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- Hide Preview | 26 Comments | submitted about a year ago by torbodork [Post Locked]

Hey guys, I have battled with discipline/willpower issues my entire life, and I'm finally getting fucking tired of it, but still failing often.

How do I actually get better at this shit? I assume monk mode is a good answer, and if that really is the only/best way, how do I do this while still in a cohabitating LTR?

Any actual practical advice is much appreciated. Even half-measures would be good at this point, it would seem.

[-] Xemnas81 37 Points about a year ago
  • Ban on social media except for stuff which will give you direct, concrete self-improvement advice, until everything else you need doing is done for the week. Ban on any story which might induce some 2nd phase bitching. Ban on any feels over realz relationship posts too which might induce Disney syndrome, oneitis etc.

  • Download StayFocusd for Windows, or WasteNoTime and SelfControl for Mac if you have them. Yes these are site blockers, I know your type I am one myself. Be frugal with how much time you allow yourself. Apply StayFocusd Nuclear Option at 11pm, every night. Self Control and Nuclear Option are perfectly red pill app options because once you go Nuclear they won't listen to your inner omega chimp cry for access until time has ran out. If you have Android, FocusON is a great site-blocker. Afraid I can't help you with an iPhone or brick, but it's Apple man, they're going to have something.

  • Get to bed midnight latest. Rise by 8pm latest.

  • Cold showers as recommended.

  • You don't have to lift every day but you get outside and get a fucking walk every fucking day. In the sunlight.

  • Every 3 days you are under something heavy and sweating or running somewhere cold but exciting and sweating, no questions. Lifting and HIIT are your best friends for aesthetics and the Alpha mindset.

  • You should know all of this being here, but I'll repeat it for you. If you don't eat protein, GTFO. Limit sugar and carbs if possible. Carbs are for pre and post-workout or bulks, otherwise you'll have an energy crash and get fat. If you can afford it and are cutting, go palaeo. Protein shakes esp. lean whey are your friend. Fruit and veggies always. EFAs and monos such as peanut butter, olive oil; these keep your brain functioning alpha, and your ticker working nicely. Fish at least once a week, ideally twice for the omega-3s to reduce anxiety and depression. Yoghurt is your daily dessert, everything else is cheat day. Minimal cheat days, and meditate while having your cheat meal (srs) every cheat meal/day, your SMV decreases slightly, so choose wisely and enjoy the experience.

  • Regular meditation, morning before school/work and evening before bed.

  • Visualisation and self-mastery exercises (letmegooglethatforyou.jpg)

  • Do not allow yourself extensive amounts of time lying on your bed doing FA. If you have work to do at home, do it downstairs.

  • Before bed, make a list of your goals/tasks for tomorrow. Do not let this leave your sight. If you fail to check off everything on it, observe what you did that day that stopped you from doing it. Change your behaviour next time, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. Again for Android, GoalTracker and Memorix are good apps. But handwritten is better.

  • Read: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Dummies, The Chimp Paradox, Stop Talking Start Doing, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

edit: I'm going to add this, although it's from a vaguely feminist blog ('humanist') it's actually a good layman explanation of how your mind wanders and how to over-ride its quest for instant gratification

http://waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/why-procrastinators-procrastinate.html

Always remember, a man is what a man does.

Any questions get back to me, I'm off to run and squat.

[-] Benjruba 6 Points about a year ago

This is great advice ty

[-] Xemnas81 11 Points about a year ago

Don't thank me, make use of it.

[-] torbodork 2 Points about a year ago

Fantastic reply. I have tried implementing a lot of stuff like this before, but just never stuck with it, but those ideas I came up with on my own, so it is good to see someone confirm that they matter.

It is funny that you mention carbs and such, as I lost 40lbs doing a low-carb diet a few years ago, and I remember feeling fantastic while on the diet... kind of forgot about that until you mentioned it.

[-] areyouacyborg 1 Point about a year ago

Excellent list.

Visualisation and self-mastery exercises (letmegooglethatforyou.jpg)

Mind elaborating on this? What these are and their advantages.

[-] Xemnas81 1 Point about a year ago

http://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/treatment/visualization

Tell yourself

  • I am going to get to bed on time

  • I am going to lift a new PB today

  • I am going to avoid a cheat meal today

  • I am going to approach and close

  • I am going to study for this exam

  • I am going to smash this interview

etc.

one of the more wishy-washy feel good suggestions I suppose, but helps you maintain frame.

