I’m 31 and she’s 24.
A few months ago I started talking to a girl on Instagram and honestly she seemed like the only genuinely high quality woman I’ve met so far. Intelligent, conservative, feminine, similar values, no body count, good morals, genuinely cared about me, etc. We live around 5 hours apart.
At first she wasn’t very interested because she thought I looked a bit rough around the edges. Over time the roles reversed. The more she showed desinterent in me, the more I lost attraction. I was about to stop texting her but, she was the type of woman I've always been searching for, so I tried again. She started becoming much more attracted and invested in me, and I slowly started feeling more distant.
Recently she came to spend the weekend with me and we got intimate (not full sex). Physically I am attracted to her, even if her face isn't that pretty. What confused me is that the more affectionate she became — public affection, holding onto me all the time, kisses, cuddling — the more emotionally uncomfortable and distant I started feeling.
After she went home I decided to be honest and told her I felt like she was much more emotionally invested than I was and that I didn’t want to mislead her. She took it surprisingly maturely. She said she had already noticed signs that I was losing interest but kept hoping she was wrong. She told me not to apologize because she felt the fault was hers for insisting too much and said it was probably better if we stopped talking.
But I could clearly tell from her voice that she had been crying after the calls. Later she called me again saying she didn’t want to give up on me yet and wanted to know if there was any point in trying again slower. She's genuinely a good person and it kinda kills me making her this sad.
Now I’m conflicted because:
- I do find her physically attractive
- I genuinely like her as a person
- I feel awful seeing how hurt she is
- But at the same time I noticed myself pulling away once she became very emotionally attached and affectionate
So I’m trying to understand whether:
- This is a classic case of losing attraction once the girl becomes too available/interested
- I just liked the chase/idealized version of her
- Or if it’s simply emotional incompatibility despite attraction
- Or if this is something worth trying again slowly instead of throwing away a potentially rare situation
Would appreciate honest opinions, especially from guys who’ve been through something similar.
Victor 3w ago
Lol male hamster goes wild.
Sounds lime lack of sexual polarity. Talk to her, experiement with her. Decide in 2 montgs if this is what you want.
If yes, good
If not, find someone who can match what you want.
/thread
Lone_Ranger 3 3w ago
........found a girl on instagram.......texting.......talking to her...........
sounds like you have just fallen into this sort of quite female coded 'dating' thing.
this is a girl you have not even banged? it sounds like you are far too invested and over thinking.
First-light 2 3w ago
You are attracted to her physically but are you attracted to her in other ways? In my experience when its is "right" it always comes easily.
You really don't want to go further than you are comfortable with a nice girl who is serious. It will hurt you inside when you hurt her.
Musicgoon78 3 3w ago
I'm going to chime in here because I see a problem that I've run into. Women sometimes have ideas that they love. The idea that she's going to find her Prince charming that's going to come sweep her off her feet and give her a lease on life.
You come along and notice that she's attractive. This is the initial attraction to her. You guys get shit going and then you realize that she's invested. Too much. There's no challenge only a hardcore cling on her end.
There's a difference between being needed and desired. Your body will know that before you mind does.
This is when the more invested she is, the more turned off you are. Because it's not you she's investing in, it's the idea of you.
I mistook that for genuine desire for years. Now looking back I can see the pattern and what caused it.
Bro, if she's not doing it for you, do the kind thing for both of you and sever the connection.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3w ago
A lot of girls cling extra hard because of their own inner sense of worthlessness and emptiness and not because they genuinely love you for you
Had to learn that the hard way a lot and learn to like myself and now I'm turned off when I get a lot of unearned love and affection quickly
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3w ago
Did you read the sidebar?
No-Stress-Cat 1 3w ago
BASED.