How the fuck do you distinguish a shit-test from a comfort-test? Are both dealt with by keeping frame or do comfort-tests require you to juxtapose your alpha traits with some beta ones? Thanks.
There's a good Heartiste post on this, but I can't find it at the moment.
Shit test: Why are you talking to me?
Context: she's questioning your worth; are you up to her standards. One of the responses in my Shit Test 101 thread would apply here.
Comfort test: Why are you talking to me?
Context: She doesn't feel worthy of you, and it's on you to assuage her insecurity.
Yes, comfort tests require a degree of beta behavior.
Comfort tests are more often manifested during her Luteal phase(Her period) where she feels ugly/insecure, and is trying to make sure that the Alpha male she selected for reproduction wont abandon her after getting her pregnant. (As high testosterone males are likely to do.)
Comfort tests are outlined by insecurity and vulnerability sometimes disguised as a yearning for affection. You must respond to these with MINIMAL beta behavior, always holding frame. She wants to know you love her, because love=manipulability.
As an RP man you have to give her a false sense of love, which in turn is a false sense of control for her.
Shit tests on the other hand are administered during her ovulation phase(baby making period) where she wants to make sure your genes are suitable for her to take, thus she begins a filtering process to test your qualification or fitness, i.e., shit tests.
These can be bratty and sometimes show overt manipulation on her part.
Women need to feel like you're worth investing in on two fronts: you have high SMV and you're not going to bail on them after they give you what you want. I suppose you can say a shit test is for checking your resume, while a comfort test is a background check.
Examples:
shit test: "You're just going to sit around on your day off?"
shit test: sends you a random pic of her lady bits. she wants to see how you react, and/or it's a gift.
comfort test: "I don't want you hanging out with her." When she thinks the girl may be competition.
comfort test: she sends you a picture of her face to see what you'll reply with.
While it's good to always pass a shit test, it's not always good to pass a comfort test. Failing comfort tests increases dread, which can be good for a plate, or a wife that knows she's been a shit head lately. On the other hand, passing comfort tests illiminates LMR and is the 'balance to BP/RP' married dudes are always talking about.
You seem to have a good grasp on examples. Would you mind taking a few more minutes and thinking of more examples of each? I'm sure a lot of men could benefit from that.
Sure, sorta. Since shit tests have no right answer(that makes literal sense), the root of the question is a product of solipsistic bullshit, hence why there's no concrete examples. For instance,
"Does this dress make my ass look fat?" Would be a shit test from a modern hot girl, while it'd probably be a comfort test from a white woman in the 80s.
Basic questions about your SMV could be considered shit tests, "What do you do?" Or "how tall are you?" You could dance around those all night and it could inflate(or decrease) your SMV.
I dated a stripper for a while that'd shit test by dressing like a whore (stilettos, mini skirts), fishing for gawking and to see how easily I'd give her attention. That was a shit test.
Alpha widows will compare you to Chad Thundercock: "are you always free on Fridays?", "how many Facebook friends do you have?"
Hm... "bashful" girls will use low self esteem as a weapon, "why are you with a girl like me", "I'm not beautiful."
As for comfort tests, they come when your SMV has been established already, "are you going to be talking to a different girl tomorrow?" "Why are you with me?" Passing them involves increasing her SMV slightly.
Like /u/AlphaAsFAQ said it's hard to describe to be honest. (FAQ id be curious to hear further input from you.) Here's a few hints from me.
Is it about you specifically? Likely a fitness (shit) test. (It's often easier to distinguish when you think of shit tests as fitness tests.)
Is it about how she fits into your life? Likely a comfort test.
Is it post-intercourse, especially post orgasm for her? Likely a comfort test.
Are you with a group of people in a social non romantic setting? Likely a shit test.
Of course there are exceptions to all of these hints. The only good teacher on this thing is experience IMO, these are just a few observations I've made.
Usually I'll plate a girl and then things will go alright for a bit. After that, they often either find a more alpha guy (hypergamy is a short man's greatest enemy) or they complain that I don't give them enough attention/time. They question me and piss me off with the fucking nagging.
