TL;DR Typical 20-year-old male in crisis that doesn't find the discipline, motivation and purpose for his life
I've been in the US for the last 4 months and I had plans about what would I do when I come back. I wanted to eat healthy, lift, learn to play guitar again, start reading everyday again, keep on practicing programming from where I left off, study everyday for at least an hour and finally reach 90 days of NoFap.
You probably guessed that I failed all of them after the first week. Except NoFap but I've come close to relapsing yesterday.
Now I have one week left for midterms and I can't seem to have the motivation and persistence to do anything. I can't bring myself to study hard (I do study though). I can't seem to focus on anything inside the class or outside and I feel left behind whenever I see my friends accomplish goals for their career paths while I don't even know what to do with my life.
Honestly the only good thing happened since I came here was that some chick (would give her a 4 though) hit on me last week and I started flirting with a 6 for the first time in a year. Still, I don't feel improved and I don't find the strength that will push me further.
I already know that I am not a special snowflake of some sort and that's why I came here to ask you guys:
How did you discover your purpose? How did you overcome the fear of starting new things and stopped pushing them away? How can I find the thing that will always make me get up and do shit that will turn me into an awesome human being? Should I wait for my mission to come to me instead of searching for it like a freak? Should I be calm and feel sure that everything will be alright or should I fear for my future all the time to use it as a motivation? What is your mission and what should mine be based on?
Sorry for being a whiny bitch.
thunderbeyond 5y ago
Sometimes I think there's an over-reliance on mission because people with mission have worked out their "meaning for life". Its not that easy.
Mission is a complex and nuanced idea. I'm much older than you and I'm still developing my mission. The reason is that the more I live, experience and understand - the better I understand what I want/need to do.
At 20 you are gathering experience. You should be out there doing all of those good ideas that you had (learn guitar, eat healthy, study, read etc). These are the right things to be doing!
You will find that as you grow as a person that some of the answers resolve themselves. Don't feel anxious that the reason you exist hasn't crystallized for you.
As I said, my mission is developing, but its mainly about grasping the opportunities that life provides. It's not a roadmap for where I buy a house, what course I study, or when I have kids.
Don't sweat it. Don't feel like you have to know this now. You don't. You concentrate on the parts of your life you can control so that every day you're in a better place. You already spelled that out. Have confidence in yourself that things will work out for you.
(Finally, don't apologise for asking for help. This is "ask" trp after all!)
InstigatingDrunk 5y ago
People over think it. I figured.. what could possibly make me happy? Everyone's mission is different. A lot of the hardcore TRP guys will say their mission is building a successful business. Someone else's mission will be to build a family or travel and experience all the different cultures in the world. That is my interpretation of mission.
brkakmn 5y ago
I know that these are the right things but my problem is that I can't build up the discipline or habit to do all these. I made countless calenders, I used countless apps, I listened to countless motivational stuff, I changed my phone wallpaper, took many cold showers and nothing worked. I couldn't go further than a week or two. I failed countless times yet learned nothing. I tried countless times yet saw no results that would keep me going. That's because I have no ambition in life. Not money, not girls, not respect. Because in the end I know that I don't want any of these enough. That's why I need a mission, a reason to keep going. A reason to "want something".
thunderbeyond 5y ago
The fact that you have kept trying to work at your aims ("I tried/listened/changed") tells me that you haven't stopped. That you are still trying. I'm more worried by people who don't try and then complain.
Perhaps you need to step back a bit. Perhaps you are trying too hard. Perhaps you are thinking about sorting your "whole life" out when you could be just soaking up and exploring the different avenues.
As I said, as a younger guy you gain the experiences that guide you. So be a bit selfish, and ask yourself what you want to do. Take some time. Don't think long term. Think about what you want to do in the next 6 months, 1 year. What new things do you want to try?
And think about it in terms of YOU. Not money, girls, other peoples opinion etc... make the focus on yourself. You've just learned an amazing thing. That your focus should never be on these things.
What I'm saying is that you are putting too much pressure on yourself. If you're not motivated to do what you are doing right now - it's not because of a lack of mission. Just realize that you dont have to figure it all out now.
Focus on you and what you want.
QawL 5y ago
I'll suggest that you might want to add a meditation habit in your life to raise your awareness and conscious. What you want, what you don't want, where do you want to be.. overall calming your "monkey mind", meditation might help.
derrtderr 5y ago
Mission is a statue that you spend your entire life carving.
trele_morele 5y ago
My mission is to live a virtuous life. To give more than I take. To contribute in whichever way I can to causes that align with my values.
I don't have a specific goal. I'm not trying to become a rockstar musician or a NASA scientist or a CEO. If I do become those things, fine, but if I don't, I won't give a fuck. I don't need to go save babies in Africa to feel good about myself. I may go save babies in Africa one day when I know I can genouinely help.
Until then I'm here, improving myself, building habits, skills, tools, networks that allow me to live out my values.
