At the core I'm a very sensitive/emotional guy, although I try not to show it. I've tried changing it many times, ignoring it, practice stoicism etc., ocasionally it helped, but it's never changed the fundamentals, so I've tried to embrace it more now
I probably sound like a little girl writing this, but here's the situation
Background on this girl: Started as plate around 1 yr ago, after 6 months time I told her I wasn't sure if we were gonna be more than that. She opened up a lot after that, she had a lot of walls up before it, so after that I enjoyed getting to know the real her. She started growing on me, cooking delicious meals, massage, submissive etc (she did stuff like that before too, but it felt different kind of). We became FWB, I also opened up abt myself more and turned out that we're very similar in a lot of ways, talking with her feels relatable, easy and natural. Regardless I stuck to TRP, talking w other girls n seeing them ocasionally, although it felt different than with her
End of July we were spending a lot of time together, at one point even 2-3 straight days - which I've never done with anyone except my ex, I even preferred her company over my ex. I wasn't seeing anyone else in these weeks either, as I didn't have much desire to do so, sex was truly amazing. Even then I would want to be friends with this girl I've even if it meant being platonic (first time I ever genuinely considered that), so I started to consider the possiblility of LTR this girl (she's made it clear she dearly wishes for it). I was conflicted - I could see potential in her as a life partner, but also still wanted to explore other options and find out if it's what I truly want already, so I decided I was not going to rush it, and give it proper thought.
Start august we find out we got into uni in different cities, althought only 1hour apart, I won't do LDR. So automatically I put my thought about LTR'ing her on hold, thinking possibly in the future if/when she comes back to my city and just leave it there. I still liked her enough to go explore her uni city with her, and watch meteor shower. But still something shifted in me as I knew I had to start pursuing other options again as I won't LTR a LDR.
So I did. Coincidentally date with new girl was pre-lined up, day right after we went to watch meteor showers (spontaneous), and tbh I felt guilty about it, but tried to brush it off. Date went well, made out and planned 2nd date at my place. Day after I went to a festival but ultimately got too drunk and crashed at FWB place. Morning after I'm saying my goodbyes and she feels the condom in my jacket ( we dont use together), and she starts asking questions etc. - I tell her how it is, kind of, and she breaks down saying she thought I wasn't seeing anyone else at this point, if I had feelings for them, or spend time with them like I did w her - which truthfully I didn't, but still was hesitant about saying it. We talk about our relation for a while, and she asks if she was just imagining things, I say that I withdrew myself emotionally when I learned we are gonna start different unis, putting my thoughts abt going exclusive with her on hold, and that even if I was seeing other girls, I could still have feelings and love for her. She broke down again imagining me being with others, and I started questioning it a bit myself, since I do care about her a lot, and what I had been having besides her was seeing girls I had no feelings for - was this worth genuinely deeply hurting her for - this was the first time I truly questioned this, and felt kind of bad, but told myself I couldn't blame myself for it. She cried in my arms and I told her I would miss her and that I enjoyed the time I spent with her. She didn't want our relation to end either, said she had even thought about not starting the uni, even though its her dream education, to try and get into this city next year instead. We left it open-ended and I went home to sleep.
Waking up I thought it didn't change reality that we will be in different cities soon, so I convinced myself not to cancel the date with the other girl which was planned the day after, although I was not looking forward to it. All day I thought about canceling/rescheduling, but end up forcing myself to just do it. I proceed with the date, but was thinking about FWB alot during it, and how much it would hurt her if she knew - I felt sick, but tried to ignore it. After a while we close in for sex, but I felt so off physically, that I struggled to get an erection, both times I got fully hard I lost it, even after penetration. I physically or mentally couldnt do it, I penetrate, shes moaning and everything but somehow I just get turned off. It's just not the same as with FWB, is basically all I'm thinking about. I felt bad for the other girl but I had to send her home and reflect on myself. I felt disgusting for doing this, especially toward myself, forcing sex that I had little desire for. Went to gym to vent some of my frustration and feel better today
With FWB girl decided to just see what happens, we have date plans this week, and I'm hestitant to tell her any of this, but I feel like confessing to get it off my chest, hence this post. I already told her I have feelings for her before, but also that I'm not sure if we'll be LTR. I tried to ignore my feelings for her and be stoic, but in the end it left me feeling disgusting about myself.
