Summary: A woman’s flakiness and a man’s ghosting behavior are in reality reflections of each other. Two ends of the desire pendulum. She loves the idea of you, not you. Steady but formless. Never too present. Never defined. For her candle to burn, it needs room to breathe.

 

In the end, too often men think they need a girlfriend to have their life 'complete'. The consequence is that these men will emit signs of desperation. Success is achieved first through the mind, then through the world, never the other way around. - Pook

 

Sometimes things stay. Sometimes they leave. Sometimes they disappear.

What is curious is that we only notice the things that disappear of which we had expectations of. When friends fade from our life, or a girl we’ve been seeing flakes out. They only matter to us because we allowed the expectations of those people or those relationships to define us. To cause us to take shape, rather than remain formless. Indeed, frame is not something you define, but rather the refusal to be defined by others.

A true TRP man is never able to be defined … he is always, in essence, “ghosting” on some level.

And you can’t flake on something that was never there in the first place. Some people refer to this as the Principle of Least Interest, i.e. “the one who cares the least controls the relationship”. But it runs much, much deeper than that.

 

Ghosting within dating interactions (aka Assume Formlessness)

Women want to catch you. To see if they can control you, cage you. And the worst thing you can do is to cage yourself. Women want to see if they can get you to the point where if they open the cage door, you don’t even try to leave. For only a wounded or needy bird would fly into a cage of its own accord. Flaking or other shit behavior is seeking to define the interaction on her terms, e.g. changing date plans or creating drama. Trying to take the lead.

So what does a TRP man do? He goes ghost … within the interaction.

Ghosting is the art of disappearing from social interactions, dating or otherwise. Abruptly and without warning. But more subtly, it is the art of leaving things undefined. Of letting them wonder. Of speaking thru inaction. Of being unpredictable.

A common refrain for girls I date these days is “I can’t figure you out.” I am an amalgamation of many things, often complete polar opposites. My texting patterns are chaotic. I purposely do things out of order, e.g. sometimes I’ll kiss a girl in the middle of a first date at a seemingly random time. I tease them relentlessly, even in moments that most men would be upset. I pull back just when it seems that I should push. Just when they think they know what I’ll do next, I do the opposite. Whether I am rapport breaking or push-pulling or shrugging my shoulders rather than chasing them when they pull away …

My frame is purposely being undefined. I am, in that sense, always “ghosting”. I am never truly present in any relationship. Because I know my presence is not what is desired by women. They do not want “me” … they want the idea of me. And I do both myself and the women in my life a disservice by failing to understand that. As such, my partial ghosting during a relationship is merely a manifestation of fully disappearing after one. It is not the food, but the taste it leaves behind, which they desire.

 

A man’s relationship work is largely done before the relationship.

There seems to be an epidemic of flaking with girls nowadays. There has always been some flakiness in the dating world, but it seems to have gotten worse in the last 10 years. Some blame it on feminism, or dating apps, or whatever. However, I posit this: flakiness in women these days is a really a reflection of the weakness of modern men.

Imagine if you left a major school project till the last second, and then tried to do weeks worth of work an hour before it was due. How would that feel? Certainly not effortless. No, it would be a lot of frustration and panic and confusion. And the end result would not be nearly as good.

The fundamental problem with men and dating is that many fail to understand that their efforts are largely based on what they have done before the relationship started. The work they have put into themselves. The mindset they have adopted. Those things not only create the initial relationship he may have with women, but continue to define the nature of the interaction as it continues.

Because a man who has already prepared himself, who knows that he is the prize, can ghost within the interaction. He is not chasing the girl, supplicating to her, or coming from a place of desperation. As Pook said: you must Kill that Desperation

Moreover, he is willing to walk away at any point. Law of Power #16: scarcity creates value.

A woman must feel that she risks never seeing you again. A steady low-level of dread creates excitement and respect. Indeed, fear is the heart of love.

 

A Real-World Example

I am gonna finish this up with a story. Not really a field report per se, and not a success story. No a story of failure, and from an EC no less. Even I still fuck it up sometimes.

So I met this girl earlier this summer. No big deal. I’ve gone through dozens of women this summer. But this one seemed different. Personality wise or whatever. We definitely clicked on that “wait a minute I kinda like being around you oh and childhood memories of puppy love” kind of impulses. Similar interests, backgrounds, hobbies, etc. The problem was that I actually liked her. Yeah I know fuck me.

I’ll be really clear, this was NOT a plate. I never slept with her. We made out and fooled around a few times. Hung out 4-5 times over a month or so. Never sealed the deal, either because of logistical issues or hesitation on one or both of our parts. I admittedly was moving slowly. During this time, I was dating and sleeping with several other women.

But this girl gave me pause.

Even for an experienced Red Pill guy like myself, that happens. Eventually she faded out. I felt it happening, and let her go. Maybe she’ll be back at some point, who knows. I still have several other plates, I don’t necessarily need her.

So why did I tell you this story? Because in this case, for that moment in time with that particular girl, I stopped being the ghost. I allowed myself to take shape. She was pretty flaky during that month, and I let her be. I still had my RP principles in gear … was never too available, always counter-offered a reschedule with my own. But the truth was I began to subtly embody the things I desired from her, to subtly chase her … simply by going so slowly. My hesitation and body language spoke volumes, where normally I am impossible to figure out.

Like all men, the tendency towards oneitis is strong, ingrained in me by evolution … I will never destroy that tendency, only learn to control it. And the earliest warning sign of those impulses in a man is usually the woman’s behavior. Often before you even notice those impulses or feelings in yourself … it is insidious.

 

The great Anti-Dump once said: You must treat all women the same for the first two months

And he was right, but as the case above shows, sometimes it’s not how you overtly treat them, but the mindset with which you show up, that matters. Sometimes it is not what you do externally, but how you behave internally, that makes all the difference.

To reiterate: A woman’s flaky behavior and a man’s ghosting behavior are in reality reflections of each other. Two ends of the pendulum.

Many of the tactics we promote at TRP – push/pull, rapport breaking, amused mastery – are simply methods for maintaining a balance in that pendulum. Some may say such tactics reek of manipulation and dissimilation, but I would contend they are actually a form of authenticity. Simply a man being a man, doing the counter-intuitive things necessary to create an environment in which both he himself and others can flourish. Even when faced with ridicule and scorn for doing those very things. That is the Way of Men.