Ok, here's the setup. I've been dating this girl for about a year now. About 9 months ago, I upgraded her from a plate to exclusive. She likes my "guy game." One year in, we live apart, she cooks all of my meals, cleans all of my dishes, fucks me 5-7 times a week, regular blowjobs. Our relationship is fine and satisfying.
We went to a music festival this weekend. We're camping next to a few guys who seem pretty cool. We hang out with them a bit. One of them starts hitting on my girlfriend. He's real slick, though... for those of you knowledgeable about powertalk, he had plausible deniability and all that.
I knew what he was up to... about 90% attention on her, tried to ignore me for the most part, etc. As soon as I said her name (to her), he started using it... touched her arm a time or two, etc.
As far as she goes, she might not have know what he was up to. I knew, for sure. For context, this girl has had orbitors her entire life, and is genuinely surprised years later to find out they had crushes on her. (usually in some weird drunken confession on their part.) I told her the following day that I "noticed he had the hots" for her. She thought he was just being nice, so she said. Maybe true, maybe not, but no matter for my question. I'm just trying to give all of the details in case I'm missing things.
Update before post...
I've talked to her about these things to some extent.
What I didn't talk about... was that after the "You're a lucky guy" comment (which was in front of her), she got shitty with me later in the night. I'm 95% sure those things were related.
My reaction was a dismissive shoulder shrug. His reaction to that was to try to provoke a comment. He says "What?" My reaction was another dismissive shoulder shrug along with "Huh?" My girl: "he thought you said something." Me (to both him and girl): "nah." My girl clearly didn't understand the subcommunication happening at the time. Anyway, that's not her job.
I still need to figure out how to handle the "you're a lucky guy" comment from sociopaths. This wasn't some beta that admired me. It was a very subtle power move right in front of me. (and her.)
Anyone have insights on this? I know it's not a "beginner" question. Maybe this isn't even the place to ask, but I'd appreciate input.
Pushnikov 11y ago
Your girl isn't a fool. Never buy that he is just being nice bullshit. She is an adult and played the game before.
Jealousy is fine. Girls like to see you jealous if you are dominant about it, and not weak or passive or some other nonsense.
To deal with the dude directly, I would have probably said to him : "what do you want?", some bullshit response... "Is that what you really want?", bullshit response, "ok, then how about you help me out and do XYZ for me, since you want to be so friendly."
It's pretty much a win. If he acts like an ass in front of her he loses his "being nice" edge. If he does it he is a chump. His main response would be to ask why you are being an asshole suddenly, and you can just play out of it, saying that where you're from buddies help each other out.
DevilishRogue 11y ago
"Luck has nothing to do with it"
throwwhatthere 11y ago
Women like validation. They like a winner. She does not want to be with you because you were lucky, but because you deserve her. That's what makes these statements so pernicious, is that they give her validation while installing doubt that the man she's with is worthy.
To maintain both, you could parry with this.
To her: Yes, she's one in a million. To him: It must be hard struggling with women. Lemme give you some pointers.
This approach: firstly meets the validation he gave her, thus neutralizing it...and it's also a little stronger because as her boyfriend it carried more weight since you know her better.
Next, it cuts him down by AGREEING and AMPLIFYING his own decision to play weak and boxing him in down there. He now is having to validate himself.
Women HATE weakness. He was trying to undercut you by raising doubts that you are weak. By one-upping him on this you put him in weak frame before your woman while reinforcing your own strong frame. She will have trouble seeing him as strong once you've pointed out his weakness. Because let's face it, his play is a play from weakness. No strong alpha needs to play these games b/c he doesn't need to poach women from others. Reminding your woman of this truth will permanently dry her vagina to him before he even has a chance.
The second he has to say "oh, I don't need help" he looks weak compared to you.
If he's really good he'll call your bluff with, "Yeah, gimme some tips." The proper response: "Unfortunately, I'm not Hitch, but rule number one: don't try cheesy tricks to get girls. They don't work." Then I'd quickly tell girl: "C'mon, let's get a beer," and peace out. This approach tells the woman that he is trying such tricks, and neutralizes future moves. It also answers his calling your bluff, making him appear weaker and blustery.
