I think my fundamental problem is being weak. I'm a quitter, soft, coward. My genes are weak. My dick is small, my fitness has always been bad since childhood, my body and immune system is weak. I don't know how to make long term plans. I don't have any control. I'm not liked.

I'm severely depressed and I refuse to see a shrink or get help. I have no friends or family.

I predict I'm going to kms in 2 years based on my past.

I wish to try not to be so weak but I don't do anything. I'm weak. I just stay weak. I watched maps of meaning, personality courses of jbp. TRP thought me how the world works but I got even more depressed after a while. I've read 100s of articles about depression and what my problem is psychologically. I know about what gives life meaning, what makes one function, how to be happy to live, what to do, where to start from. After years of search, I think my conclusion is that I am weak. Statistically some people are at the bottom, they exist to die or lose, they are the weak gene that's going to be removed from the gene pool. I think I belong there. I know the answer is taking action, baby steps and slowly building up. That's how transformation works. As I said I watched courses of JBP, I read TRP and articles about how people work. But I don't take action.

I wish to try not to be so weak but I don't fight with weakness. I give up. I gave in. That's quite literally who I am, if I observe my actions.

I think I'm ok with suicide. I've been mostly dead inside for a long time. I have nothing to lose because I have no life. It's just going to be freeing from suffering. My plan is to get away from people and end my life without any notes behind. I don't want to be found. I don't care if this haunts my biological family or if there is god or if I'm going to hell when I die or if my life is not mine to take.

Is a potential solution I didn't consider?