About a year ago I discovered Red Pill Philosophy. I went through the 5 stages, and came out a "better man". The problem is I'm miserable. I hate getting out of bed, I hate my morning run and workout, I hated going to work so I stopped, I hate watching my beta friends be whiny cunts, I hate women for all being the same, I hate watching the government run this country into the ground while I'm powerless to stop them, I hate being in this shitty world.
It seems like the only thing that changed for me is that instead of being depressed and alone even when I was with people, now I'm angry and hate everyone I used to love.
I'm never going to kill myself or any of that quitter shit, but I can't lie the idea of not waking up tomorrow sounds fucking beautiful.
Does anyone have any advice for me? I'm only 21 so I know well that I have plenty of time to make a drastic change. I'm currently considering packing up and moving to Kansas to be with my half-brother, he wants me there and maybe I can leave the hate in this shitty city.
favours_of_the_moon 8y ago
Get it all out!
Look deep inside, and find out what it will take to make your life worth living. Do that. The world will take care of itself. You should take care of YOU.
W_O_M_B_A_T 8y ago
This sounds like Major Depression Disorder. I strongly suggest you talk to a psychiatrist or a professional counselor.
I also suggest you get a second or third opinion. You need to find someone whom you trust is going to tell you your problems like they are, and isn't going to give you lots of feel good bullshit.
What you're doing here is taking your own internal, abstract feelings of pain and depression, and Projecting them onto the external world.
Being pessimistic about the world and the nature of reality, in a certain sense, is a Self-Limiting Belief and a Self-Fulfilling Prophesy. It serves a purpose, and the purpose is to prevent you from taking action.
This can be helpful in some kinds of situations, but it generally isn't in today's modern society.
Remember that no matter what your overall worldview is, you can find plenty of evidence to support it either way.
If you choose to develop a positive, enabling, optimistic view on life, then it's not hard to find evidence to support that.
SilentForTooLong 8y ago
I just typed out a few fucking paragraphs about being the exact same as you... and fucking Reddit ate it... hah
Well, let me just say good luck. I lost the love of my life at 21. And I am realizing thanks to TRP that I probably need to kill myself.
I've lived an insane life filled with mastering an incredible amount of hobbies, always working for myself, and just doing everything imaginable that TRP says you should do. I'm tall, athletic, and sexy. I am the pinnacle of what you're "supposed" to be.
But literally none of it makes me happy.
The only thing that makes me happy is a genuine connection with a woman in my life.
And since that doesn't exist, I'm realizing I have to kill myself.
The only thing in the world you aren't allowed to do is love being with a woman, and that's the only thing that makes me happy. After years of conquering everything from starting businesses, to working in every dream field imaginable from fashion, to computers, to gaming, to academia...and being a food critic, a drug dealer, an author, a musician... living straight up deviant lifestyles filled with danger and intrigue of running around underground scenes, hanging with celebrities...and getting lost in various cities drowning myself in straight up hedonism... it's all meaningless to me. I don't give a single fuck about any of it. I am no happier after gaining more muscle, or more money, or accomplishing the wild goals I set out for myself all the time... I feel nothing.
I was happy when I was with a woman I loved passionately every day.
And because of that, I am fucked. Since a genuine woman doesn't exist according to TRP, I can't live in this world.
Sadly, I find myself too much of a pussy to go buy a gun and off myself. I find myself basically hoping I'll just die in some random accident every day, because it doesn't matter at all. I literally live a life that almost any other person on the planet would think is the epitome of a dream life and I am beyond miserable.
Good luck to you.
Maybe you will find something out there better than women...but who knows...
I guess all I can tell you is that, if you aren't ready to kill yourself, just do basically anything to try and find some other meaning... give Kansas a whirl. Do literally anything. I doubt it will work, but you might as well try. But honestly, for those that actually wanted to love women, the few of us out there that actually are happy loving women... the end game appears to be just a pointless death for us.
