Pulled up at around 10pm to a local college bar and it was damn near empty. Sat down and had a beer while I watched sports. Overheard two guys talking about music and they were talking about bands that I liked. I went over after 10 minutes and said “what yall listening to?” And I mention a bunch of bands that they liked as well. We got into a group conversation and I was talking and connecting soo well with them that I got their snapchats and told them to lmk when they go drinking. During this time, it was like 10:30/11:00ish and people started to come in. We were laughing and talking and people that came in saw that I was a social guy and that made the whole group look good. I could tell through the corner of my eyes some girls would look over at me when I was laughing with them and having fun (no I wasn’t loud). Eventually, some guy and his group pulled up and his friends were very shy, I could tell because they were only talking to themselves and standing around awkwardly. One of them comes to order a drink and we started talking to him and he told us all about who he is and what he does. He had a trimmed beard so I complimented him by saying he can “rock a beard, man!”. He even introduced me to his group and they were still kinda stiff like, maybe because they weren’t drinking yet. Anyways, I later went to take a piss and saw more people which I’ll admit: I felt like I was going to be inferior to everyone because when I show up to these places, I expect all the dudes to be total chads but I was wrong. I saw a lot of people there being lame and some ugly, dorky mother fuckers. I felt great. I then started talking to more guys who were standing around and they were super receptive and friendly because it was better for them to be talking to someone than standing on the sidelines looking like a total jackass. I know what it’s like to be anxious in a room full of people you don’t know, so I can relate to them. I remember that’s all I ever wanted whenever I would go out, someone to talk to me. I even straight up ignored chicks and tried to focus on having FUN and practice my social skills and reading body language and stuff. So far, everyone was super nice and that put me in a great mood. This was my first time in months at this college bar (I went to the city last Friday), so I was a little worried about fucking things up.
One of the guys there was a little older, standing around, I talked to him and he was cool. He then tells me “hey man, you’re tall asf, you should be picking up chicks easily right now” to which I just said I was there to drink, I’ll explain later. Everything was going fantastically, until I ran into a dude who was taller than me (like 6’7”!) and we talked for a bit. Nothing bad happened, super friendly guy who because I bet he saw me chatting with other people so it made me look like a chad. Problem was they were smoking pens and I thought they were nicotine pens but it turned out to be THC and I haven’t smoked weed in 4 months so when I took a few hits wondering why it tasted weird, the guy told me “it’s good shit” and that’s when I knew I was going to get fucked up. I was in the bar drunk but also stoned so I went to the bathroom again to piss and when I came out, some girl with her friend group were pushing through the crowd and she looked at me, smiled and checked out my crotch (or looked down at my height or smthing) up and down. She turned her head around and then quickly looked back at me again to see if I caught her. Fucking awesome. Problem was I was so incredibly fucked up so I just thought really deeply. Like I went over to one of the exits and the guy working there told me it was an emergency exit and I had to go out through the front. I then stood there paralyzed for like 30 seconds and then caught myself and I knew I had enough fun for one night, I was cooked. I stumbled out through the crowd and fist bumped a lot of people I met through out the night and one of the bouncers told me “get home safe man, you don’t look too good”.
I can easily say this was the most fun I’ve ever had at bar. I didn’t hit on any chicks because I wanted to work on my social skills first. I went into a bar by myself and left EASILY one of the most liked guys there. There were some other conversations I had with people but I obviously don’t remember a lot of them and they weren’t too different from what I mentioned.
So I learned that social proof is important in bars BUT that just means to talk to people already at the bar and get there EARLY so you can have genuine conversations. I biggest mistake with bars was coming in when EVERYONE else was there which is not great because it’s going to be a serious uphill battle talking to people when:
- It’s jam packed
- Music is turned up louder
- People already engaged with each other
I wasn’t looking for IOIs that night either, I bet I missed a few, besides the obvious one I saw earlier. Next time, maybe I’ll try to talk to chicks. Any help? Did I do well?
