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- Hide Preview | 33 Comments | submitted about a year ago by dropdaego [Post Locked]

lol. fuck. better to ask my rp community than my friends. i'll keep it short.

TL;DR - 4 year ltr. read text convo with some dude about them hanging out to go boating. she agreed but flaked on him and lied about the reason she flaked. but it was really bc she was with me.

as title states...i've been in an ltr for 4 years and this is what happened.

-gf left phone on the bed to go gossip with her sister in other room

-its not locked so curiosity got the best of me

-saw text message convo with some dude whos name i've never heard of. (after 4 years,our circle of friends is tight and i know most of her coworkers names too)

-to preface, this guy sounds like a complete fag. (literally says shit like "i can't wait to hang out with you" lol)

-so she agreed to go out with him to go "boating"

-flaked on him and made some story up about why she couldn't make it. (its bc we were together that night but she said its bc she was babysitting her niece)

-i read the whole thread of convo. seems like she had deleted another convo and he texted her again because at the top of the convo (the oldest message) was just a picture like if it was a continuance of some other message. idk

-the convo was mainly logistics. him trying to convince her to come out but she kept making shit up.

now, i'm not gonna pretend i didn't read that shit. we have a few trips planned out for the rest of the year but i will not hesitate to cancel the flights and trips we have booked and drop her ass.

to add, i have never seen signs of infidelity until now. or maybe i've missed them? who knows i'm not gonna pretend like i'm some fucking guru. i've been reading/practicing trp material since 2010. she doesnt have FB or IG that i know of. she does have snapchat.

i haven't told her i read it or anything. what do you guys think? downgrade? next? hardcore dread? hardcore NC?

[-] BinglesTRP 43 Points about a year ago

In these situations, there are guys who say to downgrade.

I personally believe that there's a period of time that it no longer has any worth to downgrade to a plate. 4 years is WELL beyond that period of time. For what? Pussy? Pussy you've had for YEARS? Say you downgrade her (unlikely) - She'll be pushing you to rekindle a relationship every single time you fuck her. Moreso than a plate would even dare to push you.

There are so, so many women out there that my suggestion is a hard next, no explanation, no contact. She'll ask you why of course, and you will give her NO explanation. You'll want to. You'll want that feeling of crushing her with that news. Don't do it. Silence in these scenarios is so much more powerful.

You simply tell her "I'm done with this relationship". You then delete her from everything, and cut her completely out of your life. Take a friend on those trips you've booked. Enjoy life.

The best revenge will always be living well.

[-] datdude2014 22 Points about a year ago

Pump and dump.

I was in the same situation with a 4yr LTR. I had read the texts in the middle of the night since her phone wouldn't stop chirping at 3am. I woke her up in the middle of the night, maintained frame, briefly explained that I had read a string of texts on her phone "that I could not unread" and that she had to leave my house that exact moment (had already packed all her stuff and left it by the door while she slept).

She did not apologize for the texts, she did not cry, she did not say that she loved me, her only reaction was "how dare you go through my phone". Looking back I wish I had said even less and just told her to leave.

Truth is, by this point, your LTR has most likely already checked out of the relationship and is just stringing you along. You may be able to plate her down the road months/years later, but for now it's a cold dump as suggested by Bingles.

[-] redpillcynic -7 Point about a year ago

What he said

[-] FrameWalker 8 Points about a year ago

Other benefit of no contact no explanation is that she won't get that vital feedback for improving her bloodsucking cuntiness.

[-] Archwinger 28 Points about a year ago

All women cultivate orbiters and back up boyfriends. Confronting her just looks insecure and butt hurt.

Up your dread game and work on yourself to the point where she's petrified of losing you and doesn't dare risk fucking things up. And downgrade her to plate. Start lining up your other options. That alone should get her ass in gear, but she's not ltr worthy anyway. You probably knew that going in but underneath it all figured you couldn't do any better.

[-] bobbybluepill 9 Points about a year ago

This is the correct response, provided you are able to control your emotions.

Like OP, I also dated a girl for 4+ years, needed to end the relationship, but wanted to downgrade her to plate. Ultimately (I've tried to plate her twice over the past 2 years), feelings creep back in and I'm unable to view her as I typically view plates (e.g. if she's out with her girlfriends, I will wonder what they're up to, I will become jealous, I will feel anxiety, etc.). But at the end of the day, I know I can't trust her. Ever. So, there's no end-game.

