UPDATE: There is a case to be made for "manning up" and saying what you want. There are many times I would say that is the perfect solution.
I also wonder if the commenters live in a red area or a blue area and how that influences their replies to this post. Based on the election red isn't too far away, but I am drowning in a sea of dark blue in my immediate area. It is possible I wasn't "A" enough at times to be accepted when I stated my preferences. This post has been good for making me think about when it is best to make the BS excuse and when it is best to stand your ground.
Reading through TRP posts today I had a recurring idea.
When it comes to Fat-acceptance
Feminuts are trying to shame men whose personal rules include "no fat chicks" If you have strenuous physical hobbies it allows you to disqualify fat chicks based on their inability to participate. Hiking uphill comes to mind. As a man, and often several inches taller, the majority of women are not going to be able to beat me in a uphill race. I do insist on a woman healthy enough to allow me to break a good sweat on the trail together. Instead of saying you don't date fatties you can use your intense lifestyle to disqualify out of shape women.
When it comes to eating right
Trying to eat good to get in shape? Imagine its somebodies bday at work. Everyone is eating cake. If you say "I am trying to get in shape." The group will try to get you to lower your standards. They don't want to keep up with your ambition. "Oh you look good. " "Don't worry about it it's just one piece of cake" "blah blah loser excuses blah" If you state that eating cake ( or whatever) makes you feel ill you won't get any pushback.
When it comes to getting jacked
Lifting so you can get laid more? Instead of saying you want more dates and hearing all the "just be yourself" horse shit try lying that your doctor ordered you to get in shape due to a medical condition.
Now I know you are thinking IDGAF. I do what I want and say what I want. Sometimes it is quicker and easier not to deal with the drag of whining, crabs trying to pull you back to the bottom of the bucket.
What lies do you tell to avoid the BP pressure that is all too common in modern society?
madeaccfortrp 9y ago
This is alright advice if you're mid-SMV and improving. If you're high SMV (jacked, 9 face aesthetics, got your shit together) and say "I don't drink", no one is going to give you shit.
Realize that eventually being able to be congruent without the need to lie about it is the end goal.
Never feel the need to Explain, Justify, Defend or Argue your core beliefs. Address this without doing those 4 and people will respect you more for it.
The quick and easy solution is the beta way, albeit less beta. Women can still sense that. Doing so is akin to eating fast food. It is quick and easy to do so but you lose more in the long run. You'll constantly get more shit tests like this in the future. Addressing it there and now, taking the perceived social hit will mean you have to deal with less shit in the future.
You bucked under their pressure and compromised your congruence for their sake. You've shown outcome dependence.
"I don't date fat chicks." Polarizing, but whatever. Whoever is offended by that is someone you don't want to associate with anyways. If they want to further discuss it, I'd come from a curious frame. "I love working out and being active. Any woman in my life has to share the same goals. If a fatty is committed to changing her lifestyle, I'd completely support it and would have no issue dating a former fatty."
"No thanks." No explanation needed.
"I love working out, part of the reason is for girls. I love being able to pick up a chick with one hand."
empatheticapathetic 9y ago
I remember it via DEER. Defend, explain, elaborate or rationalise.
Lsegundo 9y ago
They probably also have never heard of TRP because they are busy drowning in pussy.
madeaccfortrp 9y ago
All 3 of those are possible with enough work/time invested. The 9 face aesthetics may be way too high of a cost , 7-8 is really cheap though.
[deleted] 9y ago
Don't tell people you have a serious medical condition, especially when you don't.
Lsegundo 9y ago
I wasn't suggesting you tell people you have a SERIOUS condition. I would intentionally leave it vague. The doctor could be telling you you to get in shape for rehab or to manage stress or blood pressure or whatever.
I used to believe my exes when they said they don't find jacked men attractive and would stop going to the gym :( at least now I know better. Thanks TRP.
[deleted] 9y ago
It's a common experience that women will lose attraction for and leave someone due to even temporary medical condition. I agree to downplay your gym time and not really mention it. If asked, I would say something about it makes you feel great, more energy, can do more things, etc. Don't say you do it for looks.
empatheticapathetic 9y ago
Use the experience to spin her hamster if possible. Be mysterious.
ineedtofixthings 9y ago
Why do you care about what other people think? You don't need an excuse to eat healthy and workout. Grow some balls.
PM_ME_BIG_DUCK_PICS 9y ago
I feel that there are just certain situations where it's much more time efficient to just give a bullshit excuse instead of discussing... OP has a point
[deleted]
Lsegundo 9y ago
because I would rather not listen to people pushing me to eat the cake non stop for 20 minutes. I have never had any one try to get me to eat garbage when I say it upsets my stomach.
