Hey
I am 19 years old and I am in a deep hole. I know that TRP is about sexual strategy and self improvement is just a part of it but I need advice from real men and TRP is the only place I know. So If you could help a young lad out I would be very very thankful. I try to make it short.
I have a fucked up childhood, my father was absent and a phaggot and my mom has multiple mental health issues, one of them is her narcissistic personality disorder, which won't allow her to feel real love towards her children. She used me as an emotional tampon and made me codependent. She also protected me and did everything for me. So I was (childhood) a spoiled little whinny fag who became fat because my mom couldn't resist to make me happy with food. The one thing that was going for me was my well above average intelligence. I went to a school for more or less gifted people and because of this, I wasn't bullied although I was fat and looked neglected (long hair, showered once in a week etc.). I never had unconditional love from my mother and my therapist says that this is causing the void I have in my heart.
Today, I am a normal young guy. I am above average regarding my looks. I have a decent body for my age, been lifting for 2.5 years. I have a good sense of style and I improved constantly between the ages of 14-19. There is still room for improvement and I look forward to it. I had my first gf with 15.5 years and after our break up I succeeded with some girls, so I am no incel. I even got approached by girls and was told that I am good looking. We broke up 4 months ago because I was beta (I think I don't have to go into detail here lol) after I danced with another girl and confessed it to her. I couldn't get over her in the 4 months and always believed that if I improved we would have again our relationship, ignoring Tomassis Iron Rule 7. We met up again one month ago and after being alpha and gettin together again, I went beta and confessed her my feelings. We didn't have the chance to fuck so I was her beta boyfriend. We broke up again.
Now I feel just lonely and sad. All my friends are in school and meeting their friends there and talking and having fun and I am sitting alone everyday in front of my laptop. I am in college and I met nobody there because I am shy and fear rejection very much. I miss my ex gf, I miss being happy again. I am so depressed and my therapist doesn't help much. I am angry because my parents were shitty and because my gf was a bitch who probably gets railed by a Russian chad while I am writing this. I read books, I lift like hell and I really try to not give up but I can't seem to fill the void I have. I can't fix the low self esteem, the loneliness, the childhood trauma etc. I ignore my problems by using the internet way to much because If I watch some funny videos, I won't remember my problems.
Red Pill, has anyone been through similar things, what helped you? Which books should I read? Which things should I do?
Current goals till end march:
walking everyday 10.000 steps
no porn or masturbation
lifting and cutting bodyweight (currently 17%bf)
join a martial arts club
learn guitar
read one book
tl;dr: fucked up childhood with no unconditional love, breakup with love of my life, being lonely and suicidal. I lift and improve myself but doesn't seem to find happiness.
Wilson-AOL 5y ago
Not fully TRP yet but getting there. Still, I'll share some stuff with you because I was in that dark place, escaped and now I am unbreakable.
You do not find happiness, you make it yourself.
Replace Martial arts with a better, practical sport: boxing or MMA or kickboxing. My choose is MMA because it is more of a street fight in which you must use everything (head, fists, legs, etc). It's like being prepared for everything but not specific.
Now, about happiness: -get your fking playlist up (DM me if you want me to share my spotify playlist) that makes you happy or good. I'm really into hip hop and rap. You may see it as nothing but it is a constamt reminder for what you fight for.
-man up, the bible and society tells you to love your parent no matter what which is wrong because some parents are f.up like my mom (alchoolic, abusive, colossal bitch, maniac, manipulator, etc). If you love her for real, that's cool, if not that's cool also. Basically acknowladge your feelings towards her, accept and embrace them and the truth will set you free (that does not mean that you must be shitty to your mom if you hate her).
-get out alone in parks or nice places where you are by yourself and consume things that you like (coffe, tea, water, cigarettes, music, warm sun on your back, calm and chill of the place, etc.) and don't think deep, just observe and apprecciate what's around and in time together with other staff you will find the enjoyment of life.
-man up, fix and do the things that depend on your actions like for example your body fat. You were fat and getting slim and good it was dependant only by your actions alone. Learn to identify the exterior factors that influence you in bad and fix them if it depends 100% by you.
If you kill yourself, that's a huge mistake because life is beautiful, you will get opportunities when you will age like a good job that affords you to move alone and stuff. It only requires patience.
Now regarding suicide, Bahoi from Constanţa city, Romania, said the following thing: Oh, I will kill myself, I will kill myself and so what if you kill yourself? You kill yourself like a peasant, hah, I've commited suicide, like a peasant and you solved what? But my soul will got to heaven... no, your soul stays... in your mother's pussy (typicall romanian swearing). No matter what life throws at you, you have a lot of stuff to enjoy. There are a lot of watermelons to be eaten, grills to be eaten and beers to be drank, birds that fly. This is wonderful in life, you can do whatever and it is beautiful. There are a lot of girls to fuck, a lot of pigs to be stolen and throwed in the Danube, hah, you kill yourself and you solved what? Eeee, eeee, I kill myself. Lame.
It goes for around 10 mins but that's the general idea.
Edit: meeting people: Approach guys at gym and martial arts or MMA or whatever. If in college, join the college's student league if it has, attend local casual and simple events, hang out with girls and after a fet meetings ask them to tag a friend along, etc. Like Bahoi said, life is full of opportunities, you must find them, it's your duty.
