I don't have a social life. I am 29, I work a min wage job, go to school, come home, that's it. I don't go to parties (no invites). Don't go clubbing. Don't go to festivals and the like. Sort of a shy/introvert type. So does this mean I am doomed to get women? I mean say for example I meet a girl, get her number and we go out on our first date things go well. Then we start getting more serious but... my life isn't fun or interesting. I am so busy most of the time. I'd imagine a girl would get bored of my life real easy and move on to the next guy that has a more interesting show to offer her.
Advice?
Thanks
Wakatowa 6y ago
Go out and make one. Go to the gym, talk to people. Go out to a bar, talk to people. Approach when your grocery shopping. Go to the basketball courts and ask to play. Make friends with the people in your classes. Don't make it harder than it has to be dude..
Gandalf32 6y ago
Fake it till you make it...
BurnieSlander 6y ago
You don’t. Getting women is a side effect of living life well and with passion. Yeah yeah I know Chad can be homeless and still pull 9s but that’s not what TRP is about.
You need to fix the other parts of your life first. 29 and minimum wage? That should piss you off. Stop choosing to be boring and start doing interesting shit.
Joehogans 6y ago
It does piss me off, a lot, I think about it every day, how I've let my life unfold and go to the toilet. I desperately want to change. I want to have a high-paying position I wanting to be banging a new chick every week. Multiple-plates. I haven't gotten laid in years. I don't know how the fuck to get out of my current situation. I go to school 5 days a week and most of my free time is contained within a small time-frame to work. So I don't know how many employers would be looking at me. And getting use to how another job operates would seriously stress me out. I've gotten comfortable with how things are, I know... then at the same time I am completely unsatisfied with my life.
BurnieSlander 6y ago
What are you going to school for? Regarding work- under no circumstance should you tolerate minimum wage, especially in this economy (I’m assuming you’re American). Any employer who offers min wage is testing you to see if you’ll let them get away with it (just like girls do!) Ask for a raise.
Other than having my degree I wasn’t so different from you at 29. I made 28K/yr after taxes and wasn’t very good with women. I’m 33 now and just banked my first six-figure year and have a 23yr old gf who is a knockout and treats me like a king. Sorry for the humblebrag but I’m saying this because the only reason I’ve been able to make such dramatic improvements is because of what I learned right here on TRP and by reading The Rational Male.
All the knowledge you need is here- just follow it like a recipe. Everything boils down to behavior and behaviors are actually very easy to change.
Joehogans 6y ago
Yes I live in America.
I am going to school for geographic information science. Getting in as much programming/math/design as I can, it's what I enjoy.
I tried for a raise about a year and a half ago and was rejected, boss said that there was some annual raise everyone was getting. But that there was nothing that he could do for me in getting a raise, unless I moved to another department in the store. I don't know what I have to do or say in order to get a raise I've literally never gotten a PERSONAL raise before and I've been working for the same place for (come April) 8 years.
I've often wondered about trp, is it mainly for achieving success with women or in life? When I think of trp, I don't just think of getting laid. I think about all the manipulation in the world around us, the system that is set up. The government, the economic slave system of working for people other than yourself. Even everyday interactions and all the social control/manipulation people are doing. It currently feels like it's impossible to get out of the crippling poverty I am in. No car, live in my moms basement yada yada yada.
No apologies needed for the humblebrag, that's good and shows how far you and anyone can come if they put in the effort and man hours. With trp, how did you go about reading it? I've skimmed the sidebar. I mainly focus on the front-page posts and read through the comment section. I've noticed that in everyday life I find myself out of control and often in subordinate positions. Be with men or women. I get talked down to like I am stupid. Men out-frame me. Women out-frame me. I get nervous easily. Don't get much attention from women other than the occasional stare, which could be interpreted as either good or bad. Either way my response is generally to look at them for a split second and then turn away. I don't act on situations, I let them pass me by. Another thing which is breaking me recently is how I let opportunities slip past my hand and it seems related to my lack of confidence and inability to socialize with people, both in a deep and shallow way. It seems rather hard for me to have a meaningful conversation. With women especially, as I sexualize them and I get all flustered and weird, I can't just talk to them like human beings. I need to just look at them not as objects but as people. It's just how long I've been conditioned through pornography and the like. I have beta programming for sure. Although, I need to take responsibility for my own thoughts and actions and stop blaming society as a whole for the mistakes I make
[deleted] 6y ago
You first have to understand how you got to where you are, what actions and beliefs led you to the pit you are in? Then understand why you had those thoughts and beliefs.dig deep,why are you unmotivated? Why did you pick such and such job etc... deconstruct yourself.
