Note: I have no structure on this wall of text as I wing it. Don't hesitate to ask if you have any questions.
For those of you still rediscovering yourself to be a better man, have you had those days where all your social interactions go smoothly, without restraint while holding impeccable frame? I realize how much mindfulness and staying in the present moment have massively helped me to always be in this grounded state. I find it crucial as it prevents you from moving back into your own shell and overthinking situations (diagnosed with social anxiety, I no longer feel a trace of it). Furthermore, I no longer seek to AMOG every setting I am in like I used to- it simply naturally comes. With this in mind, your frame is considerably easier to hold, therefore improving your social game. You no longer come from a place of interacting in order to get a certain result from others- you act 100% yourself and therefore others will start to interact with you as if they are the ones seeking validation.
A very crucial book that helped me to achieve this point is "The Power of Now" by Echkart Tolle alongside mindfulness meditation (a great way to start is looking up The Body Scan Meditation by Jon Kabat-Zinn). This form of meditation is what I see as complete practice and living moment to moment is the actual action deriving from it. Even though you practice meditation, you must carry this form of awareness with you in every moment.
Being in the present moment and accepting things the way they are are not a means to an end- I have gained so many benefits from doing it that my list could be endless. It has helped me in such things in social interactions (benefits in other aspects of life too!) such as:
-Being outcome independent. I no longer rely on results, whether it be with women, work or whatever. Whether the result is positive or negative, so long as it is out of my control, it is what it is.
-Being my true self. I no longer filter myself in order to please others or to be accepted in any group. With this, people become drawn to me instead.
-Have a much better understanding of social dynamics- I can much better read small nuances in interactions because I pay attention to great detail.
-If shit hits the fan, I accept it as what it is, do everything that is in my control, and simply ignore the rest.
-I no longer overthink.
I can keep going with the benefits, but it is difficult for you to understand what I mean unless you experience this form of enlightenment yourself. Now, the only tough part is actually training your brain to go through this life-changing event. It is not easy at first, but that is why you constantly practice.
Primemale 10y ago
Everything you've stated is the exact transformation I have recently undergone, including the anxiety. It is possible to rid yourself of even quite debilitating anxiety.
To achieve this mindset, talk to people A LOT, make jokes, and generally aim to have fun with social interactions. Force yourself to do something that you want to do but are scared of doing, once you do it you will feel alive and have a new-found confidence which oozes from you. People will say things to you like ''what are you on?'' ''why are you so happy'' ''your so confident''
Also Lift heavy shit, work on yourself because it will make YOU happy. Then your frame will be so tight you will do whatever you want, when you want, and people will respect you.
Maxxxz1994 10y ago
What about "You're such an annoying cunt", "shut the fuck up already, faggot, you're not funny", "who is this weirdo talking nonstop?" "Are you gay? Why the fuck are you smiling all the time, you weirdo?"
iwas-saying-boo-urns 10y ago
Those sound like people that are jealous of your spotlight
sixtysecondmonk 10y ago
If this is what you're hearing you need to find new people to talk to. Part of self improvement is learning to let go of people who are dragging you down.EDIT: A better answer is provided by /u/lifting4gainz
Lifting4Gainz 10y ago
Wow, I stopped browsing TRP for over a year because I didn't need it anymore. Coming back to it now, TRP has really gone to shit if this is the most upvoted answer to /u/Maxxxz1994's question. You people have gone soft.
If people are making fun of you, don't just 'find new people to talk to'. They're making fun of you for a reason. It may be because Max is socially awkward. Maybe he looks funny. Maybe he's fat. Who the fuck knows? And that's the key part of TRP: Self-improvement.
If people ridicule you, use that as a 'push' to improve yourself. You MUST be doing something wrong if social circles are condemning you. Take it as a lesson. Don't use /u/sixtysecondmonk's advice and RUN away from it. sixtysecondmonk is basically telling max that it's not his fault, it's other people's. Blaming others instead of looking deep within ourselves for the problems and their solutions. You can't change other people. You can only change yourself. Fucking improve yourself.
Sure, let go of the people holding you back. There's merit in that you must constantly find like-minded individuals (individuals who have goals, ambition, etc.) But don't run away from the people who ridicule you. Take it as a lesson.
