Hey guys looking for help in how you do it, I mean, being attractive at this age and with experience whats your usual goal in dating? Im a 32 year old recent surgeon graduate and came back to my city.
I have always been handsome and had decent girls, but now that im also making a lot of money and got a high status jobs, women are jumping and IDK how to manage dating. Before I used to date monogamously in LTR, cute, submissive family oriented women, thats was fine, but realized that marriage is not for me, atleast not now dunno if later, and stopped doing it because i was "wasting" this good material girls time. Plus I moved cities so it was impossible to continue a relationship by distance.
- Do you guys are still looking for "the one" unicorn to marry, and avoid spinning plate meanwhile ? (Cute, young, submissive, and family oriented)
- Do you guys just spin plates? carelessly? Forever or until you wanna settle?
- Do you date and just have an honest talk with women saying you dont wanna be monogamous?
I dont know what to do, I get a lot of cute girls hitting on me, but I know most of them will inevitable end with the marriage talk, which is also tiresome to deal with. So thats why Im asking for your advice. What works best for you?
MrSupreme 1w ago
You know what you want then. If you're at the top of your career,you look good and are not looking for a unicorn then make sure to know your value and muster all your valuable things (money,freedom,looks) to provide for yourself tbe appropiate lifestyle you desire: Go on 1-2 dates a week, never keep around less than 2 plates (that you're fucking), communicate well and don't lose frame, and have a lot of fun with this.
If.you get the marriage talk then it is time to hold frame, treat it as a shit test and if they stick around and save you some drama then keep those chicks around.
Mountainman 6d ago
This where we should all be saying read the sidebar.
kardon93 5d ago
I swear I have already read it, ton of times. But sometimes life gets wild and experiencing a lot of new things, new scenarios, new life situations, sometimes make it hard to put it all trought.
throwaway415 1w ago
No. The "one" doesnt exist and thats a blue pill pipe dream. if I really like a plate ill upgrade her to LTR, but I know theres millions more just like her and I could replace her if needed
Yes, but also see above. Spinning plates is how you vet women for LTR potential
Yes and no. I dont explicitly tell girls "hey I'm fucking 12 other chick's right now", but I dont let them pressure me into being exclusive with them. I just tell them I'd rather take things slow and not rush into anything, and I let their hamster do the rest
Just stop caring so much and overthinking it. if you find a girl attractive and can tolerate her long enough to fuck her, then just fuck her. If she annoys you too much, then forget about her and gftow. its really not that deep man
Lone_Ranger 3 1w ago
My approach to dating? Don't.
Don't go on dates. Don't go on dating apps. Don't lead with your wallet, don't buy dinner or drinks for women, ever. Women love going on dates, because that is providing.
Do not provide for women that are not in your custody. If a woman has proved herself to you by bearing you children, then you can provide for them. Then I will entertain her, take her out, buy her drinks etc.
Why the fuck would I provide for a woman (even in a very small way, like buying her dinner or drinks) if she were not my ward?
Men that fuck know this - going on dates actually reduceses your chances of sex.
Women subconciously divide men into two categories -
alpha and beta. They let the alphas fuck them on the first night, and they will do anything to get laid by alpha.
Betas - this is the category that they make wait, or demand resources from.
As soon as you start leading with your wallet or doign beta shit (like going on dating apss and taking women that you have not even fucked out on dates), you have sealed your fate - you are now beta to her.
throwaway415 5d ago
while I understand the point youre making - essentially dont lead with money and put yourself in a beta provider frame - i still think its very possible to use dating apps and go on dates without being perceived as beta. ive met countless girls off tinder and taken them for a walk in the park as our "date" and then promptly fucked them the same night. it cost me nothing and they put out right away. its all a matter of perspective and how you carry yourself
kardon93 1w ago
Interesting post but a bit wierd. What do you mean without dating?
Just going for randoms at night clubs?
Cause that seems like a very low chance to get a good looking girl. Even for chads.
My best lays, even the ones that were just FWB, 9/10 girls required dating. A decent night out, not necesarily expensive. But fun enough.
Lone_Ranger 3 1w ago
night clubs would honestly be my last choice. Bars are nearly as bad.
Parties, lectures, weddings, social gatherings, events, work, university..... these have all been rich pickings for me.
mattyanon Admin 1w ago
awesome.
Work out what YOU want.
Then stick to it at all costs.
The hardest part if you're successful is stopping women from doing "make him wait" dating to try and get your commitment.
Right
Gave up on the one. No intention of ever doing monogamy again, because it's frankly shit.
I go for more like multiple relationships. I wouldn't say "plates", it's more like MLTR.
Yep
This is not true.
Tell them up front (after mutual interest is established, but before sex) that you date multiple people at a time and then say "are you ok with that?".
50% will bail, and that's great.
I know this is hard for you to believe, but 50% will be ok with it..... some for a few months..... others for literally years.
You need to recalibrate your expectations..... if you think most will end with a marriage talk, you're doing it all wrong.
You need to not lead with anything beta or provider-ish. Do not provide for them. Drinks, meals, ...... you start paying, and you start to make them think you are investing rather than them, and they'll pretend to be a nice girl, and start with the "make him wait" shit.
