I've been lurking on here for a while, leaving comments here and there when I felt appropriate. But, after a successful sexual encounter earlier today, I just wanted to write a bit to encourage anybody who comes on here who is still very far away from the Alpha status idealized on this sub.

Seven months ago, I was a sniveling wretch of a human being. In early 2014 I began sliding down into a pit of nihilistic drug abuse and depression, and the entirety of 2015 and 2016 was a literal hell on earth within my mind. I had no values or desires other than to end my own life. I temporarily escaped from this corporal existence with cannabis and psychedelics, intellectually masturbating to how enlightened I was that nothing had any meaning or purpose. Both my body and mind degenerated and atrophied probably to the point of someone bed-ridden with some kind of debilitating disease. I mean I certainly did a lot of laying in bed, but it was not out of physical inability. My mind was further destroyed by psychotropics that were actually prescribed to me by a doctor rather than myself as well as multiple electroconvulsive therapy sessions that have basically erased a good 5 or 6 years of my memories. They helped a bit to keep me from killing myself, so I guess they were necessary. Many of you on here might be familiar with Dr. Jordan Peterson's work. The person he warns about in all of his lectures, the dark side of humanity, the nihilism and hatred and death and pain that is possible in the human experience: I embodied what he intellectually fights against. My entire identity was reduced to depression. I couldn't remember anything else and I didn't know anything else but emptiness and nihilism. I could write further about the philosophy and psychology and all the wisdom that I lacked that led me to that point as well as what shocked me out of it, but that would be getting outside the realm of this subreddit. Suffice it to say that I was in a really, really bad spot.

But then I started to fix myself. I resolved to have goals and desires because I had finally hit rock bottom. I wasn't afraid of death anymore. I was finally ready to kill myself. But that agency awakened something in me. I took responsibility for my life in that moment. I could kill myself if I wanted to. Nothing was holding me back. But if I'm going to live...I need to actually live. So I looked inside myself and figured out, if I was to care about things, what they would be. And then I put those things into action. I started working out. I enrolled back in school. I had lost two years of my life and all my old friends were about to graduate from college while I still only had a semester of classes done in a shitty major that I didn't care about anymore. But that was just more motivation to work harder. I got a shitty job to put some money in my bank account that wasn't my parent's. I'll mention again that this newfound resolve didn't just magically appear, I had just finally gone so far that I was ready to turn my life around and a significant emotional event shocked the physiological part of my mind into a bit of energy that I had lacked for so long and I just built everything from there. It was more complicated than, "hey I think I'll start being a person again today," but it's a way longer story than I want this post to be.

Then I went monk-mode for 6 months. I didn't know that was the red pill term for it: I didn't know what the red pill was at the time. I had basically no fun this entire semester. I was at a new school with very few extracurriculars or other social opportunities, living with my parents and building myself up from nothing. All I did was work, study, and exercise. I discovered that my entire bone/muscular structure was fucked up from all the years sitting on my ass and playing video games and being complete unhealthy so I was in a lot of pain after every workout and went to a chiropractor three times a week for a long time. I had to completely change my diet from eating maybe one meal a day as a shriveled zombie to eating 3000 calories to sustain the exercise that I was doing and gain weight so as not to be a skeleton anymore. I threw out and replaced my entire wardrobe of metal band tshirts and ratty jeans and cargo shorts. I cut my hair and my shitty hobo-looking beard. I was lonely as fuck. All my old friends were in a different city going to my old school and I couldn't even remember a lot of them because those memories had been shocked out of my brain. I had to relearn to socialize and how to actually be a fun person instead of a depressed nihilist who thought everyone's concerns were so fucking trivial and that everyone was so ignorant because they didn't see how pointless everything was. I changed my entire life, my entire attitude, my entire identity. I worked my ass off and, (here's the whole point of this post), it paid off. Today I got my grades back from this past semester: 17 credit-hours of all As. I also fucked a girl that I had known for maybe two or three hours of total interaction. She even admitted to me afterwards that she had absolutely no intention of having sex with me when I got her number and asked her out a few days ago. The game, all the frame shit and the confidence and the body and the kino, it was like I was leading her through a dance that climaxed with my dick inside her and her saying "I have no idea how it got to this but I love it." Speaking of my body, I went from lifting just the bar for every lift in October to squatting 225 today. My six pack is just on the edge of being defined, I've got obvious pecs and biceps: overall highly recommend Stronglifts 5x5.

Maybe I'm saying all this to brag a bit. And I'll admit it feels good to type it all out. But what I want to get across with this is that it doesn't matter how much of a degenerate blue pill piece of shit you are, if you work at it you can become something fucking awesome. Lift heavy shit and leave the gym fucking wrecked every single workout. Meditate. Eat good food. GIVE A SHIT ABOUT SOMETHING. Organize your life. If you do this you will gain confidence and alternately overcome any anxiety you have and then women won't even be something you have to work that hard for, especially compared to your other, higher pursuits in life. I'm honestly starting to think that the goal of bedding a lot of women shouldn't even be the thing that drives you. Maybe at the start it's helpful, but while I was fucking this girl today I was thinking to myself, "This is great and all cause she's pretty cute and fit and shit, but this isn't even the most fulfilling part of my life. I've been pining over women for so long while I was going to classes and feeling so isolated, but now they're almost starting to fade into the background because everything else in my life is so stimulating and fulfilling to me." I think this is a good place to strive to be at because, paradoxically, the less you need women the more they will come after you. But what the fuck do I know? I'm 22 but I've only been an actual man for like 7 months. Having sex is still pretty awesome and I guess making it a primary goal isn't too bad of a thing.

Point is: sort yourself out, bucko. You CAN do it and it WILL pay off immeasurably. I've been a shell of a human being and now I'm literally making my life into a work of art that fleshes out and experiments with the concept of the ubermensch that Neitzsche so unfortunately died before he could completely articulate. I'm fucking transcending the Absurd. I'm not everything I want to be, but I know what I have to do. This shit WORKS. Desire to become a MAN! I had no idea how much of a child I was and I'm excited to learn even more every day. I feel absolutely fantastic; I had no clue that this kind of existence was even possible.

In summary, if I could do it...

YOU CAN FUCKING DO IT.