Respect is earned. It's not a right. Fucking be better and people will respect you for it.
sixtysecondmonk 10y ago
You are right of course. However judging by Max's post I simply thought that he would do better by distancing himself from the negative aspects around him so that he can focus on self-improvement for himself. He doesn't exactly strike me as the type of person to be able to take the criticism as motivation. I was thinking monk-mode style improvement.
Again you are right. Ideally what he would do is say fuck it and use that criticism as fuel to better himself.
evergonitenitenigga 10y ago
i completely 100% agree with what you're saying. on point. but there will always be outliers in any situation, just like in our social world - im talking about haters. 80-90% of the people i hangout with genuinely loves to hangout and spend time with me. it comprises of people 'above' me, 'same-level' and slightly 'below' me, if you know what i mean. 10% straight hating are always the ones that are way 'below' me, in terms of social, career, and appearance wise. - legit asking for your perspective, what is your take on that? my take is there's really no lesson to take away from that situation, or is there?
Lifting4Gainz 10y ago
The 10% are toxic people. If their criticisms don't reflect anything realistic in your persona, cut them out of your life. You have nothing to learn from them other than the fact that they're just assholes.
Maxxxz1994 10y ago
This is what i heard from the moment i started talking in school (grade 1) till the moment i decided to stop talking (year 10). I'm convinced I'm just born not able to communicate in a socializing way. That my personality is repulsive. I can't fix this with these "motivation" and "confidence" and "dgaf" threads, because i already have those traits. They're fucking useless.
Feelinggood702 10y ago
You're living in a vicious cycle, friend. With less social interaction, you become more inside your shell, and the more you are in your shell, the worse people think of you, and with that, the less social interaction you get. You have to understand that -you- as a person are not as you describe. Do you know how I describe myself? Simply myself; I don't associate myself with my goals, achievements, failures, characteristics, I simply am. You must let go of the negative ego that you associate yourself with- and a powerful way to do so is to literally be in the present moment. You may be sitting there, reading this and what is going on around you right now? Are you in a life-or-death situation? No. Understand that the more in tune you are with your thoughts and emotions, the more centered you'll be. You can then work from there to achieve whatever it may be you seek.
PohFahVoh 10y ago
You don't sound like you're confident or motivated, and you clearly do give a fuck.
fongiskul 10y ago
Not sure why you're being down voted even if its an extremely grotesque outlook on life. Unpopular opinion yes but an very helpful perspective in addressing it if you're convinced on improving your own life. If you're just bitter and unwilling to improve/change than you've come to the wrong place.
"Til the moment I decided to stop talking (year 10)"- Which begs the question, how old are you now? What is your family situation like? What are your career aspirations? Do you lift? Have you tried entering a social circle that better fits your hobbies/talents? What are your hobbies and talents? Point is I see a lot of whining but no introspection. I get it, you weren't born to please everyone. But you can't keep up with life if you keep being stubborn about it.
People will give you shit no matter what you do. The people who are drawn to you because of your charisma/personality/frame will not treat you like that because they see the value you contribute to their personal lives.
Man the f** up. Find new friends. Lift. If people are still giving you shit, enter monk mode, lift even more, and focus on other aspects of your life. OP's whole post was to live in the present* . What you're doing right now is the complete opposite and its dragging you down. Change or you will continue to suffer.
LerbiTRP 10y ago
Buddy, off the cuff of my sleeve I'm gonna say, you truly need to accept yourself. Yes, we humans are social by nature, but at this point in your life I think you may need to withdraw from people - focus on only your self. If you get into negative feedback loops, meditate, I.e. sit in a darkened room and force all thoughts out of your head while focusing on breathing. I repeat an "oooohm" since the vibration of my voice diverts my attention from thinking about things to nothingness.
This was the change in my life - you learn through meditation that nothing in life really matters that much, which is freeing.
FinnianWhitefir 10y ago
I was a lot like that, I did a lot of therapy and work on improving myself, and I came through the side drastically better. It is possible to get through it.
First recognize that you "learned" a lot of unhealthy stuff. When your parents beat you, you often learn not to trust anyone and not to love anyone. When you show up at school and everyone automatically shits on you, it often means you never learned how to interact with people. It really helped me having a objective third-party to call me on my bullshit about these things and make me say them out loud so I could realize they are wrong and get past them.