Notice, all these moves are based on laying the truth of his shittiness bare before the woman, so she can judge him unworthy on her own.
circlhat 11y ago
Nice post, thanks for sharing, I wish I could bookmark this post
AMOG-QUESTION2 11y ago
Exactly. You clearly understand what was happening here, and why it needed to be addressed somewhat covertly, instead of publicly escalated. I appreciate the solid analysis.
That would have been a possibility. Thanks for walking through that scenario.
mrust 11y ago
Guidelines for dealing with AMOG tactics:
This is why 90% of the time, ignoring is the right response. You need to engage, so you don't just pretend you didn't hear. You make it clear you heard what he said and just found it completely irrelevant. The shoulder shrug is too passive and at the same time acknowledges you heard him; it will cue him to be more dominant and demand an answer. Even nodding your head with strong eye contact would be good enough.
You can also just move the girl around so that she is out of position and anything he tries will make him look socially stupid.
"Lots of people say that about me."
(Optional "Yep.") Grab your girl by the hand and say "Let's go over there."
AMOG-QUESTION2 11y ago
Thx. That sounds like solid advice in general.
[deleted] 11y ago
[deleted]
KyfhoMyoba 11y ago
If you go to violence, you show that you lack social skills. He didn't really do anything that should provoke violence. He didn't insult anyone, he didn't put his hands on anyone, he, in fact, was complimentary.
AMOG-QUESTION2 11y ago
See my post above. His goal was to provoke that. Maybe that wasn't his actual goal, but if I did react that way, this guy knew where to go with it. And, he would have... I'm certain of it.
Meglomaniac 11y ago
Its situations like this where we need to be a bit primal.
Tell your girl to go and do something to get her out of the area for a bit, pull him aside, and tell him flat out "I dont like the way you are talking to my girl, and touching her. Im not an idiot, so dont try to play dumb. The next time I see it, ill send her away, and you and I will have a serious problem on our hands"
Give him a stare right in the eyes to know you are not joking, then carry on like usual. Sometimes its time to alpha up on a guy ESPECIALLY when he is messing with your mate.
NahDudeFkThat 11y ago
Text book stuff really.
Ignore, or run with it.
"You're a lucky guy."
"Thanks, I was on the fence about that but now I feel like I could definitely win the lotto." Smirk and move on.
AMOG-QUESTION2 11y ago
upvote, thx.
abcd_z 11y ago
Ignore it and change the subject to something you'd enjoy talking about.
"You're a lucky guy." "Cool."
[deleted] 11y ago
I would've just looked him up and down and start patting his face while saying "hey man you've got something on your face right there" while laughing. I mean, it's obvious it's trying to fuck with you, so why not fuck with him? Don't humor him.
[deleted] 11y ago
Them: "You're a lucky guy" You: "Yeah, she is a lucky girl"
2comment 11y ago
"Luck... has nothing to do with it."
whoops_fap 11y ago
I've used this one a million times actually or some variation of it. Works.
AMOG-QUESTION2 11y ago
Good, easy reply, thx. Gonna say the same to another poster. Thanks to both of you.
vox_veritas 11y ago
The only time this has ever happened to me, I just chuckled and said, "Believe me, luck has nothing to do with it."
throwaway_groupie 11y ago
I don't like this, it's too defensive.
AMOG-QUESTION2 11y ago
Good, thx. That also matches up with my general character.
Junahill 11y ago
Whenever a situation like that arises for me, I ask them to explain themselves. It really stops the thing right in its tracks.
"Wow, you're a lucky guy" "What do you mean?" "Well, you know your girlfriend seems great and uh...and.." "And what?" "Nevermind"
It's a pretty aggressive way to handle it but it is better to be thought an asshole than let some snake charming asshole try to disrespect you and hit on your girl at the same time.