I try to maintain frame. In fact, I increase my frame in situations like this. If she asks something like "am I just a sex toy to you", I'll say something like "yeah, you're my little slut and you always will be". This really polarizes them, which I read in "Models" by Mark Manson is what you want from women.
But like 2/3s of the women will leave when I say this. The 1/3 that stays give more passionate loving, but I really miss some of my former hook-ups. I know I'm supposed to maintain abundance mentality, but sometimes it's hard to find girls that are into what you want (e.g. I like submissive women who enjoy being spanked/belted/abused, and it's hard to find because fat women took over my local BDSM community).
Let me know if you need more information about my situation.
But like 2/3s of the women will leave when I say this.
You hit it on the head with
hypergamy is a short man's greatest enemy
If you are not a high value male, you can't talk to a girl like that and expect her to stick around. I would reconsider your responses to the shit test in your first paragraph. Something like, "yeah, you're almost as good as the real thing" or "maybe, let's see what size battery you take...". Telling her that she is a slut is not a good response.
I suggest you read up on shit tests a bit more; there are heaps of posts on shit tests and comfort tests in the main sub.
No, you do have some redeeming qualities. Not many, but a few.
Is that all you feel like you are? Wow, you really have a low self-esteem.
Are you criticizing that aspect of our relationship? We don't have to have to have sex if you don't want to.
But I thought you liked having sex. Is there something wrong with you? Do you have psychological problems about sex? Did something happen in your past.
Haha, you're funny. Sometimes you say the weirdest things.
There's something you misread. You are supposed to be polarizing in your first approach so you get attention/interest and be memorable, not in the long run when a girl is insecure about your prospect and your intention to bang other girls...
The 2/3 that left you were probably a bit more respectable, or at least respected themselves enough to not tolerate what you said to them. They would probably be ok with LTR (subject to debate imo), and they did not accept being just plates (or at least YOUR plates). The remaining 1/3 are indeed content with being plates.
If she asks something like "am I just a sex toy to you", I'll say something like "yeah, you're my little slut and you always will be". This really polarizes them, which I read in "Models" by Mark Manson is what you want from women.
Someone should chime in because I really don't think that's what he meant... he was more talking about in general, especially in an interaction when you're meeting a woman. I think that's a comfort test and that response sounds really extreme, even to me. That response is like the equivalent of being like "I don't like you but the sex is great" which doesn't leave her hamster any room to run. You do want to establish your frame but also reassure her because it is post coital and she is very sensitive & self conscious.
Maybe someone can come up with something better but I would have been like "if I wanted a sex toy I would have a blow up doll / fleshlight somewhere in this room" (delivery on this is important, you want to seem sort of amused but perturbed) and then once you've deflected that, give it some seconds to air out...and command her to come to you (and then you can just cuddle or hold her and that should be re-assurement enough for her). But someone else should really chime in.
Assuming you are talking about your LTR... (Note: I enjoy talking about this exact topic but because you couldn't be fucked writing anything in your body, I will keep my reply very short).
This is not an easy answer until you are well versed in RP knowledge and know your LTR well. In short, shit tests (fitness tests) are meant to test how good you are. Comfort tests are meant to test how good your relationship is.
You can definitely get comfort tests from plates who want to upgrade to an LTR or become more exclusive. Very common when you are the highest value male on their radar. The best way to shut this down is to make it clear where they stand and be honest with them, sounds like you are already doing that from another comment you made.
I disagree with daygamer and would say you should not buy them presents for Valentines and Bdays. The only time you should buy a plate something is if she exhibits outstanding behaviour, e.g. brings you breakfast in bed when you are hungover or cleans your house from top to bottom. Even then you are in danger of sending the right signals but good behaviour should be rewarded and gifts are an easy option there.
You can buy Valentines and Birthday presents if you want to, you definitely don't have to buy gifts if you don't want to. Personally I would not bother.
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intelcorei5 9y ago
Tone.
Is it a stupid-ass question, where agreeing and disagreeing are both (obvious) wrong answers? Shit test.
Is it a innocent, not-well-thought question, where agreeing or disagreeing is a plausible correct answer and the other is much more correct?