[-] Oh_FuFu 0 Points about a year ago

Great advice... But if you want to top it with the best tasting topping in the world.... Do a sunrise to sunset fast. No food, no water. And along with that go with a spiritual fast at the same time.

[-] Metalaggeddon 9 Points about a year ago

Just did my yearly monk, I was going to actually do a submission, but I think its more helpful here,and I don't want to flood trp with something which I feel is still not acceptable quality. I feel you should monk.

Summary: Monk mode over, do this every year for 1 month. Here's how I improved and why you should do it yearly if you're already red.

Take into account the following; I'm in cohabitation with an ltr of almost 6 years.

I'm dissociative.

I own a business, at a young age.

I've been lifting for years.

My business requires social media.

It may be hard to do this if you're not in complete control of your schedule.

Body:

First the goals.

I just spent my thirty day monk mode without any Internet except business. My close friend u/laughkisskill apparently had a blast with you guys on my phone, and learned a lot. He probably won't be on often anymore, he's doing fine as is.

Over this last month I read through (and copy edited) the RP handbook, the laws of power, nmmng, wisnifg, and of course, the book of pook, one of my favorite bedtime stories for the adult male. I had set the following goals for myself on a day to day basis.

1) gain more muscle. I started June 15th at 187, 17%, ended today, the 15th of july, at 200, 18% I'm not that interested in cutting because I already look good. Though more definition may happen by accident in the future.

2) relax on the work addiction. I run a business with some old friends and we've been through an accelerator program this summer, I have serious issues trusting others so I normally do 65 to 80 hours a week. This had to stop. I had to learn to trust my partners again.

3) approach every day. Not for sex. Not to dread my girl. Just to take a hard look at a serious problem that popped up a year or two ago. "coming across far too intense". I learned how to relax myself to not look at everything as opportunity cost.

4) digest the lessons I've learned and put them into a series of articles. Currently there are 8. I spent a good thirty minutes a day taking some of the best RP lessons I've lived through, and will be posting them, hopefully someone will learn something, then again they may be absolute shit and I'll learn to give up on giving any type of advice. (each of these lessons was personally requested at some point by a user from trp, or asktrp)

Second, the how:

1) I switched from sl5x5 to ppl, upped protein and total calories per day to 150g and 2800 respectively. If i didn't lift ppl, I swam or did cardio. I also quit smoking using the "quit smoking now" app on Google Play store. Feel great.

2) I noticed working hard has gotten me far, but overworking had turned me into a very acerbic aggressive guy. Beyond what's aggressive attractive. This actually worked for me most of the time but for the recent two years it's actually scaring people away. I decided that going out 4 nights a week and giving away my cell to the aforementioned friend (so I couldn't keep working) was the best method to distance myself from my obsession. (btw my business is literally my lifetime hobby, I just get to make bank on it, if it helps explain my happiness being a workhorse)

3) Approaching every day helped me, I was more of an mgtow in mentality. The only reason I'm with my girl right now is because she's a truly rp woman. I do care about her immensely, love her. We live largely seperate lives, though together physically. In order to address the intensity issue, let me give you an example. We're hiring like crazy, and I've scared more applicants away who've said (I don't want to fail him) than we've gained. It has become an issue. As a rule I decided I must insert one harmless joke into every interaction. Every day. It's helped boatloads. I also made a point of going to comedy clubs for my outings, and started building a set. As my girl says (you've just become so much more relatable, you're not a machine anymore.) because I admit, I eat, sleep, breathe, talk, and even play like a terminator.

4) I wrote every day. Each day. I already write about 200pgs a week, edit about 300, so taking a break from work I moved to 14 pages, 2 a day in a journal attempting to address the topics requested as best I could. My writing hasn't improved I don't think, but maybe I can give back to the community, from whom I have taken so much.

Summary: 30 days dedicated to 4 simple areas of improvement helps massively. At least for me, hopefully for you. Don't take on too many tasks, just be focused. Your yearly monk also reminds your social circle how much they need you. (nice added benefit) or teaches you how much you aren't of value. (if they're not looking for you).

[-] Xemnas81 4 Points about a year ago

Excellent advice but I don't think he's ready for all of this yet. He doesn't know how to go about monk mode.

[-] Metalaggeddon 1 Point about a year ago

Damn. I miscalculated again huh. Guess the intensity needs another few weeks

[-] NidStyles 0 Points about a year ago

No, you're correct, these guys just need to quit being so damn sensitive and jump in feet first to something new as a real commitment to improving themselves.

