Hi there. I've been pondering something for a while. It seems to me that "passing" a shit test is sometimes basically entering a woman's frame. Here's an example.
Some time ago me and about 10 coworkers were responsible for an after hours event. There was a girl there that I'm very attracted to. We get along well and I'd been teasing her and having fun all evening. This was before getting into RP. While poking fun at each other we established an inside joke about me not being able to count very well. Nearing the end if the event she was standing by herself counting up paper forms that people had come and filled out during the day. She said something I don't remember and I smiled back and told her "be careful or i'll come over there and help you count". She smirked/smiled (I can never tell with her) and instructed me to stay away. I just smiled, shrugged and continued on my way doing what I was doing.
After getting into RP shortly after I realized that was probably a shit test. This is where I start doubting what the "right" thing to do would be. You could argue that by not understanding the shit test I actually passed because I didn't enter her frame. On the other hand you could argue that I should in fact have gone and helped her thus increasing the attraction but wouldn't that send the signal that I could be manipulated?
Disclaimer: i have no intention of pursuing her. She's a coworker and is married with a kid. This is simply an example to start a discussion.
[deleted] 7y ago
Passing a shit test is refusing to enter her frame and keeping her in yours.
Not at all. She's just continuing the banter with the inside joke. She's staying in your frame by doing that. There's no test because she's not trying to affect your frame.
tldr: There wasn't a test, but she likes you.
TheStumblingWolf 7y ago
That makes sense. A test would indicate you could lose something. I don't see that possibility here. I guess it could be considered more of an invitation than anything then.
Thanjs.
[deleted] 7y ago
Np. A shit test is also called a fitness test, and it's a test for alpha. It's like she's attracted and wants to make sure you're what you present yourself as, if that helps.
TheStumblingWolf 7y ago
For a long time I thought that was what this was. Like if I was a man I'd not care what she said and go help her.
[deleted] 7y ago
Yeah I totally understand where you're coming from, but thinking about the intent of what she's doing (whether she realizes it or not) helps a lot with this.
A similar concept is a comfort test, which is a test for beta. An example of this happening is when you have a married couple who haven't had sex much in a long time, and the guy starts lifting, dressing better and getting his shit together in general. His value starts to get higher and higher while hers stays the same, and she starts to feel insecure because of it. She might test him with something like, "Would you ever cheat on me?" as a test to see if he'll give her comfort when she needs it.
In a relationship, a certain amount of beta is required because women need both attraction and comfort (though in different amounts) for successful pair bonding. If the guy's goal was to blow his marriage up, he could give her an alpha-oriented response along the lines of clearly saying that he would. Alternatively, if his goal was to save his marriage and motivate the woman to get off her ass and start doing better, then he could give something a bit easier to handle with a bit more beta involved without bending over backwards to kiss her ass. This lets her know that while yes, he could cheat on her, he'd rather have her get her shit together, and if she doesn't, then he probably will.
Shit tests and comfort tests are pretty similar in that you can respond with either alpha or beta, and you'll fail either if you lose frame. The exact same test can be either a shit test or a comfort test depending on the context of the situation as well. However, successfully "passing" either of them depends on your goals and what you want in a situation.
One more example to show what I mean by that last sentence because this is long enough as it is: If a fat, ugly girl thought you were attractive and decided to give you some kind of smartass shit as a shit test, does it really matter if you "pass" it since you don't have anything to really gain from it (other than an ugly fatass who might try to cockblock you in the future because she thinks you're just so fucking dreamy)?