Theolympicnomad 2mo ago
I'm NOT fucking proud of you at all. My 1 year old son can go out at night and have more fun than you did so what exactly did you accomplish? I guarantee you saw at least FIVE bad bitches you wanted to talk to and you avoided them just like every other average motherfucker in there with the excuse of "I'm just trying to have fun and not look for iois"
Everyone else can feel proud of you but not me because I hold men to a much higher standard than this kid shit. Get out there and start talking to WOMEN. Not tranny's, not dudes who need to "rock a beard", WOMEN. And don't post back on here until you do. Fucking weakling.
p.s. I'm secretly proud of you too just wanted to light a fire under your ass :)
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2mo ago
Much better
User4566 2mo ago
Thank you.
Vermillion-Rx Admin 2mo ago
No problem, keep up the good work you have tremendous potential if you clear the right paths for it
Goingthedistance 2mo ago
Brother, proud of you.
Let me tell you something as someone that used to be a social inadequate because of sheer fear of others. Nobody is out to get you in social situations. Even the biggest guys can have the biggest hearts and if you're a nice guy personality wise you'll make them your pals. In the last year or so, I made zero enemies because everyone is my friend. I can walk to bars and half the people there know me by my face, most have no clue about my name, still, it's great to just enter and have to shake hands with half the bar.
Keep at it and you will see that people want to have guys like you around.
User4566 2mo ago
Thank you.
I’ve had bad experiences in the past at bars. In fact, the last time I went to this bar was Halloweekend and I tried talking to some people and they were pretty mean. I asked one guy what I was dressed up as for Halloween and he replied: “a loser?”. I took it on the chin and laughed it off but it really hurt my feelings if I’m 100% honest. Of course, I could beat the shit out of him but I’m not going to get banned from the few bars in the area. Maybe he was kidding, he didn’t seem annoyed at me. Maybe he was just more socially retarded than I am and says things that can lead to a black-eye. It made me scared thats how everyone sees me, a loser. That’s why I basically isolated and went to bars 45 minutes away instead of the ones by me, I thought I was not good enough.
Goingthedistance 2mo ago
Feeling that you are not good enough is normal and can be fixed. Just keep talking with people, keep lifting at the gym and stop smoking and other vices if you have them.
There's always going to be a better guy out there and some other guy better than the better guy, it's a constant loop. What you have good some other guy might not have, what he has you don't etc. The important thing is to be relaxed with people and read the room and the group, sometimes the group is not right for you, same with the room, it happens, but don't get discouraged.
First-light 2mo ago
I think you did well overall. You made conversation and people thought you were a good guy. Its a big improvement on the rampage on the girls. Well done.
Smoking and drinking do have a habit of going together (the nicotine keeps the dopamine from the alcohol cirulating longer I think) and it can be hard to turn down a social smoke without looking like a health obsessed freak. When I was your age I smoked too many cigars like that (which were probably more fashionable back then, probably would look really strange now). Best to just either say "No thanks" with a smile -no need to give an explanation, you are a big man and you make your choices or at least not dive into it with enthusiasm until you know what it is you are inhaling.
Basically you can't be in control of your game on women or on anything in life if you are intoxicated. Small "medicinal" doses to relax and steady the nerves maybe if you really find they help and they really do not become habit forming (got to be very objective about that) but more than that you are making it hard for yourself in your game and in life. In the end smoking and drinking are ways to pay to damage yourself.
User4566 2mo ago
Right, I sometimes smoke cigarettes whenever I’m out drinking but I honest to god thought it was a nicotine vape. If I had known it was THC, I would have declined it or taken a pussy hit.
Idk if I didn’t clarify this in my last post, but I knew that what I did was dumb but I had alternative motives. I just wanted to get rid of my approach anxiety. I also didn’t approach every girl in the bar/club, just a handful. I just wanted to get desensitized to approach anxiety so when I do see a girl and is sending iois, I’ll be much more comfortable. There were times I would go to bars and a girl might be looking at me and smiling yet I was still too nervous to approach. My goal wasn’t to get laid or meet chicks (although I likely wouldn’t deny it).