We talk about it like we know what it is, but what IS it?
I've struggled with this and submit this straw man as a starting point:
Frame is your worldview. Not merely what you think the world IS, per se, but the way you think the world ought to be. When something is not right with your world, it is Out of Frame. But it's also the ruleset you live by. The way YOU make YOUR world work.
So when we say "holding frame" with a woman, we mean following the rules YOU have laid down. SHE has entered YOUR frame. You cannot control HER per se, but you can control how YOU react.
Discuss
stickfiguresk 10y ago
Wtf? Frame is how you let people interact with you. People have to enter this "frame" to interact with you. What do you feel comfortable saying to your best friend? What can you say to an old lady co-worker? The difference is frame. You ain't got shit on the latter's old lady frame.
How do you use frame? By setting boundaries. Establishing frame is setting goals and not deviating from the path. And if somebody tries to compromise the path, you next them, or you lose frame.
Example: you want to spin at least 3 plates. You've got 1 and 2 spinning and you're looking for the 3rd, when outta nowhere #2 hits you with, "so what are we?" She's trying to establish her lady-frame.
"Wh-what?" Because it doesn't actually make sense. "We're human beings."
"No, what are WE?" She's now implying exclusivity.
"We're together when we're physically together and we're not when we're not."
"That's not good enough!"
"Then go." No compromises=frame held. What comes next is up to her. Call it manipulation if you like, but she has every opportunity and permission to walk, which is 100% respect.
Example 2: "Come over."
"No, gym now."
"Lol gym> sex?"
"Yes." Frame=held.
Example 3:
"Go sleep on the couch."
"No." Because you're an adult.
"I'm not going to have sex with you for a month if you don't go to the couch."
"Kay." Because you're outcome independant. Now would also be a good time to up your dread game.
Example 4: you're at a friend's house having fun. Outta nowhere he ball taps you--a grown man just slapped you in the testicles. When you recover, you say, "not cool" and go home. You wait for an apology or just don't talk to him for a few days, and if he does it again, you never talk to him again, or if you're the type, you beat the shit out of him. This is frame.
Example 5:
You're hanging out at your black friend's house. It's getting late and you go to give him a half-hug, half-handshake thing and say, "take it easy, my nigga."
He looks at you like you farted on his mother and tells you, "you're not allowed to say that, Brian." This is him maintaining frame.
longerdistance 10y ago
Frame is like your worldview, but not quite.
Frame is the projection of your worldview onto the world.
If your frame is the strongest frame in some social interaction, that means your worldview is the worldview under which everyone currently operates. If the social interaction was part of a movie, you would be the main character.
If you break frame, that means you do something which is inconsistent with the worldview you are trying to project. For example, you want to project and "abundance frame", if you become a whiny bitch when a girls flakes that frame gets broken.
I hope that helps explain it for you. This is the most accurate way I could find to define it.
[deleted] 10y ago
Attitude and what holds that attitude up during changing and trying circumstances.
apskidb 10y ago
Frame is having yourself as your mental point of origin. You can factor other people in your decisions but ultimately you should have yourself, your needs and wants as #1.
Holding or maintaining frame is not wavering due to external forces e.g. complaining gf or social pressure.
The key to frame is understanding that you have to first know what you want (establishing your frame) and then following through with that with a purpose (maintaining frame).
longerdistance 10y ago
What you're describing is a specific, desirable frame, an "I know what the fuck I'm doing and I expect to be respected for it" frame. This is just one part of the many-faceted Frame of a true RP man.
You could just as easily have a supplicating servile frame. Both are a "Frame", it's just that the first one is more desirable and harder to maintain.
Your frame is the projection of your worldview. it's your truth, to put it simply.
When we talk about holding frame we mean that our frame stays the dominant frame in the interaction. You can't hold frame with your average Nice Guy frame.
ibuprofiend 10y ago
You're right. I think the concept comes from NLP. Your frame is the way that you structure sensations into a meaningful view of the world; it's your basic belief system that you use constantly. Everyone has their own frame, and in interactions between people one person's frame is usually forced onto the other(s) so that the other(s) admit things that they don't really believe.
Women want a guy to be strong and unchanging, so it's better for him to have his worldview dominate others' (i.e., "maintain frame") than to cave in and accept others' frames for the sake of reducing conflict (the implication is that such a person avoids conflict because he would lose in an altercation).
longerdistance 10y ago
Having the dominant frame in an interaction doesn't necessarily mean forcing your beliefs onto another person. That's an extreme case that isn't the norm for social interactions. Usually people's frames (world views) don't differ very much from each other, to the point where in groups of friends the frame usually shifts constantly.
That's a minor detail though, your explanation is very thorough and accurate, I also didn't know the concept comes NLP.
Nitrobroom 10y ago
Which concept of NLP is this from?
davsyo 10y ago
You be you, or be you are going to be. Don't let anything change that.
MrEiffel 10y ago
It's a good question and I think it's something very vague which is very easily wrongly understood. As a disclaimer, I don't really understand it.
In general whenever you decide in an LTR or a Plate situation that a certain course of action is neccesary, then it is imperative that you follow through. In RP lingo the woman will bombard with a shitton of shit tests just to see if you're a man or not.
That sounds awesome. But what if your chosen course is simply retarded? We all shout "sidebar" and RP this and RP that but the truth of the matter is that we don't know your specific situation and the ideal course of action is. The only thing we can do is interpret the limited contextual information that you give us and formulate a plan based on our own experiences.
But in the end it's up to you to decide and suffer the consequences if you"re wrong.
thatusernameisa 10y ago
This is VERY important, nobody knows your life and situations better than you, and there are probably many factors in regards to making decisions, so in the end you should probably go with the decision that sounds best to you
OneTouchHowMuch 10y ago
Holding frame extends to everything you do.
I used to get really irritated while driving at every little wrong thing someone else did. Then I realized it's a perfect opportunity to practice frame control. I started practicing ignoring, laughing it off, etc... at other drivers and I actually noticed that I improved a lot with my frame control in "real life", too.
TalkingMonkeys 10y ago
A frame holds a picture. A frame can be a single image or a collection of images that summate a scene. TRP touts the individuality of men and the need for each man to be capturing the image(s) of his own life. Analogously, TRP coaches each man to be a director or a photographer. Hold the frame, make each moment the way you want it to be. This is very effective when a situation involving only two people presents itself, such as when a man dates a woman.
dongpal 10y ago
is that why people love actor stars? because they always hold it or something? or is has this nothing to do with it?
robotghow 10y ago
It's not why, but frame is a very important part of being a public figure.
TalkingMonkeys 10y ago
Try using more statements when you talk. The ambiguity [of repeated half questions] makes the chance of a good response difficult.
That has nothing to do with holding frame. Actors and/or stars are valuable for other reasons: Money, fame or old fashioned good looks. Actors have an identity, and some know how to use that identity for their personal life. That need to have their own identity will inadvertently show them how to hold frame. You can do that, too.