Instead you flirt hard, sexually escalate, have "the talk", fuck and enjoy.
And when they do the old "make him wait", you politely tell them that you don't think you want the same things and you escort them to the door, thanking them for their time and buying them a cab.
Bozza 2 6d ago
Interesting approach. I never mention this at all.
The fact I'm seeing women is implied, and usually without me ever having to do anything. Usually something stupid like she asks "whats the time". I pull out my phone and there's messages from women (contents hidden of course, but they can see the names).
This has never failed me - I've never had a girl not sleep with me or leave because of it.
throwaway415 4d ago
I second this. i see no legitimate reason to openly advertise this to women and reduce your plate count by 50%. its already implied when you are keeping things casual with them, and its not like they don't have a roster and a backup plan. most of these women are seeing/talking to other dudes but won't admit it, so why should you do it any differently
Hugo_The_Great 1w ago
Is it really best to tell it that early on? Like 1st or 2nd date/time meeting? I get that you don't want to bring it up too late - as I have experienced multiple times and regret those - but that early also feels inorganic and vibe kill. Like, why would I reveal my intent when she hasn't even come close to revealing what her end game is.
Also for me, it's not that black/white. I eventually want kids and a family, but in the meantime I'm enjoying spinning plates. But if I meet a woman of high enough quality with whom I can envision that future, I'm ok exclusively committing and will ditch the plates.
To further clarify, I'm at a point where I see 4 types of relationships. 1) ONS 2) Fuckbuddy 3) Relationship 4) Building a life together, children etc.
But I don't see the point of going for #3 if I don't see potential for #4.
mattyanon Admin 1w ago
re early on: yes. you should be sub-communicating that you have options and you are not committing 100% to her, and you should be clear on this with her.
You don't want her to think "I've hooked a beta" at any point.
women will test for this and exploit it if it's an option you are thinking of.
Hugo_The_Great 1w ago
But what you are essentially saying, if I read between the lines correctly, is that it's ok to look for quality and malleability, but don't make it obvious and covertly imply you have plentiful options? I mean, why should I care if she wants to exploit it? Is that not precisely what I want?? I want her to act a certain way and give me a certain level of treatment, to me that signals how invested she is. I set the bar high so she has to actually try hard (something most guys never make a girl do) to be and stay with me. Because that bar is what I will expect for the future and if she stop meeting it, I'm out.
Btw, humansockpuppet & Vasily both advocate for running things a little longer and wait until she brings it up. At which point you can tell her how it is.
mattyanon Admin 1w ago
I would suggest very rapidly deciding which slot she fits into, and then acting like that's how you always do things
(which is what women do with men btw)
kardon93 1w ago
Hey there, I really would like to thank for such an amazing answer. You got the right kind of knowledge I was hoping to find around here. And yes im a bit naive or ignorant in this level of field play, since i was stuck in an hospital residency for some years and just came out back to the real world with a cheat code to play with.
1.- Could you expand on the "make him wait", thing? I think I have experienced this already with an older women (37 y.o.) hot as phuck,but somewhat crazy, that flirted hard with me and escalated, but wouldnt let me have sex unless I promised atleast, that we were going to get married.
2.- How do you manage your MLTR? I mean, do you openly say that you are non-monogamous, or are you vague about starting an exclusive relationship with every chick you date?
3.- I believe your point, that maybe 50% will stay after this. Im naive at this field, but from what I´ve seen i think you got a good point, however I havent tried it myself, but the way you manage it, sounds amazing, No lies, no cheating, just honesty, and letting whoever wants to stay. I like it.
Thanks again, your post gave me a lot of insight.
mattyanon Admin 1w ago
This is worse than "make him wait", this is "exchange for something that's paid in advance".
But back to make him wait:
The man invests (talks to her, takes her on dates, ditches other optons, etc). Now noone expects sex to happen within 3 minutes of meeting. But women will often "make him wait" which means getting ever more commitment and investment while she makes on the deal. She gets his commitment, he wastes time and resources that are transferred to her.
This is easy for her to walk away from ("I got 5 meals out of him"), this is painful for men to walk away from ("I took her out on 5 dates, why are we not having sex yet?").
The more this goes on, the better it is for her and the worse it is for him. He loses attraction in her eyes, she becomes a goal for him.
The idea for her is to turn his sexual desire into emotional commitment.
Women do this by dangling the carrot of sex just out of reach.... so the guy thinks "just one more date" and "if I just do and say the right thing". Even worse: she can do this to 20 guys at the same time while fucking someone else.
Some women are very, very, very good at this.
The solution is to physically escalate and expect movement towards sex. Kissing on first date, blowjob second date, sex on third date and all dates after that....... and sex within less than 15 hours in her company. If it's "I don't do that on a first date" and "not before marriage" and "give me something first" then it's time to start looking around the room, bored and then leave early. Fundamentally understand that alpha fucks, beta bucks.... beta bucks includes commitment as well as paying. If she's not fucking you by the third date, she doesn't see you as attractive, and everything else is lies to cover that up while getting your commitment.
