(I wanted to post this in the actual red pill subreddit, but I figured it would be safer to post it here because I still have much to learn.)
Since I've taken the red pill, I've come across this term many times in various articles and essays and recently it finally hit home for me. So I will use this post to define Hypergamy as it relates to me as an individual and seek your thoughts on the matter.
Hypergamy is:
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The default biological setting for all women.
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It is this reason that women can only feel true physical attraction for the best males (the best looking men with the best fitness indicators, the cream of the crop, the "elites" if you will. Male models, movie stars, and other men with distinctive and outstanding looks, status, sex appeal and the like).
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It is the reason why women constantly say one thing and then do the exact opposite as it pertains to the type of men they are truly attracted to.
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It is this reason that they can never be fully honest with themselves, let alone anyone else about the type of man they seek out. They will make up any reason to justify chasing after the "elite" male, even going so far as to blame everyone else around her for what she did (predictably, everyone else will kowtow to the version of reality she's fabricated).
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It is the reason that women cannot feel true attraction for the rest of us men who are not "elite".
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It is the reason why a woman is, down to the core of her being, incapable of loving a man the same way a man loves a woman. As an individual, I would be fine with the type of girl that takes care of herself and spends time at the gym (since I do the same). For a woman, this is not the case. If the man she happens to be in a relationship with does not fit the description of an "elite" male, the best he can hope for is an emotional bond similar to that of a family member. This simply will not last.
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It is the reason why a woman's "love" is, at best, fleeting (if she is not attracted to the man in question).
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It is the reason that women spend their prime sexual years chasing after the men that give them thrills and butterflies (read: riding the cock carousel) and in the process, casting men like me aside.
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It is the reason why even if she happens to land one of these "elite" males, she will still keep her eyes open for an upgrade even if she's in a "committed relationship". If she can land one in the top 20% (using a numerical example), who's to say she can't aim higher?
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It is the reason that women doll themselves up on a Friday or Saturday night when they head out with their various groups of friends to clubs/bars/parties. They look for "elite" males but know that if they cannot manage to attract one, garnering attention from hordes of clueless betas will suffice. Speaking of which, they will never admit to why it is they truly go out, instead, they'll offer some roundabout reason such as "I'm here to dance" or something akin to it.
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It is the reason behind how women operate in their individual social circles and all the politics therein (such as who gets to be in said social circle and the hierarchy of males who populate it). It is here that one can get a good look at how she manipulates and works behind the scenes with her girlfriends to maneuver things towards her own ends (whatever those may be at the time).
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It is the reason why a woman looks at a man like me and thinks to herself, "I wonder if I can get this loser to smother me with attention before I throw him to the wayside." or similarly "I wonder how much money this loser makes." On a related note, it is the reason why anytime a woman shows "interest" in me, I am instantly suspicious of her motives and put distance between her and myself.
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It is the reason why men like me aren't even allowed to so much as look in the direction of pretty much every woman (atattractive or otherwise). Hypergamy also reduces the status of men like me to at or near zero and women simply don't appreciate, and downright resent, low-status males in general.
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It is the reason why women keep a stable of orbiters in her social circle at the ready so that when the time comes, she will pick the one who will be able to provide (read: $$$) the best for her and her future children.
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It is the reason why after she's had her fun (read: hit the wall and lost most of, if not all of her sexual appeal towards the alphas) she then "settles" (or at least puts up with temporarily) for the beta providers. Said man provides for her and children that are, in all probability, not his thanks to her years riding the CC. He is none the wiser nor does he care because he's finally found "the one" (or so he thinks). Yes, even if she's open and honest with him about her sexual history, he still doesn't care.
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It is the reason why after she's had her fun, she has the nerve to approach men like me for marriage despite the fact that she wouldn't have even spit in my direction years prior (even if I'm not a "beta" in the classical sense of the word, it doesn't matter, her biological urges tell her that I am not one of the "elites", so she will treat me thus).
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It is the reason that despite "settling" for marriage, she cannot turn-off her biological urge to seek an "upgrade" at all times and, even past her wall, should a man appear who fits the description of an "upgrade", she will act on said urges while her beta husband/provider will be none the wiser (after all, he probably "trusts her with everything". I'm willing to wager that she convinced him to do so as well).
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It is the reason that she will, in all likelihood, initiate divorce and leave said provider paying off alimony and child support for nearly the rest of his life.
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It is the reason that women can never truly settle nor be happy.
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It is the reason that I myself cannot truly make a woman happy.
- It is the reason why I will never fully trust a woman, period.
Finally, and most important of all, it is the reason why, taking all of the above into account, it's no longer worth my time or energy to have anything to do with women. All evidence suggests that my life would simply be better without them. For years I couldn't describe that sense I would get in my gut telling me that there's no reason to pursue anything with a given woman, that there's no point in trying. This was the word to finally put a finger on the pulse of what I was sensing. Now whenever I'm around a woman, I disengage completely, mind, body and soul. I know what lies ahead for me (as a "non-elite" male) if I decide to open Pandora's box. I want to make it clear that I have no problem with anyone seeking out the person whom they deem to be the best for them, I happen to disagree with a lot of (if not all) of the methods women use to achieve these ends (such as manipulation, disloyalty and other tactics highlighted above).