AMOG-QUESTION2 11y ago
I usually instruct other people to do the same thing when met with a massive aggressive comment in public... Just... "What do you mean by that? I don't understand." It forces them to back down in public, or elaborate and sound stupid. It's a good move most of the time.
In this case, it would have been a bad move. He was an advanced level player. He would have taken that opportunity to dote on her in front of me. (makes me weak.)
Or even worse, he would have framed it as me not appreciating what I have, which would have played right into boyfriend destroyer game.
I like your advice in general, but this guy would have went in for the kill on that.
Gold_Leaf_Initiative 11y ago
But isn't that was you DID?
Didn't you say you just kinda didn't respond?
AMOG-QUESTION2 11y ago
I was dismissive of his comment in general, without addressing the content of it.
I'm not under the impression I handled it well. I'm saying I could have done a lot worse.
kempff 11y ago
"You're a lucky guy!"
"[3-second eye-to-eye stare] Yes. [3-second stare]"
Numeromancer 11y ago
You can try something I call “intentional misinterpretation”. We can respond with a generally useful phrase: “You have no idea.” This is usually a rhetorical device whose meaning is not meant to be considered too carefully, so it's uttered casually; with the right tone you can re-emphasize the literal meaning, and by so doing redirect the target of the comment onto yourself and away from her, and at the same time implying his lesser value:
[spoken carefully and emphatically] “You...have no idea.”
Implications:
nicethingyoucanthave 11y ago
You can also do the thing where you look at the guy, but ignore his question and say something unrelated to your girl.
*looking at guy* "hey babe, hand me my phone"
DumpyLips 11y ago
I actually think this is the best responses in the thread. It shuts the conversation down without giving the other party an opportunity to retort. Pity it's down here.
[deleted] 11y ago
Nice one, I like this.
AMOG-QUESTION2 11y ago
Agree, and thx for the good advice. The interaction in this case was already too deep for that.
I generally encourage her to hang out with people. This guy thought he could fuck her, and thought I was clueless. She wasn't gonna fuck him based on his reasonably good game, but I'm not cool with sitting around and watching it develop.
For those of you who understand it, I was getting set up for "boyfriend destroyer" shit. I could have ejected with her at any moment, but I'd rather just shut that shit down.
If there's some silver lining in this, it's that I knew what was going on. He didn't (he thought I was dumb) and she didn't. (she was dumb)
Anyway, I feel like I handled that situation at about 20%. Outcome was gonna be fine either way, but I'd like to handle that better next time.
nicethingyoucanthave 11y ago
It's really sad that we have to play these games, like we're a couple of rams with no choice but to butt heads when we meet another ram. I wish that we (men) had more honor than that, but often we don't.
You didn't go looking for that interaction, but you're absolutely right that you had to address it.
Since you mention being "too deep" I wonder if you were chatting with the guy, or responding to him before that? You have to be careful around guys with really strong personalities. It's my nature to be friendly to everyone, but when someone is coming on really strong, I think it's best to cut him off as early as possible, just to avoid the situation you described. Your instincts were probably right in calling him a sociopath. He'll get friendly with you up front as a way of limiting your options to respond later on.
Here's something to really blow your mind: this guy might in fact read TRP. He'd certainly agree with some of the things that are said around here about sexual strategy being amoral.
I'm not going to shy away from a necessary criticism of TRP, so here it is: just because you know the truth (that it may be possible to pull a girl away from her boyfriend) you're still a dirtbag if you try to do it. There's no god to punish you, but you're still immoral. I for one want to live my life by a higher set of values. Sexual strategy is amoral but I am moral, and I have character.
AMOG-QUESTION2 11y ago
Yeah... exactly.
We were camping next to each other, and hanging out at their table. Sometimes he'd ask her questions and I'd answer.
lol... not mind-blowing for me. I'm sure he's a PUA student in some form. He wasn't perceptive enough to know I understood the dynamics in play. As I said somewhere else here... I had a better grasp on the overall situation, the participants, interactions, motives, etc.