[-] Metalaggeddon 1 Point about a year ago

Oh, thank you, I really appreciate that. I was actually discussing with my ltr whether I needed more work on that. "she is very good at brutal analysis when it comes to social interaction, as I said, rpw"

I'm less concerned now.

Edit: I think you misunderstood. I already have an issue with intensity, I was considering another month practicing being being less intense. Though I do agree with what you said, it's just not applicable to me at this point. Already a long time follower the path of iron.

Thanks though!

[-] NidStyles 1 Point about a year ago

Lift more, and eat more protein. The problem will literally solve itself.

[-] NidStyles 1 Point about a year ago

You don't learn by considering it, you learn by doing it.

[-] torbodork 2 Points about a year ago

I appreciate the lengthy and detailed reply. It reminded me of a lot of shit "I know" but just never seems to sink in.

[-] Metalaggeddon 2 Points about a year ago

That's nice. You want to thank me? Post your monk month 4 areas and then how you're going to attack them. I'm sure plenty of smarter more experienced guys here will help you adjust goals to be reasonable.

Then fucking do it, and write a FR on it in 31 days. That's the best thanks you can give bro.

[-] Rorta 4 Points about a year ago

There's some excellent advice here already, but let me add my two cents.

Become addicted to self improvement. Most peoples issues with willpower and discipline stem from being addicted or enjoying negative behaviors that give them instant gratification. You need to learn to become addicted to things that take more time to attain that gratification.

Someone already mentioned taking cold showers, take two every day, one when you get up and the other before you go to bed. It might feel shit at first, but believe me at the end of the week you'll feel great. Same applies for lifting. Same applies for building a business.

[-] FelixCopy 2 Points about a year ago

Paging /u/abdada, I always like to hear his thoughts on the same subject.

[-] drrtyfrrnr 1 Point about a year ago

The guy with the hundred ferraris, high thread count sheets worth $10k each and multiple models every night, and thousands of posts all over the internet at the same time? lol

[-] FelixCopy 1 Point about a year ago

How does he do it?!

[-] RPthrowaway123 2 Points about a year ago

Here's an easy one: take cold showers. Will yourself through the discomfort. Then build from there.

[-] Wolfsdorf 2 Points about a year ago

You should read The Willpower Instinct, it's a great book that has helped me a ton in beating some addictions and fighting procrastination.

[-] fnordsnord 2 Points about a year ago

Success breeds success. Start with small challenges and build up to bigger ones.

Willpower is a limited resource - eliminate bad habits one at a time. (Quitting smoking AND heroin at the same time is probably a bad idea)

[-] MeatCurtainRod 2 Points about a year ago

Discipline and willpower issues in modern boys primarily stem from instant gratification. Instant gratification is a result of many things that happen to the boy over the course of years. Individually, each variable that contributes to this is negligible, which is why such issues go unnoticed until it is far too late.

So here's the thing: You need to unplug from the modern world. You need to put down your video games and internet and tv and movies. The modern world has gotten to the point where no one ever has to work for their answers. They no longer have to struggle to find what they are looking for, because the mass media spews their garbage answers all day every day.

So why is this a problem? Because instant gratification makes you a lazy entitled fuck. It makes you a person who can't stand to wait even a little bit, even though you know waiting is going to yield better results. It makes you a person who can't sit down to work through a problem.

Did you know there is are articles floating around everywhere saying that 97% of boys are misdiagnosed with ADD and ADHD? There is a direct correlation between instant gratification and the symptoms exhibited in ADD/ADHD. And we all know the key symptoms of ADD/ADHD are lack of focus, lack of willpower, and lack of discipline.

[-] ChopChop106 1 Point about a year ago

Recovering drug addict here. You make very good points. As a former opiate addict (2 yrs clean, nbd) I completely fell prey to instant gratification and had to relearn basic concepts like patience, goal-setting, long-term satisfaction far preferable to instant gratification, etc.

So why is this a problem? Because instant gratification makes you a lazy entitled fuck. It makes you a person who can't stand to wait even a little bit, even though you know waiting is going to yield better results. It makes you a person who can't sit down to work through a problem.

yuuup.

[-] NidStyles 0 Points about a year ago

Monk mode no matter what, one month a year, like some of the other guys here. It takes 30 days for you to rewire a good habit into your brain, so taking one month every year to rewire into better habits than what you have is worth it.