Also, when you grow up that way you choose to be around people like that. I look at the people I made friends with and hung around back then, and can just see how they are bad people, unable to connect to others, and didn't add anything positive to my life. If I met them now, I wouldn't choose to be around them. And the people I choose to be around now, are healthy and happy and good, and they would have scared me away before. As you get better, you'll naturally not be around those people.
It sounds like you've given up. I took me a very long time to realize that things were wrong and unhealthy and that I could improve them. Let me know if you want more info.
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NecroticFury 10y ago
Uhh, don't do that. Fuck those people, find people who will talk to you and work your way up from there.
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Primemale 10y ago
Haha I've not come across this reaction...until now. I imagine if one was to receive this reaction, then those people are fucking scumbags, so why would someone bother with those people?
For the most part people will be extremely nice and enjoy talking to someone, particularly if you have an interesting insight or are witty etc.
Not sure if you are taking the piss or not. (I don't give a fuck if you are, but will assume your not) If you are genuinely concerned about people giving you shitty reactions, then for whatever reason your world view has been warped because most people are pretty decent and don't want to actively insult/bully people.
Start the interactions small, build your confidence and go from there.
ActuallyARaptor 10y ago
call it what you want but i tried LSD last week and that was the biggest step in my RP transformation
theredbelow 10y ago
For the lazy
online link (parts are highlighted for some reason): http://ir.nmu.org.ua/bitstream/handle/123456789/132423/644a08f155f9a22882b5aefa9a94d7f5.pdf?sequence=1
good torrent (epub, mobi, pdf): https://thepiratebay.vg/torrent/8137991/The_Power_of_Now_-_Eckhart_Tolle_-_Yasser
peoplearejustpeople9 10y ago
That line about how I and myself are two different things goes with what I've been thinking about for a while now. Will read.
Ojisan1 10y ago
All these "alphas" here can buy a fucking book - why is TRP a place where every time I see a book linked, it's always "here's where you can get it for free and not pay the person who put the time and effort into creating it"?
theredbelow 10y ago
Are you against libraries as well?
Information should never be just for people who can pay for it.
Ojisan1 10y ago
Yes. And I'm not the only one, otherwise there wouldn't be a movement to compensate authors for works being loaned out by libraries. But when you torrent a book then you aren't even borrowing from a library where compensation for the author might happen.
And I suppose you donate 100% of your paycheck every week to charity?
Being a mooch isn't alpha.
theredbelow 10y ago
Do you boycott used book stores, turn off adblock so you can view ads on websites/youtube, slap anyone in the face who tries telling you about a book they read or a movie they saw, or hand out dollar bills to anyone who ever taught you anything? I sure hope you never changed TV channels during a commercal either.
Of course being a mooch isn't alpha, no one would disagree with you, but some people can't afford to buy books and/or don't have a circle of alpha friends to learn from. It's silly if you prefer that people intellectually starve because their finances don't allow them to support the authors. Information allows people to jump the socio-economic/social/self-improvement ladder and that's a great thing, I'd wager, no matter what the cost is.
Ojisan1 10y ago
If people are going to mooch, whatever - I can't control that.
But we can at least link to the book legitimately, and not instantly go to "here's how you can be a drain on society".
theredbelow 10y ago
I'm taking a history class and stumbled upon this fun bit of information regarding libraries and sharing information, I'd be interested, sincerely, to hear your take on it:
"It was Benjamin Franklin who promoted lending libraries so that the general public would have access to books. Franklin sponsored a literary club in Philadelphia where educated gentlemen (i.e. the politically connected) could gather and read and discuss Enlightenment essays and books. These literary clubs spread to other cities in the colonies. A few of the authors that these educated Americans studied were:
John Locke
Jean Jacques Rousseau,
Baron de Montesquieu, another Frenchman who wrote a political treatise that argued for separation of powers.
Of course, these great thinkers, among others, influenced the men who would establish the United States."
Ojisan1 10y ago
Sure, back in the late-1700s when the efficiency of book production was very low by today's standards, the relative cost was quite high compared to today's wages, and the scarcity of books was much higher, that makes a ton of sense. But in 2015, when the cost of production is very low, particularly for ebooks, and standards of living are much higher, we don't have a situation that's really comparable.
