Many of my friends, both male and female, will send their single male friends to me, because they're "concerned" about "evil red pill views" their single male friends have. I laugh because they assume that I am just a happily single guy with no concept of the red pill.

They see me as happy and not espousing "hateful" or "bitter" red pill views. They see the other guys as just damaged guys who have been hurt by women, are crying inside, and are just looking for love, deep down.

When they see me interact with women, I don't feel this need to verbal diarrhea all my deepest values and thoughts out onto the world to prove how "special" and "unique" I am for having contrarian relationship views.

I find it not very efficient to achieve any of my goals, and typically an impediment. I don't have much trouble in social situations getting girls interested in sex with me.

Do I physically force women? No way. Do I wait for them to get drunk? Too high variance; drunk girls are annoying. Do I try to force my "cool, unique" red pill views into the conversation to appear edgy? LOL, I don't need to be a special snowflake. But do I use everything about my presence, attitude, etc., to achieve my desired result? Of course.

Yet my friends see, from an outside perspective, my "single" attitude compared to other, less finessed, "red pill" single attitudes.

My friends will often ask me to talk to these people about their evil "red pill" views. I laugh inside, as I've been part of this community for a long time (since about 2k subscribers I think).

 

But I can't help think to myself: What's the difference between me and these other men? Is it merely finesse and nuance to interactions? No, I think it's deeper than that.

I think it's about boundaries.

 

"Healthy boundaries are good!" goes the useless platitude touted across the country by new-aged armchair psychologists.

Sure, healthy boundaries are good, I guess? Who can disagree with such a blanket statement?

Yet as rational men, we must delve deeper into what that means. And I'll give you a hint: it relates to how my friends think that these "red pillers" they know in real life are just hurt damaged boys pretending to be men.

That's because most people (males and females) will see the rational avoidance of pain as a weakness. A fake boundary. A "defense mechanism" (which rationally is not all that different from a boundary). Is this the fabled "unhealthy boundary" to which that prior platitude alluded?

Calling a boundary a "defense mechanism" implies that it's based on some unresolved emotional weakness you're too scared to face.

 

I have a hypothesis: Calling something a defense mechanism is a shit-test, trying to test deep down if these men just have some unresolved sadness. Or, God forbid, these men are actually happy with their choices, and not putting up "a wall" to help protect some gooey center of love. It's a shit-test to see if your core is weak or strong. Because a weak person would need such a "defense mechanism". Yet a strong person at his core is not some sap who needs a defense mechanism, but rather someone who is just starting to value his own strength and happiness more than anyone else's.

The girls who would take advantage of a genuine person can hurt you, sure. You can open up emotionally and if you can't handle the nature of females, she crushes your heart and soul. Are you just a lost hurt puppy lashing out in anger against the world? Or rather, are you a rational person who thinks deeply about the value of girls in your life compared to your goals?

I have dated several girls throughout my 20s. Some "relationships" ended because I was a little bitch pre-TRP. But some ended because I maintained my integrity in not wanting a serious commitment.

 

Now flip that around. Instead of a "defense mechanism" as an avoidance of pain (a completely rational behavior, by the way), what about seeking pleasure?

What if I prefer a relationship in which I don't need a girl to be my emotional tampon and "open up"? I have no fear opening up. I don't mind discussing my dreams and desires with anybody who wants to know, male or female. But I prefer to handle my negative emotions on my own.

I have certain techniques to do this. One technique is to write down all your fears with your non-dominant hand so it looks like a child wrote it. Then rationally go through each fear and logically address it. That's just one technique. In no step of that technique do I feel this need for an emotional tampon from a spouse.

The result? I'm simultaneously happier and stronger. I don't come across as bitter towards woman, very simply because I'm not bitter. I see their nature rationally. I definitely come across as "selfish" to the outside world, but I'm comfortable with that.

And the girls who do stay in my life, I have wonderful connections with. Always from a position of strength and power. I have clear boundaries of no long term commitments, no emotional craziness from them, etc. etc.

 

The point of this post is not to list my specific boundaries, but to address a deeper issue.

That issue is: rationally I am avoiding pain and seeking pleasure in my life. I am not lashing out, hurt, damaged, or even "incapable" of genuineness (I'm very open about many of my desires).

But rather, I am 100 percent the architect my life. And as such, I define the dynamic of relationships (I use that term loosely) that I desire with females. To feel no shame in that. No hate. To be rational.

What's best for me? What value does the person provide to my life? What value do I provide to theirs? What value do I get being more "open", or show some emotional weakness I can't handle on my own? No bitterness there, just rational thought.

I am missing out on a "deeper connection", some might say. Analyzing that rationally, I am very comfortable with the connections I make.

Always from a position of strength.

To say no to needing to "open up deep sadness" or putting up with their shit, because I'm happier to not have that dynamic. I am not an empty shell of a man. I am completely happy and gaining strength every day through selfish self-improvement.

 

I am a rational male, constantly striving to maximize the joy and power I experience in my life.

 

In summary:

• New-age "healthy boundaries" is a useless platitude which must be analyzed rationally.
• To avoid pain and seek pleasure is rational.
• Not every man with boundaries against an emotional tampon is a "damaged puppy".
• It's possible that shaming men with having "defense mechanisms" is a shit-test to see if you're strong at your core.
• To have a relationship dynamic from a position of dominance can be a wonderful choice.