And know this: women FEEL all this stuff at a deep visceral level. They understand the emotional interplay deep in their bones, because their survival depends on male commitment.
yes
urgh, no. I avoid doing boyfriend/commitment thinngs........ and that means not seeing her too often, and not always arranging the next date straight away. Not being too fast to test her back. Being busy sometimes. That sort of thing.
And yes, openly discussing it and expecting 50% of girls to not be down with it.
It's great. Hard to do at first, but great.
Hope it helps!
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1w ago
If she tries to make you wait, don't put up with that shit. Next!
Related reading, from the sidebar: Wait For It? by Rollo Tomassi
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1w ago
Have you read the sidebar yet?
Apparently not. Read it.
Start with these two posts, but read the entire thing:
There is no "One" by Rollo Tomassi
HumanSockPuppet’s Guide to Managing Your Bitches by HumanSockPuppet (duh).
I mean dude, the whole reason a perfect woman is called a "unicorn" is because it doesn't fucking exist.
As a man, your goal is to get sex. If a woman chooses to give this to you and waste her own time, that's her problem, not yours. I don't advocate lying to them or making promises you have no intention of keeping, but there is no reason to let a woman go if she's doing the things you want (primarily sex, but anything else, too).
Anyway, read the sidebar. I recommend reading MRP's sidebar as well, even though you should never get married (and I say this as a guy who celebrated his 20th anniversary a couple of months ago). From their sidebar, I especially recommend these two books: "No More Mr. NiceGuy" by Dr. Robert Glover and "When I Say No I Feel Guilty" by Dr. Manuel Smith. I don't think TRP has those in its sidebar, which is a shame.
kardon93 1w ago
Hello there, I really appreciate your answer. I have actually read the side and most of TRP but in a long period of 10 years, so some concepts might been blur on my brain. Specially since i stopped reading after becoming a sucesful dater.
However, it felt different/easier as a 20-27 y.o. it was kinda of simple part of the lifestyle to split plates forever, plus the fact of being a student made this even easier. Now at 30+, with ton of friends married, with kids, and a different life set up in a job instead of uni, it makes me question all this things again, specially how to fit TRP life into this age.
TRP has been an amazing guide for learning how to date as a young naive guy, but i feel theres lack of content for older RP men who survived without getting married/kids.
And then the next jump of information is The married redpill, which is another different discussion.
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 5d ago
I somehow missed this reply in the last few days. Weird. Anyway....
I did similar with kind of just stopping reading Roosh's PUA blog and forum way back in the day. I kind of did the thing Rollo frequently makes fun of in his streams: "ok, I have a girlfriend now! Thanks for all the help, but I've got it from here! Bye!" except that I just dropped off instead of announcing it.
Thing is, learning never stops. That's why I'm still around on these forums. I still occasionally find tweaks I can make, and sometimes sharing what you've learned helps your own understanding of it even more because putting it into words forces you to truly think about it.
Anyway, I highly recommend going back and rereading the sidebar as well as any classic posts occasionally. You'll frequently find that you get something different out of some of them based on how far you've come.
Prime example: Michael's story. Most dudes when they are first unplugging identify with and sympathize with Michael. I was similar when I was a college student, but I got over it and started fucking.
Thing is, after being unplugged for a while (usually a few years), if a guy goes back and reads it again, they usually think "Michael is a fucking idiot".
I don't remember what his full username is (something Russian), but the guy many users call "Uncle Vas" has a lot of good shit about that. Hell, many of the endorsed contributors are older, unmarried guys. I think I'm the only active one who is married.
MidgetSpinner 1w ago
Everyone here is going to have a slightly different answer because the truth is that it comes down to what you ultimately want.
We've established you're not into marriage, at least not for now. So vet for that early with the girls you are interested in - let them know you're not interested in marriage, and see if they either feel the same way, or if it's a deal-breaker. This will filter out a lot of girls.
You're still young, technically, still good looking and your financial situation is good. Girls aren't going to stop showing interest in you any time soon. So this is good. This means the ball is almost indefinitely in your court, and you have no abundance issues.
To add to that, what @mattyanon said too. Don't flash the cash, don't provide for them. Money is irrelevant to a girl who's all in on you. So filter the gold diggers out early too. Vet vet vet.
First-light 2 1w ago
Just don't do anything hasty. Make sure your fling is all flung before getting serious, if you ever do.
Remember you have a big target on your back, so need to be wary of women and their intentions. Many will agree to be casual while also having other hopes/ intentions. The more reason you give them to hope, the more pain and misery will ensue later when you know its hopeless but you quite like railing them.
Remember to give them something they want, even if not all they want. Just have clear lines. If they throw themselves at you and you enjoy them a bit selfishly and then still don't sign up to exclusivity, they may well feel used, it will be hard work and you will have a bad reputation. If you make them feel they have received value from your interactions, they will often become yours to pick up when you like regardless of their relationships story, so long as they are not actually in love with another guy at the time. Be honest with them, be generous and show them a good time while sticking to your guns that you are not in this for exclusivity but you are a darn good guy to go with.