For people on this sub, who have access to the Internet and love this book, to not want to kick $10 to the author is just not the same thing as what Ben Franklin was trying to fix. People on this sub can afford a $10 investment in themselves, if they think the information in that book is so valuable. If they can't afford $10 for the book, then maybe they have bigger issues to work on first.
Edit: typo
theredbelow 10y ago
Cool. In that case I agree with you that there's no reason not to buy a book these days compared to the 1700's, but in general I'd still rather anyone/everyone get the knowledge than not
edit: deleted non-profitable idea. But I'll start buying books/finding ways to donate to the author.
Kiwikeeper 10y ago
It's because of people like you that I keep coming to this sub.
I agree 100% on what you said. realizing this is the most important change a man can have in his life.
Rock on!
zhu_ 10y ago
Trying to do this, but always turned beta when theres is an interaction with an attractive girl.
Fuck myself.
TaylorWolf 10y ago
Ever had that really nice fat chick or older women who was into you (and you weren't into her) and you were able to crack jokes and be a stud around them?
You gotta treat the hot ones like the fat ones. I think the anger stage helps with this because it takes the bitches off the pedestal and you don't care about them as much.
Feelinggood702 10y ago
I will make a post talking about being your true self instead of a validating one when I have time in the future.
da-way 10y ago
Not caring what others think of you is a superpower.
giffengoods 10y ago
How long and how often do you meditate?
Feelinggood702 10y ago
I tried the body scan meditation first. It's tough since its 45 minutes and you will drift off and on very easily when you start. I suggest you start with 5-10 minutes and slowly progress.
Johnny10toes 10y ago
Do you feel present and aware all the time? If so how long did it take you to develop it all the time. So far I get it in spurts. It's easy when I think about it to go into observation state or watcher but I slip back into the mind. I'm way quieter, my mind, than I use to be before I started practicing stoicism. It's interesting that I'll be driving along and in my mind and a bird suddenly flys across and then it's like an enlightenment moment watching the bird.
Feelinggood702 10y ago
I'm at the point where I'm in the moment 85-90% of my day. When I wake up in the morning or when I'm tired, a ton of emotions and thoughts are rushing through my mind that it takes a bit to quiet them down. That moment where you feel that clearness of the mind can be achieved continuously assuming you practice meditation and actively focus on being mindful. I realize myself too that stoicism very much equates the principles that I experience.
Johnny10toes 10y ago
How do you remember to practice this in conversation?
Feelinggood702 10y ago
With mindfulness meditation, you become more apt to using all of your senses. During a conversation, never think of what you say next- listen to the other person with FULL attention. Your natural word association skills will take hold. Also, if you overthink and keep thinking what to say next in a conversation, you will be much more apt to come across as awkward.
smokingmonkey420 10y ago
I have found that my frame continually grows stronger the more I understand TRP. I can start to see people's underlying motivations for why they are doing the things they do and that is a calming feeling.
At the same time, I'm hyper-aware of the danger I face just by interacting with women which has made me quite paranoid. It's almost like you can't have the good without the bad.
Johnny10toes 10y ago
From The Tragicomic Exasperations of Expertise
fongiskul 10y ago
Risk vs rewards right?
I'm in monk mode and it helps but makes that paranoia grow at certain times. Sometimes second guessing myself, am I giving too much of a concession? Am I being to blunt? Am I breaking frame? Wtf am I even doing when I've got so much other stuff to do instead of thinking about how to reply to a girl?
We all go through it. What I've found when it comes to talking to both male/female populations when I don't know them well- no expectations means no paranoia or disappointments. Complete unbiased raw external data coming in. No need to please anyone. If they show an interest, its icing on the cake. If they're an asshole, welp no need to continue wasting effort. Chin up bud.
jvckdaniels 10y ago
Hi I'm fairly new to the TRP sub. Can you tell me what those dangers are? Just curious.
smokingmonkey420 10y ago
False rape allegations and Domestic Violence are what keep me up at night. All a bitch has to do is call the cops and she can fabricate a whole story to destroy your life. Especially in Domestic Violence where the male is by default guilty.
Then in the workplace, a bitch can accuse you of sexual harassment for looking at her the wrong way.
jvckdaniels 10y ago
AH I see exactly what you mean lol.
