So I'm genuine friends with this one girl, I'm not actively looking to fuck her, I can come to her with my problems and she's always giving great advice.
We've had long open chats (both ways) and I genuinely see her as a friend.
I live in the UK, she lives in Germany. She once told me that I should visit her, she's told me that she wants to visit the UK when I get my own place. I'm going Amsterdam soon, and made plans to go to Germany after and see her. She seems ecstatic to see me, but my experience with people in general I'm setting myself up to have my own independent holiday without her if she's not available in person (due to work or whatever).
So I told her I'll book a hotel for myself, just needed whatever dates she'll be available, and she says don't be silly you will stay with me. She lives in a house share and said I have the option of staying in a hostel, motel or her bedroom. I chose her bedroom.
Now to my knowledge she only has a double bed in her bedroom, no other furniture for me to sleep on. I haven't asked if she wants me/is okay with me sleeping with her in the same bed. I assume she is.
Should I clear this up before going over?
Also I've shown her my weak side, emotions and all, many times. How I dislike dancing because I feel stupid doing it, how I'm worried about my future in terms of relationship and felt lonely at a wedding the other day going alone etc. Things you wouldn't tell girls if you're trying to show a strong frame.
That's why I can't help but think that she's inviting me in her bed because she thinks there's no way I'd make a move on her?
Blazerman_24 5y ago
I wouldn't even address it. Be real cool and casual. There's a good chance she's trying to hook up but you can mess this up if you don't play it right.
You needing a place to stay is her plausible deniability. She probably wants you to be a man and escalate it.
Feel her out during your interaction and wait till you go to bed to try and make a move.
Project_Zero_Betas 5y ago
Only way to go about it.
iwviw 5y ago
I had a girl tell me once she was gonna come sleep over but made it clear no sex... I was about to text her back and say don’t come. Then my female roommate was like all girls say that just to not seem easy. So I told the girl to come. She comes lays next to me I put on a movie and 3 mins later i shit you not she literally starts humping my leg and the rest was history
Armydude19 5y ago
That's basic examples on the side bar about LMR and ASD.
I_Cum_Blood_666 5y ago
Seems like a pretty clear green light to fuck. When you guys go out, as long as she doesn’t say something along the lines of, “You know what, maybe you should get a hotel” then I say go for it. Be prepared for the “so what are we, anyways” conversation in the morning.
damaged_goods420 5y ago
Bring a bottle of wine and make sure you completely read the situation before you make a move, but it for sure sounds like a green light to be balls deep for sure.
traktor28 5y ago
Well you gotta be honest with yourself. Its a weak move to befriend a girl under false pretenses if you actually do have feels for her and want to fuck. Hard to say if you are in the friendzone, but with the stuff you've told her it sounds like you are. What do you actually want?
arsarsars123 5y ago
I won't say no to sex, don't get me wrong, but I didn't think it would ever be on the table at all. I'm genuine friends with her though, she carries conversations, will check up on me, I get along with her better than some male friends.
At first I wanted to just fuck her and didn't think we'd have anything in common, the last few mths sex hasn't occurred to me with her.
We met a few mths ago when she came to the UK, but I was working and didn't get to hang out with her. Only one time when I was ill and that was cut short.
ChadTheWaiter100 5y ago
Well if you don’t want to bone her you could always tel her to give you some oral therapy
vas_mhtro 5y ago
"I won't say no to sex" o c'mon, you want to fuck her but things didn't work out. Don't lie to yourself dude, men and women cannot be friends, and don't come with BS back because there are studies backing it up.
Anyway kino escalate and if doesnt work out stay "friend's".
GucciGangBucks 5y ago
Men and women can be friends. I’m cool as hell with this fat black chick I use to work with. We just smoke blunts and hang out. Although she’s masculine as fuck.
_Anarchon_ 5y ago
This is probably one of those situations where you can only talk yourself out of getting laid. Just remember your ABCs...always be cool. Don't think about it so much, and just let whatever happen that's gonna happen, and have fun.
nhlfod21 5y ago
Perhaps she will have to wear a tee shirt which says "fuck me" on it to help you get the message.
ChadTheWaiter100 5y ago
You may be handsome enough to get away with being a pussy. Go over to your house, do some gay friendly shit, have a FEW drinks, smoke a little smoke and go to bed with her. Once your in bed, flick the lights and lay with her. Grab her hand and put it on your bone. She’ll come closer and make out with her. Bada boom bada baaaaang!
cafeitalia 5y ago
If you don’t want to fuck her don’t. That is all. Sometimes life is not about fucking. If she makes a move or questions you just flat out say you don’t feel like fucking her so you will not. If she asks for a reason simply say no reason.
