Good to see you back mfers, just a quick update:
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I've been hitting the gym and eating clean, feel a bit more testosterone and act like a man 20 per cent more often.
- I'm sending CV's left and right but I'm hitting nothing. I'm learning a tech stack so i can be more qualified for a specific engineering job. All my life my family has paid for my shit and so now I work in the family business and take a bit off money of just to pay for the gym and food. I want to pay for hobbies but I don't feel like its my money to pay for it so I don't indulge in it, I just save it aside and its for the family not me even though they tell me you can have it because I have to pay for tickets to travel and other stuff. In the family, I spent a lot of time irresponsibly spending money so I feel like once I have my own job i can finally do MMA + Some other creative hobby (Need your opinion on this guys)
My Main Problem
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I get ioi's but my automatic reaction is to ignore them. I was just at the gym and this girl was working out next to me always and left when i left too.
- I just feel on the inside I am uninteresting and don't deserve a woman and I'm a POS. Even though I know that I am interesting and I'm nearly a month off porn now. One improvement, I see now i just say hello to women instead of not saying anything.
I want a roadmap just to get over this. I encounter too much resistance. this has happened so many times i can't forgive myself and continue like this. I want to improve on this side. I fckin know I'm worth it
Ronaldraygun77 2w ago
Something very simple that massively improved my game was going into an approach with a casual “impress ME” mindset instead of the other way round. Lead the conversation, then close with a number/IG/reason for her to come see the stamp collection at your place etc.
Vast oversimplification, but simple is what usually works.
MidgetSpinner 3w ago
Honestly bro, this is extremely normal. You are rejecting yourself, and that is the problem - not the girl.
Just go up to her and let yourself say potentially dumb, boring shit. You need to get it out of your system and get over it. It's the only way otherwise you'll be stuck in paralysis forever.
The first few times you approach women is always going to be rocky if you're not used to, or comfortable with it. It is inevitable, but the only way to break through that is to keep trying and accept you will get rejected.
Once you desensitize yourself to rejection, that's when you can start being outcome-independent, creative and fun. It will be painful initially, but the route to success is by going through pain.
I liken it to jumping off a bridge with a bungee rope, or dropping in on a half-pipe with a skateboard. Both of these things feel terrifying at first, and it usually takes a leap of faith to do it, but you've just gotta fucking do it and see that it's not that bad, and in fact, it's actually kind of fun.
MeMyselfAndMyBeard 2w ago
Read Beginner daygame (direct game) by Nick Krauser to learn how to pickup girls. Do some warm up sets in the beginning just to learn your body and ego that women aren't scary. Go to a mall and do warm up sets where you just ask cute girls (that you're interested in) for directions to the subway, what the time is, where the toilet is, where you can find men's clothes etc. Nothing more. When they reply to you, you say thank you and go to the next set. Force yourself to do warm up sets every day until you've read "Beginner daygame" book by "Nick Krauser" and know how to do real pickup. It's a tiny book of less than 200 pages so it will take maximum a week to read it through. https://krauserpua.com/2015/05/03/beginner-daygame-free-instructional-video/
Read Daybang (indirect game) by Rooshv to learn how to pickup girls. https://www.amazon.com/Day-Bang-Casually-Girls-During/dp/1463765045
Lift as often as you can.
Cardio as often as you can.
Start martial arts to fix your confidence problem and become a real badass (I've done krav maga for 1 year now and I'm not afraid of big guys anymore because I know how to fight. I even stopped a bar fight thanks to krav maga).
Cold showers to raise your energy levels (vibration).
Toastmasters (public speaking) to fix social anxiety.
Meetup.com to meet people to get out of your comfort zone.
Speed dating to meet many girls in a short period of time.
Social dancing to meet many girls in a short period of time. I recommend salsa, bachata and kizomba because those dances gather the hottest girls (I've tried 20 different dances during my 14 year dance "career").
Victor 4w ago
Soinds like you are afraid of rejection.
Lebbaeus 4w ago
Alright, Approach 1 woman a day regardless of the outcome?
MidgetSpinner 3w ago
Even if it's just to ask the time or directions or something. Start off with random bullshit questions, and have zero expectations or outcomes. Work your way up from there. When you start to get more comfortable with this, then you can begin to escalate. You gotta get comfortable approaching first.
And remember, always be able to walk away with your chin held high. Never take anything personally.
mattyanon Admin 4w ago
Good.
What do the job agencies say? Find a good one. SEE WHAT THEY SAY.
Good
urgh ok
good
Right. Get a job.
Well.... IOI's are notoriously hard to interpret and act on. Women look when interested, don't look when they are interested, look when they have a boyfriend, etc etc.
So don't take them as approach invitations, because even when they are clearly staring, the woman has a range of intentions. Ergo, it is not clear unambiguous intention on her part.
That being said it doesn't matter - you can approach without them, and you can low key start conversations any which way.
That's pretty negative, why do you feel like you're a POS? Because you don't have a job?
Well, that's good...... do you actually say hello?
Ok.
As regards women: smile and say hello whenever you want to. Don't look away, but don't expect anything to come of it. Usually you'll get a smile and a mumbled something..... but that's not the point..... the point is for you to smile and say hello as a habit.
The other side of this: you probably got a load of negativity about yourself from your parents, or from girls or from society...... which is it?
Lebbaeus 4w ago
Thank you matty !
I will contact a Job Agency. I do say hello now but I don't carry the convo forward.
I understand your point, approach regardlessly and escalate to find out. Smile say hello and see where it goes. no need to think about anything and just be in the moment.
Is the solution just fake it till i make it?
mattyanon Admin 3w ago
Good. Be proactive in your career. Talk to agencies.... and even better.... talk to potential companies that might hire you... "I really want to work for your company in 12 months time, here is my CV, what do I have to do?".
Pick up the god damned phone! My career is where it is now partly because I picked up the god damned phone.
You can softball this with an email first........
Be honest. Many companies will try to help if you're not pushy/demanding. "I am looking to work for you in the future, can you give me 3 minutes career advice on the phone?"
As regards feeling worthy.... yes to fake it till you make it.... but also work hard to live your own life by your own values. A man is carved from rock - every day you must do that carving.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3w ago
Yes but until you get a job you are going to feel shitty about it and incongruent and inauthentic
So get your shit in order, you will feel magnitudes better
Lebbaeus 3w ago
Alright, it seems like most things will get fixed after I get a job. Just gonna focus on getting the job. Thank you Vermillion !
Vermillion-Rx Admin 3w ago
You're welcome!
First-light 2 4w ago
This is not an uncommon problem. Its a sort of imposter syndrome. You raise your value a little but you can't raise your inner expectations until you get some feedback from life to base that raise on.
You need some victories.
My advice is not to push yourself too hard in your seeking these victories. For example putting yourself out there to make a lot of hard cold approaches, when you are not experienced or confident, will get you a lot of rejections and unless you luck out and get your 1 in 100 or 1 in 200 success early, you might feel even worse.
I recommend small clear steps. You could even keep a diary of small targets and small victories, gradually your confidence will build to a big victory. As matty says the small target of smiling and greeting every woman you see is a small goal you can manage. Then trying to have a good even if very brief conversation with each one you interact with is a good goal. Not one where you look good, just one where she feels good about herself by the end, and so on.
Getting a job will be a huge boost for you too and this will come too in due course.
Remember to remember all the things you are genuinely good at. You are not a loser and you know it.
Lebbaeus 3w ago
I'll start with smiling and greeting as it is not difficult and have a small convo and not expect anything. I'll post on some tribe on how it goes.
Thank you First Light