GnarledViking 10y ago
When I was young I watched this Anime, Cowboy Bebop, and I knew there was something very important in this guys attitude. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QjM6xbJglPY
TaylorWolf 10y ago
Hell yea man Mugen from Samurai Champloo was my dude. They are basically the same.
fongiskul 10y ago
You're gonna carry that weight....
See you....Space Cowboy
Unexpected_Artist 10y ago
He's kind of a badass. Part me still want to take Tai Chi because of him.
GnarledViking 10y ago
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiPj113eka0 Be like water. Didn't realize how much he embodies TRP until now. I mean, except maybe for a bit of oneitis, which, if you've seen the ending. Well, yeah. A lesson in itself.
Reanimate_87 10y ago
Practices like meditation and mindfulness increase the mental space and choice of the individual, in between the stimuli and the forming of a response.
By not clinging to an outcome, a learned reaction or negative beliefs, a lot of flexibility opens up, especially in consciously reflecting on and re-examining your previous 'life script'. The power of reflection is a core aspect of learning, The ability to accept reality and work from there, rather than holding onto judgements is a key aspect of becoming a man.
Lifting4Gainz 10y ago
In summation, OP is pretty much just talking about the practical uses of Stoic Philosophy:
If something is within your realm of control, don't stress because you can control the situation.
Essentially, this philosophy makes you outcome independent. Being outcome independent makes you not overly think about what you're saying/doing, as well as not care about the results. This gives you an easy-going vibe and the sense that you're superior to others (because you don't get stressed).
However, there's one thing I'm gonna call OP out on in the list he provided:
Being your true self.
If you're a loser who plays a fk ton of video games, doesn't work out, doesn't eat well, doesn't dress well, is socially awkward, etc. then this advice is pure garbage.
The whole idea of TRP isn't to be yourself... It's to be a better VERSION of yourself. And that might mean that you have to completely change your lifestyle.
Gamer_Guru_ 10y ago
No words spoken, everything speaks for itself, fuck new age. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWvRorX0KhQ
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throwaway40yo_V 10y ago
Pre-TRP, yes. Post-TRP, no. I'm actually grateful for it now.
longerdistance 10y ago
Seen the other way around, women are such a potent catalysts for personal growth that will end you up half a Zen master. Pretty good deal if you ask me.
theredbelow 10y ago
This made me laugh. Thank you
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Unexpected_Artist 10y ago
It's been on my mind. A woman needs to not get fat. Bonus points for dressing feminine and makeup. All are physical and even a simpleton can achieve.
Men? We have to be masters of our own mind, experts at social dynamics, have a body of a laborer, but the paycheck of a top level paper pusher, have the friends of a successful socialite, have hobbies that are masculine...for what? A cute girl's pussy? To mold everything I am for a woman that will always be challenging me, and leave the first moment she feels tingles for another?
I agree with TRP, but even if it is amoral and manipulative of us, it still is a fuck ton of work to achieve.
the_real_chronos 10y ago
Don't wish it were easier, wish you were better.
Unexpected_Artist 10y ago
Reminds me of that Atlas quote: "I do not ask for a lighter load, but broader shoulders to bare it."
the99percent1 10y ago
Zen master, pick up artist, actor/model, clown, billionaire.
Yup... Doesn't take much to become an expert womaniser
TaylorWolf 10y ago
We could all be more clownish lol
pedler 10y ago
Opposites attract. The majority of women have no desire to develop their intellect. Meditation is a slow drawn out realization that in any situation, you will persevere, and will often come out of it stronger. That is realizing that a mans happiness, is not strictly controlled by extarnak forces.
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Feelinggood702 10y ago
Gotta be careful with what you say, man, especially as many others could see your text and possibly internalize what you say. Of course women have intellect! It's their constant strong emotional state that gets in their way. Men wouldn't be so fucked as they're becoming today if women weren't so smart. Using TRP is how we can manipulate this shitty system.
Frightened_Child 10y ago
I've been doing concentration meditation for about four months now. I've been very serious about it and I have seen very encouraging progress. I cannot recommend it enough.
It's an amazing thing to realize that involuntary responses (anxiety, irritation, anger) can be changed. It's not an easy fix, but it's doable.