Good luck to you.
wont_tell_i_refuse 8y ago
How old are you now?
I had a similar thing happen at 23. I'm 25 now and have similar thoughts.
SilentForTooLong 8y ago
Not old enough to have been through all the shit I have been through.
idk why age matters though. Not like if you just stick it out a couple more years suddenly women will change and the possibility of love will be come real hah.
wont_tell_i_refuse 8y ago
So then what was so special about your love? Because mine was just a virgin from a good family. It can be replicated. Someone has it.
Life is long, and you never know. I don't mean that in a BP "you'll meet the one" sense but there's a shitton of women out there and quite a few are much more tolerable as people than the average.
AWALT and all man but come on.
SilentForTooLong 8y ago
idk, she was a 15 year old virgin, and she just, by random luck, happened to have perfect qualities that matched everything I desired in a woman in my dream fairytale world. And I happen to be a very esoteric person. The odds of me finding such a woman was already very, very low. Hardly anyone gets struck by lightning twice...
For all I know, the fact she was killed only a few years into it might've just saved me from watching her turn on me later anyway.
Who really fucking knows?
Obviously you can't go around dating 15 year old after a certain point, and that seems like the only even remotely possible way things maybe could go...once women get a taste of the world that hands them all the power and privilege associated with owning a vagina, it's over.
Either AWALT, or they aren't... and if they are, then there's no hope.
wont_tell_i_refuse 8y ago
I had a strikingly similar experience. Exactly as you describe -- esoteric guy here too, and mine happened like a bolt of lightning. Still, that "woe is me, no one will ever love a weirdo like me" idea is essentially just feeling sorry for yourself.
Mine is still out there, on the CC. I left her and a year later she permanently cut contact.
And yet because she's still alive, I realized AWALT. Any capacity for pair bonding she had died probably about a month after I left, considering that in this culture women are encouraged to destroy their only value even more by having wanton casual sex after break-ups.
I think on your end it would have been healthier to just see her grow and change into another shitty woman. If things ended between you two -- and they very well might have -- you would have said, "Oh well, that sucks. AWALT."
Other reason I asked how old you were is that there's a 19 year old Polish virgin out there who would absolutely love your Americock. Just get out there. Make drastic changes if necessary.
SilentForTooLong 8y ago
Yeah, well, if women are incapable of pair-bonding, then it's not that I'm too weird to love, it's just that women are incapable of love...so no real reason to stay alive is there?
I've ridden the carousel of ONS and shit too, and it sucks. I don't even enjoy it for whatever fucked up reason, I assume my brain is damaged in some way.
wont_tell_i_refuse 8y ago
But that's circular logic! You claim to be depressed because of this girl in your past, but she couldn't have loved you anyway.
And yet whatever that feeling was, love or whatever people claim it is, that made you happy, so if you could replicate that you'd be happy.
The difference is that now you know it was fake. Try just going with the flow instead.
SilentForTooLong 8y ago
Huh? You misread me. I have just realized I won't have anything to live for because of the impossibility of love. I wanted what I had in the past to last forever, and realize that that was all a lie means there is no reason for me to be alive. It doesn't have anything to do with the singular girl really.
I'm saying that knowing it was fake is what makes life not worth living anymore.
wont_tell_i_refuse 8y ago
Shes' dead. Does it matter whether it's "real" or "fake"? It was sure as shit real in her mind. You are overthinking this.
You probably need therapy about as bad as I do dude.
laughkisskill 8y ago
Care for your mother, adopt a daughter?
Just curious if you've considered the second one seriously. "young daughter, it'll be expensive", maybe you can raise her with your knowledge and experience to be a well adjusted RP woman, who will love you as a child can. Maybe you can't have exactly what you want, but you might get close enough to find some slivers of happiness.
Also, there is nothing wrong with settling in the rare cases of impossibility. "though you sound incredibly driven, so I doubt you'd handle that well"
Also check for chemical imbalances. (obligatory)
As for sexual love, I'm really sorry bro. Some people "rarely" get close to unconditional love in a sexual relationship. I'd suggest looking for the shut ins.
