I met this girl around 9 months ago and we've been fucking roughly 1-2 times per week up until now. She's shown me lots of green flags: very feminine, cooks for me, great sex, no secrecy with her phone, etc. So I upgraded her to a FWB around 2 months ago.
Yesterday I was scrolling through her phone looking at bullshit when I accidentally opened her DMs and noticed she had messaged one of those "confessions" sites. I was curious and opened the message, it basically said how she had been having sex with me for a while and how she really likes my company and was falling in love. Then she mentions being afraid of asking for something more serious because she's scared I might leave her if she does that.
I'm currently spinning only 1 plate besides her, whose company I don't enjoy nearly as much, so in all honesty I'd have no problem going exclusive, she was also a virgin when we first fucked. I was just wondering if maybe I've presented myself as too aloof/unattainable? I keep texting very short and mostly confined to logistics but I'm very affectionate with her when we're in private.
Is there any point to increasing comfort a bit or should I just keep doing what I'm doing?
Zoddo 5y ago
100% Keep doing you man. If you start to change what you're doing you're essentially going to be removing the reasons she wants exclusivity to begin with. Never, ever initiate relationship talk. If she truly wants it she'll ask you to be her man eventually.
set-theorist 5y ago
Thanks for the input. I believe you're right. If she truly wants commitment she'll have to ask me eventually.
RedSkeller 5y ago
Never make it easier for a woman to get commitment. If she really does feel this way she’ll ask you. Most of the time, this is a great excuse to fuck around on her end since things are ‘not defined’. See what her true colors are through her actions.
W_O_M_B_A_T 5y ago
Oooops, you paid attention to what a woman wrote on the internet where there are no consequences.
Should have paid more attention to her actions.
VasiliyZaitzev 5y ago
Congratulations, you’re doing it right.
Zakkaro 5y ago
sure.
This post reeks of heavy oneitis. Dont let her smell it or things will go south
CasaDeFranco 5y ago
Do not LTR a plate.
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She's demonstrated she isn't making the best choices as a woman in being a plate; they give sex without a relationship. It's like a man giving relationshipp benefits without sex.
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Spend more time vetting, look for more green and red flags.
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If she passes and earns your trust, only then; but as above, I did this myself (read my last post) and I got burned.
Zoddo 5y ago
A well vetted, long term plate who displays no big red flags are the ones you actually want for a LTR. Vetting for a LTR takes at least six months, and if she's not fucking you during that process then you might as well shove a dildo up your ass and stare at a wall
CasaDeFranco 5y ago
Vet her whilst you have other plates.
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"Institute for Family Studies" report data below.
The 5 year divorce rates given:
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If she's getting fucked by another or by you, probably not LTR material with the data above in mind.
Zoddo 5y ago
I would consider multiple sexual partners besides myself to be a big red flag (especially if she brings them up), and it would be grounds to disqualify her from being an LTR. Now, that doesn't mean you stop fucking, obviously, but that's not the point. If she has sex with me, I enjoy her company, and there are no big red flags during the vetting process than I would be willing to green light her for a LTR. That doesn't mean she didn't start off as a plate (to me, anyways).
CasaDeFranco 5y ago
I see your point, I'll reflect on it further.
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Are you saying she's not a plate, but rather a woman you are dating non exclusively, that you promote to an LTR?
Zoddo 5y ago
I suppose one can call it that, sure, but I don't come out and tell her that. It seems we're hung up on the term is all. Perhaps my interpretation of what a plate can encompass has too much range, or yours is too limited. Either way I agree with your general premise.
CasaDeFranco 5y ago
Agreed.
Kalikoenig 5y ago
I dated a girl for 2 1/2 years and she never asked for an ltr. She was a good girl and very consistent. I eventually started feeling bad for her and ended things so she can move on and try to find someone who wanted more. She ended up telling me she wanted an ltr the whole time but was too scared to bring it up.
If you want an ltr with this girl, given all I've read, I'd go against typical redpill advice and bring it up yourself. She sounds a lot like my former longterm plate and she would have been thrilled if I brought it up. Only thing is if you bring it up, don't start thinking you need to text more or give comfort all the time. She's attracted to who you are right now so there is no need to make drastic changes. A little is fine but it's easy to think you need to do a 180 since it's "official".