I recently turned 20. Just last year I had my first kiss and my [albeit short term] first girlfriend. As it turned out, we weren't meant for each other and quickly broke up. So far I've made out with 5 different chicks (which, I know, isn't a lot. But do cut me some slack I've only started a year ago); all the while never managed to actually get to the point of having sex
I'm starting to feel desperate. I'm scared that I'll stay a virgin. It's turned into an obsession preventing me from being able to study or keep a good mood. I'm can't stop reminding myself of the fact that I'm the only member of most of my friend groups that still hasn't had sex yet. I'm embarrassed about it and it's leading to low self-esteem and desperation.
That's why I'm considering going to a prostitute. I hope that it'll take away the blockade that's formed in my mind about this. That forcing my first sexual experience (by means of paid sex) rather than having it happen naturally (if it ever will), will help me regain control of my thoughts and give me the peace of mind I need to be able to fix chicks again.
Why am I posting this? I want to know what you suggest. Maybe you can tell me about your own experiences? Maybe tell me what is normal and what isn't about first sexual experiences. Do you think I should go to a hooker to lose my virginity?
vandaalen 5y ago
do it
Also having made out with six women in total is more than some other dudes will get in their whole life.
[deleted] 5y ago
[deleted]
vandaalen 5y ago
Fair
Hudini15 5y ago
That’s... frighteningly accurate.
Anybody know of a study/survey on partner counts and/or frequency of intimacy of people of varying ages?
Datanami 5y ago
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/moneybox/2015/05/sex_history_calculator_is_your_number_of_sexual_partners_low_average_or.html
chachaChad 5y ago
Jesus... don’t get caught up in other people’s numbers.
Hudini15 5y ago
Oh nah bra I’m going after that dopamine rush I’m bout to get when I confirm my numbers are first round draft worthy.
Isn’t learning great?
needz 5y ago
This is some ONEITIS talk and you need to nip it. It was your fault, I guarantee it.
mushroom_overlord 5y ago
It's just a roundabout way of saying "it was never going to work." It sounds BP but trying to force a relationship with the first girl available is the epitome of BP lack of abundance. Forcing it, even if you want it, is not the way to go, or it becomes obvious that you don't have options and is a pointless venture.
MrBowlfish 5y ago
Fuck it. I'd do it. Virginity is an overblown concept anyway. It's not that important who your first lay is. It's more important to just get it over with so you can start getting experience.
[deleted] 5y ago
Do it. I lost mine to one when I was 18. Then I got over the virgin bs. Its all I'm your head man. It will show you how cheap the pussy truly is and if you want it, you can have it whenever you want.
frontiermarine 5y ago
only women care about who they lost their virginity to. Go fuck a hooker and get it over your system, it's not a big deal.
Seoul_Brother 5y ago
Didn't lose my V-card until I was 21 in college. Back then I hamstered for myself that the first time should be with someone I marry, but had several girlfriends and made out with plenty of girls between breakups. Ended up dating lots of religious girls or tried to make other girls respect my decision not to have sex. There were tough times staying truthful to my own pact to not have sex and eventually I caved and just went for it.
Eventually after my 21st birthday and another breakup, I decided to go full hoe. Ended up sleeping with a Korean girl for about two straight weeks as my first and I honestly don't think about that experience all that much today. That semester for me I realized how easy it was to go to parties, make out, and escalate to going to their dorms and pissing off their room mates. It felt more like a relief/ getting something out of the way because it opened up a new world to me after. I don't know if I'd want to go prostitute for the first time if I were in your shoes, because I feel like there should be a degree of having "earned it." rather than paying for it. I feel like the social anxiety of meeting and screwing will still be there since you paid for the experience rather than gained it through social interaction.
But then again, I also deplore the culture that easily commodifies sex (whether one buys it or one participates in supplying sex for cash like strippers, prostitutes, escorts, sugar babies, and the men who choose to buy it). Just seems like a simple cop out to me or convenience. Sex should be obtained freely IMO and using cash will just make you poorer for spending on something that should be organic (but to each his/her own).
It's easy to compare yourself to others, but that is basically a quick way of entering into a negative feedback loop. You'll wanna keep up with everyone else, but your insecurity about it will keep you back, therefore cornering yourself. If you can channel those frustrations through work at the gym, and just start approaching people in general and being more open minded about meeting new people/ taking new experiences, you will eventually be able to get a girl to sleep with you organically.
In the end, it depends on how you wanna approach it. Do you wanna just get the jitters out of the way to prepare you for organic sex through attraction or do you want to do it because itll somehow put you on equal footing as your peers? I think your true motivations will determine whether or not paying for sex will help you or not.
empatheticapathetic 5y ago
You can’t empathise with OP and are making a huge amount of irrelevant points.