Am I overreacting? Should I even feel bad about this other than betraying my own feelings? I never told her that I had fully commited to her - I didn't owe it. Should I give it a few days before even making any plans with her? Should I tell her any of this? I feel like I shouldn't tell her what happend, if anything just the conclusion that I reached from what happenend, that she's the only girl I have genuine feelings for atm, and that she's special to me. Not to gain anything, I wouldn't want her giving up her dream education - when I'm not even sure that I would LTR even if so. But still I would get it off my chest and be at peace?
Hoping that any of your wise input will help me clear/get my head, straight
Fuck this post ended up way longer than I hoped it would
First-light 1 4d ago
It will be Ok with time. These tings always are if you don't let yourself get emotionally tangled up. Try to shorten the time where you can.
Tell the girl you like that you really will miss her and keep in touch. If you get the chance enjoy her when she comes back your way. There is nothing to lose here.
With time you will get excited about other girls particularly as you get frustrated by a lack of sex. Don't worry about it too much, it will be fine with other girls but there is no need to close the door to the first girl. just be clear in your mind that it won't work out LDR but occasional sex when convenient might just come your way if you play it cool but remain in touch and "available emotionally" when she wants contact without getting all emotional or clingey when you feel alone or miss her.
SwallowMyPill 3d ago
Thanks, I appreciate your perspective
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 4d ago
Firstly, before I forget this part: no matter what you tell the one you're considering granting an LTR, do not tell her about your lackluster performance with the other chick. Maybe say "I sent her away because I couldn't stop thinking about you" but don't say that you lost a boner, especially if you're young enough to be a college student.
Anyway...
An hour isn't really long distance. I have driven and been driven to for 8 hours for and by a few women (before Red Pill). I mean, if an hour is too far for you, that's your call, but to me an hour is nothing. Fuck, when I went to Iraq 3 times, THAT was long-distance with my wife. We also took turns driving 8, 10, 12 hours to see each other when I was in various Army schools. If I had mileage restrictions, she'd come to me and we'd get a hotel room. When I could go home, I'd go home.
Bear in mind that very little in RP is immutable law; they're more like general guidelines and best practices.
Generally you want to avoid LDR because your time is your most valuable asset, and you can sink a lot into travel. Additionally, most women will cave to temptation while you're not around.
However, if you find a woman you really like (or even love!), and you're willing to give up other options for her (as long as she's doing her part to keep you), and she doesn't put herself in tempting situations (clubbing, etc), then why not? If it goes awry, you can always easily end it just like any other relationship besides marriage or cohabiting.
Just proceed with caution. Don't grant her power over you.
How much sidebar material have you read? I highly recommend reading or rereading the following:
HumanSockPuppet’s Guide to Managing Your Bitches
16 Commandments of Poon by Roissy/Heartiste
Be A Skittles Man by Roissy/Heartiste
"No More Mr. NiceGuy" by Dr. Robert Glover
"When I Say No I Feel Guilty" by Dr. Manuel Smith
Those last two will help you be and remain assertive, which is important.
SwallowMyPill 3d ago
More like ~1h30 since I have to go by train, but I agree, it is more on the verge of being long distance, as it would not be impossible to work out. It's still a big minus for me though, when I was already on the fence about LTR.
8-12 hours is crazy, did things work out for you?
Definitely agree with this, and will reflect further on it
Read sidebar multiple times, although a while ago, as well as your first link. I'll check the two other links as well. I've listened to half of the "No More Mr. NiceGuy" by Dr. Robert Glover, but I felt that I had already implented most of the changes he's talking about beforehand, and didn't really get much out of it (first half at least). I should probably finish it though. How is the last book on your list compared to it?
Typo-MAGAshiv Endorsed Contributor 1d ago
We'd already been married a few years at that point, and were still very much within the honeymoon stage.