Taking the red pill gave me a much needed wake-up call, and honestly, a heartbreaking and sobering one at that. I'm not proud of the fact that I had to come to these realizations, but it had to be done. I could no longer go through life denying the reality of the world around me as it pertains to women. That kind of intellectual dishonesty is not only unpardonable, but seriously detrimental to my health, wealth and well-being.
It could have been me that ended up a clueless beta provider marrying some girl who had just gotten off the cock carousel, well past her expiration date. It could have been me orbiting around in some woman's social group, hoping against all hope that she'll one day choose me for marriage. It could have been me that decided to give up on my passions because some woman wanted me to give up everything to raise kids that are probably not mine and giving them all of my resources to do so. It is the reason why I could have been just another statistic in the "divorce rape" category.
It is the reason why I never have and never will be good enough for any singular female no matter how much I improve myself.
Now I can move forward with a clear conscience. I will do all the things in life that make me happy simply for that fact alone. Now I truly know that I no longer have any obligation to any single woman (I never did anyway, but now I truly believe it deep down, through and through). I can pursue things such as lifting, traveling, learning a few instruments, learning a few hobbies, learning meditation and martial arts, spending a few years in some far off location and other things that will further expand my mind and help me become the type of person that I ultimately want to be. I'm free of the need to live my life, even in part, for women.
bicepsblastingstud 10y ago
You're in the anger phase, and that's fine.
However, I would urge you to remember that people, on the whole, are decent. Women are not consciously manipulating you. Women are not consciously trying to screw you over. All they're doing is trying to have the best life they can.... just like you and I do.
Feminism -- leading to unchecked hypergamy -- hurts women more than it hurts us.
If you think that a woman can never be happy with a man, I suggest you spend some time reading (and not posting) over at /r/redpillwomen.
oldredder 10y ago
This looks like conscious, willful manipulation to me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48qUJ1puE7M
favours_of_the_moon 10y ago
Oh, women ARE deliberately using evil to manipulate you. But not all of them are complete psychopaths.
dtmh88 10y ago
Thanks, I'll give that section a look-see and only lurk.
bubbleki 10y ago
You hit the nail right on the head. Women who learn how to use their brains is all that is required to defeat runaway hypergamy. Hypergamy itself is not the problem as wanting the best you can get is natural and good. It is the lack of morals, of which loyalty is one that causes the problem.
[deleted] 10y ago
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bubbleki 10y ago
Women are already conscious of it, at least on the surface. They have the ideal man who they wish to meet tempered by reality. The real problem is that a lot of women are completely brain-washed by the nihilistic culture. Morality is relative and critical thinking is considered a waste of time which among a plethora of other cultural memes leads to the deterioration of the individual.
This is also true of men though. Men want a good woman while they themselves are mediocre in every way. A lot of men consider spineless devotion to be a virtue, which it most certainly is not.
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favours_of_the_moon 10y ago
That's the bottom line. Do your own thing, it's the only way YOU can be happy.
dtmh88 10y ago
I suppose there is a small part of me that thinks it's possible, but highly doubt it. I dunno, I've just dealt with them enough to know that even if I get a sick physique (for example), it won't matter. I could be wrong, but the "elite" vs. "non-elite" is kind of set in stone as far as they see it.
It's much easier just to move forward and do these things solely because they make me happy. What women think is irrelevant.
BiggestDickInTheRoom 10y ago
It is possible. Being in the top 20% of anything is not only possible, but not even very difficult. In any endeavor, 80% of participants don't even give a shit. To out compete the 80% all you need to do is try. Literally just trying is enough to put yourself head and shoulders above the crowd.
Getting into the top 5% is a hell of a lot tougher.
bicepsblastingstud 10y ago
You're projecting. Nobody has any idea what kind of man you are until you show them. "Elite or non-elite" is set in stone as you see it, because you can't see yourself as one of the best. Your homework: read the book "Mindset" by Carol Dweck.
Other people won't believe in you until you believe in yourself. And you won't believe in yourself until you've discovered your grit and character. Your homework: read This article. It's a bit goofy, but I want you to read it and think about that mindset. Then I want you to go do a misogi.
dtmh88 10y ago
Thanks again. Will give this all a read. The misogi might be hard because I don't have a waterfall near me. Lol.
bicepsblastingstud 10y ago
Haha.
I get that you're joking, but I want to reiterate: then put on a backpack and walk for 10 hours. Ride your bike 60 miles. The actual act doesn't matter. What matters is that you need to prove to yourself that you can be better.
Everybody says "be confident in yourself" like it's a choice, like you can just decide to be proud of nothing. There are aspects of choosing your mindset, yes, but how can you be confident in yourself if you don't know who you are?
Test your limits. Succeed at this small thing. Begin to figure out who you are.
the_number_2 10y ago
I had a huge taste of hypergamy this past weekend. I was with my friend visiting his fiancee at school a few hours away. She takes us to a country line-dance bar to meet two of her friends, one who is engaged and one who is single and a bit of a wild one. Party girl is in a sour mood, so I chat up the engaged one, doing nothing special at first but my default state which is pretty sarcastic and quick witted anyway.
