There are many types of tests.

You will get compliance tests (hoops) where she tells you what to do, or under what circumstances she will do something for you. It could literally be something like "make me some coffee" or "hand me that book" or "do a little dance for me"

You will get qualifying tests where she will tell you what she wants or what kind of man she is looking for. The way to fail this test is to agree with her or change your opinion to match hers. The opposite of this is what we mean by holding frame.

You will get boundary tests where a girl will see what she can get away with. Maybe you told her not to put up her feet on the table but she wants to see if she can do it on the chair next to her, etc... You fail boundary tests by showing inconsistency.

You will get frame tests where a girl will accuse you of something: "Where you checking that girl out?" or "You were supposed to call, I was worried about you." Other than compliance tests which are easy to spot (but may sound like reasonable requests), these are the ones that will betafy you the most. Do not apologize for your behavior; own it. Best way to pass these is to Agree and Amplify.

You may get emotional drama where there is no explicit test but it is vitally important that you hold your frame. Here's a video from a recent post where you can see a guy handle this type of test without becoming confrontational. To give a bit of background, Stefan is speaking to a caller and the caller's girlfriend confronts him on the air. I've marked the video to start at the interesting bit.

So the best advice for passing these tests:

• Do not engage her emotionally - watch the video to see how to avoid this trap
• Never supplicate - do not change your opinion to match hers or "give in" because "you can't win"
• Amused mastery is the proper frame of mind - she is just a 5 year old brat and you do not take her seriously
• Do not give a straight answer (initially). You always have more options than just a simple yes/no response.
• Do not explain your behavior through logic/reason to get her to see your thought process. Change her mood, not her mind.

As for setting boundaries:

• You do not have to be confrontational
• Do not tell her "you should" or "you will"
• Be consistent.
• Always frame the boundaries in terms of your expectations or your wants/needs "I expect a girl I'm seeing seriously to X..."

The last is important because it sets up a double bind. If she cannot conform to that behavior then that must mean she is not ready for a serious relationship with you. It's her choice and you are just laying out the consequences (implicitly, NEVER use ultimatums).

1)Probing boundaries / fitness tests: Practically speaking, they are the same.

2) If she's got a lot of beta orbiters, then it's a really safe bet that she wants to do that to you, especially if she has high SMV (and yours isn't).

3) You can't enforce boundaries w/o some kind of confrontation. The best way is through/with humor. Agree & amplify. Humor will usually negate the perception that you are overly sensitive/asshole. Amused mastery is the frame/mindset you're looking for, and you HOLD THAT FRAME THOUGH THE HEAVENS FALL.