If you're able really and truly view her as a plate, the best move is to downgrade her. However, if you don't think you'll be able to do it, my advice is to cut her out of your life completely. And don't offer any explanation or have any discussion--just block her from everything and refuse to return calls and texts. Eventually, you'll talk to her and just say, "I realized that I didn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore, so I decided to end it rather than lead you on. There's really nothing else to discuss."

[-] Metalaggeddon 2 Points about a year ago

To add to u/bobbybluepill post, if you cannot say instantly, comfortably, and without any doubt that you can be emotionless about her while she's a plate, pro tip, you can't and don't bother attempting it.

She'll be handful enough without adding in creeping history based feels.

[-] theultmatecad 0 Points about a year ago

I like what you said..it made me think.

Is there an end game with ANY woman? I believe no.

[-] Stayinghereforreal 23 Points about a year ago

"Read your texts to that guy. Don't bother coming around any longer. We are done." Tell any friend who asks exactly what happened. Calmly, quietly, and without any adjectives. Make any such conversation brief before you change the topic, saying "Enough talk about yesterday's news." Then move on to upbeat topics.

Ghost protocol her after that. No calls, texts, visits, emails. Any friend who tries to plead her case is met with a stoney "I made my decision about her. You need to respect that." Then refuse to talk about it more with any such advocates.

[-] Furrealyo 3 Points about a year ago

This x1000. It's perfect.

[-] octoberguy 0 Points about a year ago

Very mature.

[-] GayLubeOil 19 Points about a year ago

Donald Rumsfield, the man who sold Sadam Hussein chemical weapons once said: there are Known Knowns, Known Unknowns, Unknown Knowns and Unknown unknowns.

Known Knowns: The fact that she deleted texts

Known Unknowns: which texts were deleted from whom. How long has she been deleting texts? The extent of her relationship with Chad.

Unknown Knowns are facts which you know but have not applied properly to the situation, basically puzzle pieces which you haven't put in the right place. Maybe she said something about Chad as a joke that wasn't really a joke.

Unknown Unknowns: Shit you have absolutely no idea about, no suspicion of and would complety come out of left field. Maybe she cheated on her past boyfriend? Etc

[-] stillnoturday 10 Points about a year ago

Who moves a girl down to a plate after 4 years? You've been down that road seen all the sites. Move on she was prolly going to use you for the trips plan then look to dump you. Shes already lining up your replacement.

[-] Fulp_Piction 1 Point about a year ago

*Replacement beta bux. If she's 'hanging out' with guys like op describes while sober, what about Chad T.C in the club?

[-] bsutansalt 7 Points about a year ago

Sounds like one of the masses of women on Tindr and such who are already in a relationship using the app to test the waters. At best this guy is an orbiter friend you don't know about, but even that's not good for the health of the LTR.

As /u/Archwinger said, all women collect orbiters and that may be what she's doing here. Regardless, it's time to up your game and institute some dread. It's also time you establish clear boundaries and make it known what your standards and expectations are. You have to be willing to walk away of course if she fails to measure up, so think of this as a sort of ultimatum, even if not presented as such.

[-] mismm 3 Points about a year ago

It could be she's just using the dude for her entertainment/validation and has never even met up with him. Women are like that. Or maybe she already cheated on you. I would try to find more information before doing anything.

She could also be testing the waters for monkey branching. Like others said, make her chase you, dread game, etc.

[-] aguy01 2 Points about a year ago

"It's been fun. Take care."

[-] intelcorei5 2 Points about a year ago

She has an orbiter. You knew that already. You just found evidence. Look at the message convo. She is doing to him exactly what we don't want done to us. He should be nexting her. She has deleted previous conversation not to hide previous involvement from you, but because she has little interest in him.

You're reacting over nothing. As if she's not allowed to have friends of both sexes? It's not like you're married. You're being insecure.

Thanks for coming to us before you did something crazy.

[-] thebigspooner 1 Point about a year ago

what changes once you are married?

