I want more sex. But often get rejected cuz she's tired or "doesn't feel like it", and sometimes cuz she's on her period. In these cases, she would stop me when I start making out with her.
I'm already increasing my SMV everyday by lifting. What's wrong, why is she rejecting sex from me, and what should I do to fix it?
The fact that she still works in my favor (logistically she cancels plans to meet me, travels all the way, and pays for meals)... So I'm not sure why a girl would be doing this BUT NOT HAVING SEX WITH ME. I may be overthinking this, perhaps she just has a low libido.
Any help would be good!
Hamilton5M 10y ago
She's either banging someone else, or she's sexually dysfunctional.
Either way, you are wasting your time.
BinglesTRP 10y ago
From what he's described, she's between the ages of 18-21.
It's great that OP has found TRP. While he clearly hasn't even begun to swallow it, something tells me this girl will help him along the way in a few weeks/months.
He needs to soft next this girl immediately.
TheGillos 10y ago
Or she's not attracted to him due to his attitude or looks. Either way this should be a deal breaker for any self respecting man.
FocalBox 10y ago
Yeah. She often gives valid reasons so I give her the benefit of a doubt (hungover, tired, lack of sleep, period...), and she makes up for it with other favors like buying me shit and cooking me lunch...
plus I don't pay for her or invest much in her in the first place.
How should I go about this? I'm gonna look for other prospect plates in the meantime.
MightyTaint 10y ago
There's no such thing. Hungover or tired? She shouldn't drink so much such that she can't take care of her man, and she should be getting enough rest. You don't like sex on her period? BJ time.
If a woman expects you to restrict her sexual options to just her, she is volunteering to meet your sexual needs. If she isn't, find someone who will. They are out there, and if you find one, you'll never go back.
100_percent_trigger 10y ago
There's another side to it these guys are missing.
Perhaps you aren't acting sexually dominant enough to turn her on.
DoesNotMatterAnymore 10y ago
you mean, keeping you around?!
FocalBox 10y ago
Essentially yeah. I always make sure she's investing more though (she pays more money, logistically cancels shit, cooks/cleans for me). I don't even pay for meals.
The only value I offer essentially is sex, validation, and my presence.
In return, I get her working for me non-sexually.
But still for some reason she rejects sex from me. I basically makeout with her whenever I get the chance or whenever we're alone, maybe I'm giving out my sex too easily?
DoesNotMatterAnymore 10y ago
My brain hanged for good 5 seconds after this part sentence.
Since we don't have enough info, let's go back to the basics:
"You cannot negotiate desire"
bazwalt 10y ago
^ that right there.
Tom_The_Human 10y ago
♂
Edit: How do I Mars symbol?
The-Pussy-Whisperer 10y ago
Copy and paste!
FocalBox 10y ago
Okay, so what should I do?
I have sexual needs. Yes. How do I make it clear that I want more sex, without sounding like a butthurt bitch and threatening her -- but actually making her crave and want it more?
redistheonlycolor 10y ago
Date someone else. Someone that wants to fuck you and not feed you.
FocalBox 10y ago
Okay, so what should I do?
I have sexual needs. Yes. How do I make it clear that I want more sex, without sounding like a butthurt bitch and threatening her -- but actually making her crave and want it more?
The-Pussy-Whisperer 10y ago
Next your orbiter and find someone to fuck.
justskatedude 10y ago
Stop asking for it. Go long enough so that she brings it up and counter with I'm tired or don't feel like it. If you can hold out a week and not act like she's desirable anymore she will probably start wanting to fuck your brains out. If not, then she's cheating and you should dump her. Lack of sex for more than a week is a valid reason to dump someone if she didn't just get out of a pregnancy.
spoetnick 10y ago
Become a guy that she wants to fuck. Try to learn why she isn't attracted to you. Are you in poor shape, do you have a BB character, are you boring in bed, is there a physical disabbility, doesn't she feel the need to sleep with you because someone else is scratching that itch?
Amping up the dread game might trigger some reaction, just be aware that if you don't bring anything to the relationship, as you said, she could just walk away. Which might not be a bad thing, since you aren't getting laid anyhow.
FocalBox 10y ago
That's the thing. I don't think the problem stems from me.
I've read Sex God Method, so using his paradigm we can analyze this objectively:
Dominance - I'm definitely dominant in the relationship. She seems me as an authority (sometimes a bit too much of an authority), I'm aggressive when it comes to touching, I spank her occasionally and I grope her tits, even in public. In terms of "touching her" and showing her physical affection, I do that quite often to the point where she might even take it for granted (i.e. she leads me on and doesn't put out when I escalate).
Emotional - I often reward her investment (she cooks for me, she comes all the way to find me, etc) by showing my affection (i.e. kiss, compliment, hug, "I love it when you do this"). I always frame it so it's like she's done something to please me, and in return I praise her.