I was never aware of how deep my pit of despair was until I began to climb out of it with meditation and healthy living. I suspect most people are in a similar pit.
voldy123 10y ago
How many times a week do you meditate? i have found problems to maintain a constant habit
Frightened_Child 10y ago
I do it several times a day because I now find it to be incredibly enjoyable. Sometimes I drift into a ultra-relaxed state where I can feel the energy flowing through my head more freely than ever before, like it's a well oiled machine. For a few fleeting moments it feels like my mind is humming with power. These moments began happening only after about two months of diligent practice.
These moments don't happen every time I do it, and when they do, they only last a few minutes. I've heard that as I gain more control and my brain continues to restructure itself, these moments will occur more frequently and last for longer durations.
I may be experiencing the synchronization of my brain waves. It's a confirmed phenomenon with meditators, but the implications of it are poorly understood. There is anecdotal evidence (which I choose to believe in) that brain waves syncing up makes for a calm and collected state of mind that is highly advantageous.
Furthermore, (here's the kicker) the brainwaves of an advanced meditator that is not in a state of meditation are almost identical to a novice that is. This means that those fleeting moments of extreme clarity and relaxation that I have been feeling lately will ultimately become permanent if I keep the habit up for years. And who knows, maybe this "extreme clarity and relaxation" is just child's play compared to the higher meditative states that I have not even reached yet.
Google "concentration meditation" and click the first link and read the article. It talks about mindfulness as well. Look up the Vipassana breathing exercise and read into it a lot. It tells you the right way to do it. It will be difficult at first, but eventually you will get a feel for what you are doing. You will begin to feel your mind doing "new" things as you practice your technique, and you can intuitively refine it as you go along. You should not expect it to be comfortable at first. It will be rather strenuous and unpleasant trying to train your focus initially, but it will get easier with time, and you'll eventually be capable of practicing "relaxed focus." Don't strain yourself too hard, though. You can damage your brain by doing that. Just don't push yourself past your limits. These changes have to be gradual.
Feelinggood702 10y ago
"Furthermore, (here's the kicker) the brainwaves of an advanced meditator that is not in a state of meditation are almost identical to a novice that is."
Powerful! That's exactly what I mean when I say that meditation is simply the practice and living moment to moment is the real experience. When you take that state of such consciousness with you everywhere you go, you are essentially in that meditative state, 24/7.
XXXmormon 10y ago
The trick is to sit even if it is just for 5 minutes. If you sit for 5, you might feel like you can sit for 5 more.
If you feel like sitting for 20 minutes is too big of a commitment, choose to sit for less.
voldy123 10y ago
What about starting in a busy week? when most time you aren't even in a quiet place
Temuzjin 10y ago
This is very much true.
Also, if you make an honest effort yet you keep getting distracted, then that meditation session actually was successful. The only way meditation can "fail" is if you intentionally don't take it seriously.
XXXmormon 10y ago
The amazing thing about meditation is that it is not simply a single event where you are one thing before and one thing after. Our state of mind is always changing, regardless of mindfulness, but a little bit of awareness goes a long way in setting you up to be more receptive to being mindful in the future.
Parts of the Buddhist laws of karma can be understood in this way. If you take an action, as a result there is a reaction. Psychologically (or even biologically), when you foster a state of increased mindfulness, you are more aware of that state of mind which is characteristic of less mindfulness. You are more mindful of opportunities to increase your mindfulness.
You are building a useful feedback system for your awareness. You are also building habits and routines as a result. Those pathways in the brain become strengthened, more broad and familiar.
It's just a less simple way of saying "like begets like". It's really simple. Mindfulness grows and deepens with continued practice, even though initial impressions may feel extreme. There is no mountain peak from which to rest, only change.
**[EDIT] I also want to mention that I'm firmly convinced that each moment I take out of my day to do nothing, is a productive and useful moment. If you have nothing to do that is productive for a few minutes, choose to engage completely in doing nothing instead of idle passivity, day dreaming, or surfing the web for distractions. Feel your breath and notice sensations of the body while waiting in line. When you return to needs if productivity or improving your lot, you will be more effective.
Carlosbb88 10y ago
Really nice post. Although I understand that most people have taken the Buddhist concepts out of mindfulness and "present moment" nowadays, I think a lot of Buddhist philosophies would greatly benefit a lot of us here.
