TLDR: If she cheated emotionally and now begs for a chance, is it over? Or still playable given I'll own my shit and become better man?
Probably a very obvious question, but I'm so wind up in my head right now I can't see the answer.
I am 33, she is 25. We are together for 4 years and know each other for 5. She is smart and hot, we're compatible. She's the best I ever dated (~50 girls).
I am an average guy, nothing out of ordinary. I lift, I read, I own my shit. Still plenty to improve, and I'm doing it every day.
I checked her phone. I found out she went out with another man a few times 2 years ago. Once a walk in a park, once a restaurant, once shopping. Lots of messages, such as "just wanted to tell you good night" or "do you like X? oh wow". After two weeks she just stopped.
No touch nor night together. We were spending every night together then, and messages clearly indicate there was nothing physical yet. Also, confirmed with her conversation with her female friend, to which she confessed.
Also, she had Tinder installed for an hour or so and deleted afterwards. Several times during our relationship.
I confronted her. At first, she was shocked and denied everything. Then she said she doesn't remember it. I was pressing and she recalled they went places but as a larger group, never just the two of them. She was very upset, crying and begging not to leave her.
After I showed her proof, she said Tinder was just to type with some random people for an hour and then delete it.
She became very emotional, crying and telling me how much she loves me, how much she want to be with me, how much she will do for me. She admitted she did something very bad.
I do believe she genuinely regrets it.
So, on one hand it's fucking cheating and I incline to just break up. But part of me thinks that maybe I should give her a chance? She is one in the million and it was just chatting with some dudes. Or maybe it's just my feelings talking.
What would you do?
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1w ago
She isn't your girlfriend man.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 1w ago
The BEST you've ever dated is a serial cheater, whore and a liar????? How are you still standing
No-Stress-Cat 1w ago
The question is, what event triggered your suspicion that she may have cheated? Two years ago is pretty long time for it to be coming out now. Something caused you to check her phone.
Women don't go on Tinder to just type to random people. Everyone knows it's a hook-up app, including her.
Crocodile tears. She's crying because she got caught. She can't exactly deny she did something bad when the proof is right in her face.
Regret it? Like a girl who cries rape because she regretted being a slut the night before. She don't regret it. She would have erased ALL evidence if she did. But no, she wanted to have a keepsake of some fond memories from her past.
Your gut is telling you something, which is why you are here. Your brain might deceive you, try to rationalize away her behavior. Trust your instincts.
I would demote her to plate at best. LTR? She can't be trusted. This is just one of the things she got caught at. You will always be wondering how many other things she actually got away with.
Bozza 1 1w ago
I'd just say completely cut her off. For OP, i think if there is still any form of communication the risk that she reels him back in with a sob story is way too high.
No-Stress-Cat 1w ago
I tend to give guys the benefit of the doubt. Once they take a Red Pill up the ass from a woman, I would expect they would be stoic enough to have learned their lesson.
MrSupreme 1w ago
You believe she really regrets it huh? You have been successfully manipulated.I know you feel your emotions are pure and true,but that is a woman's strength,she can control both hers and your emotions and she has. It is a hard part of a relationship to be the leader of both reason and emotion.
Take your time to accept it,but this girl is not satisfied with your relationship yet she doesn't want to be alone.She has been trying to branch swing for a while.
You wanna try to fix things and make it better but her mind is set on finding the next guy and the very bad news is that she has felt like this for a while.
As a divorced man, i tell you to bite the bullet,take the loss and accept the relationship is done.You are her Plan B.Move forward, end it (there is value in ending it yourself first) and do whatever you wanna fo next.
You are still young dude, see the bright side.
Bozza 1 1w ago
AWALT my friend. It's a bitter pill to swallow, but one you must swallow nonetheless.
She's been shopping around for a better option and keeping you as her plan B. Don't think that you owe this chick shit, she'd drop your ass in a heartbeat if Chad showed up. It's time for you to do the same.
Next her and find other women. In a few months time this will all be water under the bridge.
Overkill_Engine Endorsed Contributor 1w ago
Every cheater regrets it.
Getting caught that is.
You seriously need to read up on "trickle truthing".
And you know what? Even if it somehow was the complete truth (lol) and it never got to a point of physical cheating yet, the harsh reality is that she was willingly putting herself into situations where it could become physical.
Not the behavior of someone trustworthy.
SeasonedRP 1 1w ago
She has done more than just cheat emotionally. You just don't know.about it. The advice to go no contact is the way to go. You are clearly susceptible to manipulation and will look for ways to avoid the truth and give her the benefit of the doubt. She'll leave anyway once she lines up someone. She's been trying to do that but has been unsuccessful so far.
Hugo_The_Great 1w ago
Idk about the 'advice' other people are giving. Lots of these dudes gotten burned in the past and super cynical.
It's 2+ years ago, she was "only" 23. Girls that young often don't understand how good of a situation they are in, and maybe you were a bit emotionally unavailable, and he was giving her some attention. Yeah, it's stupid but happens, especially at that age. I was young once and did worse shit than this. So have some other hypocrites in here. If the last 2 years have been great otherwise, you could, maybe, let it slide.
I do agree, however, that the fact that you're checking her phone now, probably has a reason. Which you didn't share.
Also agree on trickle-truth. Make sure that's not the case here.
If you can't, and you can't shake your paranoia, leave.
RiskyEntertainment 6d ago
I will add @DancySeattle
The way to know truth is to extract truth appealing to self interest of the lier, thta is a skill. Train.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_wYRW0rKxg