I'm a skeptical man by nature. I hear all the time how men get raped in divorce court. I've seen it personally from working in an industry where I get to see the finances of my clients on a daily basis and just how many are getting fucked over with alimony and child support payments. I did see one woman paying alimony one time though..... again... one, out of hundreds!
However, I'm curious to hear from an actual divorce attorney or something. Someone who is legitimately in the industry. Someone who can potentially cite cases or answer questions with reputable knowledge.
I tried searching for an AMA by a divorce attorney but had no luck. Are there any RP divorce attorneys floating around on this website? Can we get an AMA from someone who can actually reveal how things go down?
LS_D 11y ago
there's actually some great divorce related stuff amongst the side bar stuff IIRC The Rational Male has a big section on it ... or one of those blogs does, very long and detailed for US citizens mainly but anyone really
vox_veritas 11y ago
I am a divorce attorney. I really don't have the time to sit here and do a traditional AMA though. I'm happy to answer questions, I guess, but it won't be instantaneous. You should also consider that domestic law is highly fact and jurisdiction specific (I'm in the US), so I'd be able to speak only in generalities and without reference to the location in which I actually practice.
NGGYUNGLYDNGRAADY 11y ago
General questions...
Do you think the benefits of marriage outweigh the consequences? If so, which benefits in particular?
Are men unjustly getting fucked over in divorce court or do most situations seem fair?
Do you know of any online resources outlining examples of what really goes on in divorce?
What is the best advice for men to protect themselves from getting royally fucked over in divorce?
Any general knowledge you'd like to share, or have you done so already and can link it to make your life easier?
If you get a moment I think you should do an AMA or something. It'd be nice to have someone reputable comment on a tradition that is starting to be perceived as the biggest threat to a man's finances. Potentially clear some misconceptions if you see a lot being thrown around here and similar subs.
BluepillProfessor 11y ago
I am a legal investigator (in a previous life) who interviewed several hundred divorce clients over several years.
Not for men. The benefits for women are well known.
Fucking yes they are. I have heard reports that it is slowly starting to change since I left the practice and went to Graduate School in the early 2000's. In the 1990's it was so horrible and so unfair in case after case after case I still have nightmares.
This is a closely guarded State Secret. Google it and let us know.
Don't get married. If you get married, marry a woman who makes more money than you and be her Alpha Fux, not her Beta bux.
vox_veritas 11y ago
I don't know that I'm in a position to answer that. By the nature of what I do, I typically don't meet people until the marriage has fallen apart. I don't really think this is a 'legal' question, anyway.
Edit: I am a proponent of traditional marriage, and I am a Christian. I will say that, in my opinion, a good 75% of the divorce clients I represent never should have gotten married in the first place. Typically, they have gotten married either for the wrong reasons, or at the wrong time -- e.g., the woman is pregnant, or they are 20 years old and 'in love' and don't have any idea what the hell they're doing. I would guess that the average age of my divorce clients (I also represent people in all aspects of domestic law, including adoptions, termination of parental rights, custody cases where the parents were never married, etc.) is in the range of 35-45 years old. However, I have represented people as young as 19, and as old as 62.
Sorry if this seems like a mealy-mouthed answer, but... sometimes yes, sometimes no. I don't know if I'd necessarily say most situations seem "fair", but I would say that 90% of the outcomes I see are not outrage-worthy (keep in mind that 95%+ of cases end in settlement, not trial).
Get a prenup. I don't care what the reddit hivemind says about "all prenups are thrown out immediately in court". It isn't true. If both parties have independent counsel and the prenup is signed at least several months before the wedding, you're well on your way. The only other thing to consider is your particular state law on making your prenup presumptively valid (usually entails full sworn financial disclosure and independent counsel).
NGGYUNGLYDNGRAADY 11y ago
Are there any legitimate common things that could easily be overlooked to make a prenup become invalid?
vox_veritas 11y ago
I am a divorce attorney. I really don't have the time to sit here and do a traditional AMA though. I'm happy to answer questions, I guess, but it won't be instantaneous. You should also consider that domestic law is highly fact and jurisdiction specific (I'm in the US), so I'd be able to speak only in generalities and without reference to the location in which I actually practice.