I have a problem.

Obviously, when you put these red tinted glasses on you can't ever really take them off.

However, before the red pill I was already super focused on self improvement. I was coming at it from a place of fighting the need for validation. I believed that if I worked on being assertive and authentic, I would reach my goals with both women and life. I held that the most important thing was to accept what was out of my control. To not try and tailor my reactions to other people, but to just proceed with how I truly felt and what I truly wanted. Basically, to not be codependent anymore.

I actually had a lot of success following this philosophy, getting laid for the first time, feeling a sense of purpose, and chasing my goals.

After getting rejected I was beating myself up and stumbled across the rational male. The evolutionary psychology stuff was really powerful, and even though I didn't want to buy it I couldn't help but see it everywhere.

The issue is, before the redpill I wasn't that bad at talking to women. Sure, I was very inexperienced but I was willing to stand up for myself and wasn't shy around coworkers or women in my friend group.

Since I entered the anger phase I havent been able to be like that. It's as if a dam was broken subconciously, and I simply cannot be present in interactions.

So much of the redpill is about crafting the right response to a shit test, maintaining frame in someone else's eyes, doing specific actions to gain status, etc. This is giving me an identity crisis, because one of my cardinal values was to not try and control how other people reacted to me.

There's a new anxiety, knowing that Im being judged based on my frame, the possibility that an interaction was a shit test, the knowledge that life is a competitive hierarchy and we are judged based on our performance.

I feel like I was ironically making more progress through trial and error when I DIDNT know this stuff, but now I can't go back to how I was.

How are you guys redpill aware but also true to yourself. How are things like agree and amplify, frame, etc not trying to control how other people react to you? Isn't that a codependent thing, trying to make other people behave a certain way to satisfy your needs?

I dont know how to be. I could use some advice on how to integrate this stuff and reconcile it with not being codependent.