He was no slouch, though. I guarantee he fucks a lot of "taken" girls at festivals. I wasn't gonna sit around and watch it happen. I'm not upset that he does whatever he does... It's only my issue because I suspect it modified my girl's behavior enough to bother me. I'm not really putting that on him, or on her, but I'm completely comfortable with putting it on me. At the end of the day, I manage my own relationships, and I clearly could have handled the "lucky guy" comment better.
tangman 11y ago
Could you elaborate what is "boyfriend destroyer"? I'm not too familiar.
AMOG-QUESTION2 11y ago
Look it up on google. The other replies here are kind of pointing in the right direction. Really... my point with that comment is that this guy knew what he was doing, and he knew where he was headed.
The "you're a lucky guy" shit was the following day. It was later that night where she gave me some shit, that I think was related to the "lucky guy" comment that I didn't handle as well as I could have.
frequentlywrong 11y ago
http://www.seductionbase.com/seduction/cat/In_the_Middle/BoyFriend_Destroyer/128.html
KyfhoMyoba 11y ago
Boyfriend destroyer is a term from Speed Seduction^TM. It's a pattern of hypnotic commands that (allows a woman to) takes focus off her boyfriend and allows you to further run attraction/comfort/seduction game without her being distracted by thoughts of her boyfriend.
walkingthelinux 11y ago
Its always better to not fight than to fight, when you can still get the outcome you desire.
In this case you got in a fight (minor and non-physical as it was). What could have kept you out of the fight? Well, you mentioned that you think that he thought you were "dumb," it seems that you may be giving off a beta vibe that you are not aware of. Also any flirting he was doing should have been shut down by her. She is the first line of defense; she should have been both uninterested in him and uninteresting to him.
As for this:
I'd disagree. The fact that her behavior towards you was seemingly affected by this encounter tells me that a seed was planted. Now you make sure that seed finds no purchase.
AMOG-QUESTION2 11y ago
That could be true. Although, I meant that (him thinking I was dumb) in the sense that I'm more perceptive than he is. I had a better understanding of the situation than he did.
I doubt this was about me, really. I think he's just the kind of guy that will post up in a hotel looking for married chicks. He's outcome independent.
That's one of those seeds that will always be there. She's too attractive to not know it. She's social by nature. I do sense that her being shitty later was not a coincidence.
KyfhoMyoba 11y ago
I think that she knew fully and consciously what AMOG was doing. If she's had orbiters her whole life then it's almost certain. Pay no attention to what they say, pay all attention to what they do. "He thought you said something" means that her limbic system is attempting to get you and AMOG to interact so that she can choose. She treated you badly later in the evening. She need further training, dude.
AMOG-QUESTION2 11y ago
Interesting. Possible. I hadn't thought of that.
As far as her consciously knowing what was going on... dunno. I've known her a long time now and my gut says probably not. She's generally gone through life thinking her orbiters were friends. Some girls really are clueless in that way. When they've been attractive their whole lives, they just think people like them.
KyfhoMyoba 11y ago
On second thought, yeah, you're right. This process is all unconscious. I think I'm right about her limbic system trying to provoke an interaction.
Vaganusaurus 11y ago
I would have made a joke about winning her at a carnival and making all the other kids jealous.
drrtyfrrnr 11y ago
"I know, she's my sugar plum, my cookie wookie, and the luckiest girl in the world - to have a relationship like we do!"
Then treat her a bit shitty next time you're alone, keep her on her toes but don't give her a reason to like this other guy more at the time, women love validation and if someone else is giving them validation and you aren't, then she'll flirt with him instead. Took me some time to figure out the balance between too much validation and too little.
AMOG-QUESTION2 11y ago
This was a one-off interaction... or a weekend camping interaction at most.
Well... I'll rephrase that... The interaction with the other guy was once. My reaction to it is lasting.