Does it cause drama or alleviate it?
bsutansalt 9y ago
There's a good Heartiste post on this, but I can't find it at the moment.
Shit test: Why are you talking to me?
Context: she's questioning your worth; are you up to her standards. One of the responses in my Shit Test 101 thread would apply here.
Comfort test: Why are you talking to me?
Context: She doesn't feel worthy of you, and it's on you to assuage her insecurity.
Zeparic 9y ago
Yes, comfort tests require a degree of beta behavior.
Comfort tests are more often manifested during her Luteal phase(Her period) where she feels ugly/insecure, and is trying to make sure that the Alpha male she selected for reproduction wont abandon her after getting her pregnant. (As high testosterone males are likely to do.)
Comfort tests are outlined by insecurity and vulnerability sometimes disguised as a yearning for affection. You must respond to these with MINIMAL beta behavior, always holding frame. She wants to know you love her, because love=manipulability.
As an RP man you have to give her a false sense of love, which in turn is a false sense of control for her.
Shit tests on the other hand are administered during her ovulation phase(baby making period) where she wants to make sure your genes are suitable for her to take, thus she begins a filtering process to test your qualification or fitness, i.e., shit tests.
These can be bratty and sometimes show overt manipulation on her part.
stickfiguresk 9y ago
Women need to feel like you're worth investing in on two fronts: you have high SMV and you're not going to bail on them after they give you what you want. I suppose you can say a shit test is for checking your resume, while a comfort test is a background check.
Examples:
shit test: "You're just going to sit around on your day off?"
shit test: sends you a random pic of her lady bits. she wants to see how you react, and/or it's a gift.
comfort test: "I don't want you hanging out with her." When she thinks the girl may be competition.
comfort test: she sends you a picture of her face to see what you'll reply with.
While it's good to always pass a shit test, it's not always good to pass a comfort test. Failing comfort tests increases dread, which can be good for a plate, or a wife that knows she's been a shit head lately. On the other hand, passing comfort tests illiminates LMR and is the 'balance to BP/RP' married dudes are always talking about.
Ditario 9y ago
You seem to have a good grasp on examples. Would you mind taking a few more minutes and thinking of more examples of each? I'm sure a lot of men could benefit from that.
stickfiguresk 9y ago
Sure, sorta. Since shit tests have no right answer(that makes literal sense), the root of the question is a product of solipsistic bullshit, hence why there's no concrete examples. For instance,
"Does this dress make my ass look fat?" Would be a shit test from a modern hot girl, while it'd probably be a comfort test from a white woman in the 80s.
Basic questions about your SMV could be considered shit tests, "What do you do?" Or "how tall are you?" You could dance around those all night and it could inflate(or decrease) your SMV.
I dated a stripper for a while that'd shit test by dressing like a whore (stilettos, mini skirts), fishing for gawking and to see how easily I'd give her attention. That was a shit test.
Alpha widows will compare you to Chad Thundercock: "are you always free on Fridays?", "how many Facebook friends do you have?"
Hm... "bashful" girls will use low self esteem as a weapon, "why are you with a girl like me", "I'm not beautiful."
As for comfort tests, they come when your SMV has been established already, "are you going to be talking to a different girl tomorrow?" "Why are you with me?" Passing them involves increasing her SMV slightly.
RedditArgument 9y ago
Like /u/AlphaAsFAQ said it's hard to describe to be honest. (FAQ id be curious to hear further input from you.) Here's a few hints from me.
Is it about you specifically? Likely a fitness (shit) test. (It's often easier to distinguish when you think of shit tests as fitness tests.)
Is it about how she fits into your life? Likely a comfort test.
Is it post-intercourse, especially post orgasm for her? Likely a comfort test.
Are you with a group of people in a social non romantic setting? Likely a shit test.
Of course there are exceptions to all of these hints. The only good teacher on this thing is experience IMO, these are just a few observations I've made.
[deleted] 9y ago
Usually I'll plate a girl and then things will go alright for a bit. After that, they often either find a more alpha guy (hypergamy is a short man's greatest enemy) or they complain that I don't give them enough attention/time. They question me and piss me off with the fucking nagging.