BloodSurgery 5y ago
There are no such thing as female friends. Always one of the two will be aroused by the other. Or both will want to fuck eachother. In this case, she wants you.
arsarsars123 5y ago
Why does that mean you can't be friends? She's fit and healthy, attractive and my age. We're both single adults, ofcourse I want to fuck her. I also want a chocolate cream egg. Doesn't mean I need either one and if I don't get it, we have no friendship/connection on anything else.
Ambiguousdude 5y ago
"I won't say no to sex" that's not something someone says to describe their friends man.
adam_varg 5y ago
Because you wasnt there yet. Maybe you never will be. But lot of guys are.
I have few girl friends, who i wouldnt (didnt) turn down, but i give zero fucks about having sex with them.
They are attractive and cool girls, but i just dont feel any desire or need to do so.
arsarsars123 5y ago
I'm like this with her. I think many here are getting acquaintance and friend mixed up. A friend is someone you can rely on, someone who cares about you, and I believe her to be that based on previous actions.
failingtheturingtest 5y ago
Would you like consider a chocolate cream egg as a friend? Would you replace your morning bacon and eggs with chocolate cream eggs.
Chocolate cream eggs are a treat, trying to pretend it is something else is going to end poorly.
arsarsars123 5y ago
And so is sex.
failingtheturingtest 5y ago
Yes, which is completely separate from friends.
sex ≠ friends
Chocolate cream eggs ≠ breakfast.
mykillclimbin 5y ago
Is she cute? Do you find her attractive? If yes then why wouldn’t you smash. Be a fucking man
mushroom_overlord 5y ago
Just fuck her
Probably thinks you will make a move and wouldn't invite you if she didn't want the move made
Despite the circlejerk at TRP girls may still fuck you even if you have opened up to them
Optimally you will have a FWB you can hit up when you want to travel, worst case she will probably just be like "oh I didn't mean it like that" and you can say "ok" and you can continue acting normal
LordMarkStark 5y ago
This always makes me laugh. Not OP. Guys on here say girls are so easy n all BUT when it happens to a guy in return, she's playing hard or it's this big mystery.
If you don't want to then don't, but you live in different places, just go for it. This is the go sign.
Turn up as her friend. Leave as her lover. Unless we've all read it wrong.
adam_varg 5y ago
Was in similar situation couple times.
She already catched feels for you.
So If you two meet and you wont fuck it up (ie act unattractive, suck in bed, etc) and have sex, she is going to be head over heels for you.
Prepare mentally for her being ltr level bonded to you after single night..
INNASKILLZ2K18 5y ago
Don't clear it up now. That'll ruin all chances.
If it's what you want, you have to lead. Polarize, escalate and go for it.
You never know, she may like your honesty. Some chicks do dig that, but you'll kill it if you go full beta and start asking her beforehand if she's looking to fuck. That's trying to live in her frame.
Start by general game. Teasing, flirting a little etc.
FereallyRed 5y ago
Genuine friends???
Have you ever even met this girl?
Be honest with yourself.... DO you really not want to fuck her? Why?
You sound like her emotional tampon... aka beta orbiter.
I'd have an alternate place to stay lined up.
Youngyoda89 5y ago
The boy hasn’t digested the pill
arsarsars123 5y ago
Yeah. We met a few mths ago when she came to the UK, but I was working and didn't get to hang out with her. Only one time when I was ill and that was cut short due to my illness.
I do want to fuck her, but it's not high on my priority. If she doesn't want to fuck me, that's okay with me I'll live life as usual.
I do have one and can cut my holiday short also.
failingtheturingtest 5y ago
You're STARTING to be honest with yourself. But you've still got to get to the reality.
If you can't decide to be friends or fuck buddies with this girl, you are going to fuck this up. She is running the ship. She's deciding if you have access to sex or not. Maybe you do, maybe you don't, and you're waiting for her to give you an idea what you are expected to do. So you're going to play the "maybe I'm being flirty, maybe I'm beigg a friend" game. You're going to avoid trying to pick up other sheilas. Your entire value on this trip has changed to become "can I have sex with this friend" to the point where you've even tabled the idea of cutting the trip short if you fuck it up.
Don't make friends with girls you want to fuck until you can and will say no to fucking them. THEN and only then you friends on your terms and not theirs.
UnderneathTheGun 5y ago
Don't act like a woman, dude!