I hear a lot on TRP that a guy should be stoic to be attractive. But I’ve also heard that a guy that is fun to be around is attractive. So how does one reconcile the two?
From what I’ve understood, stoic = idgaf and fun = enjoyable to be around/happy so you can’t really be both. Am I wrong?
CopperFox3c 5y ago
Years ago, this confused me too. I would be out for the first time with a new girl, and I was supposed to be kino-ing her and escalating but also cool and aloof and not showing too much interest ... what?
Over years of practice, I realized it all came down to this: you should be fun and engaging, without expecting anything in return. As long you don't come from a place of neediness, you are fine. Stoicism in that regard is really about killing your inner neediness.
Besides, those covert contacts are never a good strategy.
self-medicate 5y ago
Thanks for explaining this
markinsinz7 5y ago
I think it depends a lot on how you look. The less masculine u look the more 'stoic - seriousish' u gotta act. Atleast that's what I'm observing of the guys that are slaying. However, it's not a necessity.
This is primarily based off bar game keep in mind. I've got better more curious reactions from women when I'm faking a poker face
drnaline 5y ago
She's gonna see through that. Females want to go into a range of emotions, fun brings the ladies.
markinsinz7 5y ago
Some girls have seen through it but only cause I broke frame after a while and started 'having fun' like quite a bit by teasing and laughing. Her curiosity was gone - this ain't just 1 girl it's multiple.
I strongly believe the more masculine(via size, facial features, style, anythingelse) u look the less u gotta act the part & vice versa.
It definitely comes down to the individual and such a BIG BIG part of game is how u say shit. I've discovered the more relaxed I am, more chill, asking questions with a serious face and smiling only when a joke is made are times where I get a better response.
look_good 5y ago
yep I’ve found calibrated self amusement brought me better success in all aspects of life
ioncehadsexinapool 5y ago
Is there a book on that specifically?
look_good 5y ago
eh, I found value in watching RSD Julien and RSD Tyler videos on youtube. I like their approach to life
Todd Valentine has good content as well, he talks ab reading social situations and the importance of knowing how to calibrate accordingly.
mickey__ 5y ago
what videos you like the most from Julien & Tyler? They have dozens and i like to watch them
look_good 5y ago
they have tons of free long content vids on yt, check them out
mickey__ 5y ago
I know they have, i asked you which one is your favorite to recommend
look_good 5y ago
they’re all good. pick ur fav click bait title
AlmightyPhoenix 5y ago
stoicism - the endurance of pain or hardship without a display of feelings and without complaint
this is the actual definition... you can be a stoic and still give a fuck, it's more about not showing when something is painful, sucking it up, embracing the suck and pushing through it
you can be stoic and still be a fun person to be around, feel/display happiness, etc, the branch of stoicism would be more of a "i just got laid off at the office but instead of showing that its stressing me out ima act like its just a minor setback and push through it" thing than "idgaf" ... i also think taking advice for whats attractive in relationships on here could be a bad idea, since a lot of the stories i hear that bring people here begin with them being cheated on in a relationship... filter through the bs shoveled down your throat here
Mickusey 5y ago
This exactly
No one is emotionless and the idea that that is what stoicism is comes from blatantly misunderstanding it. I’d say it’s much more about recognizing your emotions and why you feel certain ways and making sure your reactions remain measured and personal bias/context doesn’t play a role.
[deleted] 5y ago
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Willkuer_ 5y ago
Stoicism also helps you with approaches.
Derfaust 5y ago
Stoicism is about living as if you are a part of nature;
A strong part of which is accepting and acting like you are a social creature; this means having emotions and having fun, but you own your emotions, your emotions don't own you; likewise you don't let the fun own you (addiction);
but also that you understand the difference between what is in your control and what is outside of your control (as happens in nature)... and in the latter case... you just fucking roll with it like a man instead of crying about it like a child.
Girlfriend cheats on you? So fucking what. But did you die? No? Then continue living your life. Learn from your mistakes where possible.
A lot of misery arises from our expectations and many people have the expectation that they are somehow above nature and thus deserve special treatment... they cry "Why me!?" as if it is such an unusual thing that ill fate has befallen them.
Correct your expectations. Expect that you are a part of nature and that natural things will happen to you... the roller-coaster of life.
But when the bad things happen.... and they will.... you get to control how you react to them.
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derrtderr 5y ago
Why not both?
821sleepingbag 5y ago
Stoic when times are tough, fun and exciting when times are good.
TheDonCap 5y ago
Por que no los dos?