I already know that when you are dating a woman and she hits you with LJBF speech, you're supposed to decline her offer and tell her to hit you up when she changes her mind. But my question is, how do you handle the speech if you were good friends before you started dating?
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For example, I was good friends with this girl and it eventually led to us dating. We weren't exclusive but we did go on a few dates and hooked up frequently. Out of nowhere, she said she wanted to stop dating and just be friends. I said sure we can be friends with benefits but she was clear she wanted to be platonic friends. I replied sure, only because we were friends prior to us dating but I withdrew alot of my attention. Taking long to text back, always busy, declining to hangout etc. I guess I'm looking for more clarification on how to respond to this?
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[deleted] 6y ago
She started dating somebody she sees as higher value than you. Either take the LJBF rejection and replace her with some plates, or take it to heart and be sad about it. My suggestion: NEXT! "It was just your turn".
Quaternionz 6y ago
Remember to play off of her cues when it comes to defining what “friendship” means. As a dude when you get LJBF you have to be aware that 29/30 times this will mean “Casual acquaintances who never talk and see each other maybe 2 times per year, probably only when running into each other by accident.”
Feel free to accept her LJBF. “Sure, friends it is. Why not.” Always look to her to set the terms of the friendship though, through her actions and not her words.
If she puts in an effort to keep a legitimate friendship going then fine, but never put that effort in yourself first. She’s more likely to abuse and take advantage of your friendship if she sees you as a beta orbiter. You’re less likely to abuse her the same way if the roles are flipped.
Her: “Oh, hey, can you come help me install this heavy AC unit?”
You: “Sure! I’ll be over in 30.”
Her: “Can you bring some beer?”
You: “Sure, why not.” (You buy the beer).
Then two weeks later:
You: “Hey, I got locked out of my apartment and I need a place to crash tonight.”
Her: “I have a lot of work to do tonight actually, sorry!”
Then she never remotely tries to reciprocate for the AC help and the free beers.
Genuine, balanced, 1:1 friendship with a woman that’s mutually free of problematic sexual tension is pretty rare, and possibly nonexistent.
MattyAnon Admin 6y ago
Not really. The problem is that she believes she is offering you something by letting you continue to do things for her. If you say "no thanks", she'll get all insulted and you'll be hit with "you just want to fuck me" which is obviously true but she now frames it as a problem.
Instead what you do is to agree wholeheartedly with her friendship request, then proceed to NOT be friends with her, and game her at your leisure.
Don't do anything friendsy. Don't be her friend. DO NOTHING FOR HER. Nothing I tell you. ZERO.
Be elusive, be distant. She might change her mind, might not, move on either way.
The only point of agreeing to LJBF is to shut her up about it.
You did this about right.
She should feel the pain of your lack of attention.
CainPrice 6y ago
I'll assume that if you and this girl were friends before you started having sex, then she brought some kind of value into your life that was worth your investment into the friendship. (If not, you have a different issue completely unrelated to the fact that you've had sex with this girl.) Assuming she still brings value into your life, it's fine to be friends with her.
If she's all weird and awkward and stops making an effort at being a decent friend because she's caught up in her new boyfriend or casual sex partner, just let her go. Not because you used to hook up and there's some kind of Red Pill rule about being friends, but because she's being a shitty friend that's not worth the investment.
Assuming she's a good friend, stick around. When things don't work out with whatever new guy she LJBF'd you for and she's looking for something casual again, girls prefer hooking up with a previous partner versus meeting new guys. She already knows you're good in bed, safe, respectful, and discreet. That beats trying to meet a new casual partner and rolling the dice.
chim_city 6y ago
She's not into you. Don't waste anymore time. You can't negotiate attractiveness.
HurricaneHugues 6y ago
What speech? Its still the same thing. You stop being "friends". Its that simple. You were never really "friends" innthe first place. One of you really like the other and stuck around because of it. Evidently, you more than her.
DiscordantMonk 6y ago
"let's just be friends with benefits" I said with a smirk.
ChadFromColumbus 6y ago
She found someone better than you but still wants your attention.
Highly doubt you were true “friends” with her before. You should have straight up told her no. NEXT!
Ricklogical 6y ago
Every sexual relationship has a timeline. If you can just be friends it shows abundance.
If you cant you are shallow or scarce. Go game and approach other women. Be her friend or not but get a new chick for sex
HurricaneHugues 6y ago
Female friendship is like having a cat as a guard animal
Ricklogical 6y ago
Women can be great friends. Really depends what you define as a friend, that varies widely person to person.
Every female friend I have serves a purpose, most of them have multiple professional or artistic connections or talents I can call on or enjoy being a part of.
Same with my male friends. More interest in the female friends than I've ever had in male friends. Not as enjoyable to see them dress up, plenty of other reasons. I prefer women for almost everything.
An_Actual_Politician 6y ago
Being friends with a woman means becoming their emotional tampon.
No thanks.
Ricklogical 6y ago
Oh that's deep.
Ricklogical 6y ago
How many friends do you have?
An_Actual_Politician 6y ago
I have 6 that I trust with my life. Friends that I made in HS and college.
Another 20 or so that I could call any given night to hang out. Caveat though - my wife cheated on me with one of the "friends" that was in this circle. That's what brought me here to start taking more ownership of the weaknesses in my life.
So the friends thing can be a mixed bag, but it's not much different than finding a good woman. Vetting is important.
Ricklogical 6y ago
That cheater friend of yours served you a real compliment. Chances are high at some point most women that go out without you will cheat.
The one I have now sees no interest in going out without me. That's nice.
I have a few friends like that as well. Women have been much more rare, but I'd say a good dozen of them I chat with regular and I am very deeply invested in the perceptions they hold. I tell them what is up in my life from my male perspective and they usually do a good job of giving me views I could never recognize on my own.
Helps me react in a more rounded and centered fashion. Anyhow you are mostly correct, you can be used by women and that is a real problem for many guys getting into gaming. They can often think they are getting closer with this kind of engagement, when really they are just solidifying the friends perception.
What a shame.
HaroldTFinch 6y ago
She just tossed you in her Goodwill pile.
Make that a visual and I think you know what to do
CharlesChadworth 6y ago
IHEF (I have enough friends)
You dated, it didnt work. Move on, talk to another girl who doesnt want you to be her beta orbiter cuck as she slides Chad's dick down her throat while texting you about her day... next.
mseand 6y ago
To me it’s a shit test. It’s either agree and amplify or ignore