I wish it was acceptable to say "You're fat and unattractive. I don't want to be fat and unattractive so I am skipping the cake". Until I reach alpha level Trump sometimes it is just easier to tell a lie.
LandoChronus 9y ago
If that works for you, great.
I've only had that issue a handful of times. A stern "I said no." works 95% of the time.
If they don't listen still, I walk away. I'm here on my own terms.
Lsegundo 9y ago
The firm no can be good to keep it in mind. It's easy to imagine a situation where you say no then have to get firm. Snowflakes start melting and suddenly the conversation is a criticism of your tone. I guess it comes down to the right tool for the situation.
The situation I remember was a company that had a cake for every single birthday. Sometimes there was 3 cakes in a week. It wasn't one person pushing it was half the break room. After telling them cake made me feel ill I no longer had people harassing me to eat it.
p3n1x 9y ago
If you are Alpha, you won't be "harassed". If your"tone" isn't working the first time, maybe you need to work on your voice. Little white lies to make yourself comfortable is beta, period.
Be strong, instead of trying to negotiate your strength with your coworkers
Lsegundo 9y ago
Completely disagree. All the manipulators that have schemed their way to the very top are beta? Isn't lying when appropriate a dark triad trait? These people are not my role models. I wouldn't piss on most of them if they were on fire. They are not betas though.
Lsegundo is actually known as fairly blunt and unafraid to piss people off or insult them if he doesn't respect them. I'd prefer to just speak in truths non stop. Most of my young adult hood was spent doing just that.
I have accepted that if I want to move up in the world I will have to stomach a certain amount of manipulation because unfortunately that is the way the world works.
Do you pretend to like your boss or do you tell them "You are a fat, stupid, arrogant piece of shit and I am still trying to figure out whose dick you sucked to land your job because you certainly didn't get here on talent"? +1 if you your boss is actually a talented leader. We all lie often, possibly daily, to get through the day.
p3n1x 9y ago
Good points. Maybe we can categorize the "lies" then?
Any way you put yourself in a "negative" light, is beta. Don't make yourself look weak for comfort.
-Lie? Fine, I have a 3 1/2 foot cock.
-Not, my balls hurt when I eat cake.
Pomandres 9y ago
This 'lying', as you have defined it, is a clever way of passing social shit-tests by invoking 'plausible deniability'.
[deleted] 9y ago
Tell them the more muscles you have, the more shitty food you can eat.
[deleted] 9y ago
For not eating sugary shit: Diabetes runs in the family so I'm monitoring my sugar intake.
happy_fart 9y ago
Wouldn't that devalue your perceived genetic material?
[deleted] 9y ago
Depends, it would if I was trying to impress an obese land whale who is shovelling cake down everyones throat.
happy_fart 9y ago
Regardless of the woman being attractive or not, admitting a genetic predisposition for any disease would make a person seem less suitable for reproduction. I'd much rather say that sugary foods upsets my stomach- something that doesn't imply genetic inferiority.
[deleted] 9y ago
No admitting, it is a lie.
I also say its the self inflicted type not all diabetes is genetic. There are two types. One genetic. One from being a fat sugary pig.
Having the shits after eating sugar is a genetic inferiority. Just like lactose intolerance causing the shits after eating cheese or having some whey.
If you are the type who wants to attract land whales who force you to eat cake, then you making them imagine you on the toilet pushing out a turd is not going to get them wet.
happy_fart 9y ago
First of all, obviously it's a lie and that goes without saying, and I used the word 'admitting' because the woman doesn't know it's not the truth... but that ultimately matters not. Also, sugar causing an upset stomach doesn't necessarily imply getting the shits. You're correct about diabetes in a general sense, and I say general because type 1 is not as cut and dry as implied. Predispositions for obesity can be hereditary, just like other important factors in kidney function such as glucose and insulin levels, blood pressure, etc. But all of that, and most of what you dissected is besides the point. There has to be a better excuse than the ones we discussed. I'm sure you can agree.
[deleted] 9y ago
Okay I agree now.
This is a cultural difference. Where I live when someone says 'upset stomach' its an exclusive euphemism for the shits/runs. It means nothing else.
If its bloating or gassy people will say that specifically because upset stomach = the shits.
I still think my excuse is the best because its to shut up fattys and close the conversation down. There are other excuses about on this thread which I may use around non-fattys.
PM_ME_BIG_DUCK_PICS 9y ago
I like the one about eating right. I have heard that too many times. Gonna use that from now on.
The one that annoys me the most is the good old "where is your drink?" one...
Lsegundo 9y ago
Here's some tips from another recent post.
madeaccfortrp 9y ago
This is a tough one. All of the good answers rely on you already being high SMV.
If you're jacked, 6' and 9 in face aesthetics, it really doesn't matter what you say though. You're going to be shit tested for not drinking at a party no matter what.