Variety - I can see this lacking. Because of logistics (we both live with our parents), the only place we get to fuck is HER house. Therefore, in a sense she controls the frequency and the availability of "sex". She controls whether I can come to her house or not. And if I do go to her house, she controls whether we can fuck or not, etc. That's not good but there's nothing I can do about it (suggestions appreciated). She also never initiates.
Immersion - she gets immersed with my dirty talk.
My SMV is much higher relative to her (I dominate her intellectually, career-wise, physically, and emotionally by being stoic). She knows I have other options (I've imposed dread).
According to her, out of all the guys (she's 18 and dated 3), I'm the only one able to make her cum. And after each fuck session, she would get really horny and says she craves it more and wants it more. But eventually, after like 3-4 days, that horniness disappears.
I have no idea what's up. I don't think I'm doing anything wrong that is under my control. Ideally, I would invite her to my place to fuck (so I control the frame) but logistically it's impossible. Having sex in public is also a bit risky and spikes up her LMR. The inability for me to "control sex" in the interaction is inevitably holding me back.
But still, I think there's a bigger problem than that. And I don't know why?
If the problem is me, I can't identify it. And regardless, I'm working on improving my SMV day by day already so I'm not sure what else I can do but seek out other prospects to satisfy my needs.
spoetnick 10y ago
Sgm is great, I would've recommenced it but you've already found it. Some advice regarding this, try implementing every DEVI step in the bedroom as well.
You both living with your parents probably doesn't help. I don't think anyone who still needs their parents gives that manly man vibe.
You can still hold frame at her place. Even if she 'controls' the logistics, you only lose frame when you let her call the shots. If she doesn't want to sleep with you, there is going on more than that.
You also said that one of her regular excuses was that she was hungover, she also has banged at least three guys and she's just 18. Have you read the "10 signs you are dating a slut" post? I can link it later if you like, I'm on mobile now. Because between the lines, there are some pretty red flags.
That aside, can you think of reasons why she isn't attracted to you? Or can you think of reasons why she should be attracted to you? What makes you the man beast she needs to plow her?
How does she respond to dread and how far did you take that? How is your abundance mentality? Do you tackle the shit and comfort tests? Are you increasing your smv?
secret_barber 10y ago
You really need to understand that sex is the most critical component of a romantic relationship. BOTTOMLINE: if you are not fucking, you are not in a relationship. If ever she denies you, you need to immediately withdraw emotional intimacy and look elsewhere for a relationship. That said, she may have valid reasons for not wanting to fuck you (like she thinks you suck), but I promise you it is not because she is tired or on her period. Sex feels good, always. Quality fucking relieves menstrual cramping, headaches, stress and more.
If she's too tired to fuck, tell her to go to bed and you then go the fuck out.
FocalBox 10y ago
Okay. Is putting this much pressure on the girl for sex healthy for a relationship? If the tables were turned, I wouldn't want sex from someone that pressures me. I'm just trying to understand.
If I have cramps when having sex, again, I won't want it.
secret_barber 10y ago
This is some blue pill, emotional bullshit. You're presupposing what women feel based on what they tell you. They are embarrassed about their period. If you are at all grossed out by it, they are choosing not to fuck you.
With your next sexual relationship, take note of how she brings up the topic of sex during her period. It is a test. They all want to fuck on their period - SEX FEELS GOOD - even at it's most heavy flow. She already deals with the grossness of it and she hopes you will bravely join her in that experience. Be a fucking man ...blood ain't nothing.
"I don't give a shit. Put a towel on the bed or let's fuck in the shower."
MightyTaint 10y ago
Nobody said to put a bunch of pressure on her. You keep translating what people say into dumb blue pill shit you do. The key is not to give a fuck if this person fucks you. People are telling you, you need to stop pussy footing around and essentially tell her "there is zero pressure to have sex with me honey, I'm just letting you know I am a sexual being, and I will be getting sex. If it isn't with you, that makes me sad, but if that's how it is, so be it."
She isn't being pressured, she is being informed of your stance on sex and relationships, and she is more than welcome to find someone more compatible with her if you guys diverge. No pressure. Just fact of the matter.
The fact that you keep acting like everything you do is "pressuring her" makes me think she's already manipulated the fuck out of you, and you're walking on egg shells all the time. Remove someone having this much power over you.
secret_barber 10y ago
Exactly this. There is zero pressure on her to adapt to your needs. If she is perfectly content NOT having sex, okay - wish her the best with that. You have to be willing to walk away from your commitments - personally and professionally, otherwise you make yourself a slave. If she really gives about your relationship, she will choose to adapt to serve your needs. That's not pressure, that the reality of an honest (conditional) relationship. She's losing you and you're telling her. End of story.
MightyTaint 10y ago
Not just that, but is it really a commitment? He committed to be exclusive with her, with the (at least implicit) agreement she satisfy his sexual needs. She reneged on that. He's reacting post the commitment already being broken.
secret_barber 10y ago
Agreed. The first time she refused sex, it needed to be addressed.
