. by lying you will be found out eventually, harm his ability to trust you forever and that's more damaging than anything. its better to get some form of the truth out there from the git-go and let him decide if he wants to pursue a relationship with you.

in my case i am a very high dominance female with a high count due to the fact that i was always fairly promiscuous when single but 100% faithful in a relationship. i was 32 when i met my future husband and we did in fact meet as a ONS in a bar, i don't think he had any doubt that i was no virgin. when pressed i told him this: i don't have an exact count, when i was a teenager in the punk rock scene promiscuity was just what you did, as i got older i was in LTRs almost continuously for 15 years before i met you, i was 100% faithful during them and when i was single i did as i pleased...that's how i met you. the ball was in his court to accept that or not, and he did, but i think it made him test me for loyalty and be way more demanding of my behavior than he might have had to feel he needed to be if i had been less experienced.

I would just keep that number to yourself and if he absolutely wants to know, then say a lower number. If you can just say you have only been with people who you were in a serious relationship with.

No. Never. Own it. Move on.

While I wouldn't like a woman with a large number, I wouldn't trust or like a woman that has a small count as 3. Three tells me she's either lying, or hasn't really lived out the joys of passionate lust with someone you hardly know.

Honestly, for me personally, I wouldn't consider 12 men a whole lot. However, some guys would.

If you lie, either by commission (standard lie) or by omission (withholding the truth), you are denying the man agency. That is one of the most serious acts of disrespect you can subject a man to.

Besides, how on earth would you ever be able to respect a man if your first act was to deny him the right of choice?

If you deny him the choice, you cannot EVER claim to love him. You would be using him solely for you own selfish reasons. What kind of person would that make you?

There is a fair amount of hamstering going on in this thread. Beware of the hamster. It will lead you away from the truth.

Listen, chances are your guys won't even ask you your number. No need to lie, cause you don't need to bring it up.

Bad idea. If he finds out later on you lied, it could become a huge problem.

I wouldn't suggest giving him the info voluntarily (some guys just don't want to know), but don't lie if he asks.

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I stumbled on my girl's list one day that she made during a drunken talk with a girlfriend. I'm still having issues with it.

Honestly, I had no issues with her past when I didn't know about it. Now, so many questions and concerns that I refuse to reveal to her, opting to simply remain vigilant. Her Facebook and phone contacts are now purged of those names which was the sole upside to the whole situation.

I feel ya, girl. I went through a bit of a wild phase in high school (I can still count the number of people I've been with on one hand, but at the time I was so stupidly reckless and really regret it!) and worry about this too.

I agree with the people who said, "don't tell him, but be honest if he asks". Honesty is always the best policy.

Good luck and know you are not alone!!

No.

Ok, you're in a bad situation. You're going to look bad, so the first thing you need to do is stop sexing guys you don't care about. The second thing you need to do is go on a massive self-improvement plan. Anything you do to make yourself more attractive, your appearance, and your personality, anything you can think of. See men don't like to feel like they are getting "played". If you slept with one guy for the price of a drink, and you’re asking the next guy to sleep with you for emotional commitment, the second guy is going to wonder why the price for sex went up. What you have to do is have a reason, be able to let them know that the price went up because now you are of higher value.

For example, let’s say you're fat. If you lose 50lbs, you can say "oh yeah, I had a lot of partners, but that was when I was 50lbs heavier." Now instead of looking at himself as a fool, he'll be looking at all those other men as fools, for sleeping with you when you were heavier; he's getting a better deal. He'll be able to see that and even pay more for the opportunity. This can work with anything, your personality would work too, and being more feminine. You just have to be a better deal now than you were before.

Tell him the number that he can find out, plus one for safety.

No need to mention all one night stands.

I can't find it now, but I remember reading a story somewhere on the manosphere about a very LTR (talking decades here) breaking up after he found out she had lied about her previous sexual experiences. He felt (quite rightly, I think) that a core aspect of their life as a couple was built on a lie, and it was a deal breaker. Honesty is the only option here.