I'm alone with her all of the time. Like I said, she's constantly cooking, cleaning, and fucking. When we're out in public together, I might lightly grab her hair and pull her toward me if I feel like it. But generally, I don't hover around her. My game is generally strong, but this particular interaction exposed a gaping hole/flaw that I should know how to smack down easily.
A few years ago, I would have thought it was a compliment instead of recognizing it for the social warfare it was.
drrtyfrrnr 11y ago
You're pretty defensive about the whole thing. Stop justifying it, you asked a question so you should take the advice and learn for next time. I'm glad you asked it too because now we all have learned a bit. Some of the other responses are kick ass as well.
AMOG-QUESTION2 11y ago
I'm asking for help. What is your advice?
AllWorldLegacy 11y ago
Relax - disconnect from the shit fights and place yourself comfortably - kempff's comment is basically this
PBRistasty 11y ago
As soon as he said "your a lucky guy", turn to your gf and with just a touch of awww aint that cute in your voice say " looks like youve got someone crushing on you..
Anything else he says/does is going to look like validating your remark.
animalpoo 11y ago
Guys that are persistent like this, even when you out wit them can only be brought down one way, unpredictable fear.This is extreme and should only be used as a last resort.
You act all buddy with him, laugh with him then you put your arm around his shoulder and whisper into his ear "i've got a knife down my fucking sock, if you don't leave me and my gf alone i'm going to stab you in the fucking neck" (you don't obviously, you're a normal functioning human being. You're intimidating him and raising the risk value associated with possible benefit value) . You pull away from him and eye fuck him for a few seconds then go back to normal. Everyone thinks everything is fine and no one is of the wiser, as you did it in a way that no one would suspect a thing.
You've just created a situation where that guy has to break frame, where it seems like you've maintained it . This guy has a few options: fight you (you best be a good fighter to pull this off), kick off and look like a jerk ( maintain frame , deny everything make him look bad), get his friends involved ( you shouldn't do this alone or atleast in a place where there's no bouncers or you're outnumbered), apologise and leave you alone in the fear that you will stab him.
in the eyes of your girl you maintained frame, that guy lost his cool and made himself look bad.
The ultimate amog destroyer is prevention. Be the biggest fucker in the room and learn to fight, you'd never take meat away from a Lion!
AMOG-QUESTION2 11y ago
lol. That was a fun read.
What if I really had a knife, but didn't feel like stabbing him with it?
After all, he didn't threaten me with violence.
Good point, and I agree. Truth be told, I know how to take meat away from a lion, and make it seem like it was the lion's fault. He knew that too. Like I said, this guy was advanced level player.
NeoPrimitive 11y ago
"yup, been lucky since I was born."
[deleted] 11y ago
Do the Han Solo. "Alright, you old smoothie." Acknowledge the attempt, but still be genial.
AMOG-QUESTION2 11y ago
Nice. Do you, or anyone else, have variations?
whoops_fap 11y ago
"Nice try" + wink
[deleted] 11y ago
My take is that it's tough to get right. Too aloof, and he won't get warned off. Too joking, and it may seem like you're reaching. Too angry, and you would seem as if you've lost your cool (he wins). I can't put my finger on it myself, and I have precious few examples to go by.
Another take would be to one up him. "Yes, And" in action. Something like the other replies have already mentioned.
KyfhoMyoba 11y ago
Agree and amplify is usually a good bet.
BitingInsects 11y ago
Honestly, I would have just given him a sly smirk which would send the message of "I know what you're intentions are, I've been there and done that. Move along." The shoulder shrug seemed passive. When I think about a shoulder shrug I imagine a shy teenager.
laere 11y ago
"It didn't take luck for us to fuck."
DEAL WITH IT GLASSES
veggie_girl 11y ago
Few responses:
"Thank you, I know. It is much larger than the average guy's."
"Nah that's my Chinese neighbor's middle name, I'm John"
"Thank you sir, to what do I owe the compliment?"
