Every date I go on they tell me I'm really quiet. It's not me being nervous or anything I guess I'm just that way. Should I try to change this? I read that you dont want to be super talkative anyway it kinda makes you lose frame if your a jaberjaws.
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Daddytoyou92 7y ago
If you're quiet but your face/body language is emotionless, you might give off a creepy vibe
SubstantialBeanBoi 7y ago
if you're chad its """mysterious""'
​
ChadTheWaiter100 7y ago
Exactly
mrmaldoror 7y ago
You need to connect, not just chat. Ask more peculiar and premeditated questions that makes her eyes light up.
thrwy75479 7y ago
Are you afraid of saying the wrong thing?
se_anz 7y ago
No I just dont always have something to talk about. I ask her about herself but it's hard to keep the conversation going if they dont ask you anything back. Which in my experience is what happens a lot.
Nighthawkdragon8 7y ago
Sounds like you're too in your head. I have had this same problem before, and to solve it I went the opposite extreme, of talking as much as I could about anything I wanted to. From there you could risk being a "dancing monkey" or talking too much without listening enough, but its easier to scale that down than it is to break out of shyness.
failingtheturingtest 7y ago
Ask questions that delve deeper, and try and make them interesting.
Her: I'm a nurse.
You: oh, so you get paid to stab people?
Her: yeah I suppose , that's part of it.
You: ever completely messed it up and jabbed a bone or something?
Her: some story about her/someone fucking up
You: do you judge people you meet by how easy their veins are to find?
Blah blah. She's getting to yammer on about herself, she will try to think of interesting stories based on where you lead her. You get to find out more about nurses and what interests them. This helps the next time you're talking to nurses, for example they all love talking about people's veins.
There's so much to find out about the minutae of people's lives that can actually be interesting, if you pay attention. And you don't have to know shit about it, they'll tell you everything you need to know.
thrwy75479 7y ago
You can't wait for them to overtly do anything. The fact that they're pointing out that you're really quiet means the silence is probably awkward, at least for them. Leading is imperative with women, and this includes conversations. They're expecting you to keep the words flowing, directing to wherever you please.
This means picking up on body language, facial expressions and voice tonality to know when to talk because it would be awkward not to, and when to shut up to simmer in the sexual tension, there's a calibration to different subtexts. There's also flirting, which can involve some teasing, some "lyrical masturbation". How you say things is just as, if not more, important than what you say.
Words and the feelings they stir are what get women off. This is what other commenters have also mentioned: they need to feel you, there should be a connection. Physical escalation, on your part, is also important. This is more than an exchange of factual information between 2 people.
There are a lot of variables here including the types of women you're meeting, and how, when, and where you're meeting them, etc. For instance, if you're meeting a young girl off Tinder, who's got nothing but pics at music festivals, she'll probably be extroverted and loud.
It also depends on what you're looking for, and it seems like you're moving slower and want the girls to know you better. This is not something you should expect until you've built some attraction with her and she wants to invest more into you. Sometimes the attraction is visceral and instant, other times it may take 2-3 dates, yet other times it'll never happen. It's not clear when they remark about your quietness either. Is it on first dates? Is it at the end of the 2nd date when you're lying in bed and after you've made her cum 3 times? Again, lots of variables.
Should you change and try to be more talkative? If you're frequently getting remarks about your quietness, it may be worth consideration by analyzing each case, and seeing what's in common. Further, it may be helpful to consider cases outside of dating contexts. For example, do your friends say the same thing about you?
youngbull24 7y ago
There’s a fine line but when things get quiet don’t be forcing it becoming a dancing money. Sometimes she has nothing to say either and it will become a shit test on if you are going to become Kevin Hart acting all corny trying to make her laugh. Just work on it to where their isn’t long extended periods
alwaysburnt 7y ago
Im the same. I am quiet most of the time, even in the presence of very close friends, and I prefer it that way. I feel as though people talk too much about generic shit. However it has become a hindrance when I'm seeing someone and it would be helpful to be able to open up and establish better conversation but sometimes I'd sit there and not be even remotely interested in what they're saying especially if its generic conversation.
I'm unsure how to go about changing this for the sake of closer relationships...
EvolvedVirus 7y ago
Yes change it. You are afraid of talking too much.
It happens to everyone, they go on a date, and sometimes it's great and you connect, but especially first dates, quietness can be a problem with every guy. The reason is that you don't know the other person, so it's difficult to know what areas of topics to go down and what areas interest each other.
Being super talkative is great, if you are a master conversationalist. The reason being super-talkative is bad is because you are more likely to talk yourself out of getting laid by the girl and make more mistakes.
But if due to being afraid of making mistakes you are talking a lot less that's bad. If due to not having much in your head to talk about, that's also bad because it means you're not a good conversationalist.
throwawa6ksjdbendkfo 7y ago
Lmao these comments are so fuckin wack. Bro shes telling you your quiet because shes run out of covert ways to communicate. Dont be creepy but im sure if shes still spinning herself as a plate shes into you. If a woman wants to fuck you she'll find a way to fuck you. Strong silent types are a thing for a reason. Only downside for you is if your being quiet is a defense mechanism. If your a shy little baby then thats bad. But if you just prefer not to make a meal out of things thats fine. Her words < her actions. Read sidebar my dude❤
altyboy_ 7y ago
Try to smile next time when you’re being quiet so you don’t seem creepy. Also when you do speak, use a strong assertive voice
VigilantSmartbomb 7y ago
Try talking too much for a while, then reign it in since you’re naturally quite.
livear 7y ago
Yes, because they are bored, because they are boring, like most girls. You need to lead the conversation just like you lead her on dates just like you lead her in the bedroom
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ChadTheWaiter100 7y ago
Remember you’re the bull. Not her.
BigFeetBigDick 7y ago
There shouldn’t be lots of quiet time on dates. Talk, keep her talking, and have fun.