I try to maintain frame. In fact, I increase my frame in situations like this. If she asks something like "am I just a sex toy to you", I'll say something like "yeah, you're my little slut and you always will be". This really polarizes them, which I read in "Models" by Mark Manson is what you want from women.
But like 2/3s of the women will leave when I say this. The 1/3 that stays give more passionate loving, but I really miss some of my former hook-ups. I know I'm supposed to maintain abundance mentality, but sometimes it's hard to find girls that are into what you want (e.g. I like submissive women who enjoy being spanked/belted/abused, and it's hard to find because fat women took over my local BDSM community).
Let me know if you need more information about my situation.
AlphaAsFAQ 9y ago
You hit it on the head with
If you are not a high value male, you can't talk to a girl like that and expect her to stick around. I would reconsider your responses to the shit test in your first paragraph. Something like, "yeah, you're almost as good as the real thing" or "maybe, let's see what size battery you take...". Telling her that she is a slut is not a good response.
I suggest you read up on shit tests a bit more; there are heaps of posts on shit tests and comfort tests in the main sub.
donit 9y ago
"Am I just a sex toy to you?"
No, you do have some redeeming qualities. Not many, but a few.
Is that all you feel like you are? Wow, you really have a low self-esteem.
Are you criticizing that aspect of our relationship? We don't have to have to have sex if you don't want to.
But I thought you liked having sex. Is there something wrong with you? Do you have psychological problems about sex? Did something happen in your past.
Haha, you're funny. Sometimes you say the weirdest things.
u-r-silly 9y ago
There's something you misread. You are supposed to be polarizing in your first approach so you get attention/interest and be memorable, not in the long run when a girl is insecure about your prospect and your intention to bang other girls...
The 2/3 that left you were probably a bit more respectable, or at least respected themselves enough to not tolerate what you said to them. They would probably be ok with LTR (subject to debate imo), and they did not accept being just plates (or at least YOUR plates). The remaining 1/3 are indeed content with being plates.
PaulAJK 9y ago
You the entire planet mate.
throwaway-aa2 9y ago
Someone should chime in because I really don't think that's what he meant... he was more talking about in general, especially in an interaction when you're meeting a woman. I think that's a comfort test and that response sounds really extreme, even to me. That response is like the equivalent of being like "I don't like you but the sex is great" which doesn't leave her hamster any room to run. You do want to establish your frame but also reassure her because it is post coital and she is very sensitive & self conscious.
Maybe someone can come up with something better but I would have been like "if I wanted a sex toy I would have a blow up doll / fleshlight somewhere in this room" (delivery on this is important, you want to seem sort of amused but perturbed) and then once you've deflected that, give it some seconds to air out...and command her to come to you (and then you can just cuddle or hold her and that should be re-assurement enough for her). But someone else should really chime in.
AlphaAsFAQ 9y ago
Assuming you are talking about your LTR... (Note: I enjoy talking about this exact topic but because you couldn't be fucked writing anything in your body, I will keep my reply very short).
This is not an easy answer until you are well versed in RP knowledge and know your LTR well. In short, shit tests (fitness tests) are meant to test how good you are. Comfort tests are meant to test how good your relationship is.
[deleted] 9y ago
Can a plate do comfort tests or will I only come across comfort tests from LTRs?
Do I treat all tests from plates as shit tests?
Do I buy something on Valentine's and Birthdays for my plates?
AlphaAsFAQ 9y ago
You can definitely get comfort tests from plates who want to upgrade to an LTR or become more exclusive. Very common when you are the highest value male on their radar. The best way to shut this down is to make it clear where they stand and be honest with them, sounds like you are already doing that from another comment you made.
I disagree with daygamer and would say you should not buy them presents for Valentines and Bdays. The only time you should buy a plate something is if she exhibits outstanding behaviour, e.g. brings you breakfast in bed when you are hungover or cleans your house from top to bottom. Even then you are in danger of sending the right signals but good behaviour should be rewarded and gifts are an easy option there.
daygamer69 9y ago
You can buy Valentines and Birthday presents if you want to, you definitely don't have to buy gifts if you don't want to. Personally I would not bother.