Example: i am an amateur runner, I posted on facebook an invitation for people (1, 2, 3 people maximum) to run together. Posted on local Facebook page that belongs to my college's community. 1 guy and 2 girls tagged along, boom, got their numbers, got to know the dude and we are kinda alike, met hi's circle of friends, became a member of that circle.
AsianWater 5y ago
Posts like these make me love the RP community even more. It would be lovely if I can check out your playlist too. Thanks brother
Wilson-AOL 5y ago
No problem.
iwishiwasgayandcute 5y ago
Its MMA where I want to join. Its really good place and I hope that it will help me to man up. Regarding going into parks alone etc. I have done those things with my gf. Now when I am in a park alone (mainly to get my daily 10.000steps) I feel lonely and sad. I don't feel any happiness for fun. I don't think that I will commit suicide but its just a damaging thoughts that going on in my head. And pls dm your playlist!
Wilson-AOL 5y ago
Read my reply again because I've edited some stuff.
Regarding parks, as I said, observe the surroundings, it will lift your mood.
PROBLEM ALERT: you are thinking of your gf, nah man, enjoy going alone, learn to do it.
entrep4 5y ago
Btw Russian Chad = Vlad
iwishiwasgayandcute 5y ago
fuck you Vlad...
The-Hoss62 5y ago
I feel what you’re saying man, but don’t let this get to you. Clearly you have a goal and you’re a man on a mission. You’re young you’re 19, I guarantee you next year when you’re 20 that girl won’t be on your mind. Focus on yourself, keep getting after it. Look at your parents for inspiration and remind yourself everyday that when you become a father you want to be the exact opposite. You can get through this just keep doing what you’re doing, go out more force yourself, get on tinder, make small talk with everybody from the most quiet person you can to the most extroverted person you can.
AccomplishedEase 5y ago
Nofap and meditation will help. Give it time bro. That shit takes time. Even a year. But it will eventually get better things will get better.
iwishiwasgayandcute 5y ago
Why exactly NoFap? I mean it can help with compulsive masturbation and motivation to approach girls but I never saw that it helped depression.
Wilson-AOL 5y ago
Don't think it does and my argument is because you need to balance your body (substances, hormones, etc) eighter by fucking or beating it off. In depression, it helps to try to keep your body stable.
AccomplishedEase 5y ago
Check some post in semenretention sub. I can’t tell you why but I feel like on drugs when I cultivate my semen. My diet is perfect and I meditate and lift and have no problems but there is just something more. I enjoy life so much.
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TheBadGoy 5y ago
Nietzsche, Schopenhauer, Yukio Mishima, Otto Weininger https://youtu.be/DapNJOXBx2M
goomerall3 5y ago
I feel you man. I've also had a horrible childhood due to my mother and understand what you go through. I also have bipolar to deal with but it doesn't stop me. Things will get better and regarding the gf thing that's a minor issue. With time you won't miss her and the blue pill in you will be gone. Trust me.
I have one advice for you if you want to feel happier and increase testosterone... eat a high fat diet with low carbs. Not a joke. Avoid sugar and carbs. Avoid oils like canola and eat lots of meat and fats. You will feel amazing, boost your testosterone and your health will thank you for it.
Thunderfin 5y ago
Really wouldn't be the first sub I'd go to if I were truly suicidal.
Book an appointment with the nearest psychologist for starters.
FieldLine 5y ago
Instead of all at once starting martial arts, picking up an instrument, reading when you aren't in the habit, going on a caloric deficit, and refusing yourself the pleasure of a wank at the end of a long day, pick one thing that you'll take seriously, and take it seriously. This will slowly lead to other good habits, and even sticking with one thing is harder than you think when you have no discipline.
For example, decide you're going to start training MMA. After two weeks of being low energy Jeb, you're going to start eating and sleeping more consistently so you can train more efficiently. Then you'll start lifting, because strength translates to more power. Etc.
As an aside, there's nothing wrong with masturbation. All these "fapstronauts" can get fucked. (Or just go home and jerk off.) Personally, I can't fall asleep if I don't burp the worm, which is bad for my gainz.
WalterBlackPC 5y ago
PM me. Easy stuff.
BluBlac59 5y ago
A lot of people have had a shitty childhood. You're only 19 and being aware of the challenges you've faced is just the beginning. You are also becomeing aware of the changes that you need to make. I was a homless orphan at 18 and bought my first house at 25. Don't quit now, especially over women. The amount of personal growth between 18 and 30 is amazing. I wish I could do it again. I had bad luck with women when I was young and by my mid 20s they were actually fighting over me and I still had more on the side. Don't worry about women right now set your own goals and start to achieve them. Don't fall for the next girl just game her to learn how it's done and how it works. You're life can be great to live it and enjoy it. Live !
iwishiwasgayandcute 5y ago
Thanks that was helpful. I probably need to just endure my suffering and keep pushing forward. Its a tough time to be a 19 year old. I think my prime time will come at 23 especially because I look young (good genetics for the future.)
[deleted] 5y ago
Warning: If you are reading this then this warning is for you. Every word you read of this useless fine print is another second off your life. Don't you have other things to do? Is your life so empty that you honestly can't think of a better way to spend these moments? Or are you so impressed with authority that you give respect and credence to all that claim it? Do you read everything you're supposed to read? Do you think every thing you're supposed to think? Buy what you're told to want? Get out of your apartment. Meet a member of the opposite sex. Stop the excessive shopping and masturbation. Quit your job. Start a fight. Prove you're alive. If you don't claim your humanity you will become a statistic. You have been warned.