RPMahoutsukai 10y ago
There are no valid reasons for a girl not to want sex with a guy she desires, because biologically we're wired this way. Male initiates, female responds. In a proper relationship with two undamaged mates, whenever the male wants sex, the female will gladly have sex with him (barring temporary medical issues). This is how it should happen normally: you get all the sex you need, and she's glad to give it to you, unless she's obviously damaged (like she's having a fever and her body temp is 39C, or she's on a period and in pain). There are no petty reasons not to have sex - both of you being tired, her having bad day at work, not feeling like it - that's irrelevant.
Obviously for her it's not so. And that makes her sexually dysfunctional. That does not mean you must dump her, but it does make her broken, and it's her job to fix herself, not yours. If your SMV is high enough, if you initiate properly in a confident manner (you come onto her, kiss her, press her against the wall, make out, maybe say something passionate or dirty about how you want to fuck her right now) and if you have a place to have sex in that she's comfortable with, then you've done your part of the deal.
If your evaluation of your dymanic is true, then there indeed may be hope. But you'll need to have an honest talk. Tell her you need to talk, seriously. Make some time for it, in a comfortable atmosphere. Hold frame, your frame should be: this relationship cannot continue as it is, because you expect your girlfriend to enjoy having frequent sex with you, the way it's happening is not normal and not natural, it should be that there's just lots of sex and both of you are happily enjoying it together. Tell her you'd love to hear her part of the story, to understand her. Does she think sex is supposed to be frequent? Does she enjoy having sex? Does she orgasm, is that important to her? Does she have preferences, wants, fantasies that are not being fulfilled? Regardless of how she feels right now (she obviously doesn't feel like having frequent sex), does she welcome an idea of a relationship where sex is frequent and both enjoy it? Tell her to imagine, if she would want sex as frequently as you do, and would receive pleasure from having sex, would she like your relationship more? Maybe there's something you're doing that's breaking the deal for her, and you can fix that?
Then, make your decision. If it is to dump her, don't frame it like "you're broken I'm dumping you" but rather just tell her you two are obviously incompatible, and her making effort to please you (cooking, favors) won't change that.
FocalBox 10y ago
This sounds a bit threatening. She's gonna be like "Fine... I'll suck your dick geez". But that's not what I really want. I want her to genuinely enjoy sex with me, and having this conversation with her kinda makes it seem like an obligation and pressure her... thus making sex less enjoyable for both of us.
RPMahoutsukai 10y ago
Definetly do not guilt trip her into having sex with you. You are right, you're not negotiating desire here, that's pointless. You're exploring your situation. Your goal is to find out if she really wants the kind of sex life you want, if you can do something to help (or if you're doing something to hinder it), and if you can help her find out what's bothering her and preventing her from being more sex-positive.
You must understand sex libido is a matter of preference and compatibility. If yours is high and hers is low, then you just don't fit. It will be your task to explain it to her then, that she should not suck your dick just so that you don't dump her, but rather that she should find a person who's libido matches hers.
FocalBox 10y ago
Do you think that's asking too much though?
We in TRP already admitted that there is no unicorn that has the perfect libido, perfect looks, wife-material, low n-count, etc etc.
It's inevitable that we have to compromise. Aside from lack of sex, everything else she does is on point (and is why I give her a chance).
RPMahoutsukai 10y ago
Sounds logical that you have to compromise.
Thing is, you don't!
Why?
Because wielding TRP, we are the top men of the world, since only so little men in the modern world really understand what being man is about. Masculinity is vastly obliterated in modern men. Even men earning millions sometimes remain indoctrinated betas who can't satisfy women.
You are on the top. And you can have any girl you want. And if you're not on top yet, you have all means to be! So work on yourself and you will be on top. And then deserve any girl you want.
Right now you're constantly looking for ways to compromise, tolerate red flags - instead, look for what you want in a woman and do NOT compromise. Doing this will also send her a message to keep her shit together and improve herself. And send a message that you have abundance mentality and are a prize to be won. That's the position you want to be in.
FocalBox 10y ago
I have extremely high standards when it comes to women. So much to the point where her painting her nails could be seen as indesirable.
I think I should realize the reality that 95% of the girls my age will probably have a few red flags (it's inevitable), and how much I am willing to tolerate. I'm only nineteen so most of the girls my age are immature, lack self-control and self-discipline, etc.
I know I will never find the perfect HB10 virgin with zero red flags. That's just unrealistic, but after this encounter I have a better view of what I expect from women, and this will set a framework for the minimum criteria a women must meet for me to tolerate her.
RPMahoutsukai 10y ago
Do you really want a relationship with someone you "tolerate"? Why not date non-exclusively (plates) while actively screening for a proper relationship partner?
FocalBox 10y ago
Maybe I'm inexperienced, but why is this true? If I were a girl, and I'm tired as fuck, I would naturally not want to give a blowjob (it's a lot of work). Even as a guy, when I'm stressed with exams, I wouldn't wanna waste time fucking.