It would really be a shame for this world to lose someone like you, (maybe) just remember G. K. Chesterton :
"the man who kills a man, kills a man. The man who kills himself, kills all men."
Damn that is sobering.
Versace_Potpie 8y ago
I... fuck man that is my worst fear. I wish you the best.
YouDislikeMyOpinion 8y ago
You want everything to be perfect. I want my life to be great.
Get better friends.
Get women that like you and do what you like around you.
So get your money and live your life the way you want to.
Come back when you make over 100k per year, have friends that would consider you brothers, and have women that will do what you want when you want it.
bonerfleximus 8y ago
The point of swallowing the pill is so you can see the world for what it is and find your own happiness, not the homogenized fantasy life that bp culture feeds you. Before swallowing the pill you were content chasing a force fed dream that is ultimately a trap. Now that you see the world for what it really is, it's up to you to find your path. This time, however, the dream you live will truly belong to you. Stop being bitter and start walking forward. Also, let other people stay bp. You're trying to open their eyes because the RP path is a lonely one, but you're better off finding solace in solitude and enjoying people for who they are.
CisWhiteMaelstrom 8y ago
Sounds like you're still in the anger phase. There's no shame in that but keep using the energy constructively. Ultimately life gets better. Personally, I get over being angry at beta fucks by trying to help them. I give them knowledge and advice and sometimes they flourish. Women are a bit less impressive but dude, those bodies. Some of them have big tits, some are smaller, some lift. That's plenty variation.
Versace_Potpie 8y ago
I won't disagree, maybe I still am in the anger phase. I try to point my friends who are still stuck in the matrix in the correct direction, but I've found that generally they ignore my advice (their loss I suppose). As far as women go, I see where you are coming from, perhaps it's the low sex drive (I plan to have my testosterone checked soon, I recently learned about the symptoms and I have a large number of them) but I don't find any pleasure or even... release... in random sex, only with a woman I feel a "connection" with. I've spun 40ish plates over the past year, so I feel comfortable saying that with confidence.
CisWhiteMaelstrom 8y ago
You need to get that test check. It sounds like a testosterone issue. How are your gains coming in the gym?
Versace_Potpie 8y ago
Very well in the legs and core, non-existent in the chest and arms. I had this same issue when I lifted for football in highschool. I was deadlifting 500, squatting 375, and benching 90. Right now I'm at DL 375, squat 250, bench 110 (I'm 6'2, 210lbs for reference)
I'm also having absolutely no luck loosing the last bit of fat around my stomach despite proper diet and exercise.
blacwidonsfw 8y ago
How is your bench so terrible. Not trying to be a dick it's just your other lift are great.
I'm 175 and 6 2 and I can bench 225 but can barely squat 200(super terrible). But I can deadlift 320. It's weird how different bodies are for different people.
Versace_Potpie 8y ago
I don't know. I can't seem to build muscle in those areas for some reason. I don't really have an explination.
blacwidonsfw 8y ago
What do you do for chest?
CisWhiteMaelstrom 8y ago
Impossible. Calories in/calories out. Do you keep an honest food journal?
cdogg75 8y ago
false. Hormones
Versace_Potpie 8y ago
I used to. I should restart doing it.
CisWhiteMaelstrom 8y ago
It's absolutely critically necessary. You won't feel good if you're fat.
Versace_Potpie 8y ago
Absolutely true. It's weird to me when I run into people I used to go to school with and they complement me on how skinny I've gotten. All I ever think is "Yeah thanks, but I'm still not where I want to be."or "Yeah but I want to wear a size 32 not 36."
Kose2kose 8y ago
The fuck? Kansas? The fuck's in Kansas?