[-] intelcorei5 1 Point about a year ago

Most men don't allow their wives to have male friends. Then again, most men are betas and mate-guard.

I can't speak from experience. The best advice I know is: don't marry.

Try the married TRP sub if you want a better answer.

[-] druganswer 2 Points about a year ago

Best move: act distant for a week and get a last couple fucks in and then breakup with her and ghost her without any drama.

Next best move: Ghost her straight up.

Next best: Tell her what you saw, break up with her, ghost her. If she says "but blah blah blah" say well then hopefully our relationship taught you a lesson for your next BF.

No good option ends with anything but no contact.

[-] sodainthewatercup6 2 Points about a year ago

Less is more. Get her out of your life with as few words as possible. The less you say now, the better you'll feel later.

[-] MagneticJohnson 1 Point about a year ago

I'd say, don't think of her like a ltr anymore, but let her think that. she has betrayed you, you can do whatever the fuck you want at this point. get on tinder asap, and get really busy. get a few new "friends". then dump her.

[-] anti_erection_man 1 Point about a year ago

She may or may not cheated on you, what she's doing is obviously uncool. SO:

1.If you sort of care about her or just like fucking her, do a hardcore dread (tell her what you saw, then just proceed to dread her ass, she will try extra hard to please you after this and realise she almost lost you);

2.If she means nothing, do a sudden blackout. One night just leave her a message with "It's over" or something like that, and block her everywhere.

[-] CuntyMcFagNuts69 1 Point about a year ago

Calmly say, "I know some things about you that you don't think I know, we are through. Keep Frame and don't not raise your voice. Break it off like a champ. Monk Mode would be good probably

[-] davevd 1 Point about a year ago

So your LTR is cheating on you...

I personally don't mind the concept of open relationships, and I understand this sort of thing happens for a myriad of reasons some of which is preprogrammed into our DNA, but I'm going to assume you were under a fairly clear agreement that you were an exclusive couple... given the 4 year LTR... obviously it may just be best to break up, so she can do her thing and you don't waste any more time with her. If it were me, I would seek to leave on good terms and remain friends... obviously she cheated so I wouldn't exactly be overjoyed to have that discussion... but its the best you can make of the situation.

But some might say, break up and cease communication. If you're emotionally hurt by her actions... this is probably the best course of action as it will speed up the healing process, and allow you to move on.

[-] bobbybluepill 2 Points about a year ago

So your LTR is cheating on you...

Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. It doesn't matter either way--she's violated trust and either needs to be downgraded permanently or removed from OP's life.

[-] A_Medical_Physicist 1 Point about a year ago

I'm torn on how exactly to do it but I think you need to break up with her entirely. Plating her sounds like more hassle than it's worth considering you've probably nailed her over 100 times by now.

The reason I am torn is that you will probably seem insecure and honestly a little creepy if you say you were going through her phone. On the other side of the coin, not only does she deserve to hear she is a bitch for this, I'm not sure exactly how great you'd come across if you just up and end a 4 year ltr for no reason at all out of the blue. Like you said you two know a completely overlapping group of people at this point so no matter how you do it there will be ramifications.

[-] thebigspooner 3 Points about a year ago

considering you've probably nailed her over 100 times by now.

LOL i sure hope they're having sex more than 25 times a year

[-] A_Medical_Physicist 0 Points about a year ago

Indeed. I just like nice round numbers and 1000 sounded a little risky.

[-] Authority8 0 Points about a year ago

4 years is a long time. Hard next / no contact is best for both of you.

[-] babyboi12 -9 Point about a year ago

First off, it's incredibly beta to have gone through her phone in the first place.

Secondly, you have nothing to worry about. In this instance, her cancelling plans and making shit up is just her way of gently blowing off this guy he she thinks is "genuinely nice".

You found yourself a snowflake, bro. Congrats. Keep doing what you've been doing as long as what you've been doing is right.

Practice makes perfect, if you practice perfectly.

                                                               -sk12
[-] datdude2014 1 Point about a year ago

Going through the phone of a plate might be beta, but not necessarily beta if she's an LTR.

I get that as an alpha we shouldn't have to resort to it, that they should be submissive at this point in the game. But if he had a bad feeling about the relationship or caught on to sings from his SO, then by all means investigate.