I initiate all the time. I usually start with kissing, making out, being really forward/aggressive (pining her to the wall/sofa, groping her tits), but I sometimes get the same rejection. So I've done my part.
Aside from her reluctance to sex, a major thing that makes our sex infrequent (like once per two weeks) is logistics. Again, we both live with our parents, and her house is only free like once a week. So I can't really open with "I expect to have more frequent sex" when its logistically impossible.
I'll have this talk with her -- coming from the mindset of understanding what she wants sex-wise from the relationship. I'll do this next time she rejects me (if ever). She may shrug it off as "I'm just tired" or something, but I'll insist on having this talk.
druganswer 10y ago
back in highschool i'd always tell parents i was going to wherever and then we'd go to a park and have sex at night...
if the girl is into you she'll fuck you wherever... if sex seems like a chore for her she's using you for something else (in this case it sounds like validation / emotional comfort)
FocalBox 10y ago
How much truth is in this statement? Is it not possible that she's actually tired? But okay, since this is the consensus of this subreddit I'll accept it.
How do you keep giving her the tingles even after years of relationship? I mean, the opposite is true for us men (once I fuck a girl, she kinda drops from an HB7 to an HB5) cuz you've "attained" her
druganswer 10y ago
patterns.. is she always "tired" etc... if there is always an excuse, then the excuse is just that.
how to keep giving her tingles after years?
dont know ask someone more experienced lol i think you can't ever drop into a comfort zone where she knows she isn't going to lose you or ever thinks she's the best you can do
RPMahoutsukai 10y ago
But it doesn't have to be a blowjob, there's your regular PIV sex, yes? Would you not want to relax and have pleasure basically given onto you? Because when she's tired, she can just relax, let you take her as you please, and just get pleasure delivered - all she has to do is breath heavilly, moan, reciprocate touches and scrap your back with her nails when you make her orgasm, while you do all the work (pounding her, talking dirty etc.) Does this make sense? If no, please tell me why.
Question: Do you enjoy sex?
Take something you enjoy doing. Drinking beer, spectating sport matches, playing video games, watching porn, shooting a gun, whatever. When you're stressed with exams, but you have free time, or after a tiring day at work, wouldn't you like to indulge in that?
I assume the answer is yes.
Therefore, it looks like the way you approach sex is as if it is something more of a chore, not something to enjoy. This may be the problem. This is your problem, not hers. It actually may (or it may not) be that this attitude towards sex is felt by her and therefore she treats it the same way.
I assume yours is also free at least once a week? Twice a week is quite good, especially since it can be more than one sex act per day. I don't see a logistics problem here, at least, personally, for me having sex three times a day two days a week is kinda enough (that's my "schedule" with my current LTR and it satisfies me).
I'd advise to do this talk not when she rejects you, but just do it when you meet next time and she isn't obviously horny. That way it won't look like you're offended by the fact you were rejected.
Finally, personal experience for reference (if you're interested):
I'm 28 and had about 10 girls in all of my BP life, one of which was my wife for ~6 years. Had my share of different sex libidoes, and mostly it was either "starfish" or "shy" or "not really wanting sex that frequently". Can't blame them, I had no standarts for women and I behaved like an utter blue pill omega, so they probably had no desire for me whatsoever, and sex with me was cringeworthy, boring and uninspiring.
After being RP-reborn for half a year, I now find myself in an LTR with a 19 year old, I'm her first (not a virgin, but she had vaginismus so she couldn't have PIV sex before I helped her solve that). She's quite reasonable, traditional and just all around good quality woman with very little red flags.
They way sex happens between us is it... just happens, all the time! I visit her place once a week and we have sex 2-3 times. She visits me on weekends, we usually meet saturday evenings, sleep at my place and spend sunday together. We have sex 2-3 times in the evening and 1-2 in the morning. She doesn't really initiate, but she appreciates my initiative, and really makes me feel like I'm welcome by reciprocating kisses and touches. She needs no lengthy prelude to get wet and ready (literally, I'm reading all those books about spending 15 to 30 minutes on prelude, well, she's ready in like 2) (she likes it when I tease her, though, so I spend various amount of time on prelude). She orgasms once every several minutes (which translates to several of her orgasms per 1 of mine). Afterwards, she won't let me go for like 15 minutes and just lies on my chest, kissing me etc., telling me not to go because it's so pleasant to just relax like that.
She's not really into blowjobs or handjobs. She would do it if I ask, but kinda reluctantly. I'm not really that dependant on them either, so I'm fine with that.
She's only denied (rather, delayed) sex once, and that was because she was very hungry when we came home, and even then she was even kinda apologetic about it (I told her she should not apologize because it's reasonable to be hungry after not eating for so long). That's not counting, of course, one another time when she just started her period and was trembling from pain in the morning and didn't sleep well - obviously, I wasn't going to pressure her for sex in that condition (I did get a handjob though, after I told her I'm horny for her and she has to help me out).
