Background Info: I am 21, my gf is 20, been together 8 months, I took her virginity. We live together and go to the same school. She has been a great gf overall. She is latina and cooks and cleans quite a bit but claims not to be traditional. We usually have sex 1-3x a day and she tells me a lot that she really enjoys our sex. I hold frame for the most part but have slipped up big a couple times. Red flag is she has told me once or twice before that she wonders what other dick is like though as I've been her only guy. I'm pretty sure she has been 100% loyal so far though.
STORY: She just took a new job at a warehouse 4 days a week in the evening from 7pm-11pm and she saw this guy at work she knows from school. Long story short, she is starting(as of today) to carpool with him to work as he lives about 8 blocks away(she picks him up and drops him off) as she claims he has a much less gas efficient car. I calmly told her I don't support the whole carpool thing but obviously you can make whatever decision you want. She is going ahead with the carpool against my wishes. I calmly called her on it and she said she sees him as just a friend(she has a couple other male friends and they are absolutely nothing to worry about and are complete beta tampons for her even though they are nice people) like her other male friends and that he has a gf.
I let it go but I dont like this at all. Am I being paranoid(I have been paranoid in the past and I believe she has been totally loyal so far and thus I was overthinking by being paranoid in the past) and too sensitive or should she not be doing this? Thanks brothas.
SalporinRP 5y ago
What type of nuclear shit test is this... How do you respond? Because I'm not sure I'd want to be with a girl who talked about how she wondered what other dick is like...
Bruchibre 5y ago
Especially now that op has broken his frame she'll want to give a hand job to the other dude while he's driving so see how much bigger than op's it is
mrmaldoror 5y ago
You've already shown your weakness, good luck.
Mineralrecords 5y ago
Ah, the typical "my gf now has a job and there's real people there that she interacts with" problem that all the kids have. You have shown great weakness and fear. Good luck with what's to come.
throwitdownman 5y ago
Way to call us while the house is already on fire. You showed ‘fear’ and ‘concern’ over him - a sign of weakness. Women want strong and dominant. You showing weakness for him makes HIM look strong and dominant. It signals to her that YOU believe his SMV is higher than yours. Women branch swing - if she is a normal person she will be tempted to cheat.
It’s fucked up, but getting women to respect relationship rules is more so on us than on her. She WILL see it as your fault, and she WILL convince all her friends she is right when she cheats on you, because of what I typed earlier.
By addressing the carpool so strongly you also validate her frame as the important one - she’s telling you an issue, you’re reacting to her. So you lost frame, and you made him seem more attractive. See why I said the house is on fire?
Hope is not lost. What YOU should do is to regain frame. You voiced out what you want in an LTR (no carpools), she did not agree. So, naturally you look for one who will give you what you want. You apply dread. Start to openly flirt with other women, hang out with women.
This FLIPS the scenario. See how you were worrying about her carpool buddy, making him seem more attractive? She will be worrying about your new friends, fearing they are more attractive, and they ‘stole an alpha from her’. This is the push-pull mechanism. She’ll drop his carpool buddy in order to secure you AWAY from other women. Women are insecure that way, take advantage of it.
Again, the rules of the game are fucked up, but this is how you play it. You can’t expect to go in with honesty and transparency. If you don’t like the rules of the game, go monk mode. I enjoy pussy, so I’d recommend you apply what I said.
LeGone_James 5y ago
It’s already over end it
zxcvb7809 5y ago
I can't control other people and what they do. I don't trust other people either. With very few exceptions. I tend to lean towards the "if a person knew they could take over the world and not get caught or fail, would they" mentality.
So you can either not give a fuck and bang her brains out as long as it is your turn, or you can be jealous and insecure and all of that. I would recommend playing the field to the maximum extend possible even while you have a gf.
You slipped up though for sure in voicing your concern regarding that.
best of luck.
Red_Pill_Brotherhood 5y ago
Good insight. Yea definitely slipped up. Prolly should have just ignored it all. What would you do now? I'd assume just shut up and let it die now. Only thing is that shit bothers me what shes doing that's what I opened my mouth about it- i find it disrespectful to me it's tough to ignore disrespect. I dont think she'll do anything but I still dont like it, especially after i voiced my displeasure. Imo, a good LTR who prioritizes her mans happiness would just forget the carpooling then. Maybe I'm overthinking again and should just relax about it all by not caring.
zxcvb7809 5y ago
It is a lose lose. If she doesn't carpool you are controlling, manipulative, insecure etc. If she does you failed a shit test. This is why it is key to have not said anything. The way I see it, it is the beginning of the end either way. I would dick her down as much as I can until you can't anymore.
Logically yes it is disrespectful as fuck for her to do something you aren't comfortable with when you two are in a relationship. The logic test is like this, if roles were reversed would you have done the same?
I was in a situation a little while ago where I felt the same exact way. My gf at the time was going to play video games with her brother and 3 dudes I didn't know. We were both trashed. I said I am going to stay home for a board game night, she went. While she was gone I had no idea what she was doing and it drove me crazy damn near. After enough reflection I decided I don't care what she is doing when I am not there and I will do what I want when she isn't.
I was born at night, just not last night.
Best of luck bro!
Chadster113 5y ago
If you can help it You shouldn’t live with an LTR especially at your age.
Earthonaturtle 5y ago
You should bail now, it’s too late for you if you want the frame of the relationship. If she was afraid of losing you she wouldn’t have told you she was interested in “other dick”. I promise it will save you some emotional pain in the long run if you leave now.
civilizedfrog 5y ago
Don't show weakness, dumbass. She should be the one feeling this way about you.