This is the 2nd chick that puts up resistance in the same way , she's a virgin , I belive the first one was too.
So here are the facts :
1st date
- She rains IOIs
- She is comfortable with me hugging her
- She complied to pretty much everything I asked her to do
- She gave me a massage
- She kept grabbing my arm , finding excuses to touch me , tickling me , playing around , showing off her muscles
Yet , when I grabbed her hand (20 min into the date , most of the stuff above was done before this 20 min mark , I kissed her , hugged her when we met , she responded in the same way.) she started asking "why are you holding my hand" "cause it's a nice thing to do / ignored her and switched topic" .
This fucking hand thing happened thruout the date like 5-6 times to which she insinuated that I'm a player , that I'm used to girls throwing themselvs at me , the "we've known eachther for what? 15 min and you hold my hand" or some crap around that.
Eachtime I withdrew attention , she reinitiated convo/touching but didn't fucking let me hold hands , we did hold them for like 5 mins at most when I made up some bullshit excuses and she knew exactly what it was.
Then it comes the kissing shit. She said it's not nice to kiss me , bla bla shit around that , I tried again like 4-5 times during the date , met up with same bullshit resistance.
Dunno what the fuck I'm doing wrong.
Either I negged her too much non-intentionally , she said something about having washed her hair 2 weeks ago to which i responded "ok , that's it , you insulted me again. you came to see me with a 2 days washed hair" to which she laughed but after this she asked me "what's wrong with 2 days washed hair" , dunno what I responded , eitherway it was prolly another AA.
I think I'm doing to many takeaways and she questions if I really like her. Dunno.
rpisnotpua 9y ago
Don't hold hands. Touch hands. Touch arm. Touch whatever. Anything lingering isn't exciting.
[deleted] 9y ago
Holding hands is an outward display of affection. You are putting her on display and this makes her nervous. You need to put her attraction hidden.
You want to stand close with an open posture towards everyone else and hold her hand behind the 2 of you.
This makes it secret and will more likely be accepted.
secondly you are moving way too fast if you attempting all this inside 15 minutes with a virgin.
I wouldn't escalate to hand holding until at least the 25 min mark. Your showing thirsty behaviour at this point particularly if you attempted 4 - 5 K-closes.
You don't need to hold hands for long you just do it sparingly to build sexual tension. Too much and it's uncomfortable.
It sounds like you are following a set formula and not being fluid.
vandaalen 9y ago
Not only this, but display of outside affection should be used sparingly and just as reward and to reinforce good behaviour.
lovethebottoms 9y ago
I have trouble with this aswell.
What do you mean by good behaviour?
Like fuck me if I can think of examples of this.
cdtCPTret 9y ago
If she does something you don't like, don't touch her. If you told her you hate Bob Dylan but she just has to tell you about a Bob Dylan concert, probably a bad time. Hand holding is very awkward and weird for someone new. Because it's a lot of commitment to someone new. Instead, play with her fingers with yours. Or if you must, have it under the table. When she says "why are you holding my hand that's weird" it's not weird. That's her saying she's uncomfortable at how fast you're moving. Don't say "wtf, it's just hand holding what's wrong with you you autist, I read that this is what I have to do". Take a step back and slow down. Double the eye contact, and you'll know when to touch.
The kissing thing is cringey. Same idea. if I was rejected once then i might try again at the end. Your job isn't to follow a seduction actor but to seduce, and the script is a vehicle or guideline. What did you think changed between the first kiss and the second kiss attempts? She got less comfortable because of the hand holding, not more open to being kissed.
Think about kino like this: say you're jacked. You want a girl to feel your pecs or abs. At some point during the date you grab her hand and put it on one of those body parts. She'll react either as "uhh...? Weird" or "wow, impressive" (maybe even "holy fuckkkk"). Same girl, same abs, different comfort, tension, dynamic. Keep trying, it's impossible not to learn, especially through failure.
lovethebottoms 9y ago
Thanks.