When we were really tired and went to bed after visiting an exhausting open air event and driving home at night for 3 hours straight, we just started kissing and I rolled over her and said "After all that happened today, I thought we were going to be exhausted and have no energy left for sex" and she playfully said "That's it, let's sleep" and I playfully replied "No fucking way" and we had a nice quickie.
FocalBox 10y ago
Sounds awesome. You say she has very little red flags -- what are the red flags that you know of and tolerate? (I don't know how much is very little, and knowing yours would be a good benchmark).
RPMahoutsukai 10y ago
Read the redpillroom blog, that dude is way ahead of me in terms of how to choose women and how to treat your preferences, red flags etc. Also, read Married Man Sex Life Primer, there's a chapter on how to pick a girl to be your wife.
As for red flags in my case, they're so insignificant I don't really have to "tolerate" them. Things like, she tried going to the gym and dropped out (as most people do, not enough discipline to go there on schedule). Does excercises at home though, in the mornings. She has a slim body, so that's fine.
FocalBox 10y ago
How's that a red-flag (because of lack of self-discipline)?
If that's considered a red flag then pretty much all TRPers could do is date unicorns and fuck the rest.
RPMahoutsukai 10y ago
Pretty much all TRPers date non-exclusively for sex only. Plates. Red flags are kinda irrelevant there as long as she's exciting you, giving you good sex and isn't crazy. If you're talking about LTR or marriage though (which majority of TRP followers don't really do) then red flags become important, because you're commiting to a relationship with a person, and thus become influenced by that person. You need proper screening and standarts in order to make sure this relationship makes you better, not worse.
niczar 10y ago
Go peruse /r/deadbedrooms, read a few dozens posts, or even a hundred or two ... then come back to us to see if it's worth investing more time with her. Or don't; I guarantee you'll know exactly what to do.
FocalBox 10y ago
Thanks.
hrm0894 10y ago
If she's not there for you physically then you're not there for her emotionally.
FocalBox 10y ago
I acknowledge that, but it sounds like a threat.
MightyTaint 10y ago
So don't tell her everything. Men act, they don't talk. She is denying you sex? Deny her attention. She calls you out on it? Play dumb and try to initiate sex in a "of course I want to pay attention to you" manner. She starts being more concerned with your needs, you pay more attention to her. She doesn't? Move on. Nothing can be salvaged.
formermangina 10y ago
Maybe depression or some other such mental disorder that reduces your libido but still makes you want to hang with people you care about.
FocalBox 10y ago
Yeah she's definitely very negative and depressed. I'm usually the one that makes her happy, and her friends.
FocalBox 10y ago
Yeah she's definitely very negative and depressed. I'm usually the one that makes her happy, and her friends.
RPAlternate42 10y ago
She's comfortable with you because you provide comfort, consistency and resources; in her head, she has secured her mate.
Read this: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/4790313.stm
And then start upping the dread.
Read this: https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2lpafb/the_12_step_plan_of_dread_book_excerpt_from_my/
LeGrandDiableBlanc 10y ago
How's your sex game?
Just because you are in an LTR with a girl, doesn't mean you don't still need to game her to have sex.
I would reccomend reading up on the DiCarlo Escalation Ladder and the Sex God Method.
The long and short of it is that you have to start off numbingly slow, build up sexual tension over an hour or more, and finally end up in an extremely dominant sexual frame. Get physical. Throw her around, pin her, etc.
94redstealth 10y ago
take advantage of the meals and fuck someone else. be sure to tell her you are going to get your sex elsewhere
Authority8 10y ago
I disagree with a lot of the responses here. Some women have low libido. It sounds like she does a lot of things for you.
You need to convince her to allow you to fuck other women.
The key is that she knows you care about her more than them. You'll need to straddle a line between cheating and telling her everything; she will not want to know the details of who or when you are having sex with other women. But she will share you as long as she knows you care about her.
MightyTaint 10y ago
Convince? Allow? This is TRP. Men do not convince or ask permission. Men act. If OP wants sex elsewhere, he should tell her that's what he's going to do. If she wants to stick around, great, otherwise, oh well.
Authority8 10y ago
By convince her I just meant, do it and tell her deal with it.
[deleted] 10y ago
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FocalBox 10y ago
Why do you say that?
I'm not really orbiting her or doing favors for her or paying for her...? I don't even give her much attention
dandar4600 10y ago
She just doesn't find you sexually attractive. You are her beta buck.
From The Rational Male:
Super-Saiyajin 10y ago
Anavar raises a girls libido.
A guy on Tren makes every girl want to fuck him though!
bertmaklinFBI 10y ago
eh i dropped tren and still feel like a piece of meat.
Super-Saiyajin 10y ago
Sounds like OP needs to hop on Tren for a little bit!
bertmaklinFBI 10y ago
If the OP hops on Tren he won't need her because he will be trying to fuck anything resembling a hole.
adsnell2004 10y ago
You are her friend.