We had our twentieth anniversary this summer. It hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows, obviously, or I'd have never found the Red Pill. Sometimes I think the main reason we're still together is that we're both too bull-headed to admit we fucked up.
First-light 1 3d ago
I hadn't realised it was only 1 1/2 hours of travel time. I should have read properly. Travel on a train is not tiring, you can even do your correspondence on the way. That isn't really a full on LDR. It works for regular weekends. When I think about it 3 of the women I have had children with lived further than that when I got together with them.
You don't have to get off the fence until you want to. Just take it easy and see what happens. Don't be fast to rock the boat its harder to put things right at a distance- just try to steer her to not getting into tempting situations, enjoy some weekends with her and keep your options open.
The more you get all worked up and worried by the distance and the impossibility of it working out, the less attractive you are and the more you give her permission to get railed by Chad on freshers week, then phone you up crying to say she has met someone else before again phoning you up some time around thanksgiving to say neither Chad nor his replacement Tyrone stuck around, what are you doing for the holidays? You then say "Sorry I moved on because you were a slag" and you both missed out on something good, while she just started wasting her value on the carousel. Just play it cool and play your home advantage.
Put your best foot forward, tell her that you realise you over thought things. She matters to you more than your concerns about difficulty. It will be different, you will see less of her but you still want her in your life. It will be fine. (even if it won't be fine telling her it will will get you more sex than telling her it won't. The hamster can do a lot of work if you don't steady the wheel)
Personally I wouldn't mention the other girl at all. It just gives her a sort of permission to try other options guilt free. If you were always in the same town it might make her keener but at a distance, she has options and she will get lonely. Freshers week used to be called FAF week at my university -Fuck A Fresher week. Its female nature. They are alone and uncertain in a new place. Their instinct is to find a strong male to cling to, so they are very easy meat for lads in their second or third year.
SwallowMyPill 3d ago
You bring up some good points, I'll keep them in mind as I think!
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BeeSerious9 4d ago
you have used typical game on a woman that is invested and doesn't want to loose it, so she is investing more, normal in normal people
that sounds dangerous, what usually happens, she will loose the feelz for you if you open too much why? When you water a house plant every 7d for 5y and it grows very well you dont change it to 2 weeks. Now you want to reward good behavior by being more beta emotional.
It might drive her away. Don change the routine much from the moment she invested even more - that was behavior she showed she values more.. Don't kill the plant - change only a little - but showing too much emotions isn't going to end well, find friends for that. She is not the one.
And don't listen to plant what is better for the plant.
hurting feeling is normal mode to keep a woman, if you can't hurt her she will go anyway. You have to calibrate how much is too much, but at least a little is a must. Besides you should have brushed off details of any other girls and only stipulate you are not exclusive. YOU COULD be honest about you 2 though. The details are not her business and are usually too much.
is it woke anyway?
happens, recently I had sex with 2 girls and for the most of the time I didn't have an erection as I was busy managing, just use your hands, toys, and say you are tired, v vaguely implying that you come from another fuck, have a lie down with a new girl try to build some skin connection. You can even jokingly accuse her she is not trying hard enough.
good job, you working toward her leaving to a new uni few days earlier
yes you are doing it for her and kids and mostly you
stoic Mon- Fri ?
women don't care, unless you are a gay friend
SwallowMyPill 3d ago
I agree that it's a risk, and that it can go wrong, but I knew the risks doing it. I didn't go too overboard either, revealing everything about myself, just some personal stuff about losing my dad at a young age. I felt it was worth risking to tell her, after we had been talking about her losing her brother, and how it affected her, already knowing she could relate
Idm hurting if I'm fine/content with it (the reason for hurt). Hurting just to hurt is different to me
Medicine, a + for me
I'm not gonna bother getting some girl that I don't really care about, off, if I'm not even feeling it/getting off myself. But yea this would work
Hence why I try to keep it under wraps somewhat, only letting a little out at a time. When I reveal more of this side later on the girls seem to love it though, as long as it's not too much and you're still being assertive and dominant