"What for? (Point to biceps) these babies took hard work and dedication but thank you for the compliment"
"OMG totally dude, I love Lucy Skyy, she's hot." (Him) "no no I said you are a lucky guy" (you) "what I thought you were talking about Lucy Skyy you don't like her or something? She's hot, dude don't you agree?" (Him) "yeah of course" (you later on to girl) "you know I made up that name and totally got that guy to agree with me that a girl hat doesn't even exist is hot" (proceed to laugh at your superior wit)
"Thanks I know, even my shit smells like bakery fresh cinnamon rolls."
"Nah man, I'm just gellin. Are you gellin?" (Note the only way he can properly respond to this is "like a felon")
"No, no, no my mother had a gambling problem and my family strictly avoids luck talk. Please, just call me a cool guy and we can go from there"
"Thank you that is the first time anyone has ever said something so nice about me"
[deleted] 11y ago
[deleted]
Devvils 11y ago
Yep. He's overstepped the mark, get him out of the situation.
AMOG-QUESTION2 11y ago
That would have played right into his game. It would make me look jealous... threatened, fearful, controlling, etc. His next move is to play on that shit.
That's exactly what I meant when I said I was being set up for boyfriend destroyer shit. A strong public counter-reaction is exactly what not to do when playing low level social warfare. This is why I called this an advanced level question.
I know it's counter-intuitive, but think of it like this. When playing poker, no winning player could just sit their cards face up on the table and go on like they didn't. Information asymmetry is important.
KyfhoMyoba 11y ago
Correct. Beta males mate guard, alpha males disregard.
[deleted] 11y ago
[deleted]
AMOG-QUESTION2 11y ago
His moves were light and subtle. I only know what he was doing because I'm extremely perceptive. 90% of his attention was directed toward her... he was starting to run some light kino, etc. He was dismissive of anything I said, while the rest of the group was in tune with me.
This wasn't public "I'll kill you" game. I didn't need to, and wouldn't want to, escalate it to that. This was low level social warfare, and subcommunication that most people there were not aware of.
Not you in particular, but some posters here are not understanding that I don't need advice for pounding someone or threatening someone. I knew how to do that in 3rd grade. This was an interaction that had no need for violence, but I still could have handled it better.
Gold_Leaf_Initiative 11y ago
Someone random guy was touching your girlfriend in front of you, and you didn't do anything because you were worried about looking weak?
[deleted] 11y ago
[deleted]
AMOG-QUESTION2 11y ago
The real dark triad types don't operate like that. Violent people are violent, and you should avoid those people unless you really understand how to operate in that environment.
Real dark triad types know how to turn a crowd against you, or know how to turn a friend-set against you. They'll do either in a few minutes.
That's another thing about this sub that bothers me here and there. Yes, women are attracted to dark triad types. Yes, it can be faked to some extent. But really... if you want to dive into the ocean and pretend to be a shark, the sharks fucking know it. They might pretend you're a shark for their own purposes, but they know you're not really a shark, and they'll let you know when it is most convenient for them, and them alone.
No disrespect to you... but when people ask "Should I go dark triad?" the answer is no. Yes, girls like that to some extent and it is worth study to understand what they like about it. The people who would ask such a question are exactly the people who will get burned in that environment.
Please, leave "dark triad" shit to the people that live there. They live there for a reason, and they've survived there because they let other people sleep first.
Pussy or not, steer clear of that shit. Unless you want to live your life as a ruthless motherfucker and die early, stay away from ruthless motherfuckers. The people who are there started there and don't know any different. When people start inviting themselves into that set, everyone already there knows they are fresh meat. Ummm... stay out.
[deleted] 11y ago
[deleted]
AMOG-QUESTION2 11y ago
I didn't mean to rant on your post, but the "I want to be dark triad" stuff around here is just crazy.
It's like "I want to be poor, black, and gangster!" Really???? even the people who are that would quickly trade for something else.
FedUpWithTheBullShit 11y ago
"She's even luckier" with a smirk, then kiss her
mikelovesvegas 11y ago
then you add...
"Maybe if you're luck, someday, you'll find a woman nearly as good."