CryptoManbeard 10y ago
So your question is should you break up with her or not? It sounds like you could be Ok with the possibility of ending it, great start.
Start invoking some dread game with her. You're already working out. Flirt with girls in front of her, look at other women when she is talking to you, make sure you are dressing sharp. Basically act like you are hanging out single with a buddy when around her, it will imply that which you don't want to come out and say. Which is, "If you aren't going to fuck me, someone else will."
Another tactic is to keep her around and just sleep with other people covertly. If you want to run this as a social experiment, just tell her you don't want to be exclusive. At the worst, you guys break up. At the best, she gets jealous of your suggestion and ups her game (or she lets you bang others on the side).
FocalBox 10y ago
I intend to do this. I need to improve my daygame (it's the limiting factor for me when it comes to pulling girls)
[deleted] 10y ago
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FocalBox 10y ago
For me, there's a few paradigms that conflict in my head.
ON one end, you should always be escalating/closing. You should always be dominant. You should always pursue. As an alpha male you are inherently sexual and touchy and flirty.
This is what turns her on. My dominance.
On the other hand, I should withdraw this (??). I should suppress my sexual needs. I should be less sexual and stop initiating sex.
Will this not turn her off?
I'm just a bit confused. Hope you can clear it up.
slcjosh 10y ago
Inject some dread game. Start to withdraw and meet other women.
Aerobus 10y ago
A woman who is sexually attracted to a man will not feel tired all the time.
If a woman really sees you as AF she will want to drop her panties and get it on with you.
You have scarcity mentality. Who cares if anything is wrong? Better yet, think that nothing is wrong. YOU are an amazing person who is becoming even more valuable by the day (lifting, improving finances, etc). If this bitch doesn't want to fuck you, drop her, and bang someone else. Abundance mentality.
FocalBox 10y ago
Yeah, and also continuing like this isn't gonna help my psyche anyway (imagine being rejected sex multiple times whenever you initiate, does hurt you ego a bit).
I feel much more like a man and much more free now that we've ended things, and I am free to pursue whatever I want.
FocalBox 10y ago
Even in a 5-month relationship? I don't blame her if she's getting bored or losing her tingles, because frankly I also see her as less attractive than when we first dated (i.e. boring and getting used to it). I feel like it's inevitable.
Yeah. I intend to fuck other girls too, I'm setting some leads but a few have fallen short -- so I'll do some daygame in the next week.
Aerobus 10y ago
In a 5 month relationship, yes, the boredom, lack of honeymoon phase, and general getting used to one another will kick in, so it won't be as naturally spontaneous for her to want sex with you.
The key word there is naturally. Women who understand the importance of keeping their partner happy who are also still sexually attracted to you will make an effort to have sex with you.
This is a problem. You never want to stop dating her while in a relationship. You need to make her still have tingles for you and for her to see you as sexually attractive. For you, a man, it's a bit different. We're hardwired to want variety, so I don't think it's a big deal if you see her as less attractive. Plus, you're not hypergamous, unlike her. You're not going to ditch her because she appears less attractive. You're going to ditch her because she isn't having sex with you enough.
MrEiffel 10y ago
If she just wants to be your maid/cook, let her.
Just make it clear to her that when she isn't sucking your dick, another girl will.
FocalBox 10y ago
How do I do this without coming off as butthurt or threatening her, while also serious enough so that she doesn't think I'm joking or being cocky ?
MrEiffel 10y ago
Well it will only work if you're willing to put the relationship on the line. Which you obviously should.
Just make these points clear:
FocalBox 10y ago
This sounds a bit threatening. She's gonna be like "Fine... I'll suck your dick geez". But that's not what I really want. I want her to genuinely enjoy sex with me, and having this conversation with her kinda makes it seem like an obligation and pressure her... thus making sex less enjoyable for both of us.
third-eye-brown 10y ago
Haven't you already figured it out?
You need to be a man. Man up, choose WHAT YOU WANT. If the relationship isn't working for you, get a different relationship! It should be pretty obvious from the dozens of comments here.
Red-Zen 10y ago
That's because YOU CANT NEGOTIATE DESIRE.
drallcom3 10y ago
If she really doesn't like sex, then there's nothing you can do. I'd start with some light dread game to check if it's you or the sex.
frazzleddd 10y ago
By laying down the rules and telling her what's going to happen you are acting like the man in the relationship which Will actually make her want to have sex with you.
FocalBox 10y ago
Sure, but I'm not sure how to frame it so it doesn't sound like a threat because I couldn't get enough sex from her. I can already forsee her overreacting "so you only want me for sex", feeling pressured from sex, and hence is even more discouraged from sex (and views it as an undesirable thing).
I don't want her attitude to suck my dick be like "Fine goddamnit I'll do it", that'll just turn me off.
In the meantime I'm seeking out other prospects.
redistheonlycolor 10y ago
You aren't going to dump her are you? Fine.