Seoul_Brother 5y ago
Okay.
Wrath_of_Trump 5y ago
You're barely 20 and worried about being a virgin. Cool it. If you're going to lose your virginity, do it with someone who wants to fuck you rather than someone who is contractually obligated to.
Morphs_ 5y ago
I had the same concerns as you. Lost virginity at 23. One thing that helped was that I started lifting without knowing it and that had increased my SMV. You see, at that time I started breakdancing, which is pretty good for muscular growth and overall confidence.
So start lifting, and learn the steps that lead to an f close.
Going for a prostitute will help you rid yourself of the virgin-label, but you still have no skills in actually managing the f close by yourself. Also, if friends ask you how you lost your virginity, what do you respond?
Hudini15 5y ago
“How’d you lose your virginity?”
“I was break dancing with this chick when she slipped and fell straight onto my cock.”
AmazonExplorer 5y ago
I had something similar. My Dad, he's a good guy, but can be very oppressing. When we visited Russia he offered me a visit to a Russian "banya" aka Russian bathhouse which is a part of their culture.
Eager to go, I accepted. I was weirded out how isolated the place was, and how we needed a driver to get there. In the steam room, a shirtless woman would flap a blanket to throw some steam on us, yet it didn't occur to me yet this was anymore than a average "banya". Then after this ritual where they hit you with juniper leaves, I got a massage where I had to be a naked, and the massager, (a gorgeous milf) also had to be naked. But it didn't occur to me yet. Only when she started jerking me off did I realize where I was.
My Dad and I have kvass after, great experience but a part of me felt a little violated not being told beforehand. It also then dawned on me my Dad was cheating on my Mom. Later he offered to get me a prostitute, and how "the nervousness can be solved with viagra". I decline, and even today I still puzzle whether that was the right decision. I think my Dad may think I'm gay.
[deleted] 5y ago
Lol at the last sentence. You have a good father there making sure you get laid.
LethalShade 5y ago
Your dad sounds alpha as fuck, definitely hang out with him more.
atticusfinch1973 5y ago
Better to lose it to someone who knows what they are doing than a random desperate lay (like I unfortunately did and have regretted it since).
If you're going to use a pro, make sure they know you are a virgin - they are incredibly understanding and will be sure to give you an amazing experience. And don't cheap out.
Ricardo2991 5y ago
If you don't face your fear, it will continue to control you. Also know, that if you don't work on your mental well-being, you could end up in the same type of mind-fuck scenario again. Your next train of thought could be "I can only get sex by paying for it." I'd say, do whatever you want, but work on your mental well-being also.
Musicgoon 5y ago
I think its a valid point that you won't be any better off by just paying for it. It sounds like you still have a few mental blocks.
I would personally recommend finding yourself a cougar. They love that young dick and can usually teach you a thing or two. They will keep it casual. And you can learn a lot.
Older chicks will usually let you do dirtier things to them than some inexperienced girl..
Well that's my suggestion at least.
[deleted] 5y ago
[deleted]
ppanthero 5y ago
Why though? I am not really sure why the first time has to be with a “girl you fell in love“. Seems like nonsense social programming to me.
zattraction 5y ago
You're a dude and don't have an hymen, so being a virgin is just a mental thing.
There will be zero difference between your first few times, so it literally matters nothing at all if you've done it once or no times at all.
Big_Daddy_PDX 5y ago
I can’t see how this changes anything for you. You’re overthinking how relevant a prostitute will be since you’ll be no closer to landing girls or having sexual interactions w/ girls that are in to you. A prostitute is going to be as personal and intimate as a cashier at the grocery store.
otszx 5y ago
Go for it, get it out of your head.
juliusstreicher 5y ago
I would say it's not a bad idea. However, the problem I see, and one of the reasons that I didn't take that route, was the idea of an STI, but, more importantly, getting arrested.
If you go to Tijuana or something, and wear a condom, I don't see a problem.
Further, the fact that your friend groups are all getting laid, and you aren't, shouldn't matter, although I know from experience that it does. If you want to lie to them, just remember that NONE of them will be able to disprove your story, in spite of what they may say. Just don't go overboard with your story. Once you get sex, you will understand that it is not the be all and end all of your existence.
[deleted] 5y ago
[deleted]
[deleted] 5y ago
Your problem is you. This is shit advice with some very limiting undertones. Never feel bad for wanting or getting pussy. Never value your virginity as a man. Improve your method and your horomone profile but never 'feel bad' because Ms. Susie in 4th grade told you you should.
Ojm8 5y ago
Do whatever the fuck you want to do. Personally I wouldn't.
redpilledcuck 5y ago
lol