For example, instead of thinking I've found my true self, I now think that I've understood the "selflessness" of myself. Am I the same person two years ago before swallowing the pill? No. But am I another person entirely? No.
Like OP said in his post, he doesn't feel the need to please others and he's at ease with who he is. That's great! But there's still the "self" in there, "I don't care because 'I' don't need to please 'others'". But if one thinks that all he is is but the assemble of the ideas and concepts he has absorbed, he has taking the I out of IDGAF, and gets to another level all together of Not Giving A Fuck. When someone attacks his ideas and being, he doesn't become protective and defensive, he knows these ideas are not "his", they are but concepts neutral to all, concept that are changing every moment!(impermanence)
Hope that made sense, and let's keep up the good work together.
longerdistance 10y ago
Wanna hear a cool trick that creates this experience instantly?
Look at everything as if it's living you, instead of you living it. Just sit back, relax, and see how the world is living you at this particular moment. And by everything I mean your thoughts, your movements, your senses and your surroundings. Everything that you ever saw as you, start seeing it as something that happens to you. Or even more accurately, something that just happens, which you just happen to be aware of.
This frees up so much mental energy and makes doing what has to be done almost effortless. Wanna know why it works? because it's the truth. The sensation of thinking we do something is just a mental process that happens after the fact, and cutting that out saves loads of mental energy.
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imeneo 10y ago
You have just captured what I believe to be an essential part of the Tao Te Ching: nature is happening, flowing towards and away, and you just need to accept that and live with it as man is supposed to live.
enteralterego 10y ago
Also a very core idea of Free Will , how we really don't have any and how nature is both random and deterministic and the illusion of free will is just because the brain registers the idea of our actions before the action happens - but not before the action (or rather - our reaction) has already started.
Start of action > brain registers action > action happens.
This sequence has caused us to believe that the brain and the will of man is responsible for the action. However we have evidence that any action that man takes has already initiated before the brain is aware of it. These are measured in milliseconds but still the action is BEFORE the brain has any idea on what's going on.
the_real_chronos 10y ago
So how does this understanding changes thing for us? Are we not even in control of our own bodies?
enteralterego 10y ago
No, not really. However the illusion is very strong and non-stop so we might as well live as we do in fact have some kind of Free will that has it's source within us (our brain, or soul, whatever you want to call it).
On the other hand I believe it is necessary that society recognizes there is no free will and stops harsh punishments like the death penalty. The ultimate responsibility does not lie with the individual, his actions were the result of a long chain of random & deterministic events. It is unfair to punish the individual when he could not act otherwise.
the_real_chronos 10y ago
That's a very dangerous conclusion to reach. Because it provides a de facto victim identity to any individual.
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ap_resurrection 10y ago
good post buddy - i agree with all of this and it helps me notice how far ive come in the past 10 years or so, when i started i didnt really have any of these mentalities but have slowly adapted them over time with advice from smart people and books - now i am confident in these thoughts even if others try to make me feel wrong about them (dont fit into some prior groups because every is so results ortiented and always bs'ing but seem unhappy inside) - those groups used to have a profound impact on me and now i just stick to what i believe
also, i dont worry about outcomes as much as putting in effort and that has raised my skill level in lots of things
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Ojisan1 10y ago
FTFY
Also, along with recommending this book (and recommending that people pay for it, you cheap fucks) I found the audiobook version of this to be really great listening. It's read by the author, and a lot of the nuance of his explanations I think come through better in his own voice than they do on the printed page.
For the lazy:
The Power of Now (Kindle Edition)
The Power of Now (Audible Edition)
Note: you cheap fucks can get the Audible version for free if you aren't an Audible subscriber and sign up for a 30 day trial.
Feelinggood702 10y ago
You bring a great point. I totally discredit the author by saying that. Thank you
the_real_chronos 10y ago
Did you also read A New Earth and Stillness Speaks?
I read his first book but now I feel like I should re-visit and read it again. There's a lot of material there to just take in and internalize. But it has definitely taken my game to a new level.
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Suravira 10y ago
Talk to people more.
There is no shortcut or book that's gonna make you better at human interaction.
Shirye 10y ago
or we could just fuck your bitch - either one would work.