Don't let her suck your dick. Don't let her cook for you. You go down on her and get her off and then do it again and again until she can't take it anymore then you get her off one last time and leave. Tell her that's what you want. You want sex to be like that. Then you do some soft dread using no contact or very little contact till she begs for it. Then you go over there and bang her till she can't take it anymore. You want the sex, that's all you will take from her. No sex, no you.
FocalBox 10y ago
I ended it with her today. Gave her an ultimatum (open relationship or end). She chose end.
Either way I feel much better and free.
The-Pussy-Whisperer 10y ago
You keep wanting to be non threatening. Why?
Sparing her "feelings" is why you aren't banging her.
"You need to put out (and like you want to) or someone else will."
Threatening? Your damn right it is. And it's what any self-respecting man would say in your position. Remember, she closes the gate on sex, it should also close the gate on your commitment.
MightyTaint 10y ago
This can't be repeated enough.
JetteAuLoinTRP 10y ago
Have her sit on a couch or something, tell her you need to talk. Be short, but explicit. Simply state the facts. She will take it badly. She won't like it. She'll probably cry, or slap you, or ram out of the room. Just make sure you say every thing before she leaves. Stay calm, don't raise your voice for no reason, even if she screams, even if she slaps you. If she stands up, calmly ask her to sit down. Make sure every thing is clearly stated, and give her time to think about it. Either she'll hamster it and accept the deal, or you'll be single again.
FocalBox 10y ago
Alright.
I'll secure a prospect first before I make this Nuclear move.
Jethros 10y ago
If you find a prospect, why bother even telling her? You aren't married, you don't have a child with her, why even bother? You get everything you need from her except sex. Get that from somewhere else if you need to. If she finds out and goes nuclear who cares? Her feelings don't matter anyway remember? RP men shouldn't need to justify why they do anything to anyone. If you feel so strongly for her that you feel the need to sit her down and explain your actions, then maybe finding a plate to spin on the side is the least of your concerns right now.
FocalBox 10y ago
I thought it'd be easier and more efficient to sit her down and talk to her, than to find a new plate.
Abundance mentality and all that, sure, but in reality it takes a while to find a girl, set up a new date, charm her, and fuck her.
third-eye-brown 10y ago
If you truly don't give any fucks about the consequences your actions have on others, that makes you sociopath, not necessarily RP.
RP individuals should certainly perform actions that completely align with their principles. If you don't have principles and are willing to do anything at all to get what you want, that just makes you an asshole.
Code_Bordeauxx 10y ago
Right now you're in a committed relationship. You have agreed to a verbal contract of exclusivity, right? Looking for other prospects without telling her is immoral in that case.
Don't be such a pussy and just tell her. You're only stalling at this point. Have some confidence that you will land a better girl even if she breaks it off, because you will. Just tell her that you really appreciate all that she does, but without the sex it's more of a friendship and not a relationship. MrEiffel's instructions are right on point.
EDIT: it seems someone got her titties in a twist over the mentioning of the word 'immoral', which is just what a breach of contract is. OP is free to do as he will, but I didn't come here to encourage immoral behaviour where it isn't necessary.
MightyTaint 10y ago
Except morals are arbitrarily defined. There is no universal morality.
Point being, if OP sees a significant reason that the relationship will fail, he is perfectly entitled to act in his own best interests and consider and act in a way to minimize his own personal burden by its failure.
OPs girlfriend entered this relationship with the agreement she will satisfy him sexually. He entered it with the agreement he will remain exclusive to her. If she isn't holding up her end of the bargain, he's doing her a favor by trying to work through it, and only lining up something if the relationship fails. OP isn't even saying he's going to meet his needs, just prepare for a real possibility of the relationship failing due to her shortcomings. How that's immoral is beyond me, especially since it's after her breaking her commitment to satisfying his libido.
Code_Bordeauxx 10y ago
What you speak of is subjectivism. Many, including myself, disagree with that stance. It is certainly not the fact you make it out to be.
I say that if there is such a thing as immoral behaviour, surely breaching an agreement has to fall under that umbrella.
Hecticchow 10y ago
Dread game. Use it.
FocalBox 10y ago
I do, but whenever I ignore her after she rejects sex it just feels like I'm a butthurt bitch.
MightyTaint 10y ago
That's not dread game. NEVER come off as butthurt. No matter what. Over anything.
She sucks some guys dick in front of you? Laugh it off, and pack her shit and put it on the curb. But never. act. butthurt.
Hecticchow 10y ago
I'm talking months of dread game, stop trying to initiate sex and don't react to any of her bullshit. Focus on hobbies and fitness and your career.
niczar 10y ago
That's not dread game, that's giving her precisely what she wants. He's not complaining about her BS, he's complaining about the lack of sex.
FocalBox 10y ago
Okay. I'll do that.
