Summary: You need to analyze the relationships in your life and manage the team around you to best help yourself succeed.

Body

Life is not an individual event.

While it is true that you are the only one responsible for you, biologically speaking we are social animals and need relationships to remain sane. (Talking with a volleyball doesn’t count)

You will need teammates to help you succeed in life. At the very least you are going to have partnerships and business relationships (clients, investors, service providers, etc.) that you rely on to succeed financially. But if you want to succeed in all aspects of life you will need to have other relationships that help you better yourself. You’ll need a team.

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” - Jim Rohn

Most people have heard this quote, but how many take it to heart?

Ask yourself right now, “Who are those 5 people in my life? Are they raising my average? Am I raising theirs?”

It is a tough question to face. For some of us those five people may include family or a significant other. How do we evaluate the people around us and decide who should be on our team and who we need to cut?

One way is to ask yourself these 4 questions about the people you spend time with.

1. Do I feel energized to be around them or do I feel drained?

On the whole does the person make you feel good or stressed when you are going to be around them? We’ve all heard the stereotypes of an overbearing parent or sibling that just brings someone down. That is the sort of feeling you need to avoid in your life in order to build a strong team.

2. Is this person spending the time to better themselves?

If you are spending the time to improve yourself then the people you hang out with should be as well. Just as in any sport, the better you get at it, the better your team mates will need to be in order for you to win against better competition. Your team mates should be practicing as hard as you.

3. Do I feel challenged when I’m around this person?

Growth only happens through difficulty. In order to grow you need to be challenged to push beyond your comfort zone. Most people are perfectly content to waste away their time in their own comfort zone. The true team mates will push themselves and you outside of your comfort zone.

4. Do I enjoy trying to bring value to this person’s life?

This question is more centered on how you affect the other person. Since we are the average of the 5 people we spend time with then we are both having our own average affected and affecting the average of others. In many instances you will be the higher value person, in some cases you will be the lower value person. Either way you need to want to bring value to the other person and enjoy it in the process.

Asking these questions can be a tough exercise. Some people you will ask them about will be relatives, long time friends, or significant others. You may be faced with some tough realizations when applying these. Simply cutting those people out can be difficult (unless you are highly Machiavellian) but may be necessary.

Your team is your team though. You are only going to be as strong as your weakest link. In some cases you may realize you need to move someone up on your roster and move others down significantly. Others may need to be cut completely. But if you apply these questions to your relationships you will build a stronger and better team around you to help you succeed.