AMOG-QUESTION2 11y ago
Good, easy reply, thx. Gonna say the same to another poster. Thanks to both of you.
[deleted] 11y ago
I don't know if I'm the best person to answer, but it sounds like you didn't intimidate the guy.
He wants something that, for lack of an easier explanation, belongs to you.
This is assuming you're right and he was trying to pick up your girl. There's always the chance he was just attractive and behaves like that normally and that you were jealous, broke frame, whatever.
Your shrugs suggest you were apathetic towards the guy when you should have been all over your girl. Walk up to her start making out right in front of the guy. Basically by grabbing on your girl, you're saying "Fuck you, you're not even here!" instead of "meh, do what you want I don't care if you have sex with my girlfriend".
She was into him and you made it clear that you don't care about him talking to her. If anything it sounds like you acted like a jealous orbiter from what I've read.
*edit: the stuff in italics
edit 2: Dynamics between men and women are different than dynamics between men and men. A woman you need to behave like you're the top dog. A man you have to BE the top dog, aloof is fine until they cross the line, then you have to act.
AMOG-QUESTION2 11y ago
Forgot my pass here. Thanks for your input.
Not really. Mate guarding is weak. Also, in that context, it wasn't needed. If I say jump, she jumps.
nope.
Nah... I don't think I handled it right, but I have pretty strong game in general. For instance, if I put my hand out, she pops out of her chair to go with me whenever I'm going.
That's not a goal for me. It wasn't a goal for him. This was advanced level social game, and whoever talks about crushing anyone loses. In a real situation, I had the upper hand on that whether he knew it or not. He didn't need to know that. This wasn't an interaction where he wanted to become violent, or find out what that would entail. Me, either.
captainbloodd 11y ago
Mate guarding is essential at times... Some guy says something inappropriate to your woman in front of you, you'd better damn well stand up and say something to him.
In this case though, your attempt at playing aloof was definitely the wrong move. Being aloof can be effective, however it has to be done carefully and under the right circumstances. You just came off like a douche in front your girl.
Best answer would be something along the lines of "Yeah and I'm about to take her in the tent and show her how lucky she is." Then you pick her up, take her to the tent and fuck the shit out of her, making her scream so that he can hear it.
bsutansalt 11y ago
♂
This. There's a time and place for it of course, but sometimes you've just got to go caveman.
AMOG-QUESTION2 11y ago
Sure, I agree. Nothing was inappropriate enough to provoke a response. Had I over-reacted in public, I would have looked like the idiot. For the most part, him and I were the only people aware of these interactions.
captainbloodd 11y ago
Did you read my entire reply? Read it again and let it sink in.
Fucty_Artsy 11y ago
I wouldn't consider mate guarding as week. Always depends on the situation. If it's obvious he's trying to make a move it's actually better if you step in. So when he touches her look him straight in the eyes and say something like: "Touching not allowed, that's mine, get yourself your own!" and then smile. Maybe read http://marriedmansexlife.vanillaforums.com/discussion/10518/heartiste-on-mate-guarding-a-dlv . There's a distinction between mate guarding as single man and mate guarding in a relationship. Discern between insecurity and responsibility.
AMOG-QUESTION2 11y ago
I do some mate guarding anyway, because I like how I can wrap my hand around the back of her neck. I don't do it in response to anything. I touch her how I like, when I like.
Thx for the link.
This might seem trival to a lot of people reading. I was never worried he'd fuck my girlfriend. I was not happy that he thought he'd have a shot at it, and unhappy that gf gave me shit later, due to her getting attention from some dipshit. He's "some dipshit" to me, but I know enough to know he was a pro.
Would I rather have some counteractions for that? Yep.
[deleted] 11y ago
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AMOG-QUESTION2 11y ago
I'm not jealous. I'm aware.
Let me explain something to you. Motherfuckers will kill you at an ATM for $100. I still go to ATMs. I'm not scared. I'm aware.
You should be aware too.
