So I’ve recently reached the top of my game. I’ve got a awesome new job, a fat pay check, a swanky new apartment, a £30 Haircut that has received a lot of positive feedback, and I’ve just hit 100kg on my squats.
I’m going to organised social classes and events to try kickstart my social life, and I’ve noticed a lot of changes.
In groups, people speaking tend to focus there attention on me. I get asked questions quite alot, to which I tend to give short, but meaningful answers, before they go back to speaking.
Is this good? It feels good, but at the same time I feel I’m bot connecting or establishing my confidence by speaking as much.
I often find other, more established, possibly dominant guys interjecting quite a bit in conversations. I feel they’re just trying to get attention back on them, so I calmly listen, rather than getting loud needy. Is this the right thing to do?
Sin-Silver 5y ago
I’ve never believed the extovert/invert division, I find myself oscillating between the two depending on my current mood and needs. I can be pretty extroverted, but I noticed I’m capable of just sitting back and letting people talk, without disappearing into the background like I once would have.
TeamLitten 5y ago
Dude... this is the truest thing I’ve ever read and only just realized. I always thought I was pretty introverted but now looking back, I realize that I can be pretty extroverted depending on mood. I mostly stay back in conversations but I haven’t felt as if I’ve been in the background recently which makes me happy.
DownyGall 5y ago
Yeah, I think that's most people. There are the confirmed extroverts, but they're honestly incredibly annoying with how they dominate the conversation. There's a guy in a friend group who's like that and it's a blessing if he's not there. Sometimes the conversation lags, but most of the time it's more balanced and flowing rather than jerked around by a loud guy.
TeamLitten 5y ago
We also have a guy like that in my friend group. Weird thing is, everyone comes to me telling me how fucking annoying he is. I used to always think that he was the one getting all of the girls but, I now realize that their needs to be a balance between extroversion and introversion.
[deleted] 5y ago
I’ve noticed that my most successful dates/game are when I talk the least. Not sitting there nervously not speaking but creating a conversation then just listening and smirking. Those are my SNLs.
OPTIMUSL1ME 5y ago
Saturday Night Live
mcr00sterdota 5y ago
I second this. The less talking you do the better. I just let her yack on whilst I apply kino.
Sin-Silver 5y ago
Yeah, I can relate to that, I’ll keep this in mind.
smellyflamingo 5y ago
I’ve recently been struggling with dating and I have been doing this but it’s really been failing for me
Background: I’m 6’1 195lbs, and around 15% bf (people can tell I work out) and I have an attractive face. I am 23 years old and have an n count of 42, most being one night stands (tinder) or girls from the bar so I don’t think SMV is an issue for hooking up however.....
I can get dates pretty easily (some weeks 3-4), and no flakes either. I text only for logistics and girls will sometimes message me “hey still on for tomorrow” if I don’t reply and I get “can’t wait! :)” and other variants
For the actual dates, I try to not talk about myself as much and ask her questions about herself so as you said, they can keep babbling. One girl has told me that I came off as shy and I wonder if this is a problem for other girls? This strategy seems to be working well for you and others but I would say I get ghosted or girls tell me “I’m not looking for anything right now” or “I don’t feel a connection” by 80% of the girls I go on first dates with.
I’m also very monotone and talk without emotion
I physically escalate during the date and always kiss close or makeout but then I get ghosted...
Any thoughts or ideas on what I’m doing wrong? Some girls I have success with (fucked hb8 in my car on second date recently) but 80% of girls ghost me after the first date and honestly it’s starting to get to me because I know I’m physically attractive so it must be my personality..
[deleted] 5y ago
My guess is that you’re being quiet but appearing nervous and anxious. I’m still learning myself and this comment was just an observation on a small sample size. But work on your body language and inner confidence. There is a difference between being a quiet man with a smile who has no problem escalating physically and a quiet man with closed body language who seems twitchy and nervous. It takes time, trial and error. The more dates you go on the more trial you get and the less you care about the outcome.
Bedtimeshine 5y ago
Nights were I wanna just post up and drink and I give grunts, head nods, and one word answers are the nights that I’m getting practically dragged out of a bar/party by a woman at the end of the night.
smellyflamingo 5y ago
I do stuff like this but I think I come off as shy and quiet, and the opposite of big dick energy (see my comment above)
Anything else you think I’m doing that could be fucking it up?
Fertraw 5y ago
Get big
cptgoatsack 5y ago
Have more than you show, speak less than you know - always a good rule of thumb.
DownyGall 5y ago
Under promise, over deliver.
Bedtimeshine 5y ago
Haha... a couple days ago a buddy asked me advice on getting laid. I told him, “have big shoulders and don’t fucking talk so much.”
Tough_Connection 5y ago
You have to be the first person on this sub who has finally got it together and is not less than 10% body fat. I hate those posts where all high schoolers who discovered this sub 3 months ago are suddenly 6% body fat.
I_love_you_broskis 5y ago
They can be. With least muscle size
bigman19999 5y ago
I’m a 6ft 3 boxer with 6% BF.
Being ripped makes you look more imposing, your facial features stand out, you learn discipline through diet.
Tough_Connection 5y ago
You missed my point. 6% body fat is expected for athletes. Not some obese high school kid who discovered the gym through trp. Most posts here are just humble bragging but with so many lies.
Youngyoda89 5y ago
Agreed. I’ve noticed I get a shit ton more respect at 8-12% body fat (I hover around that range) at just 170 lbs. Even though I’m smaller than I was I have a v taper and my face looks a lot better.
Sin-Silver 5y ago
They are meeting in public places called ‘Munches’. Theres no actual fetish stuff going on at these events, but it’s a good way to meet new people.
furcryingoutloud 5y ago
If you want to be taken seriously, STFU. It's actually the simplest rule out there. The less information you give, the better you look.
TeamLitten 5y ago
I’m pretty young so take this with a grain of salt. Nobody likes the annoying overly extroverted guy. I think you’re doing the right thing (key words “I think”). There needs to be a balance between extroversion and introversion. Too much of one makes you either annoying or a background character.
moneymakingmiguel 5y ago
The more mysterious you are, the more they'll want to know.
Poutvora 5y ago
What do you mean organized social classes? Sorry for not answering your question..
Sin-Silver 5y ago
yeah, thats terribly worded. I do two things, one is a language exchange where I chat with both Japanese and English people in a cafe for 2 hours week. The other in a munch, where I meet people into fetish stuff on fet life. The former is a bit to formal, and not really for in depth banter, but the munches are an opportunity to talk about whatever.
JosephBosa 5y ago
Mind embellishing on the the fetlife part more? Ive seen it thrown around here but didnt know it was a social gathering. Are you using it like Tinder and taking a prospect to a cafe or are there actual meetups for this stuff?
bondbandito 5y ago
Are you an introvert?
I'm naturally chatty and I would say I have non-needy/AMOG kind of banter as part of my usual interactions (not even as game). So I'd like to know if that's the usual end game even for chatty guys
E.g. RSDMax and RSDTyler come to mind as top level guys who definitely talk at least a significant amount in social settings