Long story short, she was travelling out of country for a couple of months and found out I was messing around with other women. We fought over the phone, made up, but fought again a few days later and stopped talking for two weeks. Called her again, she said she thought we’re not in a relationship anymore and that we can discuss it after she comes back. A month passes, she’s back home, we get back together. She says she hasn’t been with anyone after me and so we became very serious, eventually plan for a future together. This was many months ago. Today I found out she actually did fuck a guy during those two weeks. I did tell her when we first started dating that I won’t take her back if she ever slept with anyone other than me. What should I do with her? I know that I can’t in good conscience ever be serious with this chick anymore, but she is very submissive, a fantastic fuck, good conversationalist and intelligent. I’m considering the following options: 1) break up immediately, 2) tell her I forgive her and nothing changed but actually look for a replacement while still fucking her, 3) tell her that we can still be together but from now on I’ll be seeing other women, while she still has to be exclusive with me. I imagine she will lose any respect for me if I continue as if nothing happened. Her main point is that she thought we were done and never getting back together, but after that last call after the two weeks and after fucking that guy she realized that “she still loves me” and didn’t fuck anybody else for that last month, which of course she could be fucking dozens of guys because she also had tinder installed and claims to have only used it to get attention.
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throwaway415 1 3h ago
I think you're overinvesting way too much time and energy into this chick. Why do you even need to talk to her about this shit?
I just automatically assume every chick I fuck with is probably banging other dudes. AWALT. IDGAF. I'm getting mine and that's all that matters.
Always wrap your shit and GFTOW. It's not that deep
mattyanon Admin 10h ago
So she's a liar.
Instant dealbreaker right there.
FWB at best.
ncstaterepted 3d ago
breaks followed by committed reconciliation are for women. they get to fuck without losing safety. the farther away the guy is, the better for her. FWB her. whitepride_blm
dreams 3d ago
You fucked up with her own up to it and break the shit off it's done
No-Stress-Cat 4d ago
Are you going to stick to your boundaries, or be a pussy and let her walk all over you?
wonderman73 5d ago
You never take her back if she bangs someone else
universitythrowaway Should i (x1) 4d ago
@brownpride1488 only answer you need.
I've done the whole having a gf while spinning plates as well. It takes some work if you actually care about her not finding out about your plates.
You can take her back as only a plate if you don't take her seriously. Keep it minimal effort and only call her up for sex. Give even less comfort/attention to her than your plates so she doesn't get any other ideas.
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 5d ago
I mean, if you told her that and don't follow through, she's going to treat you like a spineless doormat. It might not be right away, but it'll happen.
Also, have you read about trickle truth? This "only one guy" is probably just the beginning of a list of guys.
BTW, that's one "should I?" @Vermillion-Rx
Vermillion-Rx Admin 5d ago
I'm on the fence about should I for this one, he offers a list of potential options and is seeking feedback on them immediately after asking that
brownpride1488 5d ago
I mean what I meant was I won’t ever take her seriously again, but I’m perfectly ok with using her as a cum dump/plate. Yeah, I can imagine there’s a whole lot of guys but she thought she should at least tell me about one to appease me because I’ve been probing her about it for months and she saw that I wasn’t buying her whole loyal act
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 5d ago
That's certainly an option, but I would think she's more hassle and headache than she's worth.
Additional food for thought: Rooting Through Garbage by Rollo Tomassi.
brownpride1488 5d ago
If I do make her a plate, I reckon I wouldn’t overtly tell her that I demoted her, but tell her it’s all good and just start treating her like a plate with no more dates and just meeting to smash? And if she asks why I’m treating her differently what should I respond with? I was busy recently?
Jackmoter 3d ago
I made my ex a plate thinking "ooh just casual sex" no. It's never just casual sex. It was fun while it lasted but all I did was delay, and submit myself to more emotional pain when I eventually had to cut things off. Your pair-bond and emotional connection don't just disappear when you decide to break up with someone.
You're writing the same posts I was. Maybe this is an unteachable lesson - but you have the choice here to save yourself the pain.
This girl has disrespected you, she is in the trash. Leave her there.
ExConvictNowMillionaire 2d ago
I've been in the same situation as OP, continued for a few months & can therefor relate to you.
The trust is gone & will never come back. OP will get paranoid, attached & hurt if he "forgives".
Just move on & do not look back
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 4d ago
I always just ended shit. I never went down that path.
But from everything I've read, yeah, you demote silently. If she figures it out, so be it.