Joehogans 6y ago
Destruct myself. I am just not sure what this means. Should I analyze all the general thoughts, actions, ideas I had that got me to the pt I am right now?
[deleted] 6y ago
Yea, meditate or journal,observe you met all and physical habits and see what led you to where you are now.
VasiliyZaitzev 6y ago
Fix your shit first.
Why?
Because: "Women are a Lagging Indicator" or "If You Build It, They Will Come"
CommanderCumlord 6y ago
Been a while since I read this one. Something simple to look back at every couple of months for young guys like me.
Yeah, no shit you aren’t drowning in pussy with a minimum wage job, no friends, and no hobbies. But OP- use this as a baseline and see what happens when you do something outside of your ordinary, and obviously low quality routine. It might take 12 months or 60 months to get genuine results, but either way you can’t get much lower than where you are now.
SirKolbath 6y ago
You have a shitload to take care of before you start worrying about smashing pussy. Why the fuck are you only making minimum wage? The only reason anyone gets that shitty pay is because they aren't worth more than that to their employer.
Go to your boss tomorrow and tell him that you want a dollar an hour raise in thirty days. Have him give you an action plan with target metrics to earn that raise. Hit them and meet with him again to ask for the wage increase. Rinse and repeat.
Keep up with school and also hit your job up for any training they'll pay for. You can possibly find in house training that will make you more marketable.
Get your resume out there. Apply for five jobs a month. That's one a week and one extra. Don't settle for anything less than a two dollar increase per hour.
You're only making minimum wage because you accept it. Get off your ass.
Now, after that comes health and fitness. Get thee to the gym. Four times a week, minimum. Three lifting days and one cardio. Watch your diet. Increase protein and reduce carbs. Make this happen as if your life depends on it, because it does.
Start at least one hobby, preferably two. Pick up an instrument. Put down the game controller.
Who cares if you live in mom's basement? Own it. You're saving money, right? Going to school? Paying off bills? Own that shit.
Do all of this for three months, and then you can start looking to pick up girls. If you start aiming at pussy you're just going to get pulled off course for everything else.
Ryldaufein 6y ago
It is also important to NOT DO everything at once.
You can't expect that by starting from tomorrow with gym few times a week, good diet, changing your vibe and
frame, learning to socialize, finding a hobby and better job you will manage to maintain such lifestyle for a longer
period of time.
Because you won't.
In most cases it takes 30 to 40 days to form a habit. And you will need even more time to engrave that habit into
your core. Going full rambo for max two weeks with things that you want to change isn't really helpful in long run.
Focus on 2-3 habits for a month and only after that time go for the next habits.
Humans prefer to get results as quick as possible and it is even better if you don't need to put any effort into it.
Unfortunately all good stuff needs us to work for months if not years.
Do not rush with getting too much habits to maintain because it is annoying as fuck when you realize that if you
went with smaller amount you would be much further in improving your life.
And do not rely on motivation too much.
You can be motivated after watching some YT video for few days, maybe even a week.
But it won't last for all your live.
Discipline (if developed properly) will.
/r/getdisciplined is a place where you might want to spend some time to learn how to create efficient plan focused
on forming habits and improving your life.
Joehogans 6y ago
I feel like I don't have the confidence to go directly to my boss and ask for a dollar raise. Like there is something holding me back from my own potential. It's like there is a second me, behind me, holding me back from realizing greatness. I feel intimidated or feel like I wouldn't know how to respond if they said "No, cannot do that" or ask various other questions. I am not so good with on the spot questioning, thinking on my feet is not a strong point of mine. I want better but then nervousness and timidness hits me like a ton of bricks. I think those are just excuses for me limiting my greatness. I don't lift or exercise at all, aside from the occasional brisk walk. I need help, mainly from myself.
SirKolbath 6y ago
That's why you're going to go in and ask for an action plan to earn that raise.
There is. It's your own negative thinking. And I don't want you flagellating yourself over it. It happens to everyone.