As long as you're congruent, it'll only serve to add attraction. Literally EVERYONE ELSE is drinking and they see you're okay with going against the norm. There is intense social pressure and you're fucking okay with not folding to it. THAT is Alpha as fuck.
Doesn't really work if you're not already there though.
Lsegundo 9y ago
If you're high enough SMV you can open with "lets go sit at the back of the club so I can grab you by the pussy" or whatever the fuck you want. This has proven in the catfish Chad TC tinder experiments.
I am here to discuss strategies for guys working at getting into the top 20% not guys who spent their whole life in the top 2%.
Pomandres 9y ago
"I have heartburn. I'll get another when it dies down."
Lsegundo 9y ago
My friends would have said "Drink this beer. It will help your vagina feel better" LOL
Pomandres 9y ago
Hahaha and it would be a deserving response to my passive aggressiveness. In all honesty if I'm with buddies and I don't want to drink I'll tell them. In fact I will do this regardless who I am with. Yet I can see the usefulness of plausible deniability in social situations as outlined in your post.
failingtheturingtest 9y ago
The fitness thing is great. Although I would suggest that the rule you are changing isn't "no fat chicks" to "must be able to climb a hill with me": but rather, "must be able to fuck me right" to "must be able to climb a hill with me". Subtle difference, as both are "You're not allowed to say that" statements. But both are about actions.
The food and lifting portion doesn't sit well with me. You should not have to make excuses, nor lie, about what you do to improve yourself. In my current workplace, I used to be quite comfortable eating cakes, chocolate biscuits, you name it. All the girls in the office love baking and bringing things in.
I've since changed my behaviour and started lifting 5x a week and not eating bullshit. Wk #1 "Want some cake Turing?" "No thanks, I've decided to eat right". DONE. That's it. They still offer when they have baked stuff, but no one bats an eye. They ask for advice on how to kick habits, ask about my gym routine, and just generally look at me like a guy who instantly had his shit together.
The power of simply (and directly) saying no to vices without having to make excuses for it is awesome.
[deleted] 9y ago
I did have this to me just recently. A guy saw me eating a protein bar and asked me "What, are you trying to gain weight?" I told him I was and was making good progress at the gym. He immediately launched into a story on how he used to lift, but it's stupid, and he can bench 40 more pounds than me. He also weighs 40 more pounds than me so it wasn't actually the brag he thought it was. I just shrugged it off but it goes to show people will try to bring you down and lower your morale, because most people are too lazy to do much themselves. I think it's best to just keep all your goals to yourself and just smirk when someone finally notices the results.
iamneptuno 9y ago
All those are much laughable, son.
Which will trigger feminists into the very same "fatphobic!!!!!!" seizure immediately.
Cake will make you ill? Are you pregnant, baby?
Anything doctor related is a million percent turn off for everyone -- males, females and I think even dogs.
You are inventing ridiculous excuses to do the simplest things.
goldnhorde 9y ago
I get the point of the post and it is always great for people to give input. I know I always like to get messages and replies for thanks, agreement, and clarification/correction ....
But lying is not the best way to deal with anything. and teaching someone that "it is quicker and easier to lie", and thus setting up a behavior pattern of lying when you just don't feel like dealing with someone ..... is bad advice on multiple levels.
Being able to tell a person OR BETTER YET a group of people "No" or anything they don't WANT to hear is a good thing. It is in fact the BEST THING. No need to be rude or start a riot.
a overweight girl you don't want to date? "I'm not interested". they can go into details, just repeat "I am not interested". Just talking about fat acceptance? "I can not support an ideal that is harmful to someone's health and overall enjoyment of life. I was overweight, hated it, hated myself, hated everything I couldn't do and was left out of, hate watching people slowly killing themselves with heart disease and diabetes .... it's not ok (then slam the door shut by comparing to smoking, the Nazi of human behavior that no one will defend). If smoking is not ok, then this is not ok."
Eating anything: "I'm not interested". Once. for something this small immediately smile and say "just feed yourself and stop worrying about me".
Working Out: I have never lied about working out when I was younger or when I started later in life. "Exercise IN THE END is for me. but it is strictly for women to find me attractive." I have never worked out for any other reason or needed any other motivation and no one has ever questioned this answer.
Lsegundo 9y ago
I think a lot of the replies are over simplifying things. There are certainly times to show off your strong back bone and speak your mind.
Turning down the bday cake at a work party could be taken as an insult. In the lock step, group think, blooper world having the courage to do your own thing is often seen as something negative.
The idea that you shouldn't talk about improving yourself so you won't have to listen to detractors has been put forth several times at TRP. I see the kind of lying I am talking about as a similar strategy to avoid annoying pushback.