It keeps her laughing, but the best comes when she asks for a cigarette. Says she quit a year or so ago, and her fiancee (who lives several hours away) absolutely hates smoking and would be very upset with her for it. Without skipping a beat, I blurt out something to the effect of "I should borrow a lasso from one of these country boys and tie you up for being a bad girl", and her response was to take a step towards me and say "maybe you should, I've been a naughty girl."
Throughout the night, she kept getting closer to me, dancing with her head on my shoulder or touching my forehead, telling me I'm a great dancer and great singer, having me feel her abs to show off her workout. She made a comment about how she'll lose more weight by the next time she sees me, then asking when she'll see me next. I said "tomorrow morning" and she proceeds to invite me to stay at her house, which was about 5 minutes away as opposed to 45 minutes we would otherwise travel.
At this point, my friend's fiancee (who I was visiting / staying with that weekend) decided to jump in and cut it off, trying to tell me that she's just flirty sometimes and that she's sooo in love with her fiancee. Umm... I've seen flirty. This wasn't flirty. This was "fuck me".
bicepsblastingstud 10y ago
http://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2tqbf8/the_number_one_mistake_of_married_women_marrying/
the_number_2 10y ago
Yeah, I saw a picture of the guy. He's a bit... doughy. Seems like a "Nice Guy", probably treats people well, treats her well, provides for her. But he didn't strike me as very dominant, passionate, or thrilling (to the degree that one can tell about a person from a single photo). He seemed more like a teddy bear, whereas I feel like I showed her some excitement. She even turned to my friend with an air of intrigue and posited the question, "Who is this guy?" with quite the smile on her face.
nicethingyoucanthave 10y ago
Well, sort of. A more complete explanation is that for all of us, our conscious faculties use reason and logic and serve our own enlightened interests. When we speak, that's what comes out. But our instinctive drives are in the service of evolution (that is, serving the species as a whole, not necessarily the individual) and represent powerful motivators.
In other words, when you talk to a person, you're talking to a conscious, rational being that knows what is best for himself or herself, and speaks with that in mind. It's as though you're talking to the left-frontal cortex. You're talking to an executive who is technically in charge.
...however, when this person is actually faced with a decision, he is suddenly overwhelmed with feelings. Those feelings are the manifestation of our instincts, and they are so powerful, and seem so correct, when you're in the moment, that it's very difficult to resist them.
Your conscious self cannot anticipate them, so when you speak, unless you have specific experience with that feeling, you can't say "well, when I get to the point of making that decision, I'll probably go with my gut (or heart or whatever)."
Your conscious self can override them. You are always technically in control of yourself. But people very often go with the feeling because it feels right. This is particularly the case when you've been raised in a culture that has fed you a mythology about love. Why would you doubt that feeling? You believe in love, don't you??
I'll give a gender-neutral and even non-sexuality example - mostly for the blue pillers who lurk here, for whom such examples are the only palatable way for them to understand this stuff.
Ask people what kind of food they're going to eat and they might tell you they're going to eat a salad. That's the conscious rational part of their brain which knows a salad is healthy and is what's best for them. But when faced with sugary food, the instinctive craving is incredibly strong. Most people don't know the why - they don't know that this craving evolved to help our ancestors. But they sure feel it, and it's often powerful enough that they put aside their rational choice in favor of following the instinct.
Anyway, the bottom line is that women aren't lying when they tell you what kind of guy they like. They aren't conscious of hypergamy or their dual mating strategy or any of that. When they give advice, they're giving rational advice - they're telling you to be a salad, because salads are nutritious. They really do mean it.
But this is why we say not to bother listening to women's advice. Because when faced with a choice of guys to date, the instinct is so powerful, of course they end up following it.
SuperDuperShibe 10y ago
The way I see it is that I feel indifferent towards women, rather than intentional disfavor.
If one comes along that complements the way I live life, I will give it a shot, and I'll see how things go from there.
I held your belief for a time when I first discovered TRP. Things will get better. They usually do.
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oldredder 10y ago
his world-view is 100% accurate - to think otherwise is what's really sick.
It's a personal situation he additionally feels he's not attractive to those women but even if he was that wouldn't make these women better than the reality he's described.
Roshambo_USMC 10y ago
Hmm, can't tell...
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oldredder 10y ago
seems legit
Linrraba 10y ago
Back in 2002 there was a MTV show called I Wanna A Famous Face. I remember until this day an episode where an obese girl spent a shitload of money to look like Kate Winslet. First thing she did when she recovered of the cirurgy was ditching her boyfriend, the dude that took care of her while she's trapped in her bed due pos-operatory, the dude that fucked her when she's a fugly and was hoping to go balls deep in a hotty now.
Bigger_Than_Prince_ 10y ago
Let's get real, he walked right into that one. And he's probably much better off for it.
favours_of_the_moon 10y ago
Wall of text, but a good summary.
I've experienced this before, girls who were just married who come at me hard when they know we're gonna be alone. It's almost like a weird bonding thing that happens between the two of you.
I guess I never attributed it to me being "alpha." lol