Good. Now you know it's there. Step one is diagnosis.
You flip the script. Ask them for help. Nothing is going to change until you do.
And if they say no... You say, "Okay. Thank you." Then you hop your sexy ass onto Indeed.com and Monster.com and LinkedIn and you start putting resumes out there.
Again, good. You know the problem. Now you can work on fixing it.
This is normal. You know it's there. Now unfuck it.
Yep.
Get thee to the gym. Planet Fitness is ten bucks a month. I prefer Anytime Fitness, but the actual gym doesn't matter. Get in there and pick up some heavy shit until it's not heavy any more.
You are not alone. You've got a road map now. Make it happen.
Joehogans 6y ago
I appreciate this. I just wish I wasn't such a pussy. I think to myself when I read what you wrote that "hey this person on the internet has good points, and yeah I'd like to do this or that but I know that I won't because I guess I just don't want it enough". I don't actually know what the real reason is behind all this self-sabotaging I've done to myself and my life. I don't do any drugs, smoking, no alcohol, eat averagely okay food. It's just overall I treat myself mentally in a poor way. I suppose I lack the motivate and energy to change and then that stems from something deeper. I want to get at the root cause of all this low self-esteem to the point inside of mewhere I know what the fuck is going on and why I am like this. It's a long road to self-discovering/self-understanding.
SirKolbath 6y ago
I normally wouldn't suggest this, but perhaps some counseling? Try and find a male therapist, and the first thing I'd ask them is if they shoot. If the answer is "Eww! Guns are loud and stinky!" then you're not actually talking to a male therapist.
Also, start with just one thing. Get a gym membership. Go three times a week. After a month, reevaluate. See if you can make five times a week. Make just that one change for now.
Joehogans 6y ago
I've been getting this advice about counseling for awhile. Not sure how to go about it. Is it confidential? I go to school so I know it must exist on my campus. And yeah, I want a male therapist to better understand my situation.
SirKolbath 6y ago
Yes, should be fully confidential unless you disclose a crime or thoughts of hurting yourself or others.
cant__find__username 6y ago
Just a few things from personal experience.
[deleted] 6y ago
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Joehogans 6y ago
Never used it. How do you get women on there? what's the key
[deleted] 6y ago
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Joehogans 6y ago
What if I live in my moms basement though? work mim wage? sort of have the whole loser persona going on. Any hope for a guy like me?
[deleted] 6y ago
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Joehogans 6y ago
Just makes me feel like a child. Not having my shit together kills my confidence and game. I have self-limiting beliefs because of my lack of self-confidence. But then I have lack of self-confidence because of the current situation I am in, and I am in the current situation because of my lack of self-confidence. It's a vicious cycle.
[deleted] 6y ago
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Joehogans 6y ago
Thank you! Focusing on my structure.
PM-ME-GROCERIES 6y ago
Your priorities are wrong if youre worried about getting a woman in your situation.
Joehogans 6y ago
I nee to fix my current situation first and foremost. I feel exhausted so much. I think I need to exercise a lot more than I am which is currently none.
MattyAnon Admin 6y ago
Either build a social life, or get good at cold approach.
What else could the answer POSSIBLY look like?
RAiderNat88 6y ago
The current you fucking sucks, you have to reinvent yourself to be the person you want to become.
jeromeantoinecarter 6y ago
You’re only 29! Don’t worry about this shit. Life is long and this sad period of yours will pass. Finish school! Get a good paying job, do all the shit people here tell you to do and life will work out. And, start going out occasionally to a bar, nightclub or lounge. You don’t need a buddy to go. Just go and hang out as a challenge to yourself. You may surprise yourself by making friends or just “accidentally “ talking to women. ????
WhoaItsAFactorial 6y ago
29! = 8.841761993739701e+30
Joehogans 6y ago
I do appreciate saying "I am only....", but being honest here that is exactly the type of thinking that got me into this mess in the first place. I feel it is limiting me. For years I would get "You're only x...." "You're only y...." "You're only z..." It must end somewhere. Why not act as though I am old as hell and not much time is left? The older I feel I am the more motivated I get to do more stuff. It's like the whole idea of having a disease and not knowing how much time you have. The less time you feel you have the more you get done because you know life is short and you have some memories/experiences you need to gather before it is lights-out.