Anyways, 21 is a rough age. I had the same feelings. I am still very nihilistic and think there is no point to anything really. But as the last few years go by I'm learning that there are some things worth living for. You haven't traveled everywhere yet. You haven't had kids yet. You haven't made a family yet. You haven't done anything really when you think about it. How do you know that there's nothing to look forward to if you haven't even been alive long enough to discover what brings you happiness? You have so many experiences to live through it's not even funny.
You can't do what makes you happy without money though. It's all about making money and then spending it on things that bring you joy. Seriously. They say money doesn't bring happiness. That's true. It's the things you buy with the money that make you happy lol. You can take awesome trips with money. You can go to nice places with good weather and beautiful women. You can ride jet skis and swim on the beach. Have you ever been to Greece?
You're being awfully shortsighted as I was at your age. I'm telling you though. Those feelings will change.
Keep lifting. Keeping working. Keep striving for more. Stop thinking about the grim realities of the world. I know, the government is out of control and this country is going down the tubes. But there's nothing else you can do but focus on YOU and YOURS my man. That's it. Focus on what you gotta do to make more money and get more swole, and EVERYTHING else will fall into place i promise.
IronMeltsinmyHands 8y ago
Be positive and you'll find the good things in life. Bad way to go about saying it, but I'm not wrong.
jkonrad 8y ago
Get with a better class of people.
tepper2 8y ago
You're still in the anger phase. You see the world for exactly what it is, and you're still angry about it because you're powerless to change it.
But why would you want to change it? You know how it all works now.
The world an unfair place. And it will be the same way in 1,000 years when the next great civilization has taken hold. All you can do with your time here is make the most of what you have, and achieve whatever goals you have for your time here.
Sounds like you lack any objective. Figure out what you want to achieve this week, this month, this year, this decade, then devote your efforts towards achieving that. Some people want to have kids, start a family, make a ton of money, slam a bunch of fresh pussy.
Whatever it is, you have to find your own meaning and make your own happiness, because the world is never going to start giving a fuck about you. You can't be angry about it forever.
Versace_Potpie 8y ago
thank you, I'm not really sure how to reply quiet yet. I'm in an in between phase where I'm starting to accept that my goals might just not be inline with what is even possible right now. In short, I am trying to jump to the end game without any clue on how to get there.
niczar 8y ago
Sounds like you're having a depressive episode; probably nothing to do with TRP.
Get yourself some 5HTP, lithium orotate, and/or tianeptine.
myexile 8y ago
21 is a rough age to be a man in this country. I was lost as fuck a couple years ago when I was 21, went to therapy and the works.
Felt like I was in some kind of quarter life crisis where nothing had a meaning and absurdity was all around me. Pretty frustrating and utterly depressing feeling. While it hasn't completely gone away, when I look at experiences I have had since recognizing these feelings, I see that I'm glad I kept pushing, even when I felt it was pointless.
I wasn't suicidal as you say you aren't as well. I just felt life was absurd and had strong sense of demotivation.
Keep lifting and running, eating healthy, working/studying. Keep finding ways to improve yourself. It's a rough road but there are good days ahead. A lot of days will suck, but the goal is to be able to look at yourself a year ago and see positive change.
Also, a big move might be exactly what you need. I was living with my parents until last year so that I could save money and have help with a down payment on a house when I got a salaried job (that was a deal I sort of had with them, save money commuting, use money for down payment on house as they paid for school).
Instead I decided to say fuck it and spend some of that money moving out into the city near my school. Best and at times worst time of my life. I had a really shitty couple of months, but the majority were awesome and have changed me in so many ways. Part of that was moving out, most of that was a change of scenery.
You're 21, don't stand idly as life passes you by.
Versace_Potpie 8y ago
I think you managed to put everything more elequintly then I did. Thank you for your advice, I do think the best choice for me would be the change of scenery. Pittsburgh just feels like the wrong place for me, I've never felt "at home" here. I hate the weather and the hills, Hays Kansas is pretty much the polar opposite of here so maybe it will be the first step towards moving past this anger.