Problem is that recently -- a few months ago -- I overdreaded her to the point where she thinks I was cheating on her. The relationship was very unstable at that point, and I was getting the sex. So, after discovering this problem I decided to offer more value and provide some security and affection, to make the relationship a bit more stable. And now you're telling me to go back to my old ways.
MightyTaint 10y ago
You mean she manipulated you to stop by acting suspicious. She may cook and clean and pay more, but this woman is clearly manipulating you. She is trying to mold you. Beware.
niczar 10y ago
That wasn't good advice. Go read /r/deadbedrooms, and dump her.
[deleted] 10y ago
[deleted]
FocalBox 10y ago
I was not* getting the sex. Because it was too unstable.
JetteAuLoinTRP 10y ago
You can only learn by practice. Go back to your old ways a bit, not too much. Having her doubt that you cheat can be a good thing.
FocalBox 10y ago
Yeah I'm finding the balance now.
I think another reason there's less sex is because it's getting boring now. The relationship is at a standstill (not really progressing).
kingofpoplives 10y ago
How long has this LTR been going on?
She may just be no longer attracted to you due to boredom. This can happen pretty quickly, especially if you live together. It's amazing how fast a person's libido can reappear when a new lover enters the scene.
FocalBox 10y ago
Idk, frankly I'm bored too (from lack of sex)
My efforts are better spent on other girls and improving my game and SMV
StasisNation 10y ago
Sit her down.
Ask her if it's a problem if you get your sexual needs met by someone else, since it's quite clear she's not interested in you sexually.
She can either start fucking you more or fuck off. It's not a hard decision, and you can pay for your own meals. Just because she wants to be around you, doesn't give her a free pass to deprive you of a satisfying relationship.
And,considering the only perks of dating her you have listed in this topic are : Pays for your food, travels to see you, and a dozen or so sentences with the word LOGISTICALLY in them, I think you need to think about the LOGISTICS of getting some ass in a relationship.
FocalBox 10y ago
This sounds a bit threatening. She's gonna be like "Fine... I'll suck your dick geez". But that's not what I really want. I want her to genuinely enjoy sex with me, and having this conversation with her kinda makes it seem like an obligation and pressure her... thus making sex less enjoyable for both of us.
StasisNation 10y ago
Well, it's not like you can make her genuinely enjoy sex with you /s
Why would either of you want to be in a sexually unfulfilled relationship? That's literally 50% of a relationship. You can find someone who pays for your meals AND enjoys fucking you non stop, and she has the bottom 80% of the male population to chose from.
FocalBox 10y ago
Yeah. I'll just put her on the side for a while (tbh I didn't give much effort in the first place).
I'll focus more of my SMV and hitting up new plates. Also working on my day game.
FocalBox 10y ago
Yeah I have. I'm getting a dorm next year so that will be pleasant.
I intend to have this talk with her although in a less blunt manner. What are the repercussions to this.
How do you say this? I don't want her having sex with me if she's not enjoying it or gonna complain about it. That's a huge turnoff.
StasisNation 10y ago
Look,you're afraid of hurting her, and I get that.
Whereas,at the start of my relationships, I just make sex the main part of it. The girls I'm seeing know that if I'm unhappy, I'm just going to move on. When I get bored, I move on. Even if I have a perfectly good thing going, if I find something better, I move on.
There's no way to say it, it's just something you have to do. But you're like, on the opposite spectrum. You don't get to do any of this, because you didn't set these kinds of expectations when you should have.
That being said, you're not going to tell her you want to fuck other women while you date her, and that's the only thing you should say. So take a week or two off, jerk off, turn down her advances, and find something to preoccupy your time with. If she doesn't come to you after -clearly- not fucking for over two weeks, do you really want to waste time on someone with such a low libido?
Lol no you're not. If you're not willing to give her up, there's no way in hell you're going to be able to dictate the terms of the relationship.
FocalBox 10y ago
I'm willing to give her up if I'm not getting sex at least once a week. She's useless to me otherwise.
She's not much trouble to maintain in the first place, and the benefits outweigh the costs, but either way I rather not be exclusive so I can get my needs met elsewhere.
cottonthread 10y ago
Is she on the BC pill or anything like that? Those things can really screw with some girls' sex drive
MightyTaint 10y ago
This. I have never known a woman who has gone on hormonal birth control who hasn't had their libido diminished significantly, and their mood thrown out of whack. The only exception is Mirena, which releases so little and keeps it localized to the uterus that it has negligible effect.
Men, if your woman goes on BC and within a month or two her libido has dropped significantly, and her mood is frequently out of whack, you know your culprit.
FocalBox 10y ago
Yeah she is, under my request. She said she got hornier for the first few weeks on the pill.
cottonthread 10y ago
Might not be that then, though it could be worth her seeing a doctor for her low libido, especially if it's not usual for her. (Unless you're in the US, where medical care is ridiculously expensive)
JetteAuLoinTRP 10y ago
Might be, too : takes a month or two for the hormones to stabilize after starting to take the pill.