KyfhoMyoba 11y ago
I'm as not concerned with his behavior as I am with the gf's. I'm of the opinion that she was quite into it, and if OP wasn't around ... well, who knows? He would've run a BF destroyer and the kino escalation, and then ... ??
AMOG-QUESTION2 11y ago
Yeah, exactly.
bsutansalt 11y ago
My gf and I once talked about how flirty she gets when she's drunk. I could tell she thought I was going to do the possessive bf thing, get jealous, you know the drill. Instead I told her I didn't mind, within reason. I explained how when she does it I just sat back and let the guy push her buttons because I knew when we go home that night I'm the one reaping the benefits. Why would I get mad at that? They're doing all the work for me! When she heard me explain it this way I think that was the best laugh I'd seen her have in a long time up to that point.
She now knows she can mingle in mixed company without feeling like she's walking no eggshells fearful she'll piss me off or something. So I'm giving her her freedom in a sense, all the while coming off as being secure, and a whole host of other positive things that are good for the relationship.
Basically I'm long-form tooling guys who have and will ever hit on her because the moment I see what's happening--some guy trying to hit on her--she'll see me off to the side watching, giving her thumbs up, and making sexual gestures referring to the two of us later. It saps the interaction of any gina tingles she could potentially had towards the guy while gettign her validation fix from some other chump. The guys have no chance and are completely clueless what's going on, and she still enjoys mingling and I get to reap the benefits later. This is frame control.
bossbang 11y ago
This is a concept I am genuinely conflicted on, possibly because potential outcomes vary so much depending on the people involved.
Yes this is frame control, you do not show insecurity at the prospect of other guys taking interest. However. This type of arrangement also gives her a dangerous amount of freedom, because her state of mind is that she's not walking on eggshells with every flirty interaction.
At any point, she needs to know in her core that you are 100% willing to dump her like a bad habit and she needs to care. If those two aren't hand in hand, this "they have no chance" attitude is just asking for some experienced alpha to come prove you wrong. If she knows you'll walk but doesn't care, an intoxicated girl with an alpha right in front of her will hamster an excuse. If she cares if you walk but knows you won't, the hamster will whisper in her ear.
Granted it sounds like you are usually there with her, but alchohol is a fickle friend and you might not always be there.
bsutansalt 11y ago
It's a fine line to walk and you do need to know there will be times you've got to swoop in and shut the guy down. That display of dominance is massively attractive when the situation calls for it. I have yet to find a cookie cutter one size fits all solution for dealing with this subject, and I suspect one doesn't exist.
As for alcohol, I made my stance on her going out drinking perfectly clear. Stick to a 2 drink limit if you're out with friends without me or find a new place to live. I don't play games when it comes to this subject and is one of the few things I'm non-negotiable about. She will not go out with friends and get hammered because we all know what happens next if that becomes a thing: not answering her phone for hours and her staying over at a "friend's" place. Not all women will do that and cheat, but enough do that I'm not going to play that game. You can prevent a whole ton of problems by disqualifying them ahead of time by making your intentions/standards known and sticking to your guns.
Speaking of which, this is another facet of the standards and expectations I set forth. If she does go out without me, she comes home immediately after. There's no being out all hours of the night. She's in a relationship and that shit doesn't fly with me. It's inappropriate in my eyes and that's what matters. If she's ignoring my feelings on teh subject and doesn't care that I'm uncomfortable with her actions, then we can't be together. It's as simple as that. This is just a type of qualification I do when deciding if a woman is worth my investing into a relationship with her. Not all women are worth your time and attention and you've got to filter through the crap to find the good ones who do care about how you feel and are willing to go the extra mile to make you happy. That's how you have quality relationships as opposed to being that chump who's wondering where his gf or wife is at at 3am who went out with her slut friends anyway after he expressed his discomfort about her going out with them, or worse flew to Vegas with them for a week (there was a thread about this very subject in one of the relationship subreddtis about a month ago).
fx-115es 11y ago
Degrade her to a plate.