Whats the difference between physical and emotional IOI's

For an INTJ, flirting is a learned skill. So is smalltalk. So is pretty much most surface level communication.

It's one of those things like skiing. As you get better at it, you start enjoying it more. From your viewpoint, you essentially learn to make something out of nothing.

Fellow INTJ here.

If you get bored, stop talking. It's that easy. Just look out the window and do your normal deep contemplation. Do you really want to keep talking with someone who bores you?

Try taking the conversation deeper in intimacy if it feels boring. Using analogies helps. I realized that analogies are a great way of talking to emotional people.

If you were pizza, what toppings would you have? If you were a sushi roll which one would it be? What do each ingredients represent?

What are you afraid of? What are you really afraid of?

If you were a drink what would you be? I'd say Irish Coffee. Explain how the caffeine is the intellectual stimulation while the alcohol is the sexual/emotional stimulation.

Is it the conversation or the girl that's boring?

I don't talk to women that are boring to talk to. It's that simple.

There is no average woman game. Game is internal. Game is understanding that you're judging potential mates on personality traits, not how hot they are. You can figure out their body within the first 10 seconds of seeing her.

You don't "boost" your SMV. That's a set number that can be slowly worked on over time by working out, getting promoted, meditating, actually increasing your value. When you're socializing, you're signalling your SMV.

I've never had to deal with "mental anguish" of closing on "average women" with "banal conversation." You should really set higher standards for yourself. Quality over quantity.

What do you consider IOI's? Remember, ignore what they say and watch what they do. If they say they want to close space with you but don't put in any effort to close physical space, move on. They're trying to pull you into their emotional space without giving you any physical space.

Even when I get IOIs from 7s and 8s, I start talking to them and get bored. Then I just eject without even wanting to close.

Your expectations are WAY too high. Chicks don't like to get into deep conversations with people they don't know. The closer you get to a girl, the more of her intelligence she may reveal to you. That takes time though, and I've never met a woman that goes balls (intellectually speaking) deep within the first 24-hours...Or even weeks of knowing a someone.

Slow down. Learn to have fun and entertain YOURSELF in the conversation and the vibes will rub off on her. The key to Amused Mastery is AMUSEMENT. If you're having fun, other people (especially chicks) will to.

Or do you just seek out the purple squirrels? If you only hunt purple squirrels, where do you hunt them?

Refine your hunting grounds, you might do better at a bookstore, library, writing circle, lecture, college, etc. Women that frequent establishments like these will be VERY interested in having some intellectual conversation...But they're shy. As long as you can stimulate their emotions and make them laugh, they'll come around.

Or they're just not that smart, which is fine too. You still have a plate or potential pivot to find better chicks.

Do you switch to average woman game? Or do you just boost your SMV so high that the time from meet to close is so short you don't have to endure the mental anguish?

Conversations take a lot out of people. The pain your feeling just means you're not used to surface level conversations.

Why? Because initial conversations have very little to do with words and everything to do with nonverbal communication. If your brain is focused on too much at once, you'll just wear yourself out. This is why you have to learn to disconnect yourself from outcomes and expectations.

And don't forget, she's sizing you up under the pretext of a conversation. That's what "game" is, keeping up the charade of civil conversation while pecking order and attraction are being determined in the background (nonverbal behavior). When you become really good with women, you don't even see the charade/play as "game", it's just you being you (i.e. not boring).

tl;dr- Lower your expectations of what conversations are and learn to enjoy the game, pick places that smart people like to hang out and socialize, and build up your mental stamina (talk to more women).

All of these things you have in your edited post are the same techniques anyone would employ. Labeling yourself INTJ has done nothing for this discussion.

What are purple squirrels?

I'm an INTP. I've occasionally met interesting women, but they're rare. I've pretty much given up for the moment and just occasionally spin a plate when it doesn't require much effort. I feel like I've endured enough boredom in such conversations and don't see why I shouldn't require similar standards from women that I require from my male friends. And though some might call me rather intellectual, that's not something I require from my friends at all. I have plenty of friends with whom I've only ever talked about tv shows, music or sports. As long as there's some common ground it's not that hard to have an interesting discussion. But if I talk to someone and can't find a topic both sides enjoy, I eject. I have many genuine interests and even know a lot about diet and cooking, so you might think that I should be able to find some common ground with many, but that's not the case. I've even had some women realise what I'm after and pretend to be more intellectual/smarter than they are, but it's easy to see through that and instantly drops them down to plate material at best.

On the bright side, there really is the occasional sweet yet interesting woman, one of my exes was an INFJ and she was fantastic. The few others great ones I know are married/taken/live in other countries. I find that I'm much more charming and successful in seduction when I actually like someone. So I honestly don't see a point in trying with the ones I don't care for. I did this for a while to practice my social skills, 'game', etc., but don't think it was worth the effort. For me it's more about being willing to turn it on than anything else; I suspect you might be the same.

INTJ/INTP here depending on the day. I used to have this same viewpoint, but actually what I realized made the conversation boring for me was lack of feedback. If the girl is laughing at my jokes I find it much easier to plow on. I know this is bad because it's seeking external validation.. It is what it is though.

Now I actually prefer chatty types because I just call them out and make fun of the dumb shit they inevitably say. I do this in a teasing way that's fun for both of us.

If they are shy or quiet or just not smart enough to get any of your clever quips or innuendos then you need to adjust your game and go more physical.

INTJ here - that description seemed freakishly accurate of how I operate. I achieve a lot of really awesome stuff with my time, but that point on difficulty in forming romantic relationships is huge for me. Lately I have just been using a lot of game type stuff - being aloof is a good way to overcome my own anxiety and also give off a good vibe.

I don't think flirting is boring at all. In fact, if you find it boring than you're probably doing it wrong. Tension, especially sexual tension, is the heart of flirting. Push, pull. Tease her. Remember that what you say is never as important as how you're saying it. If you're just going through the motions with the boring, usual "where are you from" "what do you do" lines than of course you're going to be bored. Have fun with it.

There's a great video from RSD's Tyler where he talks about how he will talk to girls for ~45 minutes about nutrition, which is one of his passions. You would think any girl would eject 5 minutes in, but because he's super passionate, knows how to talk and has great game, he sucks them into his world. By the end shes actually taking notes on what he's saying.

Use that INTJ stoicism and mystery we tend to create around ourselves to your advantage. Women love a man that can't figure out and they love a man they can't manipulate emotionally (i.e failing shit tests).

Just don't fall into the trap of "okay, I'll just stand here in the corner of this club by myself because I'm so mysterious". No dude, that's just socially awkward. Going out is a time for FUN.

Or do you just boost your SMV so high that the time from meet to close is so short you don't have to endure the mental anguish?

This helps too. We like to do things as efficiently as possible so do everything you can to cut out the middle man.

If that doesn't work, well then you'll just have to suck it up if you wanna get laid. Tough life, get over it. We all have to make sacrifices.

Intj reporting in, unfortunately.