I don't talk about any of it, I don't advertise myself. I don't give a fuck whether women know what I'm up to. They can wonder. It's not like anyone cares about your mission, anyway.
Don't overthink the mission. It's not the ultimate answer to life, the universe and everything else. Do you. Just make sure it something you feel strongly about
[deleted] 5y ago
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[deleted] 5y ago
interesting response I enjoyed reading. have you read Michael Crichton’s autobiography “Travels”? It’s right up your alley.
[deleted] 5y ago
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[deleted] 5y ago
I read it about 15 years ago. first half of the book describes journeys that he took all around the world’s geography. The second half of the book was what stood out even more for me, where he goes on multiple spiritual journeys in search of existence of the supernatural. Definitely worth a look into.
Ricklogical 5y ago
I'm contemplating starting a farm. First to stop buying basic nutrition. I will grow chickens, pigs, vegetables, fruits.
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Second to get a ton of what I want.
kleggen456 5y ago
A ranch is my backup
[deleted] 5y ago
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ArdAtak 5y ago
The best mission I've had is being an athlete. When you're working out and eating for more than just looks, when your training and diet is the difference between winning and losing, you tend to stick with it more.
The fact that you're literally winning and losing dozens of times each month forges your mental toughness. You realize that the greatest victory is the fact that you "get to play" not the score on the board. And there's always another game around the corner so you have to move on to the next game. You learn to treat victory and defeat as the impostors that they are.
Also, the entire lifestyle and social circle that comes with being and athlete is very attractive. You're surrounded by other alphas and vibrant, healthy people. You're outside. You travel. etc.
The bonds and brotherhood you form with your teammates and competitors gives you a great support system and fosters outcome independence. There's always another party or gathering you can go to if a plate or date flakes out.
bucSlayer 5y ago
I got you, man. You’re problem is that you’re trying to do too many things at once. Choose one thing, then do it for 21 days, don’t skip a day. It takes 21 days to become a habit. After that, choose another one to build.
quadraticreciprocal 5y ago
Unlike all the BS answers here, I actually have a mission. I choose a competitive field that I am naturally good at, my goal is to become the best in the world at that field.
Jabbermouth 5y ago
And what is the field you have chosen?
quadraticreciprocal 5y ago
An area of mathematics.
look_up_there 5y ago
BS answer?
self-medicate 5y ago
TBH I just picked one. Mine is to make money, because what the fuck else am I going to do.
Whenever I find I'm getting too close to a girl I distance myself and focus on adding another 0 to my income
GrimTRP 5y ago
I'm 18, I graduate HS this February. I'm not going to college. I will never work a real job. My mission is to enjoy life. I realize when I was young that If I was working a 9-5 every day, that I would rather be dead. I saw the grind of a work life destroy my parents. I'm going to live my life and be happy. I make music, I do standup comedy, I act. More then likely I will be doing that, or teaching Martial Arts. All of those are my missions. But my #1 priority is being happy, As You Only Live Once
RobertCarraway 5y ago
When you're 18 you are supposed to feel the way you do, but cut the YOLO crap, it makes you sound like a Gucci Gang degenerate who sucks rainbow pixie dicks. It's just as probable that YODOLO.
GrimTRP 5y ago
Obviously I said it for the meme of it. I don't really care what I sound like on the internet tho.
campa56la 5y ago
Survive as a productive member of society while being a felon and total relying on myself for everything. Good question OP
[deleted] 5y ago
not everybody is passionate about a religion or political ideology. or a grand cause of some kind. some are but many arent.
to the many I would suggest focus less on what your mission is, and instead determine what are your “values and priorities.”
it’s taken me several decades into my adulthood to figure this out.
example ——- my values are music, specifically creating and performing it. also having a child and spending a lot of time with that child. and a keen interest in nutrition. the way I prioritize my time centers around those values. I don’t have a driving mission, but those values give me a reason to stay in physical and mental shape and keep my game on point.
williamskevin 5y ago
To have a healthy body, mind and soul. To be a man i am proud of and others envy.
OfficerWade 5y ago
My mission- Pursuing a relationship with my wife, as all things in life people change.
Pursuing a career that has that sweet passive income so I can retire before I’m 50 doing more charitable work for the community. IE: I want to open a soup kitchen in my home town for the needy.
That’s my objective and getting there is requiring me to work a night shift police patrol at a chemical plant. Soon to be getting my license as insurance adjuster online with all the time I spend here just sitting in front of windows. Which will supply me the income I need to build homes to rent from the property I plan to buy.
The real struggle is the day to day lifting. Getting out of bed. Interacting with my family. Staying vigilant to my wants and needs so that I don’t get stuck....
chazthundergut 5y ago
You dont need to find your ultimate mission. Just make a list of things that you already know you should do. Set your alarm for early in the morning, and when it goes off get out of bed and start hammering away on that list.
Get busy moving your life in the general right direction. The higher up you get, the better your view becomes and your higher purpose